Reading Comments on the Church’s Instagram Post

A couple of weeks ago, the Church put up an Instagram post with a quote from J. Anette Dennis of the Relief Society General Presidency from her talk in the Relief Society broadcast. The quote begins, speaking of the Church:

There is no other religious organization in the world, that I know of, that has so broadly given power and authority to women.

The quote continues for a couple of paragraphs that add some context, but it has been edited since it was first put up, and I believe it was originally just this quote. In any case, it drew thousands of comments on Instagram, many from commenters saying this is obviously false. Comments were deleted a couple of days into the discussion, which provoked further outrage and sadness from commenters, but fortunately they were eventually restored and the discussion continued. The Church social media team (and many commenters) said this was a broader platform issue, although a Meta spokesperson quoted in a New York Times story (gift article—no subscription required) denied this.

The blowup was also covered in the Salt Lake Tribune. From the more apologetic side, the Deseret News published a couple of opinion pieces from women who don’t feel unequal in the Church, and Public Square Magazine put up a response to the New York Times article. From the more critical side, the Salt Lake Tribune published an opinion piece from Rosemary Card, April Young Bennett at the Exponent traced the line of thinking to then-Elder Oaks trying to placate Ordain Women a decade ago, and Lisa Torcasso Downing at Outside the Book of Mormon Belt wrote an extensive response to an apologetic post on Facebook. Molly at Roots and Reckoning also curated and categorized a few hundred of the best quotes from the Instagram discussion at her blog.

I thought it would be interesting to read all the Instagram comments. I found a handy tool called IGCommentExporter, and it pulled 12,578 comments into a csv file for me. I read through them and tagged them with themes they brought up and noted some of my favorites, and that’s what I’ll tell you about in this post.

Before I get to that, though, let me tell you about some limitations in the data and my work:

• Instagram currently says there are over 17,000 comments on the post, so when I scraped them on March 21st to start this project, I only got about 70% of them. This means that I didn’t include Sister Dennis’s follow-up comment, or any responses to it.
• At least a few people appear to have deleted their comments. I say this because in what I read, there were a lot of responses tagging commenters who appeared to have few to no comments themselves.
• The comment scraper couldn’t give me the structure of the comments, by which I mean which were replies to another commenter and which were top level. I was able to reconstruct this for about 6,000 comments by just manually loading them in my browser and using a link scraper, but for the rest, I just had to infer based on timing and who, if anyone commenters tagged.
• You can probably guess my bias, but just to be clear, I agree with April Young Bennett. I think the whole idea of women having the priesthood in some way is clearly just a hand-wavy explanation that Dallin H. Oaks came up with in an attempt to shut Ordain Women up without actually making any changes in the Church. The only way Sister Dennis’s quote can be made sense of is to start with the idea that LDS priesthood is real and all others are fake, so of course any access to it at all—even mediated through men—is better than even the best access to the fake priesthoods of other churches. (By the same logic, you could make all kinds of other absurd arguments, like that LDS churches are the most beautiful churches in the world because they’re the only real churches, and everyone else is just “playing church” [thanks, Brad Wilcox].)
• I’m sure my bias played into how I tagged themes in comments. As you’ll see, I used more granular theme tags for critical comments than apologetic ones.
• I probably should have made the theme tagging more granular in general, but at some point, reading through all the comments was a long process, and I had to stop tinkering with it and go with what I had.
• Even setting aside my biases, I probably wasn’t the most reliable tagger, meaning that if I had read through the comments more than once, I likely wouldn’t have assigned exactly the same set of tags both times. (Serious researchers do things like estimate reliability of people doing ratings by having multiple raters, but it would seem unfair to rope anyone else into reading all the comments with me.)
• I couldn’t always figure out commenters’ meaning, especially when they commented with only an emoji. For example, it was hard to distinguish laughing at from laughing with. I was fortunate that I could ask my teenage daughter the meaning of a few slang terms.
• I had hoped to do some analysis of likes of comments, but unfortunately my comment scraper didn’t gather them. I tried to sample some manually, but it was clear that Instagram was showing me commenters it thought I would like first, so my sample was inevitably going to be biased, so I had to give this up.

Is that enough caveats? Okay, here’s what I found. I read 12,578 comments. I assigned each comment at least one tag, a total of 16,921 tags, or about 1.3 per comment. This graph shows how often the tags were used.

Let me expand on a few of the tags that might not be clear. Women unequal in Church includes statements to this effect, but also when commenters just said Sister Dennis’s statement was false. Comments deleted is about any discussion of deleted comments, from irritation that comments had been deleted to discussion of the cause. Church do better includes warnings that the Church will lose future generations if it doesn’t do better, as well as particular suggestions for changes, and also just calls for the Church to do better. Particular unequal experience is different from the first tag, women unequal in Church in that the first tag is generally asserting the point, and the second is outlining particular ways women are unequal. Apologetic commenters wrong and critical commenters wrong include both direct responses where one commenter explains to another why they’re wrong, but also more sweeping comments about how it’s sad that this group is misled, or whatever. Other criticism of Church is for any criticism of the Church on issues other than gender equality. Women’s own power/authority is for comments saying that women have power or authority inherently, and it doesn’t need to be mediated by men or a church. Anti-Mormon language is for harsh wording that I associate with stereotypically anti-Mormon views, like “cult” or “profit” or “delusional.” Media, look at this is for tagging media outlets to get them to write a story about the discussion. Paleo patriarchy is for comments that aren’t even buying the idea that women and men should be equal that’s so common with the Church’s move toward chicken patriarchy.

Also, I used a total of 27 tags, but I’ve only shown 21 in the graph. The ones I excluded are, from most to least used, Support (where a commenter just says “amen” or something like that about someone else’s comment), Tangent, Unclear (where I couldn’t figure out what they meant), Meta (often used for people to correct their typos), Tag friend, and Silly (which includes humor that didn’t seem pointed in any particular way—there was a lot more humor in the comments, but most of it was used to make a point).

As you can see from the color coding, critical tags were definitely more common than apologetic ones. Even the ones I’ve coded blue, because they sometimes came from commenters on both sides, were generally dominated by critical commenters. This was especially true for Heavenly Mother and Women’s own power/authority (although apologetic commenters sometimes used this as a basis for a “why do you care about access to the priesthood” argument). That being said, harsh anti-Mormon comments were surprisingly rare. Even most critical comments came from people who sounded like they had some affection for the Church.

This next graph shows how long the comments were. I didn’t actually count words; I just divided number of characters by 5.

As you can see, the bulk of the comments were quite short. Nearly half were no longer than 19 words. At the other end, I lumped all comments of 200 word or more together so the graph wouldn’t go on too long. Many of the most interesting comments were in this group.

The 12,578 comments were made by 5,450 unique commenters, so there were about 2.3 comments per commenter. I classified each commenter as apologetic, critical, or neither, depending on whether they used more themes from the apologetic group (green in the first graph above) or the critical group (red). The majority of commenters (3,531, 65%) were critical; about a quarter (1,398, 26%) were neither, and only 10% (521) were apologetic. Apologetic commenters made up for this deficit somewhat by making more comments (3.2 per person, versus 2.6 for critical and 1.3 for neither) and longer comments (average 57 words per comment versus 45 for critical and 14 for neither).

I looked at number of comments per commenter in a little more detail, for just the apologetic and critical commenters. This graph shows a distribution of the percentage of commenters of each type making one comment, two comments, etc.

The distributions are very similar. Apologetic commenters were more prevalent at the high end, with 3.3% of them making 11 or more comments (the last three pairs of bars), where only 1.6% of critical commenters reached this level. This difference is based on quite small numbers, though, so I doubt there’s anything to it other than maybe critical commenters found a fellow commenter taking the words right out of their mouth more often.

I was also really curious about commenters’ activity level in the Church, particularly critical commenters (apologetic commenters I assumed were all active). Quite a few did mention or imply whether they attended, but most didn’t, so there’s not much to go on. For what it’s worth, of 577 critical commenters for whom I could identify an activity level, 318 (55%) said they were active. (Sorry, SCMC, you can’t have my list.) So what data I do have argues against the idea expressed by some apologetic commenters that the thread was just a bunch of ex-Mormons complaining.

I was also interested in commenters’ gender. A few commenters explicitly said they were women or men, but most didn’t. My impression, though, from those who did, and the names used, is that most commenters were women.

