Nacle Notebook 2019: Funniest Comments

This post is my annual compilation of the funniest comments and bits of posts that I read on the Bloggernacle in the past year. In case you haven’t read them yet, here are links to compilations for previous years: 2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008.

Most of these are excerpts from longer comments or posts. I’ve made each person’s name a link to the original source, so you can go and read them in their original context if you want. Also, the comments are in roughly chronological order.

Comments on Sam Brunson’s post “Call for guest posts: #TeachingPrimaryCFM” at BCC:

• JR:

[responding to the suggestion that a child could only sit still for as many minutes as they were old]

Great suggestion. I’ll be 72 this year and not old enough for 2-hour church.

• Cate:

I taught the Valiant 9 class last year . . . . [at] the monthly teacher council, . . . . we all came in there with different challenges. The gospel doctrine teachers are asking themselves, How can I make this new and interesting to people who have heard it so many times before? The youth teachers are asking, How can I get my kids to see that this really does apply to them? And the primary teacher is asking, How can I get my students to sit at the table instead of under the table?

• GG:

I was teaching 8 yr olds . . . about the miraculous occurrences at the Kirtland Temple dedication. I was using all of my story telling skills in hopes of providing a relatable experience for about ten. After telling the kids about some at the dedication speaking in toungues, the appearance of an angel, and the visions and miracles that occurred, the kids were quiet, still, and ostensibly attentive. I thought I had ‘em. Then one boy raised his hand. I knew him to be a smart kid. I expected him to ask who the angel was. When I called on him, he very matter of factly asked, “Brother G, did you know I’m going to Disneyland next week?”

Comments on Sam Brunson’s post “Soon We Can No Longer Meet in Public” at BCC:

• Sam Brunson:

[Responding to a commenter named Braaaaiinnnnns who claimed that Sam had overlooked the zombie apocalypse in his analysis of the rumor that soon the government will ban public church meetings]

Honestly, Braaaaiinnnnns, I can never remember whether we’re pre-zombie-Millennialists or post-zombie-Millennialists.

• Conrad Deitrick:

As a trusts and estates lawyer, I can only imagine the chaos that the zombie apocalypse will cause to my practice area.

• jader3rd:

[explaining how it will come about that Church members will no longer be able to meet in public]

The President of the Church receives revelation that temple goers should have as much commitment as the Anti-Nephi-Lehi’s; which buried their weapons. So a new question gets added to the temple recommend interview which is “Have you buried your guns and any other military class weaponry?” . . . .
Multiple families then sue the church on the grounds of having received harm from no longer being in leadership positions, no longer being able to attend their granddaughters’ weddings, and their grandsons aren’t going on missions as was expected. . . .

The Religious Right on the Supreme Court side with the families because of all of those places in the Bible where Jesus clearly stated the importance of being able to kill other people with as great as ease as possible, is a vital aspect to following Him; and the damage that religions with continuing revelation can cause on citizens right to the Freedom of Religion (ie, the religion they wanted was forcefully taken away from them).

That way only religions which have continuing revelation can have their US based assets seized; and religions which have a closed cannon are not in danger of violating Constitutional rights.

Angela C., commenting on Cory’s post “Changing the Ordinances” at W&T:

I have to think that if Joseph had a Urim & Thummim, Brigham had a bad idea generator, and he kept it cranking day & night: the Deseret Alphabet, sugar production from beets, cohabitational polygamy, the priesthood ban, the prediction we’d have missionaries on the moon, etc, etc.

TL, commenting on Jared Cook’s post “The Pitfalls of Grading in Religious Education” at BCC:

My main memory of BYU religion classes . . . was that my BOM teacher, Byron Merrill, told us very seriously that ALL LIARS WILL BE THRUST DOWN TO HELL. I wasn’t sure what to do with that information because I’m fairly certain that we don’t actually believe in the standard Christian concept of hell, but who knows, maybe if I had taken a better D&C class later I would have learned that.

Rebecca J, in her post “When saw we thee a minister, and let thee in?” at BCC:

In the words of puppy-dog-eyes Jesus, I never said it would be easy, I only said you had to do it anyway.

