Conference Review, April 2020

Best story: It was very simple, but I enjoyed President Eyring’s story about hearing Elder Haight pray and thinking he sounded like he was smiling while he did.

Worst story, God plays favorites category: I wasn’t a fan of Elder Andersen’s story of the stake patriarch who Russell M. Nelson performed a miraculous heart surgery on. I felt like by mentioning his calling, Elder Andersen was suggesting that God of course intervened specially for this man, even when of course many other people die of heart problems all the time and don’t get miraculously healed.

Worst story, prosperity gospel category: Elder Clayton’s story of going to Paraguay during a financial crisis was horrifying. He explained how, in a meeting with stake presidents, he was overwhelmed when hearing about so many people’s problems, so he asked the stake presidents to tell him how many Church members who were paying tithing and fast offerings and doing their callings had problems, and the stake presidents said none of them. Elder Clayton was clearly relieved that he could dismiss all the problems of people he had carefully categorized as marginal Church members. I think Elder Clayton needs to learn about selection effects. Of course the people who were paying tithing and fast offerings weren’t having financial trouble. They were still able to pay! It’s not a question of righteous people paying tithing; it’s a question of better-off people paying tithing and then being classified as righteous. It was also appalling that he was so open about asking the stake presidents to tell him a different thing so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the discomfort of hearing about people’s problems.

Best quote: Elder Giménez, quoting the third verse of “Be Still My Soul”:

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast’ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Worst quote: Elder Bednar, quoting Ezra Taft Benson’s quote where he explains that there are no systematic social problems, only righteous people who pull themselves up by their bootstraps and wicked people who don’t:

The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.

Best visual aid: I really liked this picture Elder Stevenson showed of a bunch of granite blocks waiting to be used in the construction of the Salt Lake Temple.

Worst visual aid: President Bingham’s picture of the couple that races tandem bikes where of course the husband is in front and the wife is in back. (In case you missed it, you might enjoy Pandora’s response to the tandem bicycle analogy to marriage.)

Best laugh: President Nelson giving President Oaks the side-eye for getting out of sync during the Hosanna shout.

Best musical number: “Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing”

Worst musical number: “Praise to the Man.” I don’t have any particular complaints about the arrangement. I’m just not a fan of this song.

Highest-tempo musical number: I noticed that a couple of the hymns seemed like they were paced really fast, so I timed a couple of their verses. “High on the Mountain Top” is listed in the hymnbook with the suggested tempo range of 56 to 72 bpm. In the recording shown in the Saturday afternoon session, it was played at 87 bpm. Similarly, “Let Zion in Her Beauty Rise” is listed with the suggested tempo range of 88 to 108 bpm, but in the Saturday evening session, the recording shown was paced at 132 bpm. To be clear, I’m not complaining about these; I celebrate them! In my experience, hymns are far more often played too slowly than too fast, so I am happy that whoever was choosing the hymn recordings to include decided to pick some up-tempo ones!

Best Title: “Consider the Goodness and Greatness of God” (Elder Renlund)

Worst Title: “Hosanna and Hallelujah—The Living Jesus Christ: The Heart of Restoration and Easter” (Elder Gong). I feel like it’s a bit much to use a dash and a colon in the same title. But I really liked the talk itself!

Phoning-it-in title: “The Great Plan” (President Oaks)

Phoning-it-in talk: President Eyring’s talk “He Goes before Us” was about a third just quotes from D&C 110.

Best line:

When we have conquered [COVID-19]—and we will—may we be equally committed to freeing the world from the virus of hunger, freeing neighborhoods and nations from the virus of poverty. May we hope for schools where students are taught—not terrified they will be shot—and for the gift of personal dignity for every child of God, unmarred by any form of racial, ethnic, or religious prejudice. [Elder Holland]

Wow! It’s kind of amazing to hear a GA bring up both poverty and school shootings as issues we should address. (And it’s sad that it’s amazing.) So often they prefer to say things like the quote of Ezra Taft Benson I mentioned above, about how once people learn the gospel, they will pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Another best line:

the Savior loves to restore what you cannot restore; He loves to heal wounds you cannot heal; He loves to fix what has been irreparably broken [Elder Renlund]

I really like the idea of Jesus not just healing and fixing, but loving doing it.

Best line in a talk I mostly didn’t like:

Men need to become true partners rather than assume they are solely responsible or act as ‘pretend’ partners while women carry out much of the work. [President Bingham].

I wish she had focused more of her talk on this idea, rather than just briefly mentioning it.

Worst line:

We are His beloved children. . . . Even those who, like a headstrong, unruly child, become angry with God and His Church, pack their bags, and storm out the door proclaiming that they’re running away and never coming back. [Elder Uchtdorf]

Yikes! I expect so much better than this condescension and trivializing of people’s concerns from Elder Uchtdorf of all people.

