Earlier this year, I wrote a post where I rewrote familiar Mormon titles by adding, subtracting, or changing a single letter, and then briefly wrote what the resulting story would be. For example, The Work and the Glory became The Work and the Gory, a dramatized version of early Mormon history, with special focus on the Danites. I thought it might be fun to try this with Book of Mormon stories too. As these stories could be given many different names, I used the chapter names from the Church’s Book of Mormon Stories for children as a starting point. I broke my one-letter rule a couple of times, but mostly I stuck to it. Please add your revised Book of Mormon story titles in the comments if you’d like.
Lehi Warms the People — Rather than jumping right into condemning them for their wickedness, Lehi opens his preaching to the people of Jerusalem with a few jokes.
Lehi Leavens Jerusalem — Before leaving Jerusalem, Lehi adds leaven to all the residents’ Passover bread, and brings down their wrath on him even more than his preaching had.
The Brass Pilates — Concerned that his family will get flabby while trekking in the wilderness, Lehi sends his sons back to Jerusalem to recover the secret of an ancient physical fitness system, the details of which are engraved on metal plates.
Lehi’s Ream — Lehi’s family makes it out of Jerusalem with 500 sheets of precious papyrus that they plan to keep records on. Unfortunately, they have to change plans and use metal plates when Laman and Lemuel wickedly use all the papyrus to make spitwads and papyrus airplanes.
Building the Shiv — When Lehi and Sariah’s family find themselves imprisoned in the land Bountiful, Nephi receives a series of revelations that allow him to build a shiv, which he uses to behead enough prison guards that the family is able to escape.
eOS — While hunting beasts in the forest, Enos prays for many things including the forgiveness of his sins, and for God to watch over his people. All of his desires are granted except for his wish to develop an operating system that will unseat Apple’s flagship OS on their own hardware.
Bling Benjamin — An aging king wants to give a farewell address to his people, but their numbers are so large that his voice cannot reach them all. He sends written copies of his speech out so his people can know his words, and he also delivers the speech from the top of a tower while wearing as much bling as his aging body can manage, so that even people far away can see him shimmering in the sunlight.
A Bin, a Din, and King Noah — A wicked king is frightened when a bin of prophetic writings that appear to condemn his mistreatment of his court jaguars is unearthed. His priests get in a heated argument over the meaning of the contents of the bin, and in the uproar, the jaguars are accidentally killed, which brings the wrath of God down on the king.
Alma T. Aches and Baptizes — Having escaped King Noah, Alma adds the initial T. to his name in an attempt to intimidate the king. He stays in hiding, though, because he is sore from all the running he had done to make his escape, especially because he was so out of shape after years of lazing around in Noah’s court with the jaguars.
The Sons of Mosiah Become “Mission Aries” — After the angel convinces them to repent, Mosiah’s sons form a Christian band and go on tour throughout the land in an effort to spread the good news. They name the band “Mission Aries” after discovering that they had all been born under the same sign.
Alms and Nehor — A righteous man named Gideon catches a wicked man named Nehor stealing from the alms collected for the poor. In a rage, Nehor kills Gideon, and is himself then killed by the newly-formed government. “Mission Aries” writes a song about the event.
Ammon Meets King Lamoni’s Fate (R) — After being taught by Ammon (a former member of “Mission Aries” who went solo), a wicked king repents and dramatically passes out and remains unconscious for days. Ammon later meets the same fate. (Rated R for excessive gore when their heads smash into the ground)
Captain Moroni and the Tile of Liberty — While re-tiling his kitchen, Moroni learns of Amalickiah’s plan to become king. In righteous anger, he rips a piece of tile out of his floor, writes an inspiring message on it, and uses it to club his enemies over the head in the ensuing war.
Nephi and Lehi in Prism — Nephi and Lehi are held captive in a large prism by wicked Lamanites, but a series of dramatic rainbows appears around them, causing the Lamanites to repent and listen to their message.
The Murder of the Chef Judge — A crowd gathers around Nephi’s tower while he enjoys a fabulous meal prepared by his friend the chef judge. Nephi prophesies that sadly, the chef judge has been murdered for his recipes, and when the crowd discovers that this is true, many accept Nephi as a prophet.
Samuel the Lamanite Sells about Jesus Christ — Samuel meets nothing but rejection when he goes among the wicked Nephites to sell them Living Scriptures DVDs.
Jesus Christ Blesses the Child Wren — In a variation on his New Testament teaching about the value of sparrows and the value of people, Jesus blesses a baby wren and reminds the people that they are “of more value than many baby wrens.”
The Jaredites Leave Babe — When wicked people begin building a tower of pork to try to get to heaven (and eating the leftovers, thus angering God by violating the Law of Moses), God confounds their tongues so that no two people enjoy exactly the same food. Jared and his family hasten to escape.