Bishop Bill, in his post “Punting into the Next Life” at W&T:

We as Mormon’s should be at the fore front of protecting our planet, but sadly we are not. It is because Christ is coming soon, and he will destroy the earth with fire anyway (the ultimate global warming!)

Mike, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Saturday’s Warrior Redux” at W&T:

The Saturday’s Warrior theology ran rampant among me and my peers at that time. . . . My cousin went on a date with this dude who told her he had prayed fervently and received a revelation that they had promised each other in the pre-existence to get married. She famously told him if she had been that stupid in the pre-existence, she was sure as hell not going to make the same mistake again in this life.

Comments on Ziff’s post “Mormon Titles, Very Slightly Revised”:

• BKP:

To Young Men Only – I’m not touching that one.

• Too far?:

Once I Was a Beehive (several months before my 15th birthday) Helen is mad that she can’t attend girls camp any more due to a prior engagement.

• Ardis:

“The Day Dawn Is Breaking”: Tense short story about a tough girl’s planned escape from reform school.

Rebbie Brassfield, in her post “When the Primary President Doesn’t Love Kids” at BCC:

I reject the idea of a punishing God, but have you taught a dozen Sunbeams on a moment’s notice?

EOR, commenting on Rebbie Brassfield’s post:

I don’t like groups of children. Frankly, I don’t like groups of adults either, but there at least a much less performative aspect there.

Em, in her post “Victory is Near” at the Exponent:

[She reinterprets WWII propaganda posters to fit in church settings. The whole post is hilarious!]

It isn’t easy to know when to quit bearing testimony, and some people definitely go too long. This helpful reminder, posted on the podium, will keep things appropriately succinct.

Rebecca J, in her post “Book review: And It Was Very Good” at BCC:

[Reviewing an LDS sex manual]

Personally, I would rather not imagine my parents when receiving detailed sex advice (rejected blog post title: “What If Your Parents Wrote a Sex Manual and No One Came?”)

. . . . Other rejected titles for this post: Yes, Brigham, That Is the Place; The G(ospel) Spot; Let Us All Get It On

Anne, commenting on Rebecca J’s post:

Roses are red
But I don’t want
LDS specifics
Of advice in bed

Geoff – Aus, commenting on J. Stapley’s post “Notes on the history of missionary correspondence” at BCC:

When I was on my mission . . . . My district leader . . . had his girlfriend from california visit. They went off together for a week. I was not righteous enough to make DL.

Ellen, in her post “Fruit Basket” at the Exponent:

As a youth I participated in the traditional Christmas caroling, and I remember taking fruit baskets to the elderly. You know, the geezers of the ward that maybe didn’t get nutritious food very often, or maybe didn’t have all their teeth or something. Then I grew up, and as a young women leader I became the one that assembled the fruit baskets for the kids to deliver. I tried to choose good looking fruits for the geriatric population of the ward, feeling rather sorry for the pitiful people that got fruits instead of cookies, because you know, diabetes. Little did I realize that my husband and i have somehow become fruit basket recipients! I don’t quite know how it happened. Some life transitions are well defined: Kid, Teen, Grownup, Parent, Parent of Teenagers, Grandparent (the best), Empty Nester (pro tip: buy a toaster oven). Each of these transitions comes with lots of advice from friends and family, articles online with coping skills, a variety of pros and cons. I have never seen an article about gracefully transitioning into a fruit basket recipient.

Mike, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Sealing of Parents to Children” at W&T:

Some well meaning family genealogist found the names of the yoke of male oxen who pulled the wagon across the plains and put them on the family group sheet. Another generation sealed the oxen to the parents. After quite a few decades they unsealed the oxen and kicked them out of heaven. I hope the oxen didn’t make too big of a mess during their sojourn there.

Mike R., commenting on Ardis E. Parshall’s post “That Time Hugh Hefner Showed Up in Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought. Sort of.” at Keepapitchinin:

[The post showed an ad for Dialogue from 1970 that includes some FAQ, including the question of whether Dialogue featured Hugh Hefner.]

With an ad this suggestive, maybe I should clarify that I only read Dialogue for the articles.

