It is possible that when I die, God will say to me: You were wrong.
(Actually, that’s a given.)
It is possible that God will say to me: You were wrong about gay people. Homosexuality was a weird quirk of a fallen world which I allowed to happen as a trial to those it affected, but yep, the gospel is supposed to be heteronormative. Your church leaders were in line with my view on this issue, and it was indeed my will that gay people repress their innate sexual drives through either mixed-orientation marriage or celibacy. You were wrong to support policies that made homosexual behavior more acceptable in American society, and to criticize the church for resisting trends that normalized queer identities. Badly done, Mel.
(God just turned into Mr Knightley in my head, which is fine, so long as it’s the Johnny Lee Miller one who’s God.)
I recognize this risk. I recognize that I don’t have all the answers, that I don’t have the whole picture, that I am prideful, sinful, shortsighted, and without a doubt wrong about an enormous number of things that I didn’t even know you could be wrong about. And I recognize that it’s hard to fit homosexuality into the Plan of Salvation as we understand it, if reproductive marriage really is central to exaltation, and if reproduction persists in relying on heterosexuality.
But this is a risk I’m willing to run. And I’m willing to run it because this seems a far better conversation to have post-mortem than the one where God says, Melyngoch, you were wrong about gay people. You did what your leaders told you to do and neglected what your conscience said. You did not act in charity, inclusiveness, or generosity. You were not willing to sacrifice your own comfort to make space for people who were different, less powerful, less accepted. You were suspicious of tolerance instead of open to having your prejudices challenged. You let the call to obedience trump your own capacity for ethical reasoning. You loved institutional authority more than you loved your neighbor. Badly done.
I thought, in the past, that it was reasonable to ask gay people to enter mixed-orientation marriages, that homosexual desire was resistible without any great cost, that it was perhaps worth the price paid by LGBTQ individuals if it kept society more moral as a whole. I have since come to know gay people married to other gay people, and have changed my mind. It is not easy to conclude that you have been wrong, and even less so to conclude that your church — to which you feel called by God, in which you place your faith for salvation, for which you have worked and sacrificed — is wrong. But if it turns out that I am the one who is wrong, far better to say to God: I tried to act in love to the best of my knowledge, than to say: I was only following orders.
This. This is the gamble I am willing to make. I am OK with the consequences of being wrong if it is wrong to reach out in love to LGBTQ individuals in defiance of selected current church teachings and policies. If God doesn’t like that, then I’m not sure I like that kind of god. But I couldn’t face God or even look myself in the mirror today if I were to say that I was only following orders.
Excellent.
The interesting thing about Pascal’s wager is that the value you give to each outcome is very revealing.
Ultimately, you’re saying motives matter, and I agree, to a point. But to the extent that we’ve chosen to teach something that drives potentially many people away from the plan of salvation, I think the excuse that “it made me feel good/comfortable” won’t go very far and that the weight in that cell will be heavy, indeed.
You see, no matter if this is a mistake and no matter what we think about it, this is still the only church authorized by God to practice His saving ordinances. This is still the only church with a prophet authorized by Him to hold the keys of the authority and receive inspiration and revelation for the Earth.
And if we divert people away from it, or fail to do our utmost to bring them to it, we ultimately will have to account for that. Not just to God, but to them. And, in the next life, when their options are limited, I tremble to think I’ll have to tell them it was because I was afraid I would offend them or that I was uncomfortable or that it was politically incorrect.
I think we have to start from what we know God has told us: the Church is His church on the Earth and the Prophet is called of Him and inspired by Him. And we have to build a bridge from those truths to this policy. And if we can’t (I’m almost there but not quite), we put that on pause and come back to our starting place. That can be a long, hard walk but the Savior will walk it with us.
And we have to do it. Our future and the future of those we influence depends on it.
Which means, once God has witnessed this to you, there’s only two squares left. Will we choose to be right or wrong?
Wonderfully put.
