Nacle Notebook 2024: Funniest Comments

This post is my annual compilation of the funniest comments (and lines in posts) that I read on the Bloggernacle last year. I’ve typically excerpted just a part of a longer comment or post. Each person’s name is a link back to the original comment or post, though, so you can go and see the larger context if you’re interested.

In case you haven’t read them yet, here are links to compilations for previous years: 2023 2022 2021 2020 2019 2018 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008.

Dave B., in his post “How to Be A Good Ex-Mormon” at W&T:

Think of the Church as a very big room, maybe the Conference Center, with a variety of exits. There’s a door marked “Catholic,” there’s a door marked “Lutheran,” there’s a door marked “my local Evangelical mega-church,” there’s a door marked “None, nada, nothing, it’s just a big empty Universe, no God, no Force.” And then there are the specifically Mormon doors, one marked “Anti, and proud of it” one marked “formally but quietly disaffiliated,” another marked “quietly went inactive,” one marked “PIMO” (you don’t really go through that door, you just look at it wistfully), one marked “they exed me” (that’s the door you get pushed through, whether you want to or not).

Abby Maxwell Hansen, in her post “The Priesthood Makes You Special” at Exponent II:

This got me thinking about the renaming of the girls’ classes from Beehive, Mia Maid and Laurel to “12- & 13-year-old class”, “14- & 15-year-old class”, and “16- & 17-year-old class”. (These new class names roll right off the tongue just like saying “I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” does.)

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “Attention Seekers” at W&T:

Someone [on Twitter] asked what was the craziest rule your mission had, and I shared our mission rule that you couldn’t attend church if you didn’t have investigators . . . . After I made that comment, a bunch of “defenders of the faith” chimed in accusing me of making it up. . . .

Though I was hated and persecuted for saying that we had this mission rule, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? We actually had this mission rule; and who am I that I can lie about it, or why does the world think to make me deny what actually happened? For we had had this mission rule; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it (and probably didn’t like it), and I could not deny it…

Joseph Smith History 1: 25, sorta

Bishop Bill, in his post “Callings” at W&T:

My creed as a bishop was to just do, then ask forgiveness after from the Stake Pres when I did something. . . . Who knew that I wasn’t supposed to let a sister in the ward become an internet minister so she could perform a wedding for some friends? That wasn’t in the handbook!

Comments on Hawkgrrrl’s post “The Weirdest Talk” at W&T:

• Gary Bergera:

Weirdest? Most memorable. In the late 1960s or early 1970s, a high councilor addressed the Edgemont 4th Ward (might’ve been 6th Ward by this time) in northeast Provo and spent most of his time summarizing Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. It was great.

• Old Man:

This first event was real although it sounds like an urban legend. About 30 years ago in a Bountiful Utah ward, a little girl (about age 5) got up and bore her testimony about how she prayed about and then searched for her lost cat. When she came to the conclusion that she finally found the missing feline in the laundry room, she concluded “And there the son of a b**** was!” I’ve never seen two proud parents shrink into the pew so rapidly!

Another time a Relief Society counselor was giving a talk about the purposes of the Relief Society. She described how rewarding a weekly origami class had been for many sisters in the ward. It wasn’t until the end of the talk that she realized that the word she had used repeatedly in her talk was not “origami” but “orgasm.” The Bishopric just sat there the entire time blushing, too stunned to react. Some Freudian slip, eh?

• lastlemming:

Note that all these stories [in this thread] are old. This is why we rehash conference talks in sacrament meeting nowadays. That way, no sacrament meeting talk can be weirder than the weirdest conference talk. (But somehow, they can still be more boring than the most boring conference talk. Go figure.)

• bazoldee:

Just last week the bishop announced that the rest hymn between the two high council speakers was to be “Let Us All Pass On”.

Georgis, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Fasting” at W&T:

We also ate a little later on Saturday . . . and had dinner at 3 or 4 on Sunday. Yes, we violated the 24 hour rule, but guess what, Mormon Pharisees? There is no 24 hour rule.