Em, in her post “Facts of Life for LDS Teens” at the Exponent:

[She reviews a chapter from a 1969 book whose subtitle is her post title.]

Discussion Questions

How has your education prepared you to listen raptly to your husband telling you about his interests, accomplishments and projects? How much education is necessary for this to be successful? For instance, the author of this blog post has a PhD in history, a subject that is really not interesting to her husband at all. Am I nevertheless better able to be a flattering listener? Or did I take things too far?

Rebecca J, in her post “50 Minute Primary: Friend or Fiend?”:

[D]itching sharing time was a good call. (It was exactly what I did in my Fantasy Two Hour Church planning sessions of yore. COINCIDENCE? Or the Holy Spirit pouring itself out upon the world? You decide.)

Larryco_, commenting on Rebecca J’s post:

I was asked to sub this past Sunday an hour before church. Fortunately it was the CTR7 class, because it’s much easier to teach than the CTW7 (Choose The Wrong) class.

Comments on Mary Ann’s post “Goodbye LDS.org: Name Changes for Church’s Website and Other Official Media Channels” at W&T:

• Benjamin:

What do I get for a lifetime of service to the Church? carpal tunnel from typing the stupid domain name.

• John:

It is still not the name of the church as requested by Jesus Christ himself. Partial victory for Satan.

JR, commenting on Mette Ivie Harrison’s post “Exhausted Heaven” at BCC:

I used to have to leave priesthood meeting for the singing. In my ward the brethren could sing east Indian quarter tones without knowing it and could stay in 40 different keys from beginning to end of the hymn. . . . ([E]ven a tone-deaf guy in our priesthood meeting said the singing was an insult to God.)

Happy Hubby, commenting on Anonymous Former Bishop’s post “Dear Elna Baker” at W&T:

[M]y bishop in most of my time in the YM had a deal where if you confessed masturbation, he asked you when you shook his hand that if things were going good, to give him a solid handshake. But if things were not, give a limp hand indicating you needed to talk. ALL of the YM would look really close to see how all the other YM shook the bishop’s hand. Some would even exaggerate and really shake the bishop’s hand really hard with lots of arm movement to show the other YM “I am CLEARLY OK.”

Wilfried Decoo, commenting on his own post “Interesting times for linguists” at T&S:

[On the issue of the name of the Church and how it should be translated]

I agree that translations simply saying ‘modern’ or ‘contemporary’ miss something of the polysemy of ‘latter-day.’ But moving to “The Church of Jesus Christ of Apocalyptic Saints” is not possible either. [Single quotes added where italics appear in original.]

Dave B., in his post “Judge Your Neighbor” at W&T:

[In the post, he points out that the Come Follow Me manual takes the “Judge not” scripture and turns it around to say that it’s telling us we should judge.]

It’s as if the manual were to take the clear statement in Exodus 20:13, “Thou shalt not kill,” and say: In this scripture, God seems to be telling us not to kill, but clearly there’s a lot of killing going on in the Old Testament, so what God is really saying is the we should not kill unrighteously. We should kill righteous killing. That’s what God really meant. We should kill righteously.

hawkgrrrl, in her post “10 Ways to Increase Temple Attendance” at W&T:

• Add a drive thru option

• Premium seating up front for gross tithe payers vs. net including bottled water and lap blanket

• Surprise twist ending added to the temple film

Comments on hawkgrrrl’s post:

• TheMagicRat:

Frequent attendees status levels. My suggestion would be three…Sun, Moon and Stars. Once you reach the attendance requirements for a given level in a calendar year, you receive a new recommend in the mail acknowledging your achievement. These special recommends will also unlock certain perks (dependant on level) within the temple such as free popcorn, express lanes at the recommend desk and veil, upgrades to premium seating (including luxury boxes in certain temples) in the endowment and sealing rooms, private locker rooms, and access to VIP section of the Celestial Room.

