A Correlated Mormon Gender Issues Survey

It has come to the attention of the Church Correlation Department that a so-called group of so-called academics has undertaken to do a so-called survey on so-called gender issues among so-called members of the so-called Church. As internet information (including surveys) does not have a truth filter, the Correlation Department has undertaken to edit the survey so that it may be more faith promoting, and less tainted by the philosophies of (wo)men.

Please tell us a little about how you heard about this survey. Who referred you to it?

• The Holy Ghost whispered to me that I should take it.
• The Three Nephites exhorted me to take it while they were changing my flat tire.
• The spirit of a just man made perfect appeared to me and made known unto me that I must take it. I know that I was not deceived, as he refused to shake my hand.
• Other.

Of course your name is on the records of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. On which other organizations’ records is your name also recorded? (Mark all that apply.)

• The Republican Party
• The Church of the Firstborn
• The Quorum of the Anointed
• The Council of Fifty
• The Lamb’s Book of Life

What is your eternal gender?

• Presider
• Nurturer

How active are you in the Church?

• Fully active
• Fully active, but struggling with being less active

Do you hold a current temple recommend?

• Yes
• Of course
• Who doesn’t?
• Yes, and I sleep with it next to my heart.
• Yes, and to be safe, I pay 11% tithing.
• Yes, and to be safe, I keep both Saturday and Sunday holy.
• Yes, and to be safe, I don’t associate with any non-members.
• All of the above.

How important for being a good member of the Church is it to believe that Joseph Smith literally saw God the Father and Jesus Christ?

• Essential
• Completely essential
• Totally essential
• Wholly essential
• Quintessentially essential
• 100% essential
• 110% essential
• All of the above

Which statement comes closer to your own view, even if neither is exactly right?

• Some teachings of the Church are hard for me to accept, but I still accept them all wholeheartedly.
• No teachings of the Church are hard for me to accept, and I accept them all wholeheartedly.

Which statement comes closer to your own view, even if neither is exactly right?

• A good Church member should obey the counsel of priesthood leaders, because it will never contradict true personal revelation.
• A good Church member should follow true personal revelation, because it will never contradict the counsel of priesthood leaders.

Are you personally concerned about the different roles men and women are expected to play in the Church?

• Different roles? I never noticed!
• Don’t be absurd! Any differences are trivial!
• Don’t be ridiculous! Even if differences are non-trivial, the Church still values women and men equally.
• Equality doesn’t necessarily mean sameness.
• I feel blessed in my role. I would never want another role.
• No.
• All of the above.

Please carefully read each of the following statements and indicate your level of agreement or disagreement.

Strongly disagree

Disagree

Neutral

Agree

Strongly agree

• God has established different roles for men and women.
• God has revealed that only men should hold the priesthood.
• God has revealed that only women should have babies. Artificial wombs and the movie Junior are an abomination.
• It is unfair that teen girls have the privilege of menstruating to prepare for motherhood and teen boys do not.
• Church meetings that include both men and women would be better if women would stop talking too much.

The following are some suggestions that people have made for changes in the Church’s policies related to women. Bearing in mind that it matters not one iota to either the Church or to God what you think, please indicate the degree to which you support each of the following changes:

Fully support

Generally support

Neutral

Generally oppose

Completely oppose

• Ban women from praying in General Conference.
• Ban women from speaking in General Conference.
• Stop calling the Women’s Session a session of General Conference.
• Ban women from attending General Conference.
• Remove the pictures of women’s auxiliary leaders from the Conference Center.
• Remove the pictures of women’s auxiliary leaders from the Ensign centerfold.
• Ban women with small children from teaching for CES.
• Ban women with small children from attending church.
• Change the endowment ceremony back so that women once again covenant to “obey” their husbands.
• Change the sealing ceremony to include language that explains that it is because of eternal polygamy that husbands don’t give themselves to their wives like wives give themselves to their husbands.
• Re-institute polygamy. Specifically, polygyny.

Do you, personally, believe that women who are dedicated members of the Church should have the opportunity to be ordained to the priesthood?

• Of course not!
• This is a faithless question.
• If God wanted it this way, the Church would already be doing it.
• Women have plenty of work of their own.
• No righteous woman would want such a thing.
• I am deeply offended at this question being asked.
• The priesthood would be a cursing rather than a blessing if it were given to women, as it was ordained to be for men only since the foundation of the world.
• All of the above.

If a decision were made to allow women to hold the priesthood in the Church, what would you describe as being the primary reason behind the change?

• Don’t be ridiculous.
• This is an absurd hypothetical.
• No such thing could ever happen.
• If such a thing were to happen, it would only be because of God’s will, not because of pressure from political pressure groups and amoral attorneys and sinners spinning sophistry.
• All of the above.

In 1978, the Church extended the priesthood to all worthy males. What would you describe as being the primary reason behind this change?

• God’s revelation at God’s time through God’s mouthpieces showing God’s will for God’s people in these latter days.
• All of the above.

How likely is it that sometime within the next 10 years the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles will receive a revelation allowing women to be ordained to the priesthood?

• 0%
• God’s time is not man’s time.
• God’s probabilities are not man’s probabilities.
• With God, there are no probabilities, only certainties.
• All of the above.

Thank you for your attention to this survey. There is no need to submit it for mortal review, as God already knows all of your answers, and will make them known to your Priesthood Leaders where necessary.