Nacle Notebook 2018: Funniest Comments

This post is my annual compilation of the funniest comments I read on the Bloggernacle last year. In case you missed them, here are links to compilations from past years: 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008.

Most of what I’m quoting here is excerpted from longer comments or posts. I’ve made the commenters’ names links that point back to the original source in case you want to read more. I’ve put the comments in roughly chronological order.

Em, in her post “Mercia Second Ward” at the Exponent:

Recently a remarkable cache of documents has been discovered that shows just how much medieval saints resembled modern day wards! . . . . The moment [the ward librarian’s] back was turned some breezy teacher would waltz in to make a few copies, ignoring the “library demons only” sign on the scriptorium  and wouldn’t you know it, the parchment would get stuck or start unravelling uncontrollably.  Oh look, there it goes again.  “This is so typical,” she thought as she heaved a giant tome of “church illustrations volume 7” onto the checkout desk.  “At least I get to miss Sunday school and talk with my friend.”  Despite its drawbacks, the Ward Librarian was a plum job even back then.

Comments on Bishop Bill’s post “I want to Rock and Roll all night….” at W&T:

• Mike:

The guitar, electric or not, became closely associated with heroin addiction in the minds of the highest leaders. Heaven forbid that anyone even think of plucking out the melody of any thing such as “Come Come Ye Saints” on a guitar. The youth might get mixed up and think it was condoning forbidden acts with your date.

• Lily:

I have to thank my seminary teacher for doing the backward masking play of Led Zepplin’s Stairway to Heaven in class to show us the evils of music. I never would have figured out how to do that otherwise.

Moss, commenting on April Young Bennett’s post “A Personalized Assembly Line Baptism” at the Exponent:

When someone else shows up and conducts [a baptismal service] it always reminds me of playing Dungeons and Dragons with my brother. Our party would be battling a monster, get it almost down to zero health, and my brother’s character would zip in from the sidelines where he had been safely observing and strike the final blow, getting all the credit (xp) for the kill in the process even through he hadn’t done jack.

Amy, commenting on Angela C.’s post “Sitting in Council: First Sundays” at BCC:

[Responding to Angela’s question about how the first Sunday council had gone]

Primary for me. And not only did we talk about Jesus, but Kylo Ren and The Flash too.

awanderingwarlock, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Hair” at W&T:

I grew out my hair/beard and dressed up as Jesus for DragonCon…what’s wrong with emulating the Lord himself?

Joni, commenting on Dave B.’s post “Surprise, No Surprise: Live Blogging the FP Reveal Announcement and News Conference” at W&T:

I wonder if the reason for removing Uchtdorf from the First Presidency is that Nelson was envious of the former’s luxuriant head of hair.

Is this the most follicularly challenged FP we’ve ever had?

hiriri, commenting on PeterLLC’s post “The Reluctant Samaritan” at BCC:

[On the question of how much we notice our neighbors’ needs]

My neighbors could be sacrificing farting elephants to Satan, and I would not notice.

HDP, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “The Missing Phallus” at W&T:

[On a phallus missing from one of the facsimiles from the Book of Abraham printed in LDS scriptures]

The ins and outs of this hard subject is beyond my ability to grasp.

Rebecca J, in her post “Anarchy: a love story” at BCC:

[D]espite the fact that I’ve never been good with children, I was delighted to be called back into Primary. Because ever since I’d left Primary, church had become boring as heck (i.e. the boring version of hell).

Nathaniel Givens, in his post “Rereading Rasband’s “By Divine Design”” at T&S:

When you pray to get the job you’re interviewing for, what exactly are you hoping that God will do for you? Send the hiring manager a vision, or contact HR directly on your behalf?

Jack Hughes, commenting on Martin’s post “Not Even Once” at W&T:

[He begins by quoting a line from the post.]

“Some of them think raiding the kitchen between 2nd and 3rd hours to steal the Single’s Ward’s food for their linger-longer is okay.”

Guilty as charged. I do it every chance I get, and without remorse. It is completely unreasonable to expect me to resist the smell of tacos wafting through the halls of the church on a fast Sunday, when I’m at my hungriest and crankiest. Shame on those YSAs for taunting me like that.

TopHat, in her post “Pioneer Phil makes his 2018 Cumom Day Prediction” at the Exponent:

CUMORAH, Manchester, Ny – Mormonism’s most famous Cumom has made his prediction.