• Jack Hughes:

-The highest award points and status levels can be redeemed for a Second Anointing or the option to be sealed to the dead celebrity/historical figure of your choice
-The progressive nature of the endowment can be easily modified into an Escape Room game, to make things more interesting

• Sad but true:

How about bringing back the top floor dance hall for some post-endowment exercise?
https://mormonheretic.org/2009/12/14/dancing-in-the-temple-and-other-changes-over-the-years/

“After dancing a few figures, President Young called the attention of the whole company, and then gave them a message, or this import, viz; that this temple was a Holy place, and that when we danced, we danced unto the Lord, and that no person would be allowed to come on to this floor, and afterwards mingle with the wicked. He said the wicked had no right to dance, that dancing and music belonged to the Saints.”

• Susan Brown:

Background music of “go to” Mormon music, including a “little bit country/little bit rock and roll” (i.e., Donny/Marie). Include tunes of “Stairway to Heaven” or “Highway to Hell” to help attendees with thought-provoking choices.

• Fred VII:

A phylactery broadening machine would be nice.

Dave C, commenting on Dave B.’s post “It’s Not a Miracle” at W&T:

[Describing a type of spiritual manifestation]

the type that if you mentioned it to a member of the Q-15 they would say that’s nice, but keep it to yourself (and if you don’t, they ‘ll cast you out to the buffetings of Denver Snuffer)

nobody, really, commenting on Mette Harrison’s post “Higher Law Mormons” at BCC:

[Explaining what will happen when the Saints go back to Missouri]

Those who do not have a two-year supply will be left behind to suffer the indignity of having been judged and been found wanting, and the plagues of the Old Testament will be poured out upon the heads of anyone who doesn’t have freeze-dried Chicken ala King to meet their nutritional needs.

Angela C, commenting on Dave B.’s post “LDS Church Rescinds the November Policy” at W&T:

I’m starting to think “inspired by revelation” means something similar to “inspired by Jimi Hendrix lyrics.”

Left Field, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Conference Rumors Winners and Losers” at W&T:

[Commenting on President Nelson telling people not to make joyful sounds when he announced temples]

I was once watching conference when GBH announced a temple to be built a few yards from the chapel I was sitting in. There was definitely a joyful outburst. How are they going to do the hosanna shout at these new temples? Everyone quietly writes the words on a piece of paper?

BigSky, commenting on Angela C’s post “Sunday Dress” at BCC:

After my first term back at school post mission, I was home for the holidays. I wore a blue shirt with my suite and matching tie to church. I liked the look. I later found out it it caused my mother much anxiety and stress. In my rural conservative home ward, I learned that evidently I was signalling rebellion and members murmured behind my back–they were sure I was unworthy and living a wild life at The BYU.

TBM, commenting on Lynnette’s post “Praying Like a Mormon” at ZD:

Once, in a public prayer, I said “Bless these donuts that they will nourish and strengthen our bodies, and, what I mean when I say this is, Please transubstantiate these donuts into broccoli and kale when they enter our stomachs and no sooner.”

Kristine, commenting on Angela C’s post “When in Romans” at BCC:

In The Devil’s Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce defines Puritanism as the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. I think sometimes that Mormonism is a haunting fear that someone, somewhere will not have to pay for their sins by being a Ward Clerk or Webelos den leader…

jpv, commenting on hawkgrrrl’s post “The Progressive Fallout” at W&T:

conservative-mos* . . .

*”Mo” is short for MOTCOJCOLDS of course.

Michael Austin, in his post “Things that Aren’t Religious Freedom” at BCC:

The right to speed to church and not get a ticket.

JLM, commenting on Jared Cook’s post “Designing the Scriptures” at BCC:

Mine would would play “Scripture Power” every time you opened it like those musical greeting cards.

Eugene, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “All God’s Children?” at W&T:

The T-rex and Toronto Raptor will lie down together and eat avacado maki.

queuno, commenting on Sam Brunson’s post “Who Wears a Bow Tie? A Completely Unscientific Internet Poll.” at BCC:

There’s this one guy who has amazing abs and who likes to wear a shirt at least a size small. Bow tie, no jacket, grips the podium when he talks or prays to help flex his arms.

Dave B., in his post “Out With the Old, In With the New: ComeUntoChrist replaces Mormon dot Org” at W&T:

[Commenting on the three sections in the site: Believe, Belong, and Become]

I’m thinking maybe they could add a Behave page and maybe even a Beware page.