One last thing about the commenters I wanted to mention is that it was interesting how many people I recognized in them even though I’m not at all a regular Instagram user (Facebook is more my speed). I saw some friends I know from the Mormon internet, as well as a couple of current and former ward members. There were also some people you might know from the Mormon internet or the Mormon world in general: Mindy Gledhill, Rachel Hunt Steenblik, C. Jane Kendrick, Julie Hanks (who for some reason seemed to draw an extra helping of ire from apologetic commenters), Cynthia Winward from At Last She Said It, and even briefly Neylan McBaine, Kate Kelly, and Dan McClellan.

Here are some common themes I saw apologetic commenters hit on:

• I don’t feel unequal in the Church.
• Look at all the things we do get to do in the Church.
• If you’re having a problem with the Church, it’s with culture, not doctrine.
• If you’re having a problem with men in the Church, you’ve just met some bad men.
• We don’t talk about Heavenly Mother so she can be protected from people talking about about her.
• Women have enough to do already without being eligible for priesthood.
• It’s not my job to run the Church. It’s the prophet’s.
• I don’t understand everything. I have faith that I’ll know in the next life.
• If you question the Church, you question God.
• If you had the full context of Sister Dennis’s quote, you wouldn’t be mad.
• Critical commenters need to pray more, attend the temple more, read scriptures more.
• The Q15 is effectively infallible. Nobody said these words, but a lot of commenters said things that lead to this conclusion, like that they would never question what the Q15 says.
• You’re imagining these restrictions. (A few apologetic commenters seemed to not be aware of restrictions in the Church. Some said nobody ever told them not to talk about Heavenly Mother. Others said there was no restriction on women holding their babies when they were blessed or that nobody ever said women couldn’t sit on the stand or that women wearing pants to church never caused pushback. Several suggested that Instagram wasn’t the right place for feedback, and at least one said commenters should just write to Salt Lake, as though we weren’t told every year not to do that. Another said that women had women leaders in the Church they could go to who would advocate on their behalf.)

Here are some common themes I saw critical commenters hit on:

• If you have to reassure me so much that I’m equal or have power i the Church, I’m not and I don’t.
• Responsibility doesn’t equal authority. Women are given the former without the latter.
• In the Church is actually the only place in my life where I feel unequal as a woman.
• If all women disappeared, men could fill all the roles in the Church. The reverse isn’t true.
• The Relief Society is presided over by men.
• There are many, many things that men can do in the Church and women can’t. (This was often pointed out with long lists, sometimes with some snark. Oh, really, does this mean I can baptize now?)
• Other churches allow women into any and all positions. Community of Christ, for example, is our sibling religion, and here they are about to be led by a woman.
• Equality isn’t a feeling. (Thanks, Heather!)
• This comments section is so great / encouraging / hopeful! Why can’t Relief Society be like this?
• Inequality hits hard when it’s you, but it hits harder when it’s your kids.
• Polygamy, and the Church’s refusal to disavow it, was cited many times as a massive inequality.
• Trying to stop people from talking about Heavenly Mother is crushing, especially when women’s vision of the afterlife is vague at best, and possibly awful.
• Garment design is stark evidence of unwillingness to listen to women.

And here are a few of my summary thoughts:

• If this comments section is any evidence, Elder Renlund’s “don’t talk about Heavenly Mother” talk has failed utterly. Tons of commenters talked about Her, and without apology. Even people defending the Church did.
• In the discussion of the deleted comments, several people who had called the Church out for deleting them then apologized when it looked like it was a technical glitch, but said that deleting them would be totally expected for the Church. I think this is spot on. Social media in general isn’t a good fit for an organization as authoritarian as the Church. Many apologetic commenters who were appalled at the critical commenters clearly would have endorse Bruce R. McConkie’s infamous line to Eugene England that “It is your province to echo what I say or to remain silent.” I understand the Church’s desire to use social media, but given how centered it is on people being able to comment back, I’m a little surprised that they don’t just close comments on all their posts by default.
• I was so encouraged, like many of the commenters said, to see so many people—especially women—banding together and calling out something that’s obviously wrong from the Church. It reminded me of Feminist Mormon Housewives in its heyday, when it was so great to see commenters come on over and over and say some version of “Until I found this blog, I thought I was the only one who thought this way!”
• Along the same lines, though, I found it heartbreaking to see several commenters express hope that since the Church social media people responded, maybe something would be said or changed next General Conference. I feel like I understand so much better now what the previous generation of feminists and activists sometimes said when the Bloggernacle was new, about how the Church doesn’t listen and the Church changes only slowly. Because of course if anything is said in Conference, it will be vague, and more likely it will be along the lines of “please take a fast from social media” than “we’ve heard women in pain and will be making some changes.”

To wrap up, I want to highlight a few of (okay, about 100) my favorite comments. I considered quoting some of my favorite scolding comments from apologists first, but this post is already pretty long, and I figured I’d rather focus on the comments I liked the most. Because I liked so, so many of them. I found that I had tagged over 400 of them as favorites in the process of reading them, so I hope you’re impressed at how I’m limiting myself, and in some cases I’ve only excerpted my favorite bits to keep this post from becoming even longer. Also note that if you compare the original comments, I’ve fixed a few typos to make them a little easier to read. If you’d like to read more comments from the thread, again I’d definitely suggest Molly’s compilation of comments at Roots and Reckoning.