Anna, commenting on Janey’s post “Apocalypse: Secular POV” at W&T:

So, Jesus comes back and yells, “what have you children done to the earth I gave you? You’ve made a huge mess of it, that’s what! I am going to pretend I haven’t just seen this mess, and walk out of here, and when I come back in one year, I expect it to be all cleaned up. I want the pollution gone from the air, I want the plastic that is killing my animals cleaned up, and I want global warming fixed. If it don’t cleaned up when I come back, there will be no breakfast, or lunch, or supper. Ever. For any of you. Do you understand?”

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “Phobia Indoctrination” at W&T:

About a year and a half ago, I wrecked on my bike because a woman was in my path, and I had to swerve to get around her which caused my wheel to get caught. She was apologetic, but then she explained that it happened because she used birth control and God was punishing her for it (!). . . . . So, basically, according to her, I was caught in the cross-hairs of her divine punishment. I admit that I uncharitably hoped that she continued to use birth control.

Charles, commenting on Elisa’s post “Does It Matter if The Book of Mormon is “True”?” at W&T:

The bible, if absolutely nothing else, is ancient. That, in itself, is interesting and meaningful. . . .Without historicity, the BoM doesn’t have this, at least not yet! Give it a thousand years and it will be much more interesting.

Comments on Dave B.’s post “One-Hour Church?” at W&T:

• Hawkgrrrl:

[Christmas and Easter] should be choral music heavy Sundays, not talks on tithing assigned to randos, as occasionally has been the norm in the past.

• charlene:

I’m 100% for 1 hour if General Conference falls on that Sunday

A Turtle Named Mack, commenting on taylorgkerby’s post “Why does Nephi keep the sword?” at BCC:

Maybe Nephi was just a sword aficionado. His first thought at seeing Laban was “Hey, cool sword!” He was probably able to take it back and explain what was so admirable about the workmanship and show off his sword knowledge. Seems pretty typical of a know-it-all middle child. I’m sure Laman and Lemuel got a kick out of their kid brother who always carried around that dorky sword.

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “Shocking Ward Tales” at W&T, quoting Twitter user Blue Montreux:

Elder Oaks visited us, when he got up to the stand someone’s phone started going off with a loud “WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON’T HURT ME” for a few seconds. He took it in stride and went “…you know what, what *is* love?” and proceeded to give his entire talk on loving one another.

Comments on Hawkgrrrl’s post:

• Toad:

Our EQ president was speaking along with the 2nd counselor in the stake presidency in Sacrament Meeting. The EQ president always liked to joke and when he stood up he said the SP counselor was busy with his “Playboy” and that we would hear from him in a few minutes. I looked at my wife and said “did he really say that??” after which she got angry and said to get my mind out of the gutter. The EQ president delivered his talk and the SP counselor delivered his talk like nothing happened.

Later that day a very embarrassed EQ president emailed the ward and sincerely apologized. He meant to say “Gameboy” instead of “Playboy.”

• A Poor Wayfaring Stranger:

[In my BYU ward] We had sacrament meeting last. After the sacrament was through our supercilious and self-righteous 1st counselor stood up and said, “Brothers and sisters, are you aware that the kickoff for the Super Bowl will take place in approximately 15 minutes. Hahaha!” About 3/4 of the ward members got up and walked out of church. No lie! The look on the counselor’s face was one of both disbelief and horror. He turned to look at our bishop who had covered his face, but you could tell that he was laughing so hard by the way his body was shaking. The counselor, who was slated to give another one of his dreary talks asked the bishop what he should do. Our bishop stood up, announced the closing hymn and bade us to go home and enjoy the rest of the day. I’m not a football fan, but I was certain grateful for the Super Bowl that Sunday.

De Novo, commenting on Janey’s post “Maintaining Friendships Post-Church” at W&T:

Our more orthodox Mormon ‘friends’ have taken the typical LDS passive-aggressive approach. . . . Ultimately, the stake RSP confronted us at the auxiliary LDS Temple (Costco – still had that recommend)

jader3rd, commenting on taylorgkerby’s post “Only Superman is Super.” at BCC:

How does Nephi talk about how long and tall he is? I thought that he just uses the phrase “large in stature” which could mean he was overweight and probably embarrassed about being chubby, but didn’t want to mention being out of shape, but needed to provide an explanation as to how he had the mass to tackle Zoram.

