Zelophehad’s Daughters

The Fourteen Fundamentals of Following the Bloggernacle

Posted by Melyngoch

First: What happens on the bloggernacle, stays on the bloggernacle.

Second: The latest comment will be more controversial than the original post.

Third: The current post is more important to us than whatever we said last week.

Fourth: If the prophet leads the church astray, the bloggernacle will be sure to point it out. (Also, even if he doesn’t.)

Fifth: The commenter is not required to have any particular credentials or training in order to call the original poster to repentance.

Sixth: The commenter does not have to say “This is just my opinion” for it to be just her opinion.

Seventh: Whether you need to know it, or want to know it, or wish you’d never heard it, you can find someone on the bloggernacle vehemently defending it.

Eighth: The feminism of the bloggernacle  is not limited by men’s reasoning.

Ninth: The bloggernacle  can start flame wars on any matter – temporal, spiritual, ontological, ecumenical, grammatical, fiscal, or edible.

Tenth: The blogger may be involved in your local congregation. (Little do you know!)

Eleventh: The two groups who have the most difficulty following the bloggernacle  are the proud who are Correlated and the proud who still have dial-up.

Twelfth: The bloggernacle will not be popular with the popular.

Thirteenth: The bloggernacle and its blogs make up the unwashed masses – the lowest quorum in the church.

Fourteenth: Threats will get you nowhere.

23 Responses to “The Fourteen Fundamentals of Following the Bloggernacle”

  1. 1.

    This changed my life.

  2. 2.

    Excellent stuff, Melyngoch!

  3. 3.

    It’s just my opinion, but this is pretty awesome.

  4. 4.

    If the prophet leads the church, astray the bloggernacle will be sure to point it out. (Also, even if he doesn’t.)


  5. 5.

    Reading this made my day!

  6. 6.

    LOL at the dial up reference :-)

  7. 7.

    I am framing this to hang on my virtual wall right next to my framed portrait of Steve Evans and my framed picture of Microsoft headquarters.

  8. 8.

    This is just my opinion, but repent or else! I’m in your ward, you know, and I know your Stake President’s great uncle, Elder Packer’s assistant…

  9. 9.

    Does this mean I can’t make snarky comments here about that stupid comma between “church” and “astray”?

    Or does “astray” somehow modify “the bloggernacle”? (Though the usage is odd, the sentiment is apt.)

  10. 10.


  11. 11.

    Nice strawman.

  12. 12.

    Fifteenth: Resistance to the bloggernacle is futile.

  13. 13.

    If this were published on another blog, then I would KNOW we should be paying attention to this post.

  14. 14.

    (Although I do think there’s a popularity scale on the ‘Nacle. Have you ever heard of BCC?)

  15. 15.

    The Ninth is deficient. You must add “cosmological.”

  16. 16.

    #14 yeah, we’re sort of a big deal.

  17. 17.


    i. Critiquing grammar, spelling, and typos is the easiest way to avoid critiquing content.

    ii. Responding to the strawman version of the blogger in your head is always easier than responding to the real one.

    iii. BCC has many leather-bound books, and their blog smells of rich mahogany.

  18. 18.

    Who’s the more foolish? The fool, or the fool who follows him?

  19. 19.

    Dear Mark B.,

    I’ll see your mote and raise you one beam:


  20. 20.

    Melyngoch, Melyngoch. Some posts that are true are just not very . . . useful. :P

    We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little blog, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise their admin powers to silence all disagreeing voices.

    No power in the bloggernacle ought to be maintained by the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by flames, pile-ons, gratuitous insults, out-of-context quotes, threats of physical or ecclesiastical violence, and IP bans.

  21. 21.

    Love this thread.

    Kaimi, FTW!

  22. 22.

    Well that got me through an hour of church.

  23. 23.

    What a great comment. Unfortunately, I have not been able to sit through an hour straight undisturbed of church since, well PEC several months ago. And with the new changes to PEC, it could be a long time before my 4 year old decides to allow me to sit through a full hour. Maybe next year.
    Or maybe I should try to pick up the wireless signal from the evangelical church across the street during the next boring talk?

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