• “Please share with me ONE thing that I- a woman- will do in the eternities. I am taught repeatedly that gender is eternal and essential. That men and women have equal but different roles and responsibilities. But I have NEVER- not even one time- been concretely shown what I will do in the heavens. I won’t become like Heavenly Father because I am woman. I will become like Heavenly Mother. WHAT DOES SHE DO?! She doesn’t speak to her children or help guide and comfort them, she doesn’t create planets, she doesn’t lead and guide her church.” (leisymiller)
• “Yes, my husband and I have the exact same power and authority with the only difference being I can’t bless, heal, lead men and women, make decisions for my calling without getting it approved by a man, baptize, call my own counselors, pass the sacrament, conduct general meetings, sit on the stand, marry in the temple again if my first spouse dies or leaves, speak last in church, or talk about Heavenly Mother/the God-figure I’m supposed to be like when I die… I mean other than that, man and woman’s power and authority is exactly the same.” (roots.and.reckoning)
• “I have served as a young woman’s president for a total of 8 years and in the young women’s organization as a member of the presidency for a combined total of 15 years, with several years, never have I ever had power and authority in those callings. They told me I did, but that wasn’t actually true. From being told who to call as counselors and advisors, to showing up one day and being told someone was called who we never discussed. To unfair budgets compared to that of the young men. . . . My daughter pipes up every time the sacrament prayer is given and says ‘why not oh God our eternal parents’….as a 7 year old she sees it.” (impulsionimages)
• “You could literally have 300 tithe paying Uber righteous women in a neighborhood but if there aren’t enough tithe paying men you can’t create a ward. They can post performative nonsense about women in leadership all day every day but the proof is in the pudding er, handbook.” (uncertainlycarly)
• “What if my strengths are leading others and receiving revelation? What if I’m not good at nurturing children? What if I don’t even like being around children? What if I’m not a sweet person? What if I speak my mind even when my thoughts are unwelcome? Maybe there are a lot of women who are natural nurturers. I am not one of them. So why shouldn’t I have the opportunity to use my strengths to build the Kingdom?” (jaibhagtiheather)
• “Priesthood authority does not grant women power that they did not already have and earn simply by being living human beings. In the church: Wives are presided over by husbands. Relief society leaders are presided over by the all male bishopric. . . . . Daughters are led and presided over by fathers. Sister missionaries are led and presided over by male district leaders and zone leaders. Women can’t bless their children. Women can’t baptize others or baptize for the dead. Women can’t sit in front of the congregation on Sundays. Women rarely if ever can teach gospel doctrine. The church peddles women’s power and authority that they already possess without being members of the church. It’s like being sold flowers the salesman plucked out of your own garden that you planted yourself. Be serious.” (wolf_turnip)
• “Real respect and honor is not something that is talked about, it’s something that can be seen.” (beckymcsimmons)
• “My 8 year old wanted a school “fathers blessing” from me last year and I didn’t know how to explain to her why I couldn’t.” (0jessicallen0)
• “We are told to ‘think Celestial!!’ But not too far. Not too personal. Forbidden, actually. Irreverent & sacrilegious. How this paradox does not register is beyond me. Are there no more human questions than ‘Where did I come from, why am I here, where am I going?’ And yet women cannot ask them or cannot be dissatisfied with answers that apply only to men. And I’m not writing flippantly—this is real heartbreak.” (anniemangelson)
• “Leadership would do well to understand that power and authority are not matters of opinion or feeling. They are matters of structural fact.” (dancer_esquire)
• “The way that the church is set up in its current system is wholeheartedly unhealthy as a place for young girls to grow up in. They are told in just about every unspoken way that their voice doesn’t matter as much as a man’s, they are not needed or necessary to be present to make one single decision, and that any kind of spiritual inspiration they could even possibly have cannot even really be trusted [because] it can always be overruled by a man in every instance. This system breaks a woman’s ability to form trust with her inner compass. . . . We want our little girls growing up believing their voices and opinions matter so their spirits can soar in every way. So they’ll expect partnership marriages and healthy relationships, and not accept emotional abuse as status quo. This is impossible in a patriarchal system where women have ZERO actual, real, final say on one.single.thing. No little girl will ever naturally learn these things. Her best lot in life is to hope for a man that doesn’t abuse his patriarchal power. Sadly most men don’t even know they’re doing it. Lots of emotional harm is paved with good intentions.” (pamelacolleen)
• “If ‘priesthood power’ is so easily bestowed upon us women, why do the boys and the men require so much more ceremony and formality to be given this ‘power.'” (jennytoone)
• “If you have to compare us to others to make lds women feel like they have ‘more’, you’re missing the point. Equality is not graded on a curve.” (brittmanjarrez28)
• “Please share any decision making power that rests solely with the women in the church. Please share any influential documents, declarations or doctrines that are authored by women and supported by the church. Please share how many women are quoted in talks and conference and scripture….you can say all the nice things you want and put women on a pedestal but it doesn’t make any of this statement true.” (the.doula.lens)
• “The church runs on the undervalued time, energy, and efforts of women, but does not include them in decision making or leadership. They’re so quick to say platitudes of ‘we couldn’t do this without you’ and then create a structure that perpetuates the expectation that women serve quietly in the background (because that’s the right way to be as a woman) while not being considered or included in any areas of authority.” (gloria.hartley)
• “This is an absolute falsehood. Simply by having men being the only ones who can step into authority positions knocks you out of first place. . . . By having female children feeling they are accountable to share sexual thoughts or doings with a male leader knocks you out of first place. Not allowing the women of the Bay Area to remain sitting on the stand knocks you out of first place. Saying that there will be polygamy in heaven and that men can be sealed to more than one woman in the temple on earth and women cannot knocks you out of first place. The amount of harmful statements towards women over the years of saying their only place is in the home, only attend college as a backup, and you are chewed up gum… knocks you out of first place. Do better LDS church.” (erin_hulme_art)
• “If my husband and I were to divorce, his experience in the church would continue to be the same. Whereas I would lose access to priesthood power in my home, and lose potential marriage opportunities with priesthood holders, because I wouldn’t be able to be sealed to them without breaking the sealing to the father of my children.” (kamisueweddick)
• “I wonder how many meetings the men have that revolve around reassuring them they are as important as women.” (haralson_nicole)
• “We already know God values us…that knowledge is what helps us see that the church is not valuing us the way God does!!!” (thefeminine.divine)
• “I hope the @churchofjesuschrist understands that church doctrine is what taught me I am a valuable daughter of god, of infinite worth. It’s where I learned that my divine nature makes me capable beyond measure and that I can do all things through Christ. It’s where I learned that God values me just as much as any man. AND unfortunately… it’s where I learned to expect far better treatment than I receive in this church. You ask women to ‘live up to [our] privileges’? YOU, my brethren of the church, are not living up to *our* privileges. We women deserve so, so much better.” (mmortdavis)
• “When I look at the church through my daughter’s eyes, I am deeply saddened. When her brothers turned 12, they were celebrated and given ‘rights and privileges.’ She received nothing. As she sits in the pews each week, she sees a stand full of men, not a single female representative of authority. Men determine her worthiness to participate in covenant work. She will be limited in her decision making in her callings, even if she feels gifted with a deep sense of insight & revelation. She will long for a blessing from a stake matriarch, rather than a patriarch- always wondering how that blessing would feel coming from a woman. Would she feel a greater sense of connection to her Heavenly Mother? Would she feel a greater sense of connection to her own divine feminine power? Will she long to hold her babies in her arms and bless them, speaking words of power, comfort, and healing? Will she always feel limited? Held back from her full divine potential? I know she will because I feel that too. I want better for her.” (texastales)
• “Men can see their role in the eternities echoed every time we pray to Father, every time a blessing is administered, every time we look at the stand during church. The power of God, echoed through eternity. For women, we see a structure too—swathes of us who can make no decision for ourselves except at the discretion of our male counterparts. Is that God? Silence from our celestial ideal. Is that God? To be told we are beautifully nurturing and needed, but NOT nurturing or needed enough to provide leadership for men—they don’t need us. Is that God? If every woman disappeared from the church today, it could continue on. The only issue would be no new babies. Is that God? Is that the reflection of my eternity? To be so unneeded, so powerless and cloistered, that my participation is entirely optional the way it is in church?” (mouskemeg)
• “Men who listen to and take advice from women do so because they have to choice to; women have no right in church structure to be listened to simply by virtue of themselves. . . . We have a seat a table only when you want us to and are offered scraps. This isn’t equality.” (lindahamiltonwriter)
• “I hope the comments of this post will not be hidden, but taken as feedback of the hurting hearts of so many women. Most who are not sure they can feel comfortable expressing the same sentiments in a public way. Please know that there are so many more than just what you see here that ache for true equality. . . . I have sat with these women, cried with these women, they are in your pews as well as gone from your rosters because they cannot handle the discord in their hearts over this issue.” (crystalmeditates)