Comments on Dave B.’s post:

• Angela C. [responding to a previous commenter who said the new site looked like it was geared toward evangelicals]:

Lie down with Evangelicals, and you might just catch Sola Scriptura!

• KLC [responding to Dave’s argument that “unto” is too much]:

Dave, you have it all wrong, we need to dress it up even more to make it the verbal equivalent of the those outmoded horizontal swag pleated curtains someone in SLC loves to use in temples and other places to suggest elegance and refinement on a celestial plane.

I suggest SupernallyEvenVerilyComeUntoChrist.org

hawkgrrrl, in her post “Easily Offended” at W&T:

“He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” Brigham Young, in between saying plenty of pretty offensive things.

HeavenIsaMystery, commenting on John C.’s post “Monday Morning Theological Poll: Also-Ran Edition” at BCC:

I just want to go where there is dinosaur breeding. Whoever gets the largest sauropod species wins. That is the pinnacle of the celestial kingdom.

Left Field, commenting on Rick B’s post “First Vision Conflicts” at W&T:

I typed up a response that went on for several paragraphs. Took me a half hour at least. It was a brilliant piece that would have lain all dissent to rest. Then I accidentally clicked on the wrong thing and like the Book of Lehi, it’s gone forever. I’ve got other stuff to do now, and I don’t have the energy to recreate it. Maybe sometime later, I can post a small-plates version. Maybe that future version will be identical in all respects to the first account. Or maybe the accounts will differ. In the meantime, you’ll just have to accept on faith that it was brilliant.

Bishop Bill, in his post “Dear John” at W&T:

When I was on my mission I received a “Dear John” letter from my girlfriend. . . . Soon after I left, she started going out with one of my best friends . . . . They ended up getting married in the Oakland Temple about a year into my mission. . . . they were at my homecoming talk in Sacrament meeting. I didn’t have the guts to say in my talk: “It’s so good to be back and see everybody, especially my girlfriend and her husband”.

Ardis E. Parshall, in her post “On the Sacred Nature of Gelatin Desserts” at Keepapitchinin:

What does the institutional Church have to do with Jell-O? Is there a revealed doctrine of gelatin salads?

Fix LDS hymns, commenting on Ziff’s post “Two Songs I Hope Don’t Make It into the Children’s Songbook” at ZD:

I hate how reverence gets equated with shutting up. My kids came home from primary with a Caught Being Reverent award. I asked them what they were thinking about. They responded Minecraft!

lastlemming, commenting on Dave B.’s post “The Church Is Not One Thing, It Is a Collection of Many Things” at W&T:

Stake seventies went away in 1986, so 1.3 generations ago. I now have the rare distinction of having been kicked out of two different quorums.

Mapinguari, commenting on Sam Brunson’s post “Heatwave!” at BCC:

It’s difficult to view the garment as sacred or holy when it is constantly all up in my business in my nether regions.

L-dG, commenting on John C.’s post “Monday Morning Theological Poll: Decider Edition” at BCC:

I mostly just go by the condition of the entrails of the sacrificial beast. Haruspicy gets little love these days, but I never feel so close to the gods as when I’m elbow-deep in the slippery innards of a sheep.

phbrown, commenting on Emily Jensen’s post “‘You have been scheduled . . .'” at BCC:

[On getting people to clean the church]

The needs of the individual are subordinate to the needs of the organization. Those who can get the most blood from the turnips rise in the management hierarchy.

Talon, commenting on Dave B.’s post “Review: Gay Rights and the Mormon Church” at W&T:

[Responding to a previous commenter who had said “I knew by his dog whistle which side of the apostate fence he is whistling from.”]

Apostate Dog Whistle is a great band name.

April Young Bennett, in her post “Top 10 Reasons I Didn’t Read the OP before I Commented” at the Exponent:

Reading would have left me with less time for writing and I wanted to write a comment that was at least as long as the OP.

I am trying to follow prophetic counsel to limit time on social media, so I quit reading and limit myself to mansplaining.