Comments on Hawkgrrrl’s post “Window Monkey” at W&T:

• Lily:

On Fast Sunday, I used to say “I’m so hungry I could bear my testimony.” I’m sure that’s where all the crying comes from – low blood sugar.

• Angela C:

Maybe 8 years ago, the Gospel Doctrine teacher asked the class “Can you feel the Spirit if you’re in a bar?” I enthusiastically answered, “Yes!” because 1) Jesus literally was called a wine-bibber for hanging out in bars, and 2) the Spirit isn’t some Victorian lady on a fainting couch.

Kirkstall, commenting on Elisa’s post “The Patriarchy Playbook” at W&T:

It seems 8,000+ comments were deleted from the Instagram post and the church’s account is periodically sweeping through to sanitize things.

They also commented,

“The church’s social media team acknowledges the numerous comments that have emerged in response to this post. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Your comments will be shared with Church leaders who follow these issues. We, like you, strive to follow the example of Jesus Christ in our interactions, including conversations online.”

So, are they saying Jesus would have frantically deleted thousands of comments because he didn’t like getting ratioed?

I also wonder who the “Church leaders who follow these issues” are. Maybe they forward all these comments to Elder S. Cape Goat whose calling is specifically to absorb excess flak from social media snafus so they can say they passed it on to someone.

Comments on Bishop Bill’s post “Happy Easter and Merry Christmas!” at W&T:

• Dagmar:

Do you think Jesus celebrates his birthday according to the Jewish calendar or the Gregorian calendar?

• josh h:

Establishing a teaching that the birth of Jesus falls on the same date as the organization of the Church (April 6) is the ultimate in virtue signaling. Hey look at us!

Comments on Elisa’s post, “Garments, Women, and the Autonomy Contagion” at W&T:

• John Charity Spring:

Joseph Smith would never have approved of garment policing. He was greatly influenced by his grandfather Asael, who always preached that an individual’s relationship with God was more important than an individual’s relationship with any church.

Now, I am not advocating for a conglomeration of Dua Lipa and Bon Jovi lookalikes in our chapels.

• mat:

If the Church ever released it’s own version of the NT, I’m afraid it would have Jesus tell the friends of the paralytic to patch up the roof (how dare you destroy property), and buy a “modest” sized bed so they can bring him in through the door the “authorized” way. If you can’t afford a modest bed, then I would encourage you to “wait patiently on the Lord ” for ADA compliance.

• Janey:

Pontius Python [another commenter] is correct that tattooing on the garment symbols is a horrible, invasive idea. BUT! What if the tattoos were temporary? Priesthood holders can consecrate some Sharpies. Maybe even women ordinance workers could consecrate the Sharpies used for the women. Then, when you go to the temple, a temple worker draws the symbol on your skin with the Sharpie. This would encourage more frequent attendance, since if you wait too long between trips to the temple, your symbols will fade and you won’t have the spiritual protection anymore.

Comments on Janey’s post “The Mormon Accent” at W&T:

• Josh h:

nobody else says they are “thankful for the moisture” because saying “I’m glad it rained” works for almost everyone else

• phr:

Asking that doughnuts and cookies “nourish and strengthen us” is tantamount to daring God to do the impossible.

• Brad D:

On Mormon accents, I hear tender mercies a lot. Lots of freak and heck growing up. I still say heck, because, heck, why not?

DaveW, commenting on Janey’s post “Think Terrestrial” at W&T:

As I understand things, we can keep re-reading the BOM throughout the eternities. (But do we get to wear garments? Moroni apparently doesn’t . . . )

mat, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “He Was a Visionary Man” at W&T:

When I worked for a remodeling company awhile back, I had a co-worker who could literally see a completed project in front of him before we began. . . . there were no religious implications attached to these “visions.” Just practical applications – at least for now, anyway. If you see a “Church of Bob the Builder” pop up, you heard it here first.

Comments on Hawkgrrrl’s post “Talking to Dead People” at W&T:

• Dave B.:

Yes, the frequent “the veil is thin” references are convincing when preaching to the choir, but don’t really stand up to serious consideration. I’m pretty sure that if a dying GA reported a vision where there was no Hell, no spirit prison, no suffering or angst, and all spirits go to the Wonderful Place, that would not get canonized or lauded as a revelation of truth through the thin veil.