• “Would you tell a crying 8 year old who already feels that boys are more important to ‘have faith’? How about a 12 year old who already feels like the only good she’ll ever do is be a mother as the boys around her are primed for missions, leadership, careers AND parenthood. Would you chastise a sobbing 22 year old who is thinking of not getting married to her true love because she’s not sure what her eternal role is and is scared to be one of multiple wives? Would you tell a 23 year old mother that her concerns about her daughter’s value in the church are unfounded? I’ve experienced all of those things. I’m truly grateful for the Church. I’ve found much joy and peace. But I’ve also been in pain for a long time over my identity. It does feel to me like the Church as an organization is taking strides to make women feel more valued and empowered. I hope they’ll listen to the specific concerns and needs we have as they ponder on solutions and changes.” (alliejane18)
• “[W]as Emma showing a lack of faith when she asked a question that prompted the word of wisdom? Did she lack faith when she formed a society with the goal of improving lives? Was the woman who started the primary program overreaching her bounds? Was Eve mistaken to partake of the fruit? For a church built on one powerful, sincere, faithful question, we sure seem to hate when those questions come from women.” (alliejane18)
• “I couldn’t read through this and not add to the voices of my sisters. I’m yet another active, tithe-paying, calling-holding, child-raising woman here to say that 1) this statement is in direct opposition to 30+ years of lived experience in the church and 2) is incredibly dismissive of the pain it has caused me my entire life. If we are going to continue to enforce the many sexist policies and practices that many others have mentioned, I would prefer the intellectual honesty of the Church and the leadership owning that fact and giving us other spiritual feeding to be able to withstand the growing pains of living in a society that has evolved at a different than the Church. Maybe it’s just a matter of timing and the promised blessings of a continuing restoration are right around the corner, but it’s just not the right time? I could withstand that— I have my entire life. But please, please don’t tell me that women are broadly empowered when I know exactly what it feels like to personally have no decision-making power and no input beyond my ward level, and know that no women are included in the church-level decisions among leadership. I work hard to stay in this church, and find much worth staying for. But please treat that effort and work with more respect than this and just be honest about how things are, or focus on something that will actually lift me. Silence is inadequate but it’s far better than gaslighting.” (aliciawrigleymusic)
• “Having a large percentage of members who have influence and power in organizations can be said for both men and women in the church, but having ultimate power and authority can only be said of men.” (kedds6)
• “Even as a primary president, every decision I made in trying to staff a primary of 89 active children had to go through men. I was not able to call or release teachers, even when there were serious issues. I wasn’t even trusted to write the primary program without having it reviewed and authorized by the Bishop. What kind of power are you referring to? As a woman, born and raised in the church and having spent 52 years sitting in the pews of your congregations, I have never felt this kind of power. I find this statement to do nothing more other then rub salt in deep wounds.” (staceykeller71)
• “It really is sad not to mention confusing for a girl growing up in the church to work your whole life toward being married in the temple and have no visual representation of her [Heavenly Mother] when we get there. Where was she in the creation process? I’m pretty sure when I created and gave birth to my 3 children I was very much involved In all aspects of the creation and process of bringing new life to earth. Personally speaking, this makes it very hard to connect to my own body as a female spiritually. ‘You mean I’m supposed to pray to my father in heaven and my brother Jesus about how to give birth and raise a family?’ Not that they wouldn’t have some great advice! It’s just where is my mother in heaven and why can’t I talk to her?? Why is she not represented!! The heartbreak felt by millions of women is more than just a conversation on social media. It affects our main belief systems and mental health… not to mention our daughters and granddaughters to come! So much anger rises up in me when I think I’ve lived most my life believing I’m not supposed to have that type of relationship with her.” (sari_jo)
• “It was when I began grad school that I noticed the stark contrast between how my voice was heard and valued among my cohort and professors and then how I was ‘heard’ at church and other church settings. Once I experienced it for myself, I couldn’t see it the same.” (lexmullis)
• “The LDS church is the only organization I’m a part of that actively prohibits women from being leaders.” (artsy_girl_97)
• “It is so painful to be told by leaders in the church that women ‘pretty much’ have the priesthood, in all but title and ordination. No we don’t. Women belong in the rooms where decisions are being made.” (craftandopinion)
• “Asking (more like begging) for more leadership opportunities, more of a voice, more chances to sit on the stand, more representation and full equality in decision making processes isn’t being angry or challenging Christ’s church. Did it ever occur to people who disagree and want to label us as misguided that we are feeling CALLED to speak on this?! Perhaps our Heavenly Parents and the spirit are CALLING for us to speak up and we are acting on our promptings.” (sovereign_sisterhood)
• “If it’s not evident enough from these heartfelt expressions, many women within the LDS Church feel a deep need to have their voices heard and their perspectives valued. We are pleading for genuine consideration, not dismissal or belittlement. Our voices often go unheard, and decisions affecting us are made without our full participation. This is not about seeking attention or causing division; it’s about seeking genuine inclusion and partnership in the work of the Church. We yearn for a seat at the table where our insights, experiences, and perspectives are valued and integrated into decision-making processes. We believe in the teachings of Christ and the ongoing restoration of His gospel, but we also believe in the importance of actively working towards a more equitable and inclusive community. I sincerely urge Church leaders to listen to our voices, to prayerfully consider our concerns, and to take meaningful actions towards fostering true collaboration and partnership within the Church.” (kimberlyy_rivers)
• “Can I just add how beautifully uplifting it is to read comments from women who I share thoughts and feelings in regards to being a faithful Latter Day Saint woman and yet being constantly disappointed by how the patriarchy chooses to run Christ’s church. The closer I’ve gotten to my Savior and Heavenly Parents the more of a disconnect I have felt with my role in the church. Women are so much more than mothers, casserole bakers, teachers, and shoulders to cry on.” (momarrazzi)
• “Where is my voice in scripture? Where is my voice in theology? Where is my voice in the formation doctrine? Where is the representation of my sacred feminine? Where is the expansion and worship of my Heavenly Mother? How can I honestly believe that Heavenly Father loves His daughters, when His servants on this earth silence them? We are only heard so long as what we have to say is acceptable to the men who make the rules. So God either loves His daughters, empowers His daughter the same as His sons, and His sons aren’t listening. Or God does not love His daughters as he does His sons, and we are only acceptable so long as we adhere to the narrow, limited scope men allot us.” (kirstencj)
• “I am not allowed to act in God’s name. Only men with the priesthood can do that. I have no more authority than a non-member.” (shoplilsquirts)
• “If women who want opportunities to lead ‘want to control’, then what are the men who lead women doing???” (obligatorypsuedonym)
• “Why didn’t we ever hear about the supposed ‘priesthood powers’ until Ordain Women? I’m nearly 70. If [priesthood] power was a thing why didn’t they tell me I had it when I was RSP 30 years ago? If Elaine Jack, Chieko Okazaki, and Aileen Clyde—the General RS Presidency during my tenure—were aware they operated with priesthood power they’d have been all over it, expounding on it, sharing with us. I can imagine Chieko enthusiastically urging us to use it, giving creative examples and object lessons! Where were Belle Spafford, Barbara Smith, Barbara Winder, Bonnie Parkin, Mary Ellen Smoot, Linda Burton, and even Julie Beck on the priesthood power they called on to lead the ‘greatest women’s organization in the world?’ Find me one talk or reference to women’s priesthood power or authority bestowed in the temple before Dallin Oaks’ April 2014 GC talk!” (martinediricksmith)
• “If the most empowering thought to share for female empowerment is their adjacency to concrete male authority, that is not equity. Men have all the powers this woman listed and women are only entitled to it through marriage and callings governed by men” (goldacristine23)
• “I worked in the temple for two years. After I got married we moved to a different side of the state. I was very excited to work in a new temple. But I was told by my bishop that he would not put my name on the list to be a temple worker because I ‘might’ get pregnant and they would just have to call someone else. I couldn’t say anything after that because he’s a man and he’s a bishop and what he says goes. I’m curious what power do we hold?” (lillian_mcnamar)
• “I used to cling to the crumbs I was handed as a woman in the church – that we have Heavenly Mother in our doctrine – but it took me all of one Sunday in one progressive church with a woman pastor to shake me and wake me up to the oppression I had lived with all my life as a woman in the church. This woman was running her church, when she spoke the men took notes, she was leading the board meetings on finances, she conducted the meetings. As soon as I encountered ONE other church I quickly realized that there is no religious organization that has so broadly taken power and authority away from women than the LDS church.” (celestemdavis)
• “Why did no one ever tell LDS women they had priesthood power until OW asked for ordination? I was raised in this church and always taught men had the priesthood and women were to support men. No one said a word about women having access to God’s priesthood power until women became vocal about asking for it. It would have made a huge difference in the way I saw myself as a youth or a missionary or serving in callings had leaders been telling me I had priesthood power. It seems they had to make something up when women started demanding it and so they placate us with talk of ‘power’ while keeping ‘authority’ and ‘keys’ for themselves to maintain a hierarchy where women are denied a final say in any theology, doctrine, policy, or financial decisions. Of course women have power to access God’s power – it was never the brethren’s to give – but all women and men in the world have that power – we are all children of God whom They want to bless. Saying women in the church have unique access to priesthood power if they follow LDS covenants is just rhetoric to keep us in line.” (mlr4343)