Dog Spirit, commenting on John C.’s post “Monday Morning Theological Poll: Sinful Stratification Edition” at BCC:

Assuming the sins are arranged alphabetically, the sins next to murder would be moneychanging in the temple and murmuring. By my calculations, the sins next to the sins next to murder would therefore be mischief-making and necromancy.

Dave B., in his post “Word of Wisdom, Meet Romans” at W&T:

[Wondering about senior Church leaders releasing a statement reiterating the Church’s commitment to the Word of Wisdom in light of contradictory passages like Peter’s vision and Jesus’s statement about defilement not coming from food]

[M]aybe they apply the updated 8th Article of Faith: “Sometimes we believe the Bible to be the Word of God, other times we just ignore it.” Or . . . maybe God, observing the habits and practices of Christians since the first century, decided that maybe food taboos weren’t such a bad idea after all, so in 1833 told Joseph Smith, “Hey, I’m back in the clean and unclean foods business, slightly updated.”

MTodd, commenting on Dave B.’s post:

[M]aybe when General Conference comes around, when President Nelson stands to give his first talk, Ashton Kutcher will jump out and shout, “You’ve been punked!” and they’ll announce that we can now drink coffee, tea, and “mild barley drinks”

hawkgrrrl, in her post “What’s the Point of Priesthood?” at W&T:

[On how ordaining most men in the Church puts a priesthood holder in most Church members’ homes]

If you have a child to baptize, a sick or injured family member, a demonic possession, or what have you, you have your own Priesthood holder right there, ready to handle it. No need to bake a lasagna to the Parish Priest to coax him into swinging by with a vial of holy water.

John C., in his post “Monday Morning Theological Poll: Planetary Paragon Edition” at BCC:

[An answer to his poll question “What is the status of salvation for God’s worlds without number?”]

They have to come to Earth to receive saving ordinances (hence alien encounters)

Comments on John C.’s post:

• A Turtle Named Mack:

[On the possibility of a Savior on one world saving beings on another world]

Imagine being on Earth, believing that someone on an alien world died for your sins, with no idea where that other world was (or even evidence that there were other worlds with human-like beings). You would be viewed as some crackpot that the missionaries should avoid. Or, imagine our Church leaders preaching that there were other Prophets on other planets, and then starting to quote them in the next General Conference. Suddenly, the focus on using the full name of the Church would get lost.

• Moss:

I’m going with #5 [There’s one Savior for each universe, but not each world]. Sing with me!
“Jesus loves the little Klingons!
All the Klingons on Kronos!”

Mike R., commenting on Ziff’s post “Updated List of Items Prohibited at Church” at ZD:

Wait, is it the swords or the angels that are supposed to be flaming? I’m sure there’s an open flames policy that would apply in either case. Of course the real risk is that you might be tempted to cook something. Flaming swords/angels are to be used for warming and serving only.

lcn, commenting on John C.’s post “Monday Morning Theological Poll: Latter Labor Day Edition” at BCC:

Did Lucifer organize a union based on collective salvation rights?

hawkgrrrl, in her post “What’s the Point of Stake Auxiliaries?” at W&T:

Fake promotions. This sounds like I’m joking, but seriously, where do you put all the former ward leaders when they’ve kind of exhausted their ward leadership run? There are no ice floes, and you can’t put everyone in nursery.

KLC, commenting on hawkgrrrl’s post:

Most stake positions occupy a weird position in our church government. Correlation made all ward functions report directly to a bishop who reports to the stake president. The stake auxiliaries just float out there in the ether, they are the appendix in the body of Christ.

hawkgrrrl, in her post “What’s the Point of Baby Blessings?” at W&T:

[A poll response option]

To encourage having kids. Like, in the lamest way possible, but whatever. I guess they didn’t want to give out cash.

Zach, commenting on Dave B.’s post “That Sinking Feeling” at W&T:

I think the church will be pretty awesome in 20 years, I just don’t know if I will be able to sit through the next 20 years of some of the horrible things said at church. There are 4 particular people in my ward I wish someone would give one of those Priesthood euthanizing blessings to. It would make my week to week worship a little more peaceful.

