- Church members should not seek the autographs of General Authorities or Area Seventies, including signing in their scriptures, hymnals, or programs. (link)
- The Church’s official logotype . . . . may not be used as a decorative element or a computer screen saver. (link)
- Using the piano and organ at the same time is not standard for Church meetings. (link)
- Church parking lots should not be used for commuter parking without permission from the director for temporal affairs. (link)
- Members should not participate in hypnosis for purposes of demonstration or entertainment. (link)
- The priesthood music director recommends and conducts the hymns for the opening exercises of priesthood meetings. (link)
- Artwork in meetinghouses should be properly framed. (link)
- Members may not direct the antenna [of a church satellite dish] from one satellite or transponder to another without authorization from Church headquarters. (link)
- The Church strongly discourages the donation of sperm. (link)
- In the United States and some other countries, it is a violation of postal regulations to place any material without postage in or on mailboxes. This restriction applies to ward or stake newsletters, announcements, flyers, and other Church-related materials. Church leaders should instruct members and missionaries not to place such items in or on mailboxes. (link)
- If needed, the stake presidency may call a brother to serve as stake Sunday School secretary. (link)
- In extreme situations, local leaders may cancel Sunday meetings. (link)
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Oh, no! I once went to a hypnotism show. As a righteous BYU student, even. Do I need to now disavow hypnosis to remain in good standing?
But I do have a firm and abiding testimony of the importance of #12.
Thank you, Ziff, for a welcome laugh amid the sorrow.
We have a Director of Temporal Affairs?
Director of Temporal Affairs aka The Doctor?
I have a burning testimony of #12, especially for very generous interpretations of “extreme.”
It’s so nice to read direct revelation from God, as contained in the infallible Handbook.
For a minute there I thought that we at BCC we’re going to have to come after you, because funny rankings posts are kind of our thing, and after all we have a bunch of lawyers.
Then I saw the links.
Sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up.
Jason, as always, Ziff’s rankings are authoritative, even if this isn’t BCC 🙂 (And you will have a hard time suing us because we use pseudonymns so you will never find out who we are.)
Re: #5, apparently hypnosis is OK for purposes other than demonstration or entertainment. I wish they had enumerated some of the approved purposes.
Very good; you didn’t even have to rely on the low hanging fruit of vasectomies and cremation!
MY favorite bit to have a testimony of – which is gone now, was that it was “not advised for adoptees to search for their birth families.” (Obvs because Jesus looks down on personal and family healing. wait.)
Mike: Perhaps using hypnosis to uncover the secret identities of certain bloggers for purposes of legal recrimination is one of those licit uses. 🙂
Lol, Jason. Is that how you figured out my first name? Remember though, that our ZD pseudonyms are sacred, not secret.
Well, in that case…
My mom and I did an organ/piano duet for a special musical number once. My own mother!
Yeah … what’s the whole piano / organ thing all about? Musical miscegenation? (Sorry. I’ll show myself out.)
This just makes me want to run around putting up unframed guerilla artwork in my local meetinghouse. Stick it to the man while sticking it on the wall.
13: Single women can be subject to church discipline for being artificially inseminated…
Apparently there is a need to avoid inter-instrumental marriage between pianos and organs.
I attended a hypnosis lecture (with demonstrations) too.
Does a notice board serve as a proper frame? Just wondering about all those posters….
I must admit, Kevin, that your juxtaposition of low hanging fruit and vasectomies brings back some painful memories.
Melyngoch wins the comment thread!
You forgot “Artificial Insemination
The Church strongly discourages artificial insemination using semen from anyone but the husband.”
and
“In Vitro Fertilization
The Church strongly discourages in vitro fertilization using semen from anyone but the husband or an egg from anyone but the wife. ”
It goes on to say that for each it is up to the husband and wife, but because of these specific quotes our bishop took away our temple and sacramental rights. We were borderline excommunicated for doing artificial insemination using some donor sperm.
Of course, planning to resign your membership over any of these is also silly.
Interesting argument Spot, but I don’t agree. I wrote the post to respond to all the people who swear they have a burning testimony of everything in the Handbook, to show that there are things in the Handbook that are just (sometimes) trivial administrative instructions. But I wasn’t saying that everything in the Handbook is like that. Just that some of it is. Clearly there’s lots in there that makes a huge difference in people’s lives, and I think the new policies definitely fit in that category, and they’re definitely worth getting up in arms about.
Yikes! I’ve broken numbers 4, 5, 7, and 10 if cookies for ward members counts as “church-related materials”. I never knew the extent of my rebellion!!
Also, I read Melyngoch’s comment as “unframed genetalia artwork” which I think says a lot about me, but I’m not sure what…
Enna, I think it’s a sign that you should definitely be hired as a consultant to work on the next edition of the Handbook, so you can help them come up with more things to ban! 🙂