On Friday morning, as crowds gathered around, Pioneer Phil saw his shadow and predicted six more millennia of patriarchy.

Em, commenting on TopHat’s post:

So put your little hand in mine, there ain’t no hill of Cumorah we cain’t climb

Jacob Baker, in his post “Community Outreach for the Immodest and Indecent Among Us” at Rational Faiths:

[H]ere are some well-intentioned phrases that represent a mindset of equality and universal love that we should model for all scandalously-dressed women and other unfairly maligned jezebels . . . .

•”The truth is, I don’t see immodest women. I’m immodesty-blind.”

•”Some of my best friends are the immodest.”

•”I don’t think of you as *just* inappropriately dressed.”

•”Which culture does your particular immodest style come from? All cultures are so fascinating to me.”

•”You are so articulate for an indecent woman.”

Lynnette, in her post “Penitence: Some Reflections on Lent” at ZD:

When they asked us about the meaning of “penitent” at a church group I was attending the other night, I have to admit that the first thing that came to mind was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when near the end of the movie Indiana is going through various obstacles to get to the Holy Grail. The instruction is that “only the penitent man will pass,” and at the last minute, he realizes he has to kneel in order to avoid having his head chopped off. So when I hear “penitent,” I think, “be humble before God or be decapitated,” which seems like potentially useful information, especially if I ever go on a religious quest that involves elaborate traps.

MTodd, commenting on Martin’s post “Judgmentalism and Standards” at W&T:

As Joseph Smith said “Teach them correct principles and let them get dressed themselves.”

Bishop Bill, in his post “The One True Blog” at W&T:

There was in the place where we lived an unusual excitement on the subject of religious blogs. It commenced with By Common Consent, but soon became general among all the hosting services. Indeed, the whole Internet seemed affected by it, and great multitudes read the different religious Blogs, which created no small stir and division amongst the people, some crying, “Login, here!” and others, “Login, there!” Some were contending for Wheat & Tares, some for Main Street Plaza, and some for The Exponent.

[The post continues to tell the First Vision story from Joseph Smith history as a search for the One True Blog.]

Comments on Rebbie Brassfield’s post “On Media and “The World”” at BCC:

• Bro. Jones:

I once watched “Braveheart” in a conservative Mormon home, and every time something exciting happened on screen, the uncle would fiddle with the remote, fast forwarding and rewinding until he got *just* past the “bad stuff.” While he was thus occupied, I took the opportunity to sneak (G-rated) affection with his niece (my girlfriend). And there are *lots* of exciting scenes in that movie. 😀

• Rebbie:

A few years ago, we had a speaker quote The Godfather III in Stake Conference. When he was done, the Stake President stood up and said, “Well, I’m a little surprised to hear Brother so-and-so quote the Godfather in this meeting. I also have to correct him — that line was from The Godfather I.” It was epic.

• nobody, really:

I’m convinced that most of the book of Alma is the result of ward basketball games that got out of hand.

Angela C., commenting on her own post “Why Don’t More Women Serve Missions?” at W&T:

[After describing two types of sisters she encountered in her mission]

Now the elders, on the other hand, mostly fit into two categories: egomaniacal used-car-salesman frat boys and those who were not in leadership positions.

Comments on Ardis E. Parshall’s post “I Have a Question, 1955” at Keepapitchinin:

• Laura N.:

[Thinking back to when she helped out with weekday Primary]

It was also necessary to have a nursery for young children whose mothers were teaching, as well as infant holders for babies too young even for the nursery. I remember as a high schooler sitting in the church foyer during Primary reading analytic geometry to a baby who listened for a bit and then fell soundly asleep.

• Mark B.:

Even those of us who walked to Primary . . . had to have a pre-Primary activity to keep us occupied. In our ward, it was Pom Pom Pull Away (which we always called “Pomp”), Mother May I, Red Rover, or Red Light Green Light. I don’t know how others played Pomp, but we played the tackle version. That helped us get in the mood to sit reverently in Primary.

hawkgrrrl, in her post “Sitting in Council: First Sundays” at W&T:

[On how things changed when her Relief Society sat in a circle]

I found it much harder to play Candy Crush or shop on Amazon with all those kind eyes boring into me.

