The following is an imagined conversation between Kate Kelly and Dallin H. Oaks.
Do you do apology?
We do not do it, Kate Kelly!
We do not do apology.
Would you do it here or there?
We would not do it here or there.
We would not do it anywhere!
Would you do it now or then?
We would not do it now or then.
We would not do it anywhen!
We do not do apology.
We do not do it, Kate Kelly!
Would you, could you, for the ban?
Priesthood blocked for those too tan?
We would not, could not, for the ban!
The ban was part of God’s grand plan!
The priesthood part was one of two.
The ban was for the temple too.
We would not for parts one or two.
The temple ban was good and true.
Would you for polygamy?
Women seen as property?
We would not for polygamy.
I have two wives; it’s good for me!
Would you, could you, for Prop 8?
The anti-LGBT hate?
We would not, could not, for Prop 8!
Our worthy goal: to make gays straight!
Would you for preached women’s roles?
Defined so tightly, pinching souls?
We would not for preached women’s roles!
You all should keep to narrow goals!
You get to have the babies, see?
Not men’s responsibility!
We would not, could not, for Prop 8.
Nor telling women: Procreate!
We would not for polygamy!
Not for the ban, you let me be!
We do not do apology!
That word is not in scripture, see?
What else is not in holy writ?
That women are as priests unfit?
But I have gotten us off track.
To apology let’s now get back.
You do not do it, so you say.
Try it! Try it! And you may.
Try it and you may, I say!
This is perfect! Xx
Hopefully you printed this out and sent it to your Bishop or Stake President. Why stop there? Send it to the person you address it to, Elder Oaks.
Love this! Laughed hard enough to choke on my drink.
It’s been less than two years since Mike C’s “Sam I Am” parody https://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2013/07/08/i-am-tbm/
Do the ZD bloggers know any other meters?
Thank you for doing this as Dr. Seuss, perhaps, just perhaps, Elder Oaks might see it in his heart to apologize. I got so angry that I wrote-off my very active Mormon family and declared myself their sworn enemy. Now I must apologize, which is what my mom taught me to do clear back when I was nursery age. You say, I’m sorry. Gee whiz, how comes that’s so hard for them?
Thanks, spunky and Anarene!
Sorry we’ve disappointed you, N.W. Clerk. But thank you for reading us so carefully!
ZD paints its prose
Seussian rhymes annoying
N.W. Clerk
This is fantastic!
At what point will be they like “FINE, if you will let me be, I will try it, you will see.”
“Say! I like apology! I do, I like it, Kate Kelly! And I’ll say sorry for priesthood ban, and I’ll say sorry for those too tan, and…”
I loved this!
Made me smile,
when tears I fear I would have shed
Made me think
my soul, it seems, is not quite dead.