• your food allergy:

If we have to wear those ridiculous white suits and matching white shoes in the afterlife, I’m reincarnating myself.

rickpowers, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “God and the Multiverse” at W&T:

So, it comes down to whether we choose the DC cosmology or the D&C cosmology.

Old Man, commenting on Hawkgrrrl’s post “PIMO vs. MIPO” at W&T (responding to another commenter who accidentally wrote PIPO, which would mean physically in/physically out):

I don’t know… PIPO is actually pretty decisive and individualized! It is probably how most Mormons survive. Ward Barbecue with Sister Smith’s special sauce (which is best described as a gateway drug)? PI. Stake Conference with long-winded hardline speakers? PO.

Comments on Dave B.’s post “God’s Grading Curve” at W&T:

• heterodoxcl:

Demographers estimate that approximately 50% of everyone who has been born on planet Earth died before the age of 8 . . . Combine that with LDS teachings that anyone who dies under the age of 8 makes it to the Celestial Kingdom, and this means that the way is neither narrow nor strait, but rather it is a superhighway.

• Maverik:

Trying to reduce the fathomless variety of human experience into a soteriological Sorting-Hat sort of exercise by which each of us is perfectly placed into one of four posthumous Houses (House Celestial, House Terrestrial, House Telestial, and House Perdition a.k.a. House Outer Darkness) would be laughably absurd if it weren’t the case that so many people–including many (most? all?) church leaders–take such a reductionist and literalist notion so deadly serious as to promulgate it with the utmost gravity, piety, and pearl-clutching.

Comments on Stephen R. Marsh’s post “Have you heard the joke about Mormons, Catholics and infallible leaders?” at W&T:

• DaveW:

Are we going to have to re-do the proxy work for all the people who were baptized, confirmed, ordained, washed and anointed, endowed and sealed in the steeple-less temples?

• 10ac:

I know that this church is true and is the only church with the high steeples in the true order of God and that are tall enough to bring us back to His presence.

I know that sometimes when there has been great opposition, the Lord has allowed His people to built temples without tall steeples, even though this was a victory for Satan. I am so grateful that we have a true and living prophet whose opinions are God’s will until he dies and for the ongoing revelation he receives such as the importance of having a tall steeple for our correct Religious Observance. It makes such a difference in my life when I see that tall steeple on a small temple that is like a stairway to heaven.

• John Chadwic:

Steeples are part of our worship? Since when? Does that word even appear in the NT? I know on “some” LDS blogs if I point out that this is news to me I’ll be gaslit how I was lazy in seminary and at BYU because there’s some New Era issue from 1966 that talks about the importance of steeples.

John Charity Spring, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Bearing Your Testimony” at W&T:

I issue my strongest possible condemnation to the mindless repetition of meaningless phrases that fills the modern so-called testimony meeting. . . . Is it any wonder that attendance is plummeting? One can only make it through so many testimony meetings by watching Dua Lipa music videos on the sly.

DaveW, commenting on Sam Brunson’s post “On Singing New Hymns” at BCC:

As for doctrinal inaccuracies, do we still believe in Adam-ondi-ahman? Is “Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost” (#242) too trinitarian? “Book of Mormon Stories” has some inaccuracies. I wonder what some of the Q15 think about primary songs that don’t have any doctrine in them at all. I fear some of them would get rid of “Once there was a snow man” because it isn’t doing anything to Gather Israel ™. And how are we supposed to go down the covenant path if we’re all made of hinges? And can we Think Celestial(ly) if we’re distracted by thinking about what we do in the summertime?

DaveW, commenting on Dave B.’s post “LDS Religious Technology” at W&T:

The top OT gadget would have to be the Ark of the Covenant. Always good if you need to melt some Nazis. Lesser gadgets include Samson’s hair, the cruse of oil, the trumpets at Jericho and Moses’ staff.

Jake C., commenting on Hawkgrrrl’s post “Religious Negging” at W&T:

I think that… Jane Austen novels are guilty of negging readers. I mean, hello? Victorian literature, people! Let’s all sit around feeling unworthy and pondering unworthiness as it plays out in any given drawing room. Mormonism came to be in this era.

