Zelophehad’s Daughters

Seven Modest Outfits from the Golden Globes

Posted by Melyngoch

Sometimes it feels like “modest Hollywood” is an oxymoron. But this year, the stars at the Golden Globes proved that you can be modest even while putting on your swankiest get-up to get hammered and congratulate your filthy rich, extravagant selves on just being your filthy rich, extravagant selves. We at ZD tip our hats to these modest stars!

 

Beau Bridges

Look how Beau Bridges’ baggy pants leave everything about his legs to the imagination! We’re proud of you for resisting the pressure to tailor your $200,000 suit. Modesty in action. (Yeah, we’re looking at you, Jonah Hill.)

 

Usher, your understated diamond brooch really completes this totally modest formal look that cost several times more than most of our cars. (It’s too bad your hand tattoos mean you’re a terrible person and must be shunned.)

 

Nothing says “modesty” like a $35,000 green velvet tuxedo jacket! Way to cover up those glorious pecs, McConaughey.

 

James’ Spader’s enormous cummerbund is like the opposite of a bare midriff.

 

Michael Fassbender’s sunglasses and beard really go the extra mile in modestly not showing skin! Still, this just gets a %90 on the modesty curve– if only he’d gotten some mittens so his large manly sexy hands wouldn’t have just been hanging out there reminding us how also large and manly and sexy his [REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED]

 

Nick Offerman’s gentle masculine modesty is beautifully accentuated by how Megan Mullaly is basically dressed like a streetwalker.

 

No one, especially not the supermodels he’s taken on extravagant private island getaway vacations, could ever accuse Leo of immodesty!

 

24 Responses to “Seven Modest Outfits from the Golden Globes”

  1. 1.

    I thought you actually had something here but it’s all just sarcasm.

  2. 2.

    hahahaha!! Excellent, Melyngoch!

  3. 3.

    [golf clap]

    For my part, I was far too busy reading my scriptures and instructing my children in gospel principles to even notice that the Golden Globes were on. Totally too busy, yep.

  4. 4.

    PDE, you have a point. When Mark Ruffalo was on the list, then we had something here. Hoo-boy. Unfortunately he had to be cut for showing a little too much wrist.

  5. 5.

    You forgot to mention how Camila Alves is *the* definition of sexymodest. I see an I-15 billboard in her future!

  6. 6.

    Brilliant, Melyngoch!

  7. 7.

    “Jame’s Spader’s enormous cumberbund is like the opposite of a bare midriff.”

    No truer words have ever been spoken.

  8. 8.

    True story: I wore a sparkly silver cummerbund for my Junior High choir performance.

    Facetious comment: I have never felt more modest in my life.

  9. 9.

    As internet-grade sarcasm goes, this would be quite modest, except for the brilliant concept. Nicely done.

  10. 10.

    I hope everyone has also seen this: http://www.theonion.com/articles/mandatory-unisex-golden-globes-uniforms-keep-focus,34938/

    Though that fails to highlight the wonderful one-two gender/class combo that allows us to forget every original meaning of the word modesty. Well done, Melyngoch!

  11. 11.

    No sarcasm here, just satire. Brilliant satire!

  12. 12.

    Yeah, you need to take this post down ASAP because it is causing all kinds of impure thoughts. To wit: the space between the caption under Nick Offerman and Megan Mullaly and the picture of Leonardo DiCaprio clearly represents the warm welcome of a supermodel’s vagina. When you look at Leo’s face, you know he’s thinking about it.

    When you post pictures of Leo, his tacit thoughts are YOUR responsibility. Shame on all Zelophehad’s wanton offspring.

  13. 13.

    Outstanding! As per usual.

  14. 14.

    this is ridiculous! everyone knows women don’t have sex drives and don’t notice or care how men dress.

    (ending sarcasm, the michael fassbender one had me laughing off my couch)

  15. 15.

    all of those men made me sin with their sexy sexy naked eyes, they should all have blankets over their heads.

  16. 16.

    LOVE. thank you.

  17. 17.

    Yeah, Lisa, I left Idris Elba off of this list for a reason. If that man is going to insist on going around showing his whole face in public, no one is going to be convinced that he’s modest, no matter how many expensive imported faux-disheveled suits he wears over the rest of his body.

  18. 18.

    I took a look at the LDS Living article and thought that a lot of Mormons would consider Jessica Lange’s dress too deep-cut, and Zoey Dechanel’s dress has such a wide neck and large sleeve openings that it wouldn’t work well with garments. I laughed when I saw Julia Roberts–she looks like all the Mormon girls I’ve ever seen wear a shirt under an evening gown to cover up more.

    Thanks for the smiles.

  19. 19.

    Leo’s got the deacon stance down pat, to boot. And the way he’s looking off in the distance and not staring down the pew is also highly commendable. Helps the congregants not feel so rushed.

  20. 20.

    I couldn’t get past the first picture. Beau Bridges’ feet. Whew. Those are some shoes.

  21. 21.

    That was the best!

  22. 22.

    Well, Melyngoch, I appreciate this heart-warming display of modesty, but the various uncovered body parts or close-fitting garments still send my mind to places it shouldn’t go. Which is why I’m very appreciative of some of the efforts of my work colleagues to be more modest.

    http://www.wolfhazmat.de/interspiro/Trekkchem_Light.jpg

  23. 23.

    Oh my. Just puled up that LDS Living article, out of curiosity and was appalled to find that most of the comments were about how immodest the gowns shown were.
    *headdesk*

  24. 24.

    So wot about the chicks? dont they rate a mention?

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