Today is a day when I wish to honor the crowning glory of God’s creation, that being which is supernal among God’s children, whose qualities mirror as no others’ do the supreme love, grace, and dignity of its creator; whose elegance, gentleness of soul, and unique reproductive capacities bespeak its divine origins. I speak of course of Wombat, the shnuffliest and burrowingest of all Australian mammals, the most pudgy-nosed and adorable. God indeed has a special love for his wombats.
So sacred is Wombat in God’s plan that it may not even be mentioned in scripture, lest we sully its gentle name. Knowing the coarse insults to which his own name would be put, God has seen fit to limit the amount of light and knowledge we may garner about the sacred role and divine potential of the wombats around us. We do not speak often of a Heavenly Wombat in the Sky, but we are sure that there is one, as sure as we are that God keeps a well-appointed menagerie of dinosaurs, mastodons, and other extinct species, and that in heaven, kittens are kittens forever and never grow up into cats. We feel these things are true in the whisperings of the marsupial heart which beats in all of us who will nurture such better-evolved instincts.
You who are so fortunate to have a wombat which has deigned to grace your life with its presence, remember always the celestial responsibility afforded you by the privilege of associating with this sweet and sage marsupial. Treat it always with gentleness and respect; reverence its impressive claws for burrowing, its backwards-facing pouch, its nocturnal habits (though watching out especially for those claws; also keep in mind that wombats can use their hind legs to crush the skulls of predators).
Remember, the world would have wombats believe they are less than people because they are not allowed to vote, hold public office, own property, or work in most occupations, but we, through the restored gospel, know better. We recognize in wombats the divine role that is theirs, not to win prestige in human society, but to love and support the people around them; to provide an entertaining diversion, be super cute in YouTube videos, and adorn the internet (and the occasional zoo) with the kind of sweet, delightful presence that Wombat alone truly embodies. Shower love and affection on the wombats in your life. Feed them a variety of mixed wild grasses, give them rocks to sharpen their claws on, and sometimes scratch them just over the nose; they seem to like that. Do all these things, and when the final day of reckoning comes and you stand at the eternal bar with your Father, your Mother, and your Wombat-in-Heaven, you will not need to dig an extensive burrow-like system of tunnels to hide, in shame.