Michael Austin, in his post “You’ve Got to Admit It’s Getting Better: Steven Pinker and “The World”” at BCC:

[After discussing the Christian narrative of the decline of the world]

To resist the world, we have to (among other things) develop a relationship with God, obey lots of stuff, and stop being gay.

Comments on Grover’s post “Stephen King Should Not Have Been My Sex Education Teacher” at BCC:

• Carolyn:

[On how the gaps in her sex education needed to be filled in even after she understood the mechanics]

Age 12: I learned that “french kissing” was “kissing with tongue” and not “kissing somebody’s butt”

Age 16 (when I first started dating) – 25 (when I got married): I believed that having sex was like getting drunk. One minute you’d be making out — and then suddenly you’d be so aroused you would black out, all your clothes would come off, you wouldn’t even be able to think rationally enough to grab a condom, and you’d wake up naked and pregnant.

• Jessie Jensen:

Most of the mechanics-of-sex information [in the sex education curriculum] wasn’t new to me, but I do remember internally scoffing at a boy for asking what oral sex is (phone sex, DUH), then being HORRIFIED at the answer.

• cahn:

I had some inkling of what was going on from… a Stephen King book. Eyes of the Dragon. In third grade, because my teacher had read it, had forgotten about that one scene, and thought it was a fun fantasy and would be a nice book to read aloud to us. When she got to that one scene she started stammering and finally put it away and never referred to it again. So of course I had to get it from the library.

Angela C, commenting on Rebecca J’s post “What does it mean to be worthy?” at BCC:

After visiting the Newel K. Whitney storehouse and hearing / reading the stories about the School of the Prophets and how 22 men would cram into that room smoking and chewing tobacco (to the endless consternation of Emma) and during whole days of praying and “exhorting” (and smoking and spitting), they had a personal witness of the savior. So clearly, according to our own religious history, smoking doesn’t exclude people from divine visions. I’ve sat in the back of my friend’s mom’s Scirocco while she was smoking in the front seat with all the windows up, and I gotta say, after a while I started seeing visions.

Comments on Kevin Barney’s post “Teach the Doctrine” at BCC:

• A Turtle Named Mack:

[Responding to a line in the post where a teacher training had included concern that teachers not be simply entertaining or occupying the time of class members]

Well, I can assure them that they need not be concerned about adult Sunday School classes being entertaining.

• Ardis E. Parshall:

[Describing an example of a lesson she has been in that did not focus on doctrine]

[A] Relief Society lesson from the Joseph Smith manual/year that was supposed to be about the temple but was instead about how Merlin (the magician) who was a prophet who had built temples in England during the age of King Arthur

• Left Field:

They do something similar every time they come out with a new set of missionary lessons.

“NOW, missionaries will teach by the SPIRIT!”

(As opposed to all those other slobs for the past 150+ years who were called by God, and had to fumble along on their own because the Holy Ghost hadn’t been invented yet.)

Comments on Rebecca J’s post “The Myth of Invisible Fatherhood” at BCC:

• Dog Spirit:

[Responding to another commenter who said that King Benjamin never told the Nephites to send their kids away before he gave his speech.]

Since the text doesn’t mention it, it didn’t happen. I’m sure King Benjamin never took a bathroom break or had an infected rotten tooth, either.

• Michael:

[Responding to the same commenter as Dog Spirit]

Unless you are hinting at being one of the three Nephites, I don’t think you were there to see what they did with their children or whether they rode horses, tapirs, elephants or cureloms to King Benjamin’s sermon from the tower either. Forgive me if I just blew your cover, it can’t have been the first time.

Thunderchicken, in her post “Why Can’t You Leave The Church Alone?” at fMh:

[A]s a Church we’re not in the business of leaving people alone. If you’ve gone inactive, we will try and reactivate you, again and again. If you’ve ever agreed to talk to the missionaries as a non-member and your contact info is in their area book, they will find you. Again and again. . . .We don’t leave people alone. We will try everything we can to find them, to find them again, and again and again, and to reactivate them, again and again. Until we’re all dead. And then the fun continues in the spirit world.

Joni, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “Where’s the Beef!” at W&T:

God doesn’t even seem to be internally consistent on this principle [milk before meat]. The introduction of polygamy, for example, was like giving a piece of sashimi to a newborn – with a big glob of wasabi on top.