Case in point: a decade ago, I was sitting on the second floor of a Barnes and Noble (read, Jake was literally in great and spacious building). I was leafing through a new Chuck Wendig Star Wars novel. As I commenced failing the Bechdel test yet again, I happened to glance at a display of Jane Austen novels. The covers were ALL staring at me. Judging me. Especially… Emma:

Can you imagine how judged I felt? There I stood, innocently cradling my Star Wars novel, only to see this precocious heroine glaring at me? Anyhow, I just wanted to say every time Hawkgrrrl invokes Austen I get retraumatized. If you wish to cease being negged, cease reading Victorian literature, I say!

Kirkstall, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “I Could Literally Die!” at W&T:

I thought for sure you were going to mention Quentin L Cook’s 2013 conference address in which he described a woman who “literally dissolved in tears” in the Celestial Room.

A gruesome image if we believe the dictionary.

Dave B., in his post “NPS and LDS: Same or Different?” at W&T:

[I]t’s not parking lots and restrooms that are the LDS problem. In fact, ample parking lots and clean restrooms are one of the real achievements of LDS buildings. I’ll give credit where it is due. We have the best parking lots in Christendom, along with excellent investment fund managers and real estate advisors.

Zla’od, commenting on Jake C.’s post “Hiker Vignettes Before Sunstone” at W&T:

An ex-Mormon poet named Jake

Had free verse come out as he spake

The Q12 now dotes

On his Questions and Notes

But Jan Shipps considers it fake

Eugene, commenting on Janey’s post “What We Lose in Exaltation” at W&T:

Why wait for the celestial kingdom? We can make heaven on earth! I for one am going to start becoming like my Heavenly Father now. First off, I‘m going have my children go through interviews to see if they are worthy to be in my presence. Then I‘ll have them come together weekly to sing my praises and tell me how great I am. It‘s a great plan!

Comments on at Bishop Bill’s post “Eagle Mountain Update” at W&T:

• Eli:

I was never criticized by Church leaders or members for having a beard, but I had an answer ready that I was prepared to deliver deadpan. “Since we’ve been counseled by the brethren to get out of debt as quickly as possible, I’m taking the dollar I save each month from shaving expenses and putting it toward the mortgage.”

• Old Man:

Look, I wear a beard because I am a rebel and I just like wearing a beard, okay?! Stop normalizing beards for all of the men not man enough to rebel and wear one. I used to to trust LDS men with beards. We were the brotherhood of unorthodox thinkers. Now we have all of these imposters moving in.

Kirkstall, commenting on Dave B.’s post “The Secret Menu” at W&T (quoting and responding to another commenter):

“Housing is invariably substandard (in some cases, missionaries live almost animal style).”

You mean, I assume, that in some housing units the missionaries are served with caramelized onions and melted cheese, yes?

Dave B., in his post “Scary Mormonism” at W&T:

If you go to your bishop claiming you or a family member are likely possessed by a demon, I can tell you with 99.99% confidence that (1) the bishop will NOT confirm a diagnosis of demonic possession, and (2) if he wavers on that point, he will equally likely NOT schedule you for an exorcism next Sunday in his office. There are stake clerks and stake auditors, but there is no Stake Exorcist.

The Pirate Priest, commenting on Dave B.’s post:

All this talk of Satan’s minions just has me imagining little yellow creatures in blue overalls, black gloves, & goggles trying to be helpful to Satan’s grand evil plans but mostly bumbling around, causing minor mischief, and talking about bananas. New temple movie anyone? Forbidden fruit is actually a banana? I can guarantee temple attendance would skyrocket.

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “Utah, Shakespeare & the Role(s) of Women” at W&T:

The [Utah Shakespeare] festival has also done gender-neutral casting in various productions in the past, as well as non-binary casting. These efforts are important, IMO, to give actors access to roles based on their ability, not just based on the sex the character is written to be. After all, without gender-neutral casting, isn’t it just discriminating based on sex? Acting is already pretense after all. We don’t only cast actual kings as Richard III.