I hate that this policy was released, but ZD has been seriously on point and every time I read something here I’m reminded that there are wonderfully kind and ethical people in the church.
m,
“I think the excuse that “it made me feel good/comfortable” won’t go very far and that the weight in that cell will be heavy, indeed.”
I don’t think it’s fair to reduce following one’s conscience to feeling good/comfortable. It’s not necessarily good or comfortable or easy to disagree or dissent; in fact, it can be tremendously painful.
And it’s not as black and white as you’re describing; you can have a witness that this is God’s church without having to believe that everything it does is God’s will and you’re not allowed to disagree because it might discourage people from joining or staying. I would feel troubled if I pushed people to stay in an organization that was clearly causing them harm. And it’s worth noting that the paradigm you’re using, where it’s just right or wrong, has also been known to drive people away from the church.
People emphasize different teachings more than others; all of us do that. It sounds like you emphasize obedience and a belief in exclusivity. But I think you can make as strong a case that a core belief of Mormonism is agency and the need to do what one feels is right at the deepest level.
“And if we divert people away from it, or fail to do our utmost to bring them to it, we ultimately will have to account for that. Not just to God, but to them. And, in the next life, when their options are limited, I tremble to think I’ll have to tell them it was because I was afraid I would offend them or that I was uncomfortable or that it was politically incorrect.”
First of all, I don’t think God is going to punish other people for my mistakes. You’re essentially saying that other people’s salvation is contingent on your behavior, that their options will be limited because of what you didn’t do, and I find that deeply problematic.
And I also think it would be painful to face one’s LGBTQ sisters and brothers and say, I treated you as lesser because the church told me to.
Mel,
Long time lurker here.
Only writing to say that it is a very tough thing for me, to be a Mormon and be doing wrong, as we obviously are. And yet, I feel called to my people. So, it is like having a family member who is a criminal. I am visiting my church in prison, combating the shame of sharing our name, and knowing that we are justly convicted of being unChristlike, harmful and wrong.
I think we must be careful that we do not find, in the end, that we have become the tares to be burned instead of the wheat to be crowned with celestial glory. Why were there so many who sided with Lucifer? Small steps, one at a time, away from righteousness, perhaps not really knowing it until too late or too much pride had set in and thus why so many were led away. And now, it’s that same dilemma- small steps leading away from righteousness into self righteousness and pride that are causing many to stumble and question God’s anointed seers and revelators and prophets. The plans of Satan are coming into full effect on this matter. He would have us believe homosexual acts and same sex marriage is right and just and that they too can and should be so endowed with children and be crowned for righteous sake along with their children. And so, we reach out to them, one small step at a time until we accept and even embrace them thrusting them up above us to be recognized and praised of man. Then in our haste, we lash out at God’s holy prophets for not doing the same. Hence, those small steps have garnered great distance until it is everlasting too late and the devil seals us his to rule and region over us having made us his captives in his war against the Almighty God.
Wake up Zion, stand for truth, stand for truth, uphold God’s holy prophets and pray for Zion and shout hosanna to God for making his holy ways known to man.
“But if it turns out that I am the one who is wrong, far better to say to God: I tried to act in love to the best of my knowledge, than to say: I was only following orders.”
Yes.
One of my goals the past few years was to work on listening to my own moral compass and doing things because they feel right to me (not because they’re what I’m being told to do). And I feel like that increased spiritual self-reliance is helping me navigate this current mess. And love.
m, I’m not ultimately saying that motives matter; I’m saying that actions matter. And I’m saying conscience matters. I am fundamentally unwilling to cede my conscience to the church’s authority, and unwilling to do harm, even if the church tells me to do it.
As Lynnette has pointed out, it’s possible to have a testimony of the church and still believe it is capable of being wrong on a specific point. I have a witness of the gospel, but that just does not include a witness that homosexuality is wrong, or that gay people should give up on romantic partnership. So it’s not quite as tidy as choosing between two squares, one with a big WRONG sign, and on with a big RIGHT sign. I can choose to believe that my conscience has been misled by worldly ideologies and follow church authority; or I can choose to believe that church authority has been misled by worldly prejudice and follow my conscience. In this case, after a lot of prayer, struggle, wrestling, and discomfort, I’ve chosen the latter. Please don’t reduce this to me just going with what makes me feel good and comfortable.