• “Why do we keep talking about the authority women have in the temple and ‘will’ have in heaven…why not now? I couldn’t wait to pass and bless the sacrament as a little girl and was devastated to find out I wouldn’t get that privilege and was preparing to be a mother was the most important goal. 26 years later to have my husband not believe in priesthood power any longer left me even more devastated that blessings would no longer happen in my home because I couldn’t give them. Not to mention what would happen to my ‘sealing’ if my husband leaves the church? I’m at his mercy…a man. A man decides my worthiness to enter the temple, essentially to be in Gods presence. It’s more than I can bear.” (goplantyourself_home)
• “Other changes should include women being at the table for all major decisions, such as boundaries being drawn. This occurred recently in my stake, and several families were harshly impacted and isolated by the new boundary changes. It made sense in terms of priesthood numbers, but not one man set out to see how this would impact families according to school districts and other pressing factors. I can’t help but feel that if allowed, women’s insight into the matter would’ve proved incredibly thorough and informative in a way that goes beyond just numbers.” (haley.gee)
• “We would never accept the level of bigotry that the Church visibly promotes in any other org/business/school we support, yet we somehow tolerate it from the place that houses all of our ideas about god and spirituality??” (chels_homer)
• “The closer I come to God and Jesus Christ the more jarring the discrepancies between my church experience and the learning I receive by the spirit become.” (elsie_lcm)
• “How do I tell my daughter she has divine power when she doesn’t see herself reflected up on the stand? How do I tell her that her words matter when there are no women included in important discussions happening with top leadership of the church? Decisions that affect 50% of us who aren’t represented in the room? How do I tell her that her femininity is powerful when she’s expected to bear children but not acknowledge the existence of her mother in heaven nor have any connection to her? How do I teach her that the role of the feminine divine is equal to the masculine when I can’t even tell her what her eternity as a woman looks like because we don’t talk about it unless it revolves around masculinity? How do I tell her to trust herself when every important decision regarding her future has already been made for her and without her?” (heatherabowles)
• “When my last child was baptized, I was able to ask women to be witnesses. It was the FIRST time women were given the authority to do that very simple task – making sure everything is immersed. When I asked my mom to be a witness, she didn’t believe it was something she could do. She kept saying, ‘Are you sure the church okayed this?’ That’s what 70+ years in this church does to women. They don’t even feel authorized to be a witness at a baptism.” (holli_petersen)
• “Nowhere in my life do I have to answer to men, ask permission, report to, confess, wait upon, pay tribute to men the way I do within this church. I run a business in a male dominated industry. Men answer to me daily and yet when I walk into an LDS chapel my ‘privileges’ equate to the same as every other 8 year old child who has been baptized.” (thesanctuarycreatress)
• “I am teetering on the literal edge with the church right now. The church has been my WHOLE LIFE. It has been the number one most important thing to me. Three years ago I was called to serve in the young women, my dream calling. I had questions about Heavenly Mother and women’s roles in the church so I began to study. And I came up with more questions than answers. D&C 132 made me feel physically ill. For four years I have clung to the thread of a belief that if I have faith we will receive further revelation on these matters. Where is the revelation? I hope if the brethren haven’t been asking these questions before they will be now. I’m just so tired of our cries falling on deaf ears. I’m tired. So tired.” (katelyncgarcia)
• “I’ve never felt so dismissed and unable to make needed change than when I was ‘given priesthood authority to carry out’ the responsibility of being Primary President. I enjoyed that calling and LOVED the children. But my soul was damaged from hearing ‘no’ multiple times after sharing promptings from the Holy Ghost of what the children needed. Almost enough to leave for good. My voice nor leadership were NOT recognized.” (heymandyromney)
• “When you picture yourself exalted, after staying on the covenant path, together with your family, able to progress and create… picture all the joy and wonder of that, and then impose the same treatment for yourself that we currently have on Heavenly Mother, (i.e. your beloved children are told they cannot talk to you. They aren’t allowed to know you, or thank you, or reach out to you, or know that the beautiful orchid was your idea, or sing praises to you, or see you as a role model of what they themselves can become), are you genuinely okay with that? Are you at peace with being told you can’t actively parent/comfort your children, while they go through the crucible of trial and pain and growth?” (ashleyhoth_art)
• “I’ve heard time and time again that I have priesthood power that comes because of my temple covenants, but I’ve never been told how to use that power. Men are given handbook instructions for blessings, baptisms, ordinances, etc. on how to use their power. Every member of the church, and even those not of the church, are taught how to pray, read scriptures, receive revelation, etc. that doesn’t require priesthood power. So someone please tell me, how do I use this power I have that supposedly makes me so special?” (readysetgrow8)
• “My grandmother was a faithful member in Sweden. She worked tirelessly behind the scenes in preparing the Stockholm temple for the open house and dedication. She also translated for Elder Monson (not yet prophet at the time) and his wife Francis. She stood with Sister Hinckley, Monson and Bsngerter outside admiring the temple after they had worked all day to make it ready for the final inspection by Elder Hinckley. My grandmother, Anna Lindback said, ‘This will be my last time to attend the temple’. Sister Monson was surprised she would not be coming back now that Sweden finally had a temple! But the church policy at the time did not allow it. The policy at the time allowed a brother married to a non-member could receive a temple recommend, but a sister married to a non-member could not. My faithful, wonderful grandmother could not enter the temple she loved with all of her heart! “Sister Monson would not give her husband any peace, President Monson would later recall. She said, ‘You have to go home and do something so Sister Lindback can come to the temple.’ President Monson told her he would not forget her.”About 8 months later, she received a call from the temple matron at 6:30 in the morning. “Sister Lindback, now you can come to the temple. I just received a call from Salt Lake City, saying that all worthy sisters can get a temple recommend. You are the first to hear it.” On March 14, 1986- my grandmother attended the Stockholm temple and received her endowments. I think we forget the countless stories like this one, when faithful saints have wanted more. Not to satisfy an ego or because they are lacking in spiritual discernment. They have prayed, and wept and served and have felt the Spirit testify to their hearts. I’m speaking up in honor of my grandmother.” (bbjenk13)
• “If women were truly set apart in callings with the SAME priesthood authority and endowed in the temple with the SAME priesthood power as men, it would be redundant to send male leaders to represent ‘the priesthood’ at meetings and activities for females (like GIRLS camp)” (thesunshinespace)
• “‘We need your voices’ = the male leadership wants women of this church to say out loud that we are ok to live a life of quiet servitude to all things male oriented/chosen- never asking for any power or right that is not overseen or already predetermined by a man. They want us to vocally agree to a patriarchal system that robs us (and our daughters) of any real leadership roles and decision making ability in this system of control overseen by men. I cannot and I will not agree it to it any longer.” (heather.groom_realestate)
• “Smiths grocery store has a cart with a little race car attached to the front. My daughter climbs in, grips the steering wheel, and grins quietly as I push her around the store. ‘Look, you’re driving!’ I cheer up and down the aisles. Newsflash- she’s not really driving. I am. You see where I’m going with this?” (jenn1burke)
• “I’d been taught my whole life ‘I’m trying to be like Jesus’ and that I was sent to earth to participate in the pan of salvation so that Heavenly Father could give me all that he had to offer. But that could never be. They are men. I’m a woman. I can’t and won’t be given all they have to offer. I can’t and won’t be like them one day. I would be like my Heavenly Mother, and who even is she? After having children of my own I can’t even imagine an existence where they would be commanded to not speak with me or commune with me… When it comes down to it, the fullness of blessings and potential in the church and in the eternities is only reserved for men.” (angilynbagley)
• “I know in the past few years there have been efforts, but nothing of real substance for change. Nothing has changed that helps my daughter to SEE her value within the church. She has asked me why only boys pass the sacrament, why boys only baptize, why boys only give blessings. She is 5. And I have no answer for her. Even my son has asked me the same question and I’m so proud of them for asking and pushing back, but as a mother I don’t have any answers that satisfy their questions. It’s VERY clear a woman’s place the moment we walk into the chapel. All you have to do is look at the stand. ” (emilynowen)
• “This modern day church still treats men and women (boys and girls) so differently and their actions speak even louder than words. By scheduling ‘heart attack’ activities for girls while the boys are playing dodge ball in the cultural hall, we are telling our girls they are the only ones capable of caring and loving and showing them that church is just for fun for boys. Then they grow up to be lead by the dodgeball boys, telling them who their counselors should be, which activities are okay to do, which songs are okay/not okay to teach the primary (and the list goes on and on and on). I truly wish it didn’t hurt. But it does.” (_emjknight_)
• “For those of you saying ‘why do you care about having equality and leadership roles? It has no eternal consequences’ I say, why do you want to be around a God for eternity that purposefully limits your influence, opportunities, voice and leadership levels simply because of your gender? This has eternal consequences because you are describing the ideal person who we are to worship and become. I would consider it a moral tragedy if I treated a particular group of people the way God treats women in the church. If you wouldn’t date someone like that or work for someone like that why are you worshipping someone like that? You become who you worship. This is deeply concerning and of course of eternal consequence.” (carol.lippard)