Dave B., in his post “Please Don’t Rescue Me” at W&T:

[The post outlines a program for Church members who don’t want to be rescued.]

Will anyone at my ward or stake know that I have submitted a prospective PDRM form?

Early submission of the form will be kept entirely confidential. Only your bishop, his counselors, quorum leaders, auxiliary presidents and counselors, home teachers, visiting teachers, youth leaders, Sunday School teachers, ward clerks, ward librarians, and the ward newsletter specialist will be notified.

The Right Trousers, commenting on Bishop Bill’s post “God drives a Toyota!” at W&T:

[T]he early Christian church used to cram into a Honda to go to the temple. Acts 2:46: “And they, continuing daily with one Accord in the temple…”

Dave B., commenting on EmJen’s post “Avoiding Holier-Than-Thou Ministering” at BCC:

[H]is talk might have been titled “Beam? What Beam? Seek the Mote in Your Brother’s Eye,”

Rebecca J, in her post “Teaching Old Testament, Primary-style” at BCC:

I’m having a pretty good time teaching the Old Testament to my Valiant 9 class. . . . When we had the lesson on the Creation, [one student] wanted to act it out, and I, having nothing better to do with our time, said sure, why not. . . . At some point I did remember that it’s against the rules to let anyone portray a member of the Godhead in role-play situations, but by then it was too late, so I figured God would just have to forgive us this one time. Unfortunately, re-enacting the Creation turned out to be their favorite activity, so God has had to forgive us multiple times, but I like to think the Godhead understands these things.

Comments on Rebecca J’s post:

• RSM:

The primary manuals definitely still err on the side of assuming kids can sit, listen, and comprehend, and like the adult manuals, leave out some of the good stuff. (I’m trying to figure out how to work Jael into a sharing time.)

• Cynthia L.:

Request for a future BCC post:

Teaching Primary, Old Testament-Style

• sba:

Teaching Primary, OT-style: If it involves she-bears, my 11-yo is totally on board. That’s the only scripture reference he has memorized.

• Mily:

Some of the lesson objectives (what the kids are supposed to learn) are a HUGE stretch from the actual scriptures. In the Jacob and Esau lesson they suggest a “game” in which you list behaviors and the kids decide if it is an Esau behavior (unrighteous) or a Jacob behavior (righteous). But when the behavior was “Cheating on a test” the boys all said Jacob, because of course he would.

• Cate:

Another Valiant 9 teacher here. . . . I put myself at one end of the room, them at the other end with a slingshot and a bag of marshmallows, and they each tried to hit me between the eyes, so that they could see what David was up against. I’ve never forgotten it, and neither have they, as evidenced by a retelling in a sacrament meeting talk a couple of weeks ago by a thirteen-year-old deacon: “We all missed. It’s a lot harder than you’d think.”

hawkgrrrl, in her post “Hiding History” at W&T:

Before I got married, I mentioned to my mom that I had tried on some wedding suits and that one of them made my butt look fat. My mom was alarmed that I said this in front of my fiance. I pointed out that it wasn’t like I was going to be in a position to hide it if my butt looked fat.

Grover, in her post “10 Reasons Why Mormons Should Love “A Quiet Place”” at BCC:

Mormon families who can keep their 8 kids (ranging in ages from 18 years to 18 months old) reverent and quiet during three hours of church can now brag about how much longer their family would live than the rest of us.

Angela C, commenting on Steve Evans’s post “Male Friendships” at BCC:

It’s a shame we don’t have more social opportunities for men and women to do things together. We seem to be convinced like Pence that book clubs are just a bowl of keys away from an orgy.

Dave B., in his post “Suddenly, Everything is Ministering” at W&T:

[M]inistering is such a broad concept that it invites the sort of pious exaggeration that Mormons are good at. Expect a Primary song about ministering soon. Maybe ministering added as a Young Womens value as well. The five-fold mission of the Church: perfect the Saints, proclaim the gospel, redeem the dead, care for the poor and needy, and minister to everyone.

Comments on Dave B.’s post:

• Happy Hubby:

Maybe it is going to be like the new Coke. Before long we are pleading for Home Teaching to be reinstated.

• In the hinterlands:

My JW friend just stopped by, and this reminded me that she has done more “ministering” to me this month, than the entire past two years from my ward members.