Dave B., commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Ask God (Terms and Conditions Apply)” at W&T:

I wonder if any zealous and obedient Latter-day Saint has ever thought to double their blessings by wearing not one but *two* pair of LDS garments at a time? Possibly in answer to solemn prayer (“How might I get more blessings, O Lord?”).

Hawkgrrrl, commenting on her post “Models of Masculinity” at W&T:

Based on the Arlington happening, [a Mormon version of] Trump would be posting photo ops from the Celestial Room, his staff members pushing over the 80 year olds running the place if they were told to be reverent.

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “An Outsider’s View of the Church” at W&T, quoting a Google review of an evangelical megachurch:

One star: When I first moved to the area I saw all these CCV stickers on cars and assumed it was a driving school, since everyone with them seemed to have not quite figured out how to drive, things like safely handling a vehicle, maintaining a safe and legal speed, indicating a lane change, obeying stop signs and red lights, all seemed like foreign concepts to these people. Now that I know it’s a church, I suggest they open a driving school for their members.

mountainclimber479, commenting on Hawkgrrrl’s post (responding to a story about a woman who was off-put by being chastised in a Relief Society lesson about wearing garments):

[I]t’s too bad your friend hasn’t been listening to the new doctrine that has materialized out of thin air that the garment is Jesus. Doesn’t she know that lessons about garments really are lessons about Jesus? I’m sure the women that hadn’t been to the temple were just dying to get their recommends so that they, too, could wrap themselves up in the love of Jesus for the rest of their lives while they struggle to find clothes they enjoy wearing that are also compatible with Jesus and while Jesus makes them swelter in hot weather.

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “Sexless Education” at W&T, recounting some of her sex education experiences in school:

• 3rd grade. Rural Texas. A wide-eyed classmate told me on the playground that she knew someone who went in a closet with a boy and he put his finger in her belly-button and nine days later she had a baby. I was skeptical of this claim, repeatedly putting my own finger in my belly-button to myth-bust her dubious claims. I did not have a baby nine days later.
• 9th grade. Pennsylvania. The boys’ coach said “You know, you girls get in the cars with your boyfriends, and you’re goin’ ‘Ooh, I luv you,’ and the next thing you know, BAM, there’s a little baby.” This was not super helpful information. Also most of us didn’t have driver’s licenses yet, so whose cars were these? I seriously doubted his credentials to be teaching health classes. Given our school’s record, his credentials to coach football were also pretty sus.

LHCA, commenting on Hawkgrrrl’s post:

Older Boomer here. . . . When I was approaching puberty an innocuous looking book showed up at home with no fanfare or mention. It was titled something like “How a Baby is Born”. I read it since it was just sitting there. It didn’t get more explicit than “a husband lies very close to his wife and he plants a seed that will become a baby” and nine months later a baby is born. I wondered where the seed came from. Where does one get baby seeds? Does he buy it in a packet at the hardware or garden store? How does he plant it? Where does he plant it? I was really confused, but asked no questions. Totality of sex education at home.

Comments on Bishop Bill’s post “Temporary Commandments” at W&T:

• DaveW:

i don’t see much difference between the doctrine/policy distinction and the permanent/temporary demarcation. In both cases ideas are emphasized and diminished at the whim of the current leaders.

It’s not like this distinction is new, unless y’all have been avoiding pork and wearing mixed fabrics all these years.

• Kirkstall:

This is what happens when you feel your grip on the membership start to slip. These youngins just won’t stop drinking coffee and praying to heavenly mother! They won’t keep their fetching garments on!

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “Best & Worst Mormon ‘Celebs'” at W&T:

Spencer Condie spoke at a mission conference, and . . . said that the 1989 Batman movie (PG-13 rating) was full of “pornographic violence” and not an appropriate incentive for missionaries. Here’s the deal, if you use the word “pornographic” to mean “very,” I will basically always think you’re an idiot. If there’s “pornographic violence” that had better be *actually pornographic*, not just excessive.

RJH, commenting on peterllc’s post “What If Church HQ Were Located in Vienna?” at BCC:

Maybe I’ll do England next. President Nelson would be “Russ,” have deliberately scruffy hair, claim to be a fan of some unfashionable football team, but have been educated at an elite private school then Oxford, and be descended from the Duke of Marlborough.