• “The ‘you have authority’ rhetoric without actually having any significant authority feels belittling. My daughter at age 5 in sacrament meeting asked me when she would be able to pass the sacrament. What was I supposed to say? Sorry, that’s for boys only? No, I refuse. I will not settle for my daughter.” (audreyhunter)
• “[T]he equating of power received through the endowment covenant is NOT the same as the power to act on behalf of God on the earth (ordained priesthood power). Receiving strength and peace through covenants is vital – but so is the ability to GIVE strength and peace.” (abeachgump)
• “I must disagree that any female is given any real power in this organization. Men decide which women can serve and lead. If a woman speaks out in a way that doesn’t fit with our designated roles, we are basically released from any callings of influence and put on the shelf. We can still clean the building, wash dishes after funerals, pay tithing, or attend to any other nameless faceless unpaid labor task, but we are relegated to a place of silence. Every woman on that stand for the broadcast was there because men decided she was worthy and appropriate. If any of them spoke something other than the approved rhetoric, they would be OUT.” (nwnord)
• “As so many other women have already said on here, please stop telling us we are respected and start treating us that way. Include us in decision making. Take us seriously. How can we encourage our children to be active in an organization that has brought this much pain. How can we engage in missionary work knowing that we are asking them to join an organization that brings us this much pain from not feeling respected. I only recommend restaurants to my friends if I can give it five stars, why would I recommend a church that I can only give one or two?” (brasmu)
• “Growing up in the church with a single mom, I simply know that’s not true. Having served a mission, I know that’s not true. Having served faithfully in the temple, I know that’s not true. Having served as Relief Society president and in its presidency, I know that’s not true. Having left the church and no longer feeling guilt, shame for not meeting outdated expectations of a woman’s role in this world, I know this isn’t true.” (cristina.does.life)
• “The only time I have felt less loved or less worthy or less important because of my gender is at church. And going through the temple for the first time shattered my heart. I chose to step away from the church for a few years because of the hurt I personally felt, but also because of the hurt I saw in others. I have decided for the time to come back, but I am so hesitant to raise kids in the church because of this. I never want my daughters to feel like they aren’t just as much connected with God as their brothers. I never want my sons to be as oblivious to women’s wants and needs as our current and past leaders seem to be.” (adelaiderutter)
• “I can handle wrestling over God’s timing and disappointments, but what is really making me soul-tired is the never ending stream of judgment coming from my ‘siblings’ in a faith who are quite literally commanded to mourn with me but who choose chastisement and lecturing and sometimes cruelty no matter how I try to make them understand. You can’t convince women who feel deeply unequal that they are equal. You can only make room for them to feel loved and accepted and respected. Don’t tell them they just don’t understand—the irony of worrying that the slippery slope of unanswered questions leads to an exit is that the most prevalent slippery slope for those who want to stay is often fellow members doing all they can to shove them off the slope themselves.” (mouskemeg)
• “I was raised Mormon and when I went to college as an adult, I braced myself to not be taken seriously when I contributed to class discussions, especially by my males classmates and professors. I was shocked and thrilled to find myself being treated as a valuable contributor to the class discussions with ideas worth listening to, something I had never experienced in the Mormon culture I grew up in. For the first time in my life I was treated as an equal and didn’t have to fight to have my voice be heard, and it blew my mind.” (tiffanitalks)
• “Genuinely, I could have stayed in an imperfect church. I was there for the journey. I was willing to stay on the ship. What finally led me to leave the church was rhetoric like this post that tried to make it seem like the problems didn’t exist, that I was seeing things, that I couldn’t trust my own heart and conscience.” (seagillicuddy)
• “[T]o pretend like women having cursory ‘priesthood authority’ is the same as putting women in actual positions of leadership is laughable. I am sorry ‘priesthood authority’ while great for being a servant to the church and honing your personal relationship to Christ is great and important but it is not having a voice. It is not letting women in the room where decisions are being made. It is reducing women to servants not companions. And every time the church makes a decision that leaves out women, every time a bishop, stake president, or general authority treats women as less then there is no recourse. There is no process to report them and it is always met with ‘oh well the church is made up of humans so we have to make allowances’ no we don’t. the church has every ability to hear the voice of women it just chooses not to.” (fladeni86)
• “I pursued my education and career IN SPITE of the direct messaging that I was being selfish both from general authorities and members of each and every one of my ward families. I was taught aspirational shame. By the church. By the brethren and the sisters who prop them up. It’s not enough for my daughters. They are treated as equals in their schooling, work and relationships. That is the bar the church cannot clear. It is benevolent patriarchy. It’s a fragile set up.” (therapygab)
• “My husband and I informed our bishop that I would be holding my infant while he (and a circle of men) would bless the baby. HE TOOK AWAY MY CALLING FOR IT and won’t allow me any calling with speaking influence in the ward. He also refused to acknowledge my son was blessed.” (christine.pagano)
• “One of the most groundbreaking moments of my path out of the church was a survey sent out by the church about garments and females. At first, the questions felt like they were listening to my own thoughts, struggles and questions about garments. I was elated, they knew!? And then it hit me…they knew. The endless female issues from wearing restrictive underwear, the way it wrapped my mental health, the way it made my body feel, the way it negatively affected me every. single. day. It turned into a pit of rage in me. You. The church knows. How garments affect women. This lead to so many things that I couldn’t understand or unsee, as a woman of the church. It was 6 years of trying desperately to stay. Until the anxiety and lack of peace, finally, finally let me know, it was time to go.” (camillahancock)
• “For those eager to defend church, please consider this less of an attack and more of a plea—so many of us want to do more and be more in this organization. We are seeking to be heard, seen, included, consulted and empowered—not just given more work. We want equal voice, equal partnership—not a redefining of the terms such as ‘preside’ to suggest on one hand we are equal but by definition we are not.” (dariceauston)
• “My good husband and I have had this conversation too many times over the years and he has been so supportive and helpful, but ultimately admitted he never did wonder if God loves him. For men, it’s so obvious God values and loves them. They are made in his male image, the temple covenants have always testified of their worth and role in His kingdom, all the scriptural heroes they look to are male, the pictures on the walls in the hallways are male, those words we revere and treasure and follow are predominately from men. I have hope and to someday feel differently than I do.” (ella_elle12)
• “I am a faithful, temple recommend holding, Bishop’s wife and I have had more suffering feeling my second class nature as a woman in our church than anything else in my life. Oh the hours I have spent pleading, praying, grappling and pondering! Oh the darkness of the thought that maybe I AM second class, destined to be a nameless polygamous one of many to my beloved husband in the eternities. From the very gendered language in scriptures and hymns, to all male leadership for all intents and purposes, to learning about men and men’s stories over and over at church, to having men ‘preside over’ me in every situation at church and at home, to the complete absence of Heavenly Mother in the Godhead, to seeing 2 women speakers compared with 31 men speakers at General Conference. …No amount of men (or women speaking at request of the men!) telling me how “special and important” I am can undo the glaring inequality that I see with my eyes, weep about in my closet, and feel the crush of on my soul.” (rocks.andwater)
• “Can we approve budgets?
  Decide on callings?
  Pass the Sacrament?
  Approve someone for a mission?
  Baptize or bless?
  Make decisions in a disciplinary council?
  Approve (or deny) someone temple attendance?
  Approve (or deny) someone for baptism?
  Accept tithing envelopes?
  Can we make even one executive decision without ‘permission’ from a man? I made a $10 purchase for Young Women’s once and was told I should have gotten approval from the bishop beforehand. If I can’t use my judgment to make a $10 purchase (I stayed well within the YW budget), I really have no decision-making power.” (jackielynnlarsen)
• “One thing I absolutely can’t get behind is leadership in our church ‘urging’ us to ‘study all we can’ about accessing our priesthood power… as if there’s a plethora of information out there about women having priesthood power to study. That’s the gaslighting I’m struggling with. This has not been the rhetoric in the church. And why are we tasked with so much ‘study’ when the men are handed knowledge freely and publicly?” (thimmitime)
• “While we are talking about women’s power and authority, why doesn’t the YM motto say Heavenly Parents like the YW motto? My son, my daughter and my nephew all independently asked Elder Lund, the general YM president, that exact question three days ago when he came to speak to the youth in our stake. I was So proud of each of them, but they walked away with a new awareness about gender issues.” (aftoninwonderland)
• “I feel like I’m in an eternal identity crisis as a Mormon woman. I’m told that gender is an important characteristic of my identity, but I’m also told not to seek my Heavenly Mother.” (tristabo1989)