Rockwell, commenting on Jared’s post “Presenting What is Negative Isn’t the Essence of the Problem” at W&T:

One possible content warning*:

“The following film depicts actions that are known by the state California to increase chances of getting divorced.”

* This film depicts a wedding. People that get married are more likely to get divorced than people who don’t get married.

Heptaparaparshinokh, commenting on PeterLLC’s post “There’s a time and a place to rat out your neighbor, but church isn’t it” at BCC:

[T]here are a lot of folks who are Lawful Neutral at best and more likely Lawful Evil, whereas Christ is on the boundary between Neutral Good and Chaotic Good.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go dust my Warhammer miniatures.

April Young Bennett, in her post “The Super Obvious Advantages of Male Biology to Priesthood Leadership” at the Exponent:

On average, men are taller than women. This makes it possible for men to keep important priesthood artifacts such as sacrament trays on high shelves and retrieve them without the worldly aid of a step stool.

Comments on April’s post:

• Cruelest Month:

I am concerned that you have not addressed the well known capacity of a penis to act as a radio tower for receiving revelation from heaven. Women’s anatomy more closely resembles a satellite dish. Who would use a satellite to communicate with deity when a radio is around?

• Em:

You’re forgetting some important stuff. Like a lot of men, on average, have bigger hands than women do. This important for things like holding those slippery trays. I can barely pass it to my husband on the row without dropping it. Also if I were to lay my hands on a head it would probably look like little baby hands and everyone would laugh and not take the ordinance seriously.

Comments on Starfoxy’s post “Garments are Symbols of the Atonement” at BCC:

[Responses to the suggestion by another commenter that garments be replaced by a tattoo]

• jaxjensen:

Do they hold you down and cut out the tattoo when you are excommunicated?

• Talon:

[S]ince visible tattoos are frowned upon they would have to be done with invisible ink that only shows up under ultra-violet light that can only be seen when black light bowling or when being scanned for entrance at the pearly gates.

Kristine, commenting on Kevin Barney’s post “8 or 4?” at BCC:

One advantage of a 5 year cycle [for scripture study in Sunday School] would be disrupting the correspondence between studying the Book of Mormon and US election years. If I never had to hear that the Gadianton robbers are the Democrats again… 😉 I’d gladly spend two years (or 4) on the Old Testament.

Rebecca J, in her post “Marriage and the best-laid plans” at BCC:

I feel reasonably confident that my marriage will last, if only because my husband and I are too lazy to split up. (Also, we kind of like each other now.)

MTodd, commenting on Rebecca J’s post:

[M]y wife and I have occasionally talked divorce. . . . Most recently my wife and I considered getting divorced just so on our son’s FAFSA we could use her piano teacher income instead of my corporate salary.

Martine, commenting on J. Stapley’s post “Defending the Temple and Priesthood Restriction as God’s Will” at BCC:

I only recently heard about BY’s “theological framework” regarding Cain being cursed because he denied Abel a posterity. . . . Unfortunately Brigham wasn’t familiar with the standard Mormon answer “it will all be worked out in the next life” members throw at everyone who questions the illogic temple sealing policies. How much pain might have been avoided!

Scott B., in his post “Upgrades the Church Should Totally Go For Now That Everyone Knows We’re Loaded, Ranked.” at BCC:

Friends of Scouting becomes Friends With Benefits of Scouting

Comments on Scott B.’s post:

• mactoph:

Outbid AT&T for the naming rights to the Cowboys Stadium to be hereafter known as the Religious Free-Dome.

• A Turtle Named Mack:

Shouldn’t temple recommends now be laminated, with security features such as ultraviolet ink, holograms of the three Nephites, and RFID access at the doors? No more slips of paper that self-destruct after 2 uses, and lonely temple workers half-asleep at the desk.

• Bruised, broken, yet at peace:

And how about an Alaskan style rebate on all heavenly taxes. That should stimulate greater investment in the wall between the Telestial and Terrestrial kingdoms (don’t want the murderers and rapists getting across the border into mediocre land (Making the Terrestrial Kingdom Luke Warm Again)).

• Cath:

Bottled water for the sacrament. I’m not saying it has to be perrier, but would a flat of Costco water bankrupt us? Arizona tap water is awful. And when I lived in SLC our charming 1920s building plumbing was such that if they forgot to run the water for a few minutes before filling the trays, it tasted like glue. I always pray that blessing and sanctifying the water make it taste better, but so far all I’ve gotten is not being lethal.