Hawkgrrrl, in her post “The Worst ‘Anti’ Arguments” at W&T:

Louis Bidamon, Emma’s second husband, also cheated on her, but he didn’t start a church to do it. He just did it the old fashioned way, by being a randy old goat.

Comments on Hawkgrrrl’s post:

• Hawkgrrrl:

[M]y favorite chiasmus is Swedish band ABBA.

• Janey:

I had a woman at a Pentecostal church offer to give me a book showing every place the Doctrine and Covenants contradicted the Bible. I could not be less interested in that. I already know the contradictions. Did she want to hear about the contradictions within the Bible? No, she did not.

Tygan, commenting on Zatch’s post “Go to the Smarthouse of the Lord” at ZD:

When Sister Harper woke up, it was just another day of service at the West American Fork temple. But after seeing something startling in traffic, she misses her turn and ends up at the East American Fork temple. She enters to discover another Sister Harper, identical to herself. Working together, they race to the other 53 temples in Utah to uncover a cloning plot that leads all the way to the Church Office Building, evading ecclesiastical officers along the way.

familywomen, commenting on Dave B.’s post “Conference in Sixty Seconds: Saturday Edition” at W&T:

I called it on conference bingo: “Wear the garment of the priesthood daily”. Since women don’t have the priesthood, does that mean they don’t have to wear them? Just kidding, please cover the women more!!

Rebecca J, in her post “Ministering: how is that working out for you?” at BCC:

I didn’t mind being a visiting teaching supervisor, except for the part where people would ignore my emails and phone calls because they were embarrassed to tell me that they hadn’t done their visiting teaching (again). The funny part was that I genuinely did not judge anyone for doing their visiting teaching or not; I just needed them to tell me one way or the other because I literally had one job. Picture that scene in The Fugitive where Harrison Ford says he didn’t kill his wife and Tommy Lee Jones says, “I don’t care!” Then imagine that Harrison Ford is saying he didn’t do his visiting teaching that month and that I’m Tommy Lee Jones. That was my tenure as a visiting teaching supervisor, in a nutshell.

Ellie, commenting on Rebecca J’s post:

I remember when I reached out to a sister I was assigned after she gave birth. We had never met before. I asked if she needed anything, even cookies or a shake. She said no, she lived in her mother’s basement and had all the help she needed, and I felt like I was being a bother. Looking back, if I was a new mom, of course I wouldn’t want a random stranger coming in my house and gawking at my baby. Even if the stranger had cookies.

Comments on Elisa’s post “‘Sleeveless Garments’ is Fake News” at W&T:

• Janey:

The description “open sleeve” is ridiculous. All sleeves are open. If you sewed the sleeve shut, you couldn’t put your hand through it. A closed sleeve is used only in strait jackets.

• Dot:

But what I’m wondering is how they decide which members are “blessed” with this new option. How hot and humid does it need to be? What if it’s hot but not humid, or vice versa? What if it’s hot and humid in the summer, but cold in the winter? Do you get the garments, but you have to switch back when it gets cold? If you move from a hot, humid place to a cold, dry place, does the bishop confiscate your old garments? (They could monitor this when they transfer your records.) If you go on vacation to a hot, humid place, can you rent some of these garments (perhaps the ones the bishop confiscated from another member)? Will a black market of “sleeveless” garments develop? Someone could travel to, say, Florida, and either take orders from people beforehand, or else purchase a supply of various sizes and sell them at higher prices in, say, Idaho. Or both, actually. SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Janey, commenting on her post “More Senior Missionaries!” at W&T:

I know a single senior sister who served a service mission (this sentence gets the Elder Maxwell alliteration award) while living at home.

S, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Treating the Symptoms and not the Cause” at W&T:

The Church can only treat symptoms because the leaders have created a model in which everything they do is divinely inspired. . . . The Church will continue to conduct surveys and focus groups to understand what’s wrong with the membership.

Dana Reay, commenting on Rachel Noorda’s post “When Women Interview to Be BYU Professors” at Exponent II:

Tithation without representation.

Hawkgrrrl, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “So mama don’t take my Kodachrome away” at W&T:

Nelson served in M*A*S*H units in the Korean War (Was he more Hawkeye, Frank Burns, or possibly Charles?)