• “I so wish this were true. I wish I grew up in a church where I could have witnessed women acting with authority every Sunday as they led the congregation in worship services from the pulpit. I wish I could have seen them sitting in front of the entire congregation during Sacrament meeting. I wish I could have heard the respect they garnered from others by the titles referred to them, such as Mother of the Ward and Matriarch. I wish I could have felt their hands on my head for blessings, advancements, and callings. I wish I could have counseled with them during interviews and personal struggles. I wish I could have heard their authoritative voices quoted in every church talk, sunday school lesson and conference talk. I wish I could have sung about them in Primary songs and seen their pictures hung up on the walls of the church. I wish I could have seen them in General Conference, one after another after another. I wish I could have seen a congregation stand and sing when they walked into a room. I wish members could recite their middle initials. I wish I knew that their experiences as women informed the decisions that were made which affected the entire ward, stake and even worldwide church of women. Oh, I so wish this were true. But this wasn’t the church I grew up in.” (janaanl)
• “@churchofjesuschrist Remember that women are not a special interest group in the Church, they make up over half of its adherents. Hopefully ‘these issues’ are followed by every single one of the Church’s leaders.” (magofgroceries)
• “[T]his post hurts so so so much. I’m a covert and I didn’t get to hold my baby girl when she was blessed. I grew her inside of me for 9 months. I birthed her. And I was made to sit in the pews to only observe while men apart from my Husband will never love her and care for her like I do. My Husband was told to keep a secret from me in the temple even though I was expected to tell him my sacred name that the Lord gave me. If my child falls ill I can not give them blessings with the priesthood.” (teeanalee)
• “Girls need to see that they matter beyond their roles of wife and mother. If girls sit out, not allowed to pass the sacrament despite it not being doctrine that they can’t assist, and watch their young male peers serve, they start to see that their only way to serve the kingdom of God is by marrying and having babies. This puts them at risk.  Boys can choose to be worthy for the priesthood, and it is entirely within their control. Girls cannot always choose if they get married, and if pressured, without other good options, they may settle for offers that they would say no too if they didn’t believe their divine worth was exclusively resting on it.  I personally know women who married return missionaries young because it was the only plan ever taught in young womens, and was exactly what “God wanted them to do,” but these relationships turned highly abusive, and the women stayed extra long, enduring even more abuse because of the celestial weight of the marriage, before finally breaking off. The way I was raised and taught in personal progress directly contributed to these women ending up in these situations.
  Starting in their youth, girls need to see that they matter beyond their roles of wife and mother. They need to be empowered to know they can be multifaceted beings that are not expected to settle, or doomed to wait for the eternities to finally fulfill God’s plan for themselves, and yes, a thing as simple as passing the sacrament helps teach that.  We can do more to protect our daughters. This should matter more than the comfort of older saints who may be startled by the changes.” (ashleyhoth)
• “I have had several moments where I’ve had to consider the following dilemma, either the church is wrong about doctrine of Heavenly Mother and the treatment of women or the Kingdom of God is sexist and I will be a second class citizen for eternity. So which is it? I have been told to ‘Think Celestial’ but as a woman what does that mean? I hold to Christ, but everything else makes me sad.” (helloseattleeastside)
• “@churchofjesuschrist take note the vast majority of these comments are by active temple recommend holding women in the church. They are desperately wanting to stay. They are not ‘easily offended’ (would have left LONG ago if that were the case), ‘lazy learners’ (do you see how much time and study these women have put into the scriptures and teachings and lives of the prophets past and present?), or women who are just looking for an excuse to leave. They have deep testimonies of the Gospel of Christ as He taught it on this earth. They are faithful obedient YW presidents, RS presidents, mothers, faith leaders in their communities. You told women our church needs our voices – well hear they are. We are hurting. We don’t understand. We WANT to understand. It doesn’t make sense or line up from even practices of olden times. Let us let go of the ‘foolish traditions of our fathers’ and at least consider that some of these practices might not be rooted in the true Gospel of Christ. These are your faithful, obedient, sisters in Christ, and they are desperately trying to stay because of all the goodness there is and can be, but they are hurting with every interaction they have with the Church.” (crystalmakesyoumoney)
• “It was only when I went to graduate school at my first non-BYU university and then entered the professional world that I entered a space where men treat adult women as their peers, and when appropriate, as their leaders. It was a stunning difference and made me realize how accustomed I had been to being treated as a child.” (bdownpatriarchy)
• “This convo is not fundamentally about ‘feeling’ oppressed or ‘feeling’ loved and valued. It’s about equality. Equality is not a feeling. Equality is an observable fact. So is inequality. How many women spoke in the last general conference? How many men spoke? Regardless of how you feel or I feel, it’s clear that this church places higher value on being taught by men than by women. . . . women’s feelings are not the problem that must be solved. Inequality is. When we solve inequality, the feelings will solve themselves.” (adrielleherring)
• “I served in leadership in this church for decades. The highest a woman can ever go within the ranks ends with her reporting to a man. A woman never has authority and is never in any type of calling with true decision making capabilities at both the local and general level. Men have the opportunity to have “authority” over congregations and individuals. Subsequently the called priesthood leaders are lauded with the appropriate titles – Elder, Bishop, President, Patriarch. A woman is strictly given the title of a “sister” from birth to earth, cradle to grave, sperm to worm. That’s it. Please be honest with how the organization is structured. I actually appreciate that patriarch is the root word for the highest and most sacred LDS ordinances. I respect it because it’s honest.” (jessrule13)
• “The only power I was told I held was that my skin would cause men to assault me.” (andrea17tx)
• “I think it’s ironic when women in the church are told that they are more spiritual than men are, because any time they share thoughts that differ from men, they are basically told they are being deceived.” (a_mandolin1248)
• “Our whole lives, Heavenly Father has been presented as the ultimate model and goal. We’re taught that if we make good choices, make covenants, and keep them, we can grow up and become just like Him.
  Except we *can’t.* We’ll grow up to become just like our mysterious, almost-nonexistent, she-who-shall-not-be-named Heavenly Mother. A being who holds no power or authority on our planet, who has zero official contact with her children, who her children aren’t allowed to pray to or teach lessons about or even try to discuss in great detail. She is cut off from us. We have ZERO female eternal role models.
  I don’t know about you, but becoming a God who is separate from and cut off from all of my children is not appealing. Being a part of a church where every single decision a woman makes must be approved by a man, where women aren’t allowed to sit on the stand as a sign of respect, where a mother can’t hold her baby during its name and blessing, where I hold zero institutional authority is not appealing either.” (aubergineheliotrope)
• “I’ve thought consistently how my experience at work has been more empowering than my experience in religion. At work, I am pushed to be the loudest I can be, rather than silenced when my POV deviates. I am asked to disagree with leaders when I see something they don’t, rather than told to get in line. I’m told I can be many things — including a mother — rather than relegated to a single role. I am invited to lead men and women, rather than cornered to the female rooms of the castle. I’ve often wondered why I am able to grow into the strongest version of myself in something so eternally immaterial as work, when my development stunted and stalled within the walls of the LDS community.” (kate.toronto)
• “Seeing deleted comments and reappearing (even if it was just an Instagram bug) has been a sort of epitome to me of how I’ve processed things difficult to me in the church. Growing up I would think about the unfairness and inequality in the church and then to exist in the church I would delete them. Then they would reappear, and I would then delete them again. And now it feels impossible for me to delete them anymore.” (lili.hope)
• “I wasn’t even given the “authority” to break my own bread during COVID lockdown. The church was very clear about that. Women don’t matter on their own.” (emalea.j)
• “I hope that these comments can be read for what they are—pleas from women who have faithfully studied, prayed, and wrestled with their struggles with the church, that most of us have been apart of and loved our whole lives, to hear us and begin to compassionately listen to our hurts and struggles and mourn with us while seeking for answers with us. I’m one of those women. My views of the inequality of the church’s treatment toward women is not born out of one comment or any current trend or fad, but of years of painfully seeing time after time how I am not equal with men and even boys in my own religion, searching for answers, pleading with my Heavenly Parents, and receiving revelation from Them. I love the truth I have found in our theology here—I don’t want to go anywhere else. But it’s so hard going to church every Sunday and feeling less than, especially when I know my Savior does not view me as a second class member, but as an equal with enormous potential for good that can be further realized with equality” (jesscmoss)
• “It’s devastating to see your 12 year old daughter break down in tears when at the beginning of the year all the boys are asked to stand and be recognized. All the while the girls get no recognition and don’t even have class names anymore. They are all just nameless girls. It’s not ok. It’s also not ok to be reprimanded as I was by my Relief Society President for sharing my testimony of Heavenly Mother. I felt attacked and singled out for a belief that is in our own doctrine.” (michelletbluth)
• “We’ve been given the power to contort ourselves into small shapes so we may fit into small boxes and carry out large tasks; meanwhile male leaders take the credit, pat us on the head, and ask, ‘What refreshments will you be bringing to our next meeting?'” (whitneycondie)