• Heptaparaparshinokh:

[M]ake Moroni part of a Tesla coil on certain temples, just because. (I want to see, uh, “divine lightning” incinerate that stupid billboard next to the LA Temple that always has trashy ads on it.)

Comments on Sam Brunson’s post “$32 Billion?!?” at BCC:

• nobody, really:

And at the end of the day, if you don’t like the way the Church invests their money, there are plenty of things you can do about it. You can gripe to the Bishop, you can complain to the Stake President, you can refuse to hold callings, you can sow discord throughout your ward, and you can even donate money to places where *you* think it should go. “Bring ye all the tithes unto the storehouse, and don’t you even think about giving to anybody else, for I am a jealous God, and will not have you supporting the United Way, or women’s shelters, or the Shakespeare Festival, for these things are an abomination in my sight….”

• Michael Austin:

[A]s a member who does still pay tithing, I am glad that the Church doesn’t have it [money] all sitting in a 24-story mattress at the COB.

Joni, commenting on Violadiva’s post “LDS Church to revise Hymnal & Children’s Songbook for global church and to fill doctrinal gaps!” at the Exponent:

I’ll bet you an ebenezer “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” gets put back in.

April Young Bennett, in her post “R-Rated Scripture” at the Exponent:

Through a little skit, Mormon children were learning a Book of Mormon story. In the scripture story, a missionary named Ammon gains favor with a king by cutting thieves’ arms off. The young girl portraying Ammon passed a bunch of paper arms to the person playing King Lamoni. “Thank you,” ad-libbed the King. “But I don’t like arms.”

Comments on J. Stapley’s post “2018 Preach My Gospel edition” at BCC:

• Jason K.:

I served a mission in Europe, where the key indicator reports would have been a whole bunch of goose eggs. (In one area, our BoM numbers were actually negative, because we were getting them back faster than we were giving them out.)

• Jack Hughes:

Must we still use the phrase “key indicators”? I thought we were getting away from the model of missionaries as traveling salesmen. “Key indicators” sounds like something an Alec Baldwin-esque district leader would scream about while pushing the ABCs (Always Be Converting).

Michael, commenting on Carolyn’s post “A Mormon’s Guide To Coffee Breaks and Happy Hours” at BCC:

The problem with the medical permission is that as described so far, the coffee is preventive and is not guaranteed to make a difference in any specific individual. Large numbers of people would have to be drinking it for many years to achieve a benefit in a fewer who are not identifiable at this point. It is not like the bishop can look into a seer stone and select the 15 or 20 people in his ward who would benefit in their old age and tell them to start drinking coffee.

Pilar, in her post “ShadowLeaks™ Releases LDS Church’s Sacred Memos” at Sisters Quorum:

[Q15 members’ suggestions for the new hymnbook]

President Russell M. Nelson has rewritten two hymns (“Let us All Share Kind Posts on the Facebooks” and “Did You Think to Pay?”) to reflect our changing times. (Sacred Memo #2) . . . .

David A. Bednar contributed an astoundingly impressive 100 new verses to the children’s song “Quickly, I’ll Obey.” For brevity’s sake, “only 99 of the most inspiring could be included.” (Sacred Memos #8-10, 46-58, 66-78, 105-141, 158-195)

[Note: Pilar’s post made me laugh the most of any that I read on the Bloggernacle last year. I definitely recommend the entire thing.]

Tessa, in her post “Letters to a Beleaguered SCMC Member” at fMh:

Are you receiving any sort of salary for this? I certainly hope so! Your time is valuable, and you deserve to be compensated for that time. I hope they didn’t guilt you into service by declaring this a calling and expecting you to put in 20+ hours a week for free. I’d suggest you band together with other SCMC members in collective action. But, being a shadow organization and all, it may be hard to identify those other members. Unless you all share an office. Is this more of a freelance/contractor gig or are you all on the same computer bank in some non-descript office building in downtown Salt Lake?

Artemis, in her post “Guest Post: An Open Letter to the Stake President Concerned about Breastfeeding” at the Exponent:

[Suggestions to a stake president who was concerned about the effect on teenage boys of women openly breastfeeding at church]

Designate a small room for the tempted to retreat to. The room should have a functioning audio system, be furnished with comfortable chairs, and not be connected to a smelly bathroom, but maybe not.