Rob Osborn:
Please correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t the 1/3 in the premortal existence follow Lucifer because they chose absolute, unmalleable obedience to authority (guaranteed salvation) over agency, not because Lucifer “[had them] believe homosexual acts and same sex marriage is right and just and that they (homosexuals) too can and should be so endowed with children and be crowned for righteous sake along with their children?”
Furthermore, do you not see the irony in accusing others of being prideful when you have clearly placed yourself on a pedestal of “crowning righteousness” that no hopeless homosexual could possibly ever reach? Yikes man…
@Melyngoch:
You are correct that it is possible the Brethren are wrong (we do not believe in infallible leaders, after all). But in my life I have seen a number of people come and go who said, “The Church is true but the Prophet is wrong on this issue.” It ends, almost invariably, with that same person ultimately saying, whether months or years later, that the Church isn’t true. That is the worry and concern I feel for those I see saying things along those lines.
Contrast that with some of the reactions to those who had spiritual or logical confirmations that the policy on blacks and the priesthood would change. Almost all of them recognized that their personal revelation on the policy was just that – personal. They did not speak out, again with rare exceptions, against the Church’s policy.
You may make this wager, and that is great if that is the way the Lord is leading you. And yes, by all means, act with charity, inclusiveness, and generosity. Sacrifice your comfort for the benefits of others. Those who genuinely believe this policy to be of God also agree with that behavior – we must be loving.
Where we disagree is in trust of the institution. I believe that the Church is God’s Kingdom on Earth. I believe that He is able to get His work fine through it, and if there is a problem He can fix it without me attempting to exceed my stewardship. I believe that, by supporting this policy, I am trusting the Lord that He loves His children and this is an act of love even if I might not understand it. And (and this is an important point I think is often missed) I believe that He is able to make up the difference in the individual lives of those who may be hurt by this policy (whether it is a mistake or not).
I believe this because I have felt this in my own life, as I have been hurt. I know that He can make ALL things right, and that includes mistakes by those in authority. I don’t think this is a mistake, but whether it is or isn’t a mistake I know that He will be there helping each person affected in the perfect way for them (and, if we are lucky and attentive, we may be able to assist Him in that).
Rather than focus on the divide, instead focus on the common ground. Demonstrating love and compassion, with a prayer that the Savior will comfort those who are hurting and that He will ensure that no tears are wasted. Let’s have people on both sides together look for individual needs and meet them with love, rather than spending our time bickering over policy.
Anyhow, that is my two cents.
R Osborn,
I’m not sure if you were writing to me, and so this may seem impertinent:
There is no possibility that the church is right, when the Savior whose church it is would never support the new policy.
And that’s all.
Does anyone remember the part in Huckleberry Finn, where Huck is weighing his conscience (which tells him to free a black slave who’s been kind to him) against the religious morals he was raised with (which told him he would go to hell if he did so)?
Remember the part where he was like “Alright then, I’ll go to Hell?”
That was a level of moral courage I can only aspire to.
But if the “god” who “inspired” this policy is the one who judges me in the next life, then I will spit in his face. As someone who’s part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and has seen and dealt with the collateral damage of things like this, there is a lot of blood on his hands.
I love this post and agree wholeheartedly.
Along with Pascal and Huck Finn, I think about it in terms of means and ends. Many people think that cruel means are justified if the ends are good. I believe Jesus taught that the means ARE the ends.
I would rather be merciful here and now as much as I know how to do. If that gets me in trouble in the future, I will have been wrong out of compassion. And if God’s not OK with compassion, then God’s not much of a God I care to follow anyway.
Also, there’s a whole other argument about whether or not cruel means can even bring about the positive ends they intend, but that’s for another time.