Worst line, scolding by proxy category:

Understandably, the announcement of each new temple is a source of great joy and a reason to give thanks to the Lord. However, our primary focus should be on the covenants and ordinances that can change our hearts and deepen our devotion to the Savior and not simply on the location or beauty of the building. [Elder Bednar]

I guess because there was nobody actually attending the conference who could gasp with joy at the announcement of new temples, President Nelson had no reason to preemptively scold people for being too happy about his announcements. Fortunately, Elder Bednar stepped up and filled the scolding gap.

Line most muddled by euphemism:

Outside the bonds of marriage, all uses of the procreative power are to one degree or another a sinful degrading and perversion of the most divine attribute of men and women. [President Oaks]

I suspect what he wanted to say here is that sex outside of heterosexual marriage is wrong. But when he calls it “procreative power,” it sure sounds like he’s saying homosexual sex and masturbation are just fine, given that they don’t actually lead to any procreation. For that matter, adultery while using birth control is also good by this standard.

Topics done to death: The First Vision (every other speaker, it seemed like), the Most Holy Name of the Church (President Nelson couldn’t help but bring this up again.)

Best pattern: It’s my impression that, on the whole, the speakers cited a wider variety of historical sources than they usually do. Several referred to the Joseph Smith papers in their notes, for example. And in his note on Brigham Young’s famous line, “This is the right place,” Elder Rasband (of the Twelve) even pointed out that it was first recorded in 1880, decades after it was supposed to have been spoken. (See Note 21 in his talk.)

Worst pattern: Several speakers referred to the Father and the Son with a capitalized “They.” No speakers could bring themselves to refer to the Father and the Mother this way.

Worst ongoing pattern: Most speaker feel like they must quote from President Nelson at least once in their talks. I still haven’t looked at this systematically, but I think this is unusual, even for a relatively new Church President. In any case, I find it grating and culty.

Best history: President Eyring noted, as a quick aside, that “the temple endowment as we know it today wasn’t administered in the Kirtland Temple.” I’m kind of amazed–in a good way–that he said this right out, going against the idea that temples have been a single constant way from Day 1 of the Restoration.

Worst history: President Bingham saying that in the dark times before the Restoration, “Females in many societies became subservient to males rather than side-by-side partners, their activities limited to a narrow scope,” and then suggesting that the Restoration brought an end to all that. Uh-huh. The Restoration that brought polygamy? Is that the Restoration she’s thinking of?

Best term or phrase: kindness upon kindness (Elder Gong)

Worst term or phrase: ongoing restoration, hinge point

Thanks for saying this:

Furthermore, we know something of today’s religious shortcomings that still leave the hunger and hope of some unfulfilled. [Elder Holland]

I suspect that he wasn’t thinking of the LDS Church when he said this, but I’ll just pretend that he was.

Thanks for also saying this:

Perhaps it goes without saying that despite genuine love and sincerity, many, if not most, of our invitations to share the message of the Restoration will be declined. [Elder Christofferson]

It absolutely does not go without saying, especially when nearly all the stories shared through official channels or at church are about people who are eager to become Mormons. I always wish for such stories to be accompanied by a little disclaimer like you see with some TV commercials: “Results not typical.”

Thank you for acknowledging the pandemic: President Oaks, President Nelson, Elder Holland, Elder Uchtdorf, and some prayer givers

Longest prayer (“I should have been giving a talk”): 156 seconds (Cristina B. Franco, Saturday evening benediction)

Shortest prayer (“Let’s move this thing along!”): 60 seconds (Brook P. Hales, Sunday morning invocation)

Average prayer length was up from about 80 seconds in October 2019 to over 100 seconds this time. I’m not sure whether to attribute this to the coronavirus, or to the unusual setup for Conference, or to just random fluctuation.

Three favorite talks that I would be happy to see lessons based on:

“Hosanna and Hallelujah—The Living Jesus Christ: The Heart of Restoration and Easter” (Elder Gong) This is a minor thing, but I loved his aside about how the writers of D&C 110 used fire and water imagery to describe Jesus. It’s just so unusual for a GA to approach a scriptural text as, well, a text, rather than just devotionally.

“Consider the Goodness and Greatness of God” (Elder Renlund)

“That They May See” (President Cordon) I especially like the story she shares of a college basketball player who decided to serve a mission, and who made a Power Point to explain her decision to her teammates.

Three least favorite talks that I would be disappointed to see lessons based on:

“Spiritually Defining Memories” (Elder Andersen) The thrust of this talks seems to be that some people have had remarkable spiritual experiences, so surely everyone must have. He even helpfully quotes President Oaks at one point about how people who feel like they haven’t are just expecting too much. I think he misses the fact that people who don’t have such experiences are less likely to hang around the Church.

“United in Accomplishing God’s Work” (President Bingham) I don’t like talks on gender roles, and I don’t think this one is improved by being vague and hand-wavey about precisely what those roles are.

“Come and Belong” (Elder Uchtdorf) It pains me to say this.