Heather, in her post “Don’t Call Me Mormon!” at the Exponent:

Eugene, commenting on Jacob D’s post “What’s in a Label?” at W&T:

[Responding to a quote from a Seventy where he said he was “coming out” as struggling with attraction to his wife]

I need to come out too. I also struggle with sexual attraction. And I also struggle with eating, breathing, sleeping and staying awake during general conference.

Jonathan Green, in his post “Scouting for Life” at T&S:

Your Eagle Scout may not ever do any actual woodworking, but he will emerge with a heightened appreciation for Kafka.

Left Field, commenting on Jonathan Green’s post:

[On the issue of whether the BSA would revoke an Eagle rank for someone who was caught shoplifting]

Once you revoke one person’s Eagle for crime X, then you have to worry about everyone else who did something that may or may not be worse. . . . Then if you revoke the Eagle, does that leave the person still a Life Scout, or do you have to revoke all the other ranks too? And if you have to revoke all those ranks for every shoplifter, then do you need to determine every Tenderfoot who shoplifted so that rank can be revoked?

Wondering, commenting on Rebecca J’s post ” God the Parent” at BCC:

[On the abbreviation “KFD” that another commenter had used]

Sometimes (maybe often) I’m slow. Urban Dictionary: KFD — “kill, fetch, deliver”! 🙂

DWK, commenting on TopHat’s post “Secret Combinations” at the Exponent:

I had a bishop tell me that one of the great reasons to pray with your spouse is so you can say things to your spouse indirectly through prayer that you cannot say to them directly. Passive aggressive much?

Rockwell, commenting on hawkgrrrl’s post “Let’s Talk About Impeachment” at W&T:

To put it a bit hyperbolically, the Democratic party is, to many Mormons, The Great Satan that is going to come to your house, abort your babies, divorce you from your spouse, gay-marry you to a stranger, nationalize your self employed business as a dentist, fire you, and force you to work as a TSA agent doing full body pat downs on people of the opposite gender.

Comments on Dave B.’s post “Teach Your Children Well” at W&T:

[On the Face to Face broadcast about the new children and youth program]

The Other Clark:

30 minutes of information crammed into two hours.

Travis:

The whole presentation—the use of digital props, the MTV-like editing, the loud colors—felt like secular evangelical Christianity. I was waiting for the announcement: “We’ve invited special guest Pastor Joel Osteen…!”

Cynthia S., commenting on EmJen’s post “‘Mission President and His Wife;’ or Why Titles Matter” at BCC:

[Quoting a line in the post about the difference between names of teen girls’ and teen boys’ classes]

“The Priests and 15-18 year-old young women will be doing XXX this Wednesday.” Is this the new youth program they’ve been talking about?

Toad, commenting on at BCC:

When I was a missionary in the 90s the Provo MTC had groups showers. One Elder was perfectly normal except that he never realized that, although most men experience them, it was extremely unacceptable to shower in a group shower with a morning erection. . . . This poor Elder was stuck with the nickname Iron Rod and I don’t think he ever understood why.

hawkgrrrl, in her post “The Cult of Domesticity & ‘True’ Womanhood” at W&T:

[Her first line summarizes the “purity” pillar for women in the cult of domesticity.]

If she was successful in rejecting male seduction, however, she would be revered and respected by her potential assaulter as the preserver of virtue. Obviously, I can’t tell you how many Thank You cards I received in high school for all the advances I rebuffed!

Michael Austin, in his post “The Equal Rights Amendment, Cooties, and the Constitution” at BCC:

Sure it sounds good now to give everybody equal rights under the law, but once we let loose the monster, we cannot control it, and things could go drastically awry. There could be cooties.

Dave B., in his post “New Handbook Policies on Baptism and Sexual Orientation” at W&T:

[After mentioning that Handbook 2 has policies on parking lots]

I think we have the best parking lots in Christendom. I believe you can see them from space. I am fairly certain that having the best parking lots is a sign of the True Church.

Dave B., in his post “Thinking About $ in Church” at W&T:

What else could you think about walking into an LDS chapel last week? The closing song was Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus. Perhaps you’ve never noticed this, but the cadence fits right in with that amount. “Hal-le-lujah. Hun-dred billion. Hun-dred billion. Hun-dred billion. One hundred billion!”