• “I regret hastily concluding that comments were deleted since it appears to have been a glitch. But, I have also been contemplating why it seemed so natural to me that the church would delete them. We have been given no official channel in which to communicate our concerns to leaders who have the authority and power to change the status quo. I have tried going through stake presidents, but that has too often been the end of the conversation. As recently as this month, a local leader asked me to speak less in a particular church setting. I have been attacked, harassed, and labeled as a threat to the church or misinformed when I have sought to publicly express my concern about the role of women in the church because I couldn’t do so through church channels. I have been made to feel unfaithful because I have questions and ashamed of my own needs. I have learned that the church only wants certain voices. We need forums in which to have real, good faith conversations.” (nataliebrownist)
• “I own a business, have three kids + a husband, and participate in our schools and community. And of all of those places where do I feel like I have the least authority? Church. Every time. Right now I’m just trying to get a white board in my Primary room so I can teach everyone’s kid’s primary songs every Sunday. Still waiting on a man someplace somewhere to approve it. The lack of power and authority is at every level. I know Christ loves me. But as a woman existing at Church? I am second class at best. Our voices matter and I know when we give power, respect and authority to woman we will all be stronger. I am not asking for the Priesthood. I’m asking for… a white board.” (nancyrandle)
• “When was the last time a woman conducted a worthiness interview? Or presided over an organization to which men belong? When was the last time a woman was the final say in any substantial decision impacting the men of an entire ward, stake, region, general church membership? When was the last time a woman collected tithing, counted tithing, deposited tithing? When was the last time a woman performed a temple sealing or received a temple patron through the veil? When was the last time a woman conducted a sacrament meeting? Blessed the sacrament? Passed the sacrament? Blessed a baby that she herself birthed, or even just *held* that baby while it received a blessing exclusively from men and boys? You can’t honestly expect women to believe they’re equal while being barred from these responsibilities while you also teach 11-year-old boys how special and important and sacred their priesthood responsibilities are. Which is it? Based on these comments, we all know which one it is.” (kate_allgood_cowley)
• “When we tell women they have authority, yet all the decisions are made in rooms they cannot enter, we do not offer them power; we give them an illusion. A glass ceiling painted to look like the sky is still a barrier.” (knmcknight)
• “As a 34 year old single mom during the pandemic I could not have the sacrament unless a 22 year old boy- who I had never met before but was assigned to me- remembered to come and give it to me and my kids. I don’t have the power to give my young children back to school blessings or a priesthood blessing when they are sick. I have to call a man- often a neighbor who my kids have no relationship with- to do it instead. When I moved us into a new home last year I was able to buy, finance, and move on my own- but I couldn’t dedicate it on my own. And when my daughter was baptized this summer it was not me who had the privilege to administer that sacred covenant. I have been in the trenches with her every step of her spiritual journey but instead her uncle got that honor instead. So no, doesn’t really feel like ‘broad’ power and authority for this woman.” (thelifeofbon)
• “Several years ago the words ‘Heavenly Parents’ replaced the words ‘Heavenly Father’ in the YW theme, which was such a welcome correction, my heart leapt! The YM theme, however, still only refers to a Heavenly Father, which is troubling to me for a few reasons. First, considering the oppression, abuse and neglect that women and girls have endured throughout history, and continue to endure all over the world, including in our communities and homes, I believe that boys need to know and internalize the ‘cherished truth’ that they have a Heavenly Mother who partners with God the Father. Wouldn’t that help boys to see their real potential as partners prepared to stand side by side with their wives and all women, listening to and collaborating with them, as opposed to having authority over their wives and other women? Having the boy’s theme left with this incomplete picture of their identity isn’t helpful for boys’ development and conveys the message that girls just needed the wording changed to make them feel better, not because it’s a more complete and accurate statement of our parentage, reflecting a cherished doctrine that should inform and bless us all.” (shawkinshbs)
• “I have four daughters. The only place they are told, ‘you can’t do that because you’re a girl’ is at church.” (heather.wg)
• “In my early to mid 20s when I was grappling with the many ways in which the church felt disempowering for women, I would cling to the aspects of church doctrine and practice that have the potential to be empowering for women — e.g. especially women’s endowment with and limited exercise of priesthood power in the temple, and Heavenly Mother. I used to say things very much along the lines of what Sister Dennis said in this talk, partly in hopes of manifesting a reality that seemed so close and yet so far away. In hopes that if we all collectively leaned into the idea that we as women are endowed with priesthood power, that someday soon the church leadership would change their policies and start actually granting women real/equal/shared authority with men in the church. Senior apostles such as Elders Nelson and Oaks had seemed to hint in this direction, and I held out a naive hope that better days were around the corner for women in the church.But as time passed I realized things weren’t actually changing. In some areas they were regressing. The things church leaders said about women’s power and authority began to feel hollow and disingenuous. I may have been willing to just grit my teeth and bear it if it only affected me… but as I started to raise up my own child in the church, I realized that my long suffering and patience under the patriarchy was not just a personal sacrifice but was actually an abdication of my responsibility as a parent to raise a son who would never have any reason to doubt that were women are empowered equals. Even as a preschooler he was being conditioned by the patriarchy that was on painful display every Sunday at church and every six months at General Conference. I realized there was only so much counter-programming my husband and I could do against that subliminal messaging. Eventually it just didn’t make any sense that we were raising him in a church that diverged so significantly from some of our core values in practice, regardless of the egalitarianism it professed or what feminist potential was latent in its doctrine. …” (resplinodell)
• “As a woman who cares deeply about the church and is still actively engaged, I’ve still experienced deep pain from the powerlessness and lack of authority I’ve felt here as a woman. I’ve comforted women in tears after the inspiration they received for callings they’d supposedly been given priesthood authority to fulfill was squashed by men holding ‘REAL’ Priesthood authority who could overrule any inspiration the women received, despite being further removed from the people and issues those women were serving. I’ve cried to my own husband over the degradation I felt in having to convince or plead with men I barely knew to care about the issues that they as a man had no personal experience with enough to do something even small to alleviate suffering. I’ve been told my most important responsibility is that of motherhood while watching how eternal motherhood is dishonored by being almost completely erased & while eternal fatherhood is simultaneously endlessly praised. I’ve wondered how just because SOME women have the sacred privilege of creating human life, equal division of responsibilities means that ALL worthy men can be ordained to priesthood offices, only men can officiate in all religious ordinances other than female washings and anointings, and most importantly, that men must be in charge of every sphere of life including the women’s supposed place of influence, the family. I’ve felt the dissonance of being told that I can become like my Heavenly FATHER, yet gender is eternal, and only exalted males can be worshipped, prayed to, nurture their earthly children, and create worlds. I feel secure in my relationship with my Heavenly Parents, but claiming a greater fulness of spiritual power in my life required letting go of some of the limits the church and its teachings placed upon me as a woman. I believe there are things that really do foster incredible spiritual development in the church, but there are also limits holding back the spiritual development, power, and authority of women in relation to the men around us. Can we unshackle the bonds we’ve place upon the good women can do, and watch how the Lord’s work will exponentially be hastened when we do so?” (with.eve.i.partake)
• “My beliefs have evolved and changed regarding spirituality and religion. My husband recently asked me when it all started, and I nonchalantly replied ‘as a little girl.’ I loved primary and singing with all my friends. The song ‘follow the prophet’,has a nice melodic tune that even all these years later I have every word memorized. ‘Follow the prophet, follow the prophet, don’t go astray, follow the prophet he knows the way.’ The sweet teacher chose a young boy to be the leader, as we marched around the classroom singing the song. After his turn, I asked the teacher if I could lead the group. She swiftly explained to me due to being a girl, and since I’ll never be able to hold the priesthood, I won’t ever be able to lead and guide the church; and that for the purpose of this particular lesson, I couldn’t be the leader for the song. The wheels started turning; I felt hurt that the annoying boy who was always rowdy in class could be the leader, but due to my own sex, I wouldn’t ever. These messages continued to seep their way into my life; as missionary in Argentina, in my attendance of a church university, in the damaging and hurtful messaging taught by leaders.
  In all reality, I don’t crave leadership. I enjoy the roles assigned to me to become a wife, mother, and homemaker. My little family could fit in the mold of what it is to be a devout Mormon. But I wonder, if I had been taught at the pulpits of which I attended every Sunday, that I could be a mother and pursue my own aspirations and dreams; if I had the same messages taught to me as my husband, maybe I wouldn’t have felt lost trying to figure out what I want to do with my life outside of having a family. It’s hard to know if my desires as a woman are nature or were deeply nurtured by religion.
  My daughter is laying next to me as I write this. She’s sleeping soundly and lives a joyful existence. I love being her mama, she is my whole world. I will teach her that she can be anything she wants to be, including a mama, and that if she desires to be a leader; no prophet or man should tell her otherwise.” (shannonostlerchild)
• “Boy math is calling 28 male speakers and 3 female speakers gender equality” (kate.toronto)