HHB, commenting on Artemis’s post:

To all the commenters who keep circling back to that Holy Grail, the *simple, light, covering*…

I am currently in the midst of a mutually-agreed-upon weaning process with a wiggly, ridiculously distractable 15-month-old who has NEVER had the attention span or wherewithal to nurse like a good normal human boy. Keeping him latched with any consistency has required near-constant vigilance for countless hours over the last year+ of my life as he goes on and off the breast like an old man sipping lemonade on a lazy summer afternoon.

. . . . So you/your wife/your sister/mother/daughter/cousin/neighbor/whomever nursed 14 babies under a handmade quilt on the head of a pin without ever breaking a sweat or flashing a sliver of inappropriate flesh… Bully for her!!! She must have been extra super righteous to have been blessed with such a cooperative body and infant. Maybe a modicum of compassion could be mustered, though, for those of us telestial nursing moms who didn’t qualify for that blessing—probably due to us being fence-sitters in the pre-existence or some such.

Gilgamesh, commenting on Steve Evans’s post “The Rest of the Lord” at BCC:

From the title, I thought this post would inform us that right now we only have 2/3 of the Lord. We get the rest of the Lord when the final 3rd is unsealed and translated.

nobody, really, commenting on Chris Kimball’s post “Testing Bishops for Skills, Aptitude, and Narcissism” at BCC:

We as a Church seem to live in abject fear that somewhere in the ward, somebody has some free time, and if we don’t immediately fill it, they will go merrily skipping off to Sodom and Gomorrah.

Comments on Steve Petersen’s post “Is Pioneer Day too Utah Mormon?” at BCC:

• Jack Hughes:

Probably the hardest part of Pioneer Day is the overwhelming cognitive dissonance from seeing pictures of members of the First Presidency dressed in cowboy hats and western attire.

• nobody, really:

We would have had a full-fledged revolt had we not held some sort of Pioneer Day celebration. I can picture at least five elderly couples calling the Stake President, demanding that he immediately release and excommunicate all local leaders for dereliction of duty, right up there with the reintroduction of polygamy, or using Jack Daniels in place of water for the Sacrament.

Comments on Grover’s post “Fragmented Thoughts from a Former Breastfeeder” at BCC:

• Michael Austin:

[On the issue of BYU students painting models in leotards rather than nudes]

We need to stop encouraging fake nudes.

• Rebecca J:

If the sight of a woman breastfeeding uncovered makes you uncomfortable, I recommend . . . look[ing] the other way. I don’t promise it will be easy, only that it will be worth it.

Bishop Bill, in his post “The Ties that Bind” at W&T:

[On the issue of neckties reducing blood flow to the wearer’s brain]

I still wear a tie to church, but since my cognitive abilities are on the decline anyway due to old age and watching the Simpsons, I don’t want to exacerbate it, so I keep my tie nice and loose.

Comments on Carolyn’s post “Trademark Mormon” at BCC:

[On dropping use of “Mormon” to label the Church or its members]

• Moss:

You are all ignoring the most far-reaching implication: what are we supposed to use as flippant shorthand for the literal-minded among us? TBRGoJC doesn’t have the same zazz as TBM.

• Not a Cougar:

I always (ALWAYS) reference the British Open as the UK British (Scottish) Golf Open Presented by Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas Queen, Defender of the Faith. Ya know, just in case there’s any confusion.

• JR:

I can remember singing Evan Stephens’ song “I am a Mormon Boy.” Somehow “I am a member-of-the-restored-church boy” just doesn’t have the same ring to it. Oh, well, I didn’t really like that song much anyway.

• jaxjensen:

“Are you a Mormon?”
“Well, I used to be, back before I wasn’t, prior to when I was, but then we had a big ‘I’m a Mormon’ PR push and I was again, then for awhile I wasn’t sure, but now I’m not anymore. So, like, I have an I’m A Mormon page, but “Mormon” is now offensive to me and my Savior, so… I don’t know. Ask me tomorrow!”

• cwb:

Maybe in ten years I will bump into some missionaries and say “I used to be a high priest in the mormon church. I even had 100 percent home teaching!” They wont know what the hell I’m talking about.

lastlemming, commenting on Clark Goble’s post “What’s in a Name?” at T&S: