In Blogging

I’m thankful for Feminist Mormon Housewives

Author ZiffPosted on 25 Comments

This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the blog Feminist Mormon Housewives.

One reason I’m thankful for fMh is that it was the major inspiration for starting ZD. Lynnette, who was the one person most responsible for ZD’s beginning, has told me that after reading fMh for just a little while, she knew that not only did she want to comment there, she wanted to have her own blog to write on. So here we are, and I’m thankful for that, because I really enjoy blogging with my sisters and friends.

But there’s a much larger reason why I think fMh is wonderful. As I’ve read discussions there, I’ve been struck by how often people say that before finding fMh, they always felt alone in church because they didn’t like patriarchy (or had associated concerns with the priesthood, temple, etc.). From reading such comments, I’ve come to see that fMh is performing a valuable public service by providing a virtual community for people who feel they’re on the margins at church. For some people, it appears to be the lifeline that allows them to stay associated with the Church when they might otherwise leave. I think I’ve been spoiled by having sisters who largely share (or at least put up with my ranting about) my unorthodoxies, so fMh has probably never filled quite that crucial a role for me. But still, I love fMh for being so welcoming to oddball people like me. I really appreciate all the work Lisa and her fellow bloggers put into their endlessly insightful, frequently funny writing, as well as the herculean task of managing the avalanche of comments.

But you don’t have to take my word for it about how great fMh is, below I’ve quoted a few (okay, maybe a few hundred) comments from other satisfied fMh readers that I’ve noticed while reading there. (Note that in many cases, I’ve extracted a small quote out of a larger comment. If you follow the links in commenters’ names, you’ll be taken to the original comments).

I think your blog rocks. I believe the issues you deal with are some of the most important and meaningful issues in the church today.

I was told about this website by my brother-in-law ! it’s great!

I have felt so alienated calling myself a feminist around church people. But I really am a feminist. It is such a relief to read this blog.

I can’t believe how much I learn from everyone on this blog. Reading all of your comments is like being at the participation part of a church lesson where everyone is engaged and interested and almost doesn’t want the lesson to end… because it is so interesting… and there is so much to learn from eachother. Thank you to all of you willing to comment… you are making a big difference in my life!

I have to say that reading your blog has helped me greatly. My husband is mormon. . . .

I investigated [the Church] on my own. . . . I started with Church published materials that my husband had given me. Within 10 minutes of cracking the materials, though, I was astonished, and not in a good way.

. . . I decided unwaveringly that this was not a religion that I could practice.

. . . I had begun to wonder ( I can’t really think of a better term ) how Mormons could be good people when they are taught racism and sexism. . . . My experience with my in-laws didn’t give me much faith in the LDS phenomenon of free thought. . . .

You’ve helped me realize how foolish I was being. And that I was basically stereotyping. People of every faith have free will and the ability to use thier intelect. Mormons may be pressured more to ignore those cognitive urges, but they are their just the same.

. . . You’ve rejuvenated my faith in the strength of intelligent individuals.

Though I have rarely commented, this blog has been a community for me and a place I can go to encounter like-minded people as well as people with ideas that challenge me. . . .

Lisa, thank you for creating this amazing place for all of us and for everything you stand for.

I appreciate this blog, because it’s a safe place for people to express their concerns without being made to feel like they’re bad or “falling away”.

IMO, #11 [from the OP, a list of items why people might be reading less: “11. TMI (i.e. Lindor Balls? monthly rituals?)”] and other off-the-wall stuff is what keeps FMH fun. I love that most of y’all here are unpretentious and real.

love this blog.

Thanks for a delightful blog!

I am usually too intimidated to comment. I am not always able to get my thoughts out in a neat little comment box, but you all will never know how much this space means to me. I can agree with much of what [another commenter] said in her comment — I feel like much less of a freak when I spend time over here.

Thanks, FMH. I get a lot of interesting mental stimulation here.

This is one of my all time favorite blogs and I’m so glad you’re here. Thanks for helping me feel like I’m less of a freak in my ward…

Lisa, you set the tone here and the rest of us follow along. The tone is wonderful and fun and uplifting and insightful and thought-provoking, which is why it’s larger now, and you were mentioned in the NYT.

I come around here because the writing is great and I really like a lot of the people.

I just wanted to say kudos to you all for finding a forum where those thinking about issues serious to them can comizerate, vent, receive answers and support. This website seems to provide exactly what  [previous commenters on the thread] were talking about when they mentioned workshops. It is technology working as a type of “fellowshipping” that might not exist–given the geographic ward boundary system set up by the church.

It is really quite amazing and fascinating. When one reads through the comments all at one time, one cannot help but feel coming from the posts people with a strong desire to think through things and do what is right–something anybody could benefit from. It is inspiring, even for someone who takes issue with most of what is said (okay, that might be an exxageration, but not far off). What an awsome thing!!

I had stayed [in the Church] till yesterday, honestly, only because I didn’t want to burn bridges prematurely. That and I have strong beliefs in many of the unique things about the LDS religion. I was unsure as to if I would continue to associate myself with the religion because my soul is so at odds with prevalent cultural — and sometimes doctrinal — things that the feminist in me screams at.

While the discussion on the other thread moved this way and that, I found many very valuable viewpoints that have convinced me to stay.

i need to read . . . more often, as FMH is a blessing to so many people…the only place we can speak freely without having our thoughts/feelings/beliefs attacked, or our heads ripped off!

Lisa, for all your supposed shortcomings (not properly appreciating chocolate, for one thing), you still love God, you love your DH and kids, you run one rockin’ blog that has been filling an emotional, social, and spiritual void for at least one woman who was starting to despair of ever finding people who could relate to her trying to be faithful LDS and feminist at the same time. I love your stories of poop and crossing wires over dance recitals. I love Buttercup’s photologue of flowers. I love that you tell your kids that witches eat eye of newt and yogurt. You are the supreme goddess of my FMH world!!

I have to say I love being privy to all the insight, wisdom, and friendship that is here. I have learned and healed a lot since finding this place.

I think that FHM is a wonderful representative of how Mormon’s express their opinions and discuss Mormonism together. Nice work, Lisa!

This is my first comment here, but I’ve been reading for a long time, and I love this blog. Thanks for making it happen!

I hardly ever comment but I read every post and as many of the comments as I can stand. :-) FMH has been so important to me over the last couple of years!

Happy anniversary FMH! I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you.

I first came across fmh when trying to come up with a talk for Mother’s Day. My wife HATES Mother’s Day and especially hates the sappy talks and flowers that men came up with as the best way to celebrate motherhood/womanhood from a spiritual perspective. One of her best friends felt the same way. Our branch president knew this and wanted a real talk, not the norm. Some of the comments here provided some of the material for the talk and, I have to say, I had a few puzzled looks but mostly laughter and tears from the sisters (my wife and her friend included). Yes, the perspective that this blog provides is much needed in the church, IMHO.

I appreciate that FMH is a safe place to talk about deep-seated issues that cause a lot of problems for many women here. The overwhelming tone, in my opinion, is love for the church and for God and a sincere desire to serve God and be strong, loving, good women.

Lisa,

I throw my thanks in along with those who have already expressed theirs–please keep writing posts like this one. You have no idea how many women there are “out there” that read your blog all the time, but just never comment (like me).

I can’t tell you how many times you’ve addressed an issue that has been gnawing at my raw heart for years–and how some of those issues have been de-fanged by reading even just a few of your comments.

I really feel that this blog, and others like it, provide isolated women with a sense of community/solidarity.

Thank you.

This blog (and a couple other places) is what keeps my inactive by choice toe testing the temperature of LDS waters.

FMH has been my rock and place of hope during the many phases of personal development (especially during the pain of Prop 8, as my family are still active members).

I find this site refreshing and a pleasure to read because it contains intelligent opinions and speaks to real life issues experienced by real life people. Sites like this, I believe, prevent people from falling away from the church because it gives them the opportunity to express frustrations and concerns with a global community of individuals. And, it shows that LDS (Mormons) people are not closed minded and brainwashed.

I really enjoy FMH, I am always anxious to read the latest post and connect with so many people. I often feel like an outsider, even though I’ve been reading for 3 years (wowza, just realized that), but I hope to one day have a comraderie that the other women on this blog seem to have.

I just wanted to say, Heavenly Mother and Father bless all of you.

I stumbled upon these comments while doing some research about Proposition 8 and, I’d like to say as a gay man who was raised LDS (but was forced out 25 years ago, at the age of 15, for being gay), I only wish my own family members had been as capable of such open discourse as I have found here.

You are all–on both sides of the issue–to be commended for your open-mindedness, civility and rationality. You debate issues with mutual respect and even Christlike compassion. This is what I love (and miss) about LDS culture. . . .

Thank you all for restoring my faith in the membership.

another nice thing about FMH is that it’s a place to hear from my sisters in the Church. I don’t go to relief society, so I don’t get to be privy to a female-led discussion that often.

Let me once again express my gratitude for this blog. Can you even imagine a conversation like this [about sex] in Relief Society/EQ?

I love this site. I came across it looking for mormon literature, anything really, that would help me come to terms with myself and so many of my plaguing issues. I do believe this will help. Thanks to all of you for your brutally honest comments.

I think I heard about this Blog several years ago in the New Yorker! I love coming here because I feel like you all could walk in my door any minute and we’d have a wonderful time. Most of you feel like sisters and I can either just read things and be quiet or talk and either is fine. . . .

FMH feels like home to me. This is where I come when I need a good, safe place to think.

I am not LDS but I’m enjoying what I read here very much. I’m from Seattle and never have I been surrounded by lds like I am now (we’ve been in Boise for 5 yrs). Until I met Lisa, I thought all Mormons were off their rockers (sorry if I’m offending anyone – I’m hoping I get to be honest here also…). But Lisa is very normal…the ONLY normal mormon I’ve met yet. But I get the feeling that every lds posting here is also just as ‘normal’, in my opinion.

I read every day, actually multiple times a day when I should be working, but very rarely comment.

. . . kudos to the regular posters/commentors who have great responses to the trolls/rude folks that just make me so mad I wouldn’t be able to write a coherent comment. . . .

I like the variety of content (Mormon and non-Mormon feminist issues) and the ability to hear out differing points of view.

Basically, the site is awesome

I must first and foremost declare my tremendous admiration for your blog!

It is truly refreshing to come upon someone who writes as effortlessly and engagingly as you do even when dealing with thorny issues.

. . . Let me say again, I simply love your blog and its content. My congratulations to the contributors.

Thank you, thank you, for this blog . . .

Even though I’m not female I come often to be reminded that I’m not alone in my liberal views, and that there are other people working to engage our faith warts and all and helping to work from the inside to make this Church a better place for all of God’s children.

Thank you for helping to provide a safe place.

I’ve been reading around this blog for a while . . . and loving it! I feel like I’ve finally found a mormon community where I can be honest about how I view the world and the gospel . . .

Thank you to all the bloggers, and regular commenters, who make this such a great, welcoming forum. I’m so glad I found you all!

Oh my gosh, I think I love you. I found this blog trying to do research for my Gospel Essentials lesson and fell in love. I am also a feminist and a Mormon, and it’s hard to do sometimes.

Another non-commenter who is so grateful for this site. Thanks!!!! from all of us lurkers.

A place where I wasn’t the weirdo liberal (like in my church life), or the weirdo conservative (in my life outside the church).

. . .Yeah, that’s it. That’s the description of what I’m needing, too. The self-imposed silence required to survive this weirdness is starting to make me nuts. Visiting this place helps . . .

this site is itself a great gift . . .

I am currently re-reading Jean Strouse’s marvelous biography of Alice James, sister of William and Henry, who went from being an active, energetic, bright young girl to being a lifelong invalid because that was really the only profession available to well-to-do women then. Oh, had Alice had the gift of ONE WEEK of fMh!

. . . Again, thanks for a terrific site. Live long & prosper!

I have been reading fMh for quite a while, and have deeply enjoyed the rich diversity of views on all sorts of topics. . . .

I hugely admire the thoughtfulness and weighing of alternatives that I see on this site over and over again on a invigorating range of subjects. No wonder this site wins top ratings so often.

this is the most civil, sensitive, and sisterly site I have encountered in my many years of Internet activity. (It also has the richest, most thoughtful discussions I’ve found.)

. . . I believe, on good evidence, that if fMh had existed twenty years ago, many women who are no longer in the church would today be active, both giving and receiving the fruits Mormonism has to offer. And I would guess many more are active today because they can come to fMh and tell us where it hurts and how much it hurts.

This blog has helped me on my spiritual journey.

Thank you!

I completely agree that this blog fills a much needed niche. Thank you and keep writing!

. . . Thanks again for your blog. Just the name of your blog makes me smile whenever I visit the site.

Your posts are the “conversations” that I am dying to have with other Mormon women that I just can’t/don’t have with the Mormon women I know. . . .

Your blog is thought provoking . . .

Hi Lisa. I have never been to this site before but from link to link to link somehow I landed in the middle of your post. I am truly touched. . . .  I read a lot of myself in your post, some of the same questions, many things sit uneasy on my heart. But there is no place that I feel comfortable sharing those doubts. . . . Thanks for giving me a safe space to comment and for being so real.

I remember — five years ago or so? — the first time Feminist Mormon Housewives broached the subject of post-partum depression. Seemed like the floodgates opened as people shared their stories and offered empathetic support. . . .   it struck me that we were witnessing, truly, a virtual *relief* society. I contrast that to how isolated — and how uninformed — I felt years previous in living with family members with major depressive episodes.

. . . so many of people who regularly comment here have taught me so much about patience, graciousness, open-mindedness, and more.

My life has been enriched by the friends I’ve made here. Sometimes I get annoyed with some of the commenters, but I generally get over it when I realize that FMH is a safe space for women and men to discuss the emotional upheaval that comes with participating in (or observing!) a patriarchal, paternalistic religion and society.

I am so pleased to have discovered this site. I married my RM a little over a year ago and we are happily enjoying each other with no children. I try to befriend women at church, but all the twenty year olds (I am 23) either have children or are very put off with my liberal attitude. I don’t cook, do my husband’s laundry, or act as his little assistant. For some reason, my fellow ward members are shocked by this.

I find it hard sometimes to fit in with the members at my ward. My husband is very supportive and understands, but I really get lonely with my feminist thoughts that people are so appalled by. I love that I can read posts here and finally say, “I feel the same way” or “That’s what I was just thinking”.

Thank you!

Hi, fmhLisa!

I love this blog, even though I don’t comment much anymore.

Thanks so much for sharing your life with us. I love reading your thoughts and your stories about you and your family.

And thanks for providing a safe place for women to discuss their feelings and questions about gender roles, Church culture, etc.

I appreciate all the work you do in keeping up this blog. From the readers’ perspective, it’s definitely well worth it!

Ladies – I found this site by accident / design today and WOW!!! Can’t begin to tell you how amazing it is to know that somewhere out there are amazing mormon women who have ideas, ambitions, and who are comfortable speaking their mind!

I would never have been able to develop the faith that I needed to join the church if I hadnt found FMH – it makes all the difference in the world knowing that as a feminist and a liberal I am not a total outsider in my church, no matter how much it may seem that way sometimes. Basically, many of the posts here set me on paths of internal debate that eventually led to faith and the church.

I love this blog. I truly did not know there was anyone else like me in the world- people who weren’t 100% certain of everything, people who yearned and doubted, people who sincerely wanted to be faithful but struggled. I felt horribly alone for years.

Then FMH came along and I cried tears of relief. So thank you for articulating the struggle we Mormon Feminists face, and for hosting these constructive conversations and debates. Thank you for simply having the courage to ask hard questions. My experience here has been one of empowerment, sustenance, and hope, and for the first time in years I have found peace in the struggle.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I think I’ve commented all of about twice, but just wanted to say that I love the site (although I’m a little confused how it is I became so addicted… :) ). Anyway, keep up the great work!

Very captivating blog, by the way. You sucked up two hours of my time last night. ;)

I often wish I could count fMh as church. Everyone, please keep posting! You are reading my mind, calming my heart and filling my soul!!

I love the idea of hearing from so many others who are asking the same questions and wrestling with the same issues as I.

Plus, a little boiling in the blood is good for your health – so fMh is perfect!

All I can say is that if the leadership finds something like FMH or other Mormon bloggers objectionable, they would be closing off an outlet that is vital to survival in the Church for some of us. I think back to where I was even just a year ago, before I started blogging. Now I can’t imagine going back to that isolation.

I have been an avid reader of FMH for nearly a year, but this is actually my debut comment. . . . This particular post spoke so deeply to me today. Thank you.

There are so many instances when I think how simple my life might be if I left the church. My husband is a devout Catholic, my poltical and social values rarely align with my fellow church members and I often feel marginalized by colleagues in Social Work for my religious beliefs. Academia is, in some cases, unforgiving. . . . I am still here because I have hope that things will one day be different. I am still here because I have a small collection of powerful and meaningful spiritual experiences that help me remember when I’m down. I am still here because I love my Savior. I am still here because after great struggles, I have found a way to fuse my profession and politics with my faith. I am still here because of people like you. Thank you for your support FMH. Just a year ago, I felt as if everything I knew and loved was dichotomous. I stumbled upon the blog when I was at one of my lowest points. Now, as the tears stream down my face, I thank God that I have found others to lean on for support where I previously felt alone.

Love this site :)

I’m just a non-Mormon lurker, who started reading this blog when I moved to Idaho, wanting to know more about the dominant religion out here. Now I stop by nearly everday!

FHM has some controversial posts but they are wonderful, faithful, intelligent, and funny women overall.

I like the FMH blog a lot. It’s really enlightening to see so many intelligent LDS women struggle under the weight of these issues.

this blog is a favorite, not because of it’s theological depth, (sorry–were you aiming for that?) but because of the excellent writing.

I’ve been lurking here pretty regularly for about 2 years but found this site when I was 15 and just finding it gave me a sigh of relief.

I am pretty new here, but I just have to say how amazing a find this board has been for me. I finally do not feel alone in all of my weird feminist wanderings.

[to another commenter] I found this blog this past fall and I cried too. I am so glad to have found it.

To fmhlisa . . . may I add, thank you for this site. Oh. My. Gosh. You have no idea how important it is to my sanity and I have learned so much. You are providing a great service because we have had no where to go with all our angst but out.

Lisa,

As a not-too-distant neighbor of yours  . . . , I always read your blog with interest and enjoy it immensely. I hit the “culture shock” stage in college and have made many arguments that resemble yours over the years.

. . . Your blog has become another place where I can nod my head and smile and be thankful for a kindred questioning-but-faithful spirit. Keep it up.

I read about you in the NYT, and I’m happy to have found you. Keep up the good work!

I love the fact that we can discuss anything at FMH.

I want to echo [a previous commenter] and express how amazing it was for me to discover FMH. My brother steered me here when I expressed frustration about not understanding why no one felt the same way I did about things. Turns out there are tons of people who feel the same way and I really appreciate the openness and exploration that goes on here, in spite of the “haters.” Thank you so much for helping me see that I didn’t just need to repent of my personal beliefs. :)

By the way, thank you FMH for existing! I don’t know what I’d do without you.

you know why I like this blog so much?

I used to think (don’t hate me more than you already do :)) that believers continued to be believers because they hadn’t thought through it enough yet. I don’t necessarily think that now, though that is obviously the case for some (like me, up until 12 or so years ago).

But once in a while I come across someone who is a believer despite critically thinking through tough issues. I find several of those folks here. Although, i’m dumbfounded by it and in awe of it, I respect it. And I’d being lying if I said, at times, I don’t envy it.

Have been checking this site nearly every day since I nursed my last baby–got me thru some long nights. Now I check the site while she’s in kindergarten. . . .

I’m really glad that I got introduced to this blog . . .

I’m so glad this blog exists – even though I don’t comment barely at all, being able to access this community helps me cope with the questions that I have about the church and my faith. Even if i don’t find answers, at least i know i’m not alone.

I am still having a very hard time with this [Prop 8]. I find myself so many times just angry. Angry at religion, angry at churches, and businesses, but then I found your blogs. and I realized like so many people have done to me, I had stereotyped all mormons into a category of bigots simply because of a few, loud and very rich voices/wallets. For that I want to apologize and Thank you for your note.

Hi, FMH’ers. I lurk often and felt the need to come out this time.
I so enjoy the intellectual thought here.

Thanks for helping me think a little deeper and know I’m not alone in my feelings!

I’ve been enjoying the “oxymormon” quality of this blog and it’s reflection of so many of the conflicted issues of being a mormon and a feminist.

This is another intesting post, Lisa. Thanks for FMH–it’s great.

I am glad to have found this website.

I’m addicted to reading fMh and there’s no known cure for it.

I started reading blogs this last January and soon after started my own, it is my place to rant, rave, and reflect. Better than a journal because of the great input I get from random people who I have never met.

Then I found fmh, and the angels of heaven smiled down on me. Sudden sisterhood, that I wasn’t even looking for! It has been a place to discuss issues I have. Issues that no one else wants to hear about, blacks and the priesthood, sex abuse, you get it….I casually mention reading a book about Joesph Smiths other wives and women stare like I have just admitted to murdering my own child. Through this site I have found there are lots of ways to be Mormon, feminist, and righteous, and if I am careful I can quite possibly do all three.

I’ve been lurking here for several weeks and want to thank everyone for a great site. What an absolute thrill to find fellow sisters –and brothers– in the gospel who don’t subscribe to the “cultural” bounds of the church and who are eager to discuss and debate issues that are far too quickly swept under the rug.

What a fabulous website. I am not LDS but met with the missionaries extensively many years ago when I was in graduate school with several LDS men, one of whom I happened to be dating. To have been able to have had discussions with women such as yourselves at a time in my life when I was feeling anxious and vulnerable as well as pressure from the young man I was dating, would have enhanced my spiritual journey and served as a great source of encouragement and support. . . . I am so impressed with your articulate and thoughtful questions/insights. I have been inspired to greet the day with a fresh outlook. I’ll be sure to check in periodically for an attitude adjustment and a life lesson or two!

I am a long time lurker and lover of this blog. And I agree with all of the things that you just posted here, Lisa. Thank you. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in my love of the church and my longing for a more egalitarian society.

This website is seriously a lifesaver for both me and my husband. I am really so happy I could bawl. I’m not a housewife, but I’m a feminist and a liberal. I converted to the church when I was 19 (I’m now 23), and married a good little Mormon boy. He’s been nothing but supportive of me and my dreams. He’s never pushed me to buckle down and start a family, and he’s proud of my educational aspirations. But, my parents would have rather me get a sex change than convert, and my in-laws are a little put off by my ambition (it’s the nice way of saying they don’t like me). I’ve been struggling with my faith for the last eight months, and I don’t find a lot of support at relief society, mostly because no one understands or agrees with me about pretty much everything. I stopped going to the temple (we used to go at least once a month), and I made up excuses to avoid sunday meetings. I love my husband so deeply, and I could never do anything to comprimise our relationship, but I didn’t want to live a lie. I looked at anti-Mormon websites a little, and I realized I disagreed with everything they were saying, so I thought that there must still be some little inkling of a testimony. So I searched “feminist Mormons,” and here I am! I never realized that there were this many women who could empathize with me. I’m really thankful, and I hope that I can find what I need in this community.

I love your blog.

It has been great to know there are minds out there battling the same issues as I am. And it can also be helpful in sharing with friends who are having a hard time. Its like a prescription for gosepl frustration/isolationitis. “Take two looks at FMH honey, and call me in the morning.”

Hi Lisa!
I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, I stumbled upon it randomly, and find the things you write about fascinating! I’m not a Mormon, but I find your struggles to fit in very interesting, and relatable-I have very liberal opinions, and most of my friends and family are conservative. I’m a vegan, so kudos to you on veing vegetarian :) Looking foward to reading more from you!

i am just so grateful to have a place like this where i feel that i can safely study and express and share opinions on so many topics that are too often neglected. as my testimony grows with me, i feel that this is a safe environment in which i can gain greater understanding through the posters/commenters’ wide ranges of experience.

thank you, fmhlisa, for all you do – i don’t think i’m remiss in saying that many, many of us would feel a great hole in our lives had you not created this site!

This is my first post. I think it’s fitting that it be on FMH–I really like BCC and T&S as well, but I think I resonate more here (though I’m not a housewive, I am a feminist mormon wife). I found you, like others, through google when I was searching for answers to some gospel doctrine questions regarding the position (or lack thereof) of women in our church.

And, like others, I am so grateful that these forums exist. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to hear other stories, experiences, and perspectives–especially because they are unfortunately not found frequently with the church walls (at least not openly).

Thank you, fmhLisa!!!!

the reason I am here is because it is the first place I have felt I belong in a long time. No matter where I am, the only other place I feel at home is in my own head. . . .

I have found here a fascinating group of individuals united in a common thread of ideas, and who appear to be intellectual and unique. This blog is a release from my day, and a reminder that there still exist the powerful women who remind me so much of my own mother, sisters, grandmother, and of everything I see in my wife . . .

I want to learn and be challenged and grow. I am not usually stimulated on Sunday, so I look forward to the discussions that take place here. When I found this sight in some ways it felt like another home. A place where I wasn’t the weirdo liberal (like in my church life), or the weirdo conservative (in my life outside the church). Here is a place where people ask questions, debate and challenge their beliefs. Others like me!

I’ve been lurking on and off for years and the last few months this blog has been a lifesaver for me. I’ve been quietly struggling with my testimony and I don’t feel like I have anyone I can talk to about my concerns. Coming here and seeing how many other LDS women deal with the same concerns and remain faithful, and to know that I’m not alone has been a real blessing to me. . . . .

Anyhow, thank you for this blog and thank you for all those that share. I have learned so much here and it’s been a great help.

Thank you for helping me to feel less alone.

I am currently having a similar crisis, over the last several months, and so I focus on doing what feels right, figuring that even if it’s all craziness in the end, it surely can’t hurt to have faith and try to be obedient and honest and kind.

I am an active recommend-carrying member with four little ones who we raise in the gospel, but I question SO MANY things for myself. Maybe someday they will make sense to me. In the meantime, reading and conversing and learning is a good way to pass time and try to figure out where I fit into LDS culture.

I just know this place keeps me sane.

I stumbled across this website earlier tonight and have been delighted with much of the content.

I can’t adequately express my gratitude for this space to understand the intersection of Feminism and Mormonism. I see family members who left this Church I love decades ago over feeling that these worlds do not intersect, so, although I am somewhat new to this blog, I already feel so indebted to its message. I am so honored to stand “right at the center of that divide” with all of you.

The reason I didn’t find fMh until this year is because when I was first learning about the church in 1997-98 I would look up Mormon topics on the internet and kept finding the most hateful anti-Mormon propaganda and it just gave me a horrible feeling to read it. After that I didn’t read anything Mormon-related on the internet. When I read this blog for the first time it made a big impression on me that one person mentioned being in Relief Society the Sunday before. If I had read some of the posts by members who went inactive or left the church I probably would have avoided reading further, just out of fear that it was going to be the same hate-mongering. I’m glad I kept reading though, it’s been great to realize that there are people like me in the church, and I’ve found that I can agree with the non-members, inactive members, and members of other churches who post here as well, whereas before reading this site I would have been uncomfortable discussing church-related topics with non-members.

I remember the day I had googled another topic for a talk and FMH came up in the results- the blog title cracked me up and caught my interest right away…I had never even read a blog before (I thought it was akin to reading someone else’s diary- and that’s not far off the mark, but I didn’t realize how much fun it can be). I was hooked day one, because I’d found a group of people who shared many of the same concerns and openly discussed them.

There was definitely a time when these topics and discussions would have made me very uncomfortable (and critical for that matter). I was a lot younger, in fact and not at the point in my life where these issues are most relevant. . . .

It’s not like I’m super old now and am looking back with regret. I’m 27 and in the thick of it with a four year-old and grad-student husband. What better time to start getting some answers?–or opinions (they help too.) THanks for the great blog.

I love FMH!

. . . I was so happy when you started FMH! I have only posted once or twice, but I am a dedicated reader. Thanks for all the time and honesty you put into this blog.

I love reading your opinions and I love that you arrive at them independently–it makes me feel less alone and freakish to know that there are other women in the church to whom “feminist” thoughts come naturally!

I remember thinking there just couldn’t be two such wonderfully articulate, bold, gentle, funny voices in the world. Imagine my surprise as FMH has given dozens of women a chance to find that voice and echo it. Wow!! I’ve LOVED watching FMH grow and develop its own delicious personality–I feel like an oh-so-proud big sister.

I love all of you! It is so cool to find such great thinkers in one place!

What do I want, what do I want:
I want to know that I belong somewhere.
I want kinship and community. People who “get” me.
I want to know that there are other people, just like me, who are thinking and talking about critical, topical issues about life and our presence in it.
I want to know that I’m not immoral, fallen, apostate, or “just plain weird” for having questions, ideas, ideals and personal convictions contrary to the “Mo’ Mainstream” of my upbringing.
I want to learn about others’ questions, ideas, ideals and personal convictions in an open forum, nestled comfortably in an atmosphere of humility, acceptance and understanding.
I want to be a “Feminist Mormon Housewife,” even if I don’t fit neatly into that category right now. (”Humanist Inactive//Questioning/Prodigal Working-wife-who-dreams-of-being-a-SAHM” describes me more accurately.)
I want a user-friendly field guide that not only challenges what I think I know about life and the great questions, it kicks my butt into figuring it all out for myself.
I want to read fMh all day, every day, because it teaches me, inspires me, challenges me and comforts me.

. . . Thank you for being here, fMh. I heart you.

The fMh permas (and guest bloggers alike) are my new heroines. I haven’t lurked here from the beginning, but I have literally spent months and months perusing the archives, getting “caught up” with fMh’s rich, storied herstory, and loving every guilty minute of it. [/gushing testimonial of fMh greatness]

When I found this place 7 months ago, I cried “Hallelujah!” I *need* this community. I’m inactive but want to come back But I’m struggling with this balance between faithful and feminist. I don’t know where I am or where I should go. I can’t go back to being the person I was before.

I need a place where I can know that it’s possibly to be a liberal, a feminist, and a faithful Mormon. A place where people can question the issues that weigh heavily on my soul. A place to NOT FEEL ALONE. . . .

I love hearing multiple viewpoints. From non-Mos, inactive Mos, semi-active Mos, cultural Mos, ex-Mos, traditional Mos, and nontraditional Mos. It’s what makes this place so great. . . .

So I need this place otherwise I’ll go crazy.

this society is more “relieving” to me than the one I go to on Sunday. I find deeper perspectives and more feeling here. I think faith is cultivated in working through doubts, not sweeping them under the rug. Consequently, I appreciate the spiritual progress I read about here. It doesn’t sound contrived. I like that. . . . I appreciate this blog because I appreciate your recognition of humanity—in yourselves and in church leaders.

My challenge is this: I love the doctrine of the church: I love the BOM and Baptism for the Dead and eternal families and I love the Savior, but I don’t love feeling like an assistant to the men. I come here to this site because its one of the few places that people like me gather; people who love the Gospel but don’t understand why its set up in such a way that I do feel like I’m an assistant. I don’t think I’m supposed to feel second class, but I can’t find answers to why I do and I’m in a searching mode.

You ALL amuse me on so many levels for so many reasons. I love this blog . . .

If I had known women like the fMh posters ten or twelve years ago, I may still be Mormon today. As it is, I have no desire to return to the Church, but I always enjoy the discussion that takes place here. I so admire and respect the women (and men) who post here for not following blindly, as I was so often told I should.

I just discovered this site a day or so while ago, but it’s hard to leave. The depth of coverage here is incredible.

I am another one of those women who is so glad to see other women are hearing and reading these things the same way. My husband wonders why such sexist things offend me.  . . .

Anyway, thank you so much for having this site.

FINALLY!!! There are people out there like me!

I am a constant lurker here and always appreciate the discussions.

This blog has really helped me feel a sisterhood that I wish I had in RS

With that I would just like to say that I have really enjoyed coming and reading posts and the great people that so often comment on this site. It has been a safe haven for a questioning mormon gal. . . . Thanks again for all time and effort you and all the perma bloggers here put in for this blog.

I found this blog at Blogged.com. And boy am I glad I did.
. . . thank you for creating this blog, and especially for writing your story, I could really relate to it in many ways. And it makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one who is struggling with some concepts of the church. And I’m also happy to know that there are other female members out there who don’t feel the need to hide their feministic and/or liberal leanings.
I hope this isn’t creepy to say, but reading this blog (I’ve read a few other posts) is like having a Mormon version of my mother, or like having the Young Womens leader I always needed but never had. When it comes to church related issues, I still feel like the 17 year old convert on her first day at church sometimes.
Again, thanks.

This is a wonderful, interesting and diverse group. I’m not a believer, but if you believe God gave you this body and this soul to use on Earth, websites like this that foster discussion, critical thought, analysis, self-awareness, and awareness of one’s impact on others–are the highest possible expression of that God-given-gift. I love the diversity of views here. . . . I love challenging myself NOT to try and make everyone see things how I see them (and I love when just once in a while, someone makes me see things the way THEY see them).

I really relate to the difficulty of being both active LDS and feminist and am SO VERY appreciate of your effort in creating this “safe space” and in re-focusing when necessary.

Though I don’t have time to engage in too many discussions, this is one of my favorite blogs.

Thank you. Thank you.

Lisa,

It’s good to know that I am not the only one that questions their faith. I too struggle with my faith on a daily basis.

I’m continually amazed by the level of love and devotion to the Mormon Gospel that I find on this board, particularly coming from women who see so clearly and honestly the hurt that Mormon culture often does to the women who choose to remain a part of the church and its life. There are many, many loving, faithful Mormon women who post at this site and who have the courage and honesty to confront the faith in the areas where it fails them as women, while still upholding the doctrine that they love and believe in.

I respect that enormously.

Once again I want to hug all of you! Thank you for letting me know that I am not the only one who struggles!

. . . . Thanks again for providing this board!

FMH you are starting to carve your way into my heart

Wow! Lisa, thanks for the beautiful post. I have just started searching on the Internet for people like me and finally, I’ve found some!! I have felt so alone in the church for a long time with nowhere to voice my opinions or concerns. . . . I will not leave the church because it would have devastating affects on my family. But at least here, I can know that there are others just like me out there. . . .

Lisa, I can’t thank you enough for this site and your post. It’s truly brought me much comfort. Yeah– I’m not alone!!

Gosh, I love this site… I feel so less alone. I know that there are many people in my ward, maybe even sitting right next to me, who are as inperfect in their faith as I am. And that gives me the strength to continue another week and struggle and search for answers and peace.

By the way, love this blog! Very thought provoking and sometimes squemish discusions (course it makes you wonder why it makes you suemish in the first place :-P).

I love reading everyone’s comments…I am so glad I found this blog!

I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found such a wide range of thoughts, musings and spiritual crises! I, too, have struggled with explaining how I could be in such a church with only “feeling” that it is right. . . . So, thank you Lisa, for articulating so well my own personal struggle as a strong willed woman with visions for herself, her country and her children.

I, too, love it here. I felt like I’d struck gold when I happened upon it!

i gotta say, i have my own blog and found yours just browsing through AND I LOVE IT i am so excited about what you are saying and you all are such brilliant women, rock on~

Lisa’s blog is a wonderful,thoughtful blog. Although I don’t consider myself a feminist in the pure sense of feminism, many of the concerns that Lisa discusses are very valid. And I for one, think it would be wonderful for people to have their first introduction to the Church through her blog, as there are many who already think . . . that LDS women are downtrodden, submissive, barefoot-and-pregnant chattels. And it’s nice for them to see this isn’t truly the case. . . . Lisa is to be congratulated for stepping out of the box and being true to herself.

I second [another commenter’s] comment about fMh being a place full of knowledge and love. fMh was my introduction to the ‘nacle and remains my favorite blog to this day. The community here is so vibrant and alive, and the discussions are thoughtful and good hearted.

Anyway, I just wanted to chip in my two cents to thank everyone for making this such a great place to be. :)

I still read here because I love this site. I found many answers here when I was searching for the ‘truth’. Plus I love the feminist education I get here . . .

[another blogger] had mentioned something about poop chronicles and I just HAD to see what he was talking about.

I got hooked!

. . . Thank you all for establishing such a thoughtful, safe place for me to engage!

To all the posters and commenters, and the people who run this website: Thank you so much! It helps me to know that other people have similar issues to mine. Without this website, I would feel completely alone. So thanks. I’m not giving up on the church yet, and this website is a big part of that.

I think I found fmh indirectly a couple of years ago when I was feeling very discouraged as a member of the church. I was feeling things that I hear echoed so strongly in many of your comments, and I felt so very alone, and I am so glad to know that I am not.

Happy Anniversary to my favorite blog to lurk!

Ok, I have been lurking here for some time, always enjoying a good read whether I agree with the person’s opinion or not. The posts are very well written and thought out. However, after reading the Poop Chronicles. both I and II, I just HAD to say something. These have me laughing so hard. Mainly cause I have experienced most of these myself, from poop picasso to the trail of poop back to the bathroom. Please keep them coming, at least now I do’t feel like the only mommy who has had some utterly gross experiences with the little poop factories.

Hi Ladies
I am almost crying with joy as I type this. I have felt so alone in this mormon world for almost my whole life. Other than companions on my mission, I only have had 2 active mormon women friends in my life. I feel like I can echo so much of the feelings I’ve read.

You’ve always made me feel welcome as a guest here (even the occasional guest post!), and I appreciate that.

. . . You’ve done a wonderful job of creating a virtual community where different voices can discuss challenging topics with grace. It’s not surprising that this attracts a large number of lurkers and occasional-commentors ranging from active members to angry ex-members to people with no LDS background at all. This is a very appealing place to hang out.

I like to read and comment on this blog to connect and learn. I like the discussions and feel like I have grown from hearing others perspectives and life stories. It is nice to know I am not the only one with issues, big and small.

I discovered this webpage a little over a week ago, and I have to say I am sooo excited about it! I’ve spent some time reading the archives, and I’m happy to know that there are kindred spirits out there.

I was suffering from serious post-partum blues after giving birth to kid #2, as well as suffering an identity shock as I’d gone from “cool, busy Master’s student” mom to “Stay-at-Home 10,080 minutes a week w/ 2 kids and no life” mom. In the depths of my misery and woe, I did what I always tend to do when faced with a problem: I hit the library and checked out loads of books. Trying to figure out how on earth I could do this mothering gig full-time, I read books looking for common ground with the authors. I felt like I was losing my mind, and I wanted to know if that was normal or if I needed to admit myself somewhere. A couple of the books on mothering had feminist overtones, so I started thinking about feminism. And it dawned on me, “I AM a feminist!” Whoa!! I told my husband and he said, “I always knew you were, but figured it was something you had to realize on your own.” I then wondered if there were others like me, so I turned to my favorite question-answerer: GOOGLE! I googled “feminist mormon” and this blog showed up. I was delighted and quickly hooked! FMH was my first introduction to the blog world, and to the bloggernacle, and while I like to dabble around at other blogs a bit, FMH is my “heart blog,” even though I have since joined the blogosphere with my own little blog. I’ve really enjoyed the fodder for thought and the warm fuzzies of feeling like I’m not a lone duck in the vast ocean of Mormonism.

So, thank you fmhLisa and FMH!

I am so glad for FMH and to know there are women like me — completely devoted to the Gospel but mad about the status quo.

I have been visiting this site for 4 years and it has been like a friend – that rare person who could listen to my doubts and anger and still understand I aspire for faithfulness.

Thank you for providing a safe place where we have the blessed opportunity to look into the depths of one another’s souls. We are all so different and yet so much the same. I for one am grateful for the honesty and candor I find here.

When it comes to civility, I find that FMH scores better than other LDS-themed blogs. The discussion here is sincere, respectful and reflects diverse views (love you guys!). I’ve never seen the kind of flames here that I see elsewhere. You all do a great job.

Even though I don’t comment very much– many of the bloggers here feel like family. My cyber-family. I have come to love and count on the comments of several women and men who can help us all learn and grow and stretch and laugh and cry. Thank you for being a part of this. It is something special to be sure.

I . . . read here because I can learn from others. It helps solidify or change my thoughts and I feel less crazy when I read the comments of many (ie.. Quimby, CWC, mFranti, Ray) who inspire me and help to enlighten so many of us. Also, I find many comments that explain exactly how I feel much better than I can; and lets me know that I’m not the only person on the planet (potentially sitting in church) thinking these things. And who doesn’t like a little validation every once in a while? Who doesn’t like to feel like they’re not alone in their opinions every once in a blue moon? Thanks for being here. I am a better person when I get the chance to read through many of the thoughtful, intelligent, and interesting threads posted on fmh.

even though I am not unduly bothered by the way God has allowed us to organized in his name, I can see that it causes many women a great deal of pain, which naturally absorbs their focus. I have had my consciousness raised from reading FMH and I have learned to correct some of the poor logic I picked up along the way. But mostly I have learned to have sympathy for someone who’s hurting.

There aren’t many places on the web where people will thrash each other and make a huge mess and then will come back the next day and clean it up. Once again fMh amazes me — in a good way.

I really value FMH as a place to gather new perspective. I absolutely adore it when folks from all walks of life (and religion) and differences of opinion discuss important, sensitive, and controversial topics constructively.

. . . Finally, I love you, FMH. Please don’t die. Thanks Lisa and permas for all you do.

Having been reared in an LDS community a little lacking in diversity and acceptance at times, I have very much enjoyed hearing a multitude of voices expressing their struggles on individual paths to finding truth and becoming better. I, for one, have hardly any answers, and appreciate earnest and respectful comments from all over the spectrum. I have learned the value of your peaceful, loving discourse and disagreement, and hopefully I’ll learn how to do it at some point as well :-) That, and to have tranquility and confidence enough to live and let live. Thanks for letting me lurk here!

This community you’ve created is a life-line; it’s been a real blessing to me, anyway.

This blog is a hoot!

I love FMH. I really do. My brother told me about it three years ago when I was talking to him about something that was bothering me (I don’t remember what) and I was absolutely thrilled to find a place where I could hear and talk about stuff that I can’t anywhere else. I usually didn’t even have to talk because someone else would say what I was thinking.

. . . . There have been one or two times in the past couple of years that I got really frustrated with the tone of a discussion and totally decided I was done with FMH. But I can’t stay away because there is so much love and support here too. I need you guys. I’m a terrible commenter because I have no idea how to express myself and what I say comes off totally wrong and so I don’t usually talk too much. But I totally feel like I know so many of you. Thanks for sharing yourselves.

  • Ms. Jack

Personally, I’ve always been deeply grateful to Lisa and the other permas for making fMh an inclusive, welcoming place.

I found this site searching for ‘Orthodox Christian feminism’ because I am in fact an Orthodox Christian woman. There’s almost nothing on the internet for Orthodox women with my views although I know we exist in ‘real’ life, but I’ve found such comfort in this site and the discussions that you have here. Somehow, despite the very different traditions, rituals, and histories, we are often struggling with similar questions and problems. . . .

I’ve learned so much about wifehood and motherhood from reading this site, and it’s been very helpful for understanding how I can be a ‘good wife’ and a ‘good feminist.’ . . .

I love reading your delightful and thought-provoking discussions!! It’s really exciting to find a group of men, women, and teens even who are trying to be faithful by having the difficult conversations.

I can tell you that the main reason that I read FMH is that it makes me a better servant in the church. I quote from it all the time to my husband, who serves in leadership, to also help him see another point of view. I worry that some people with unhappy experiences are in our congregation, and don’t feel that they can voice them openly. . .  And I always want to keep those silent voices in mind as decisions are made.

thank you Lisa. Thank you, thank you, thank you. . .

There are wonderful people on this blog – people from all walks of life, all faiths and all backgrounds whose thoughts have fascinated me and taught me new approaches to lifelong questions. I come to this site to be challenged in my faith and in my beliefs because I love to be challenged.

As of last night, I had never fully described to someone how the male-only Priesthood affected me. And here I am today, broadcasting it to the world. Whew. Thank goodness for fMh, huh?

I rarely comment, but read this blog quite religiously. . . .

What I love about this blog is that there are people who think enough like I do for there to be room for my thoughts. In my real life, there is no such space. If I want a stridently mormon tone [or an inflexibly 2nd wave feminist one, or a nasty one] there are other blogs out there for me [or, for that matter, conversations going on around me]. When I want a conversation that tries to integrate family, thought, religion, sexuality, and so on in a decent and thoughtful fashion, I come here. Thank you fmhLisa. [brackets in original]

I just want to say, as a sometimes commenting lurker –I love you guys. Thanks for helping me feel less alone in trying to be Mormon and hold on to my personal ethics.

Thanks so much for fMh!

i am grateful for the safe space this blog provides, where we can discuss these things without fear of repercussions.

. . . many of the women on this blog have deep and heart-felt testimonies, and i find it incredibly refreshing that they are not afraid to talk about the hard stuff.

i have actually felt my testimony grow as i’ve visited this blog and seen that other women struggle with the same issues i do, while still believing the church to be true.

Lisa

Your blog is great, your posts are thought-provoking and you are wonderful. Please don’t stop. And most of all please, please, please don’t let the intellectual helots get to you.

. . . Keep it up, you’re doing great.

I have to say that this is the best website ever. You women are amazing, and I wish I knew you in person.

Hiya, found you to be an honest, trusting woman and just wanted to thank you for sharing your mind and soul.

I lived in Salt Lake for two years B.O. (Before the Olympics) and enjoyed the company of many Mormons and non-Mormons. Having been baptised into the Church in 1995, it was sometimes difficult for me because of some of the attitudes you talk about. Thank you for sharing those innermost thoughts. . . .

Just wanted to say thanks, I think what you are saying is important and a way for others to understand that even life long LDS members have issues and doubts, and realize that others may not think or feel the same but that does not make them EVIL!

This whole discussion has been very interesting to me. (As are most of the threads I’ve read so far on this site–thanks for being here and being real, y’all!)

I am new to this forum and I really appreciate it. It is comforting to know there are others out there who have many of the same thoughts/questions I have. And that there is a safe community in which to discuss them.

. . . Thanks for this wonderful website and I appreciate all the incredible people who comment and open the door for discussion and reflection!

I find this blog amazingly intelligent and am always finding my mind challenged by it. The mods are pretty fair and are taking on a tremendous task without losing sight of their own basic mantra. I couldn’t do it. We kinda found a home didn’t we? Odd ducks…nice odd flock full of beautiful odd feathered birds. I feel good here.

I don’t think getting enough people to stick around and converse is ever going to be a problem here! You are to be congratulated for promoting such vibrant discussions.

Kevin’s initial post about a subject all too many Latter-day Saints are loath to discuss at this time [women receiving the priesthood], plus the subsequent discussion, have been heartening and faith-strengthening (at least for me). That important questions can be raised in an atmosphere of trust and openness is a very positive development for Mormons and others seeking truth and understanding.

Lisa, just a quick note…thanks so much for such a great blog. Being a newbie to blogs in general, this has been so fun: I’ve laughed, cried and been inspired these last few days. My sisters and I have a little spring in our step lately thanks to fHm. Bravo, sister!

I started coming around here two years ago (lurking) when I was still considered myself a member, and I really enjoy all the conversations/debates. I love the sense of humor that permeates this place. In short, I come here for the company. You all are great people . . .

Hooray for fMh! Best semi-secret online club ever.

I kind of like the fact that I can come here and remind myself that it’s okay to question or even disagree with what sometimes seems like the overwhelmingly right-wing lean of the church and it’s members. We can all get a good, healthy dose of more conservative dialogue every time we go to church, ward play dates, enrichment nights, etc – but how many venues offer the other side for people who are, or at least sympathise with, mormon femenist housewives? By leaning more to that side this site DOES provide balance to anyone who spends a good deal of time with other mormons, and I am SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT! :)

I also wanted to say as a non-Mormon, feminist, graduate-student-wife that I really value this space and this sort of honest and detailed conversation among women. So, thank you FMH!

Lisa . . . I’m not sure if I even comment enough for you to keep me straight among the others, but even still when I talk about something you’ve written on FMH, I always say that I heard it from a friend.

Thanks to this blog and another very saddening family divorce, I am starting to consider going back to church. Thanks to everyone for your honest discussions!!

One of the things that makes this site such an interesting and valuable place is the willingness of many posters to challenge the status quo, in the quest to make the world a better place. A safe place to express frustrations with the status quo. Safe because our LDS community (in general) is often so quick to judge, marginalize, and condemn before real communication can take place, ideas can be shared, etc.

I semi-worship the permas here . . . , and some of you others, and just offer thanks for a bit of sanity from time to time in my crazy life in Utah County.

Congratulations on keeping this amazing thing going Lisa for all these years — this site has become an important part of my LDS cultural evolution. Please keep it alive for many more to come. :)

What is a woman to do when she starts to question all of this? I find that outside of reading and participating in blogs, there is no one that I would feel comfortable having these conversations with. . . .  it is hard for me to reconcile all of this and then go to church and deliver a lesson to the Mia Maids without feeling like a hypocrite. I have found that when I bring up the “hard stuff” with my family or friends (”circle of influence”) it makes them VERY uncomfortable and so I drop it. Most people don’t want to talk about the fact that women actually held the priesthood in the early church. Problem is, I have thought about it way too much to just drop it myself. So I find myself a frequent visitor to FMH. Makes me feel not so alone.

I’ve been lurking around FHM for a couple of months now and have thoroughly enjoyed it. . . .

Although I’m what you consider a “life-long” member, I have always felt like I was on the out-skirts of the church. I grew up in a part member family. My mom was a member but was inactive until I was in YWs, which meant my siblings and I went to church by ourselves. I was infused with feminism from the time I was born, having come from a long line of strong women. Also, my liberal beliefs definitely make me feel like an outsider. Coming to this blog makes me feel less alone in my beliefs/ideas and that there are other Mormons out there who might understand me.

. . . Most of all, thanks for this blog. I feel like I’ve found a community. I have learned so much from reading the posts and comments and also have felt a kind of support in that I’m not alone in the dichotomy that is being a mormon feminist.

This is the most encouraging thing I’ve read in a long time. . . . Thanks for what you say, I love this site!

The fact that people get angry enough to make a loud, dramatic exit is why I like this blog so much.

I want to stay a member of the church. For those times when someone says something to me that makes me feel like I can’t be Mormon, or I must not be, because I’m not Mormon the way they are, I can come here to FMH and be reminded that there are many men and women out there who are Mormon like me or Mormon in their own way. Finding this blog literally saved my testimony and membership and continues to do it every few months when I fall into my distraught state of thinking I can no longer do it because I don’t fit into the norm.

So thank you to all the commenters and perma bloggers for being real and honest and for allowing me to be real and honest. I’m glad I’m still here.

I’m so glad I found this place. I feel like I’ve found a home for thought, if that makes any sense.

Thank you, Lisa! I’ve enjoyed following fMh since I found it about a year ago. It’s probably selfish of me to eavesdrop, as it were, on so many great discussions without contributing myself, but I feel like I’ve gained so much from reading. Many of the questions people have posted haven’t been ones I’ve struggled with myself, but they’ve made me think about issues in a new light. I like being challenged to dig deep into myself and think about what I really believe, what really rings true for me. I admire everyone who’s been brave enough to share their insights and experiences here.

I’m a college student, who was avoiding her homework on a Saturday morning by reading the NY Times…and I came across the reference to your blog. And now I’ve “wasted” all sorts of time. (Wasted in that I didn’t spend it doing physics) So thanks! What wonderfully funny, thoughtful, and interesting things you all have to say. Too many of us have such limited notions people of different faiths. And being a Catholic feminist, I have some sense of the struggle feminists face in churches whose hierarchy is patriarchal. Anyways, what a great way to start new discussions and make connections! And share the ever important poop stories. Thanks again, and keep up the good work!

I’m so glad I found this place! I have been having a lot of guilt about not loving being a SAHM all the time. I’m pretty open about it, but when I talk about it in person, it seems like other women look down at me. . . .

It’s good to read your comments. I feel better now.

I love this website, as I feel like a kindred spirit to y’all

I’m so grateful I found this website. I’ve been reading past fMh blogs for the past month of so, on and off. The people who write here express themselves wonderfully. Every blog I have read thus far has been beautifully written, and the comments from other readers are just phenom!

Being a newer member to the Church (since Feb 24th /07) and a new wife (as of Oct 13th /07) and always a bit feminist, I can relate in so many ways. And I’m so happy I’m not entirely alone in my oxymoron-ish feelings with being both a feminist AND a faithful member!

Kudos to everyone who writes here, I look forward to getting to know you all.

Lisa… you are great and your blog is great. You are honest and don’t sugar coat things.

Thank you so much, Lisa, for creating a place where conservative-leaning, recently realized feminists like myself have a place to safely discuss all the things our friends and neighbors might think us crazy for discussing!

I have learned somuch from so many of you, and have felt of your spirit and sincerity even if we sometimes come at things from different angles. When I was in the hospital, I had no computer access and had serious withdrawal symptoms (from missing all of you!)

. . . . Again, thank you for FMH, I have been strengthened and learned much from the wonderful discussions here, and look forward to participating again (and not just in the middle of the night when all my little monsters are sleeping).

I have to say that the subgroup of MfH I belong to here is those just happy that you all exist. Knowing that there are women and men out there who are honestly trying to live the gospel . . . who are thinking big thoughts and asking big questions and not just smiling and saying “Um, sister shannon, you’re sort of bordering on apostate there.” Ok actually no one has every said that to me but then I don’t exactly have the same conversations with my missionaries and Bishop that I have here.

Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is I’m glad that there are those here to convince, cajole, rebutt, and reassure . . .

Gracious! I really like your site!

. . . Thank you for sharing the record, the full, honest one, (at least as far as I can tell!) – the one that doesn’t care what people say if you’re a liberal Mormon and doesn’t care what others say when you do believe in God after all.

You remind me of my wife, from what I’ve read here. That is the biggest possible compliment I can give.

Lisa,
I found out about this website from an article in BUST magazine. (As of last June) I am no longer LDS, but naturally I continue to have an interest in articles/televised programs/talks on the Church. I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed reading what you wrote. I think that if I had known about this website, I wouldn’t have felt so alone as a struggling liberal LDS woman.

Oh FMH – how I love thee.

I always feel like an interloper here (not being LDS) but I just want to say: I love you people and your wild passionate blog-conversations. And I’d like to point out that this very blog is changing the nature and the culture of the church. You are providing a place where people can talk about their differences and feel supported and accepted and sane and normal.

I grew up in a christian religion which I assumed to be very liberal because of the way I was raised. We didn’t go to church so I was never touched by the culture of the church, only the scripture. My first immersion in the culture was when I went to church college (the equivalent of BYU) and found out that the college was unaccepting of openly homosexual students. I was also shocked to encounter the cultural expectation that women were sent to college to find a husband.

I dropped out and felt very very angry towards the church, towards god, towards all the members. I felt betrayed and shut out. But when I began attending a branch church (with a pitifully small membership) back home I met some other liberal members, a conservative gay member and a whole lot of conservatives. Regardless, everyone went to brunch together and teased each other about politics (with the most love imaginable). This was a truly healing experience for me. If I had known that there were others who thought like me or if I had seen the acceptance I saw at the branch church, I wouldn’t have struggled with so much hurt during the years in between.

This blog is kinda like those lunches!

I love you ladies and gents. You are helping me restore my faith in this church :D.

The many comments by lurkers/infrequent commenters (like me!) are a testament to the value of fMh for a wide range of folks. As a male ex-Mormon I’m aware that I’m here as a guest, so I’m grateful for the open door — and for the generally civil, kind and empathetic tone that’s fostered hereabouts. That there are occasional failures of charity isn’t surprising; more interesting (and far more important) is how those failures are addressed. And that’s where this pink corner of the internet really shines for me.

I do want to say I really value this space and the opportunity to share my struggles with you all. It is heartening to know there are others who struggle with this. I admire those of you who have the courage to discuss your concerns with your leaders and to push for change.

Just wanted to add how awesome I think all the regulars here are (I lurk a lot), and in that post above, especially Stephanie, who can be so honest about stuff most of us (it is most of us, not just me, yeah?) feel really vulnerable about.

thank you for such a wonderful forum that I can read and see that I am not alone in my thoughts and beliefs. Sometimes, I felt that way- I have a severely challenged child at home and I do not get out much so a blog like this means so much to me. This is going to sound rather pathetic, but it is kind of like having a friend who I can listen to in my spare time that will not tell me that being feminist (or Democrat or even asking for equal rights for my child at church) is against the church doctrine. This blog as well as a few others are one of the blessings that I have in my life where rational adult conversation takes place and not just hatefu or scared ‘reaction’. Thank you!

Thank you to all of you great bloggers here, I have learned so much about myself from reading the posts and comments. I love fMh!

i do appreciate this forum and the candor of the believing sisters who’s voices i never heard as a member.

I love reading this site.

I wanted to say that I often find this site delightful, and one that I can share with non-member friends and that they instantly appreciate.

I’m grateful that blogs like this exist, where faithful Mormons can question and find answers to things we understand partially and want to know more.

I have found myself here. I have discovered that life isn’t black and white but full of grays of all shades. This site has encouraged me to become more than just a follower, but someone who seeks out learning, and understanding. It has taught me to become a better woman, mother and wife.

I love this website so much. It has helped me feel less marginalized as a liberal leaning LDS woman.

I just stumbled upon your site and am so happy to find other feminist mormon housewives. I knew there had to be others, but I had only found one other in my entire mormon housewife experience. Especially happy am I (sounds like Yoda) after trying to talk about the presidential debate with two of my closest Relief Society friends only to have them both state that they consider themselves a-political, not interested, too busy to care. It was disheartening. So, thank you for talking about issues that so many mormon women seem not interested in or too busy to care about.

I know I’m not a regular commenter, but I love this blog and the space it creates for a meeting of the faithful and feminist minds that often exist inside the same person.

why am I HERE, Feminist Mormon Housewives? Like so many others, I wish this were my ward. I starting doubting a few years ago and I searched for a community and I found you all. If it wasn’t for you all, it wouldn’t have taken me two years to finally write a resignation letter like I did on Sunday. I didn’t turn it in, but I talked to my SP about it.

Wow, I am so glad to have found this site.

I’m here for a number of reasons. I think the community is the most important reason. I feel as though this is a community I could potentially become a part of. I admire many of you and think you’re smart, funny, and awesome people. I love the laughs and the little kindnesses I see go on between you.

I also like the information I learn here. I’m a new mother of a teenage boy, and I really need to learn more about being a mother. . . . You guys have a lot of insights and interesting ideas that I take to heart. You give good advice.

I’m also here to share my thoughts and ideas sometimes, and see if any good comes of that. . . .

I’m really glad this place is here, mainly because of the truth-telling that goes on here.

Wow. I just came apon this website by pure accident–or something! Lisa’s story left me dumb-founded. I am 22 and come from a big fat mormon family. . . .

Things like abortion, blacks and the preisthood, women and the preisthood and polygamy have always weighed on my mind. . . .

I have spent hours and so many tears trying to explain to my friend and family why women’s rights are so important. . . .

My passion for the gospel parallels my passion for civil rights. But not until I found this website, have I ever really felt understood.

as always when i read fmh, my perspective has changed a bit. i appreciate hearing from the other side of the situation and sometimes wish i had this blog to read years and years ago.

Not sure how I found this site, but thank you so much!

Hi, Lisa-

. . . You started this website, and you have encouraged a dialogue that many people have found incredibly refreshing. The posts on the other blogs can become quite bogged down with people showing off where they went to school and how smart they are, but you have a way of getting straight to the point and focusing on the salient issues of the discussion, instead of wandering off attacking whether or not such-and-such publication is THE definitive academic publication on X issue, etc., etc.

. . . Your contribution is you are willing to take on difficult issues in a straight-forward, down-to-earth manner. People appreciate hearing from you, and have no problem understanding what you are saying. When you say you “hate” the Proclaimation on the Family, many people can relate to that feeling you described – even though other people would analyze and tease apart the meaning of “preside” or other difficult concepts to make the Proclaimation more palatable. Many people are still very uncomfortable with (even hate) some of the concepts in the Proclaimation, and can relate to your frank assessment of it.

this is an awesome blog. FMH has some of the most compelling posts and interesting comments in the bloggernacle. Keep up the good work!

My heart and mind is broken, stretched, and healed nearly every time I visit fMh.

I don’t know if I’m staying or leaving the Church, I’m kind of in limbo. But I know that what I feel here is special. So thank you to everyone who posts and comments. I am indebted to you in ways that you (and I) will perhaps never know.

*sigh* I love fMh. What did I ever do without it?

I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and thought it was the right and proper thing to tell you how much I enjoy it. I almost feel like I’m somehow cheating by not chiming in… Being neither a Mormon nor a housewife, I can not comment on many of the issues raised. But I’ve been amazed how many of the posts and comments resonate with my life as a protestant pastor’s wife/mother of very loud 2 month old infant/pediatric critical care physician. I found your site in the middle of the night a few weeks ago while trying to stay awake nursing aforementioned infant. I’ve discovered that being a feminist pastor’s wife (especially one who is frequently absent from church due to work – for some reason kids keep getting sick on Sundays even when we tell them it’s the sabbath) comes with a lot of the ‘traditional woman’ baggage that I’m guessing shows up in the Mormon church.

Ok so I discovered this blog about 3 days ago and literally cried with relief as I’ve read it…I have NEVER felt so relieved in my entire life to know that I am NOT crazy for thinking the way I do. So for that I thank you. . . . I just wanted to hop on and say thanks to all the ladies and guys even who have shown me that I’m not a nut job…

Why I lurk: 1) Whether I agree or not (and perhaps even more when I don’t), it gets those brain cells humming and buzzing. What a gift! 2) Articulating helps me come to a comfortable angle of repose, and there are many things that need resolving between my faith and my reason. I have had enough “aha” moments reading others’ struggles to articulate and resolve, that I keep coming back. It builds my faith and strengthens my reason.

Thanks for this blog! It is sustenance for lonely Mommies everywhere!

this blog has saved my sanity more than once. Thanks again ladies!

Oh FMH,why didn’t Joseph invent you rather than Relief Society?

Still,I guess Relief Society was the FMH of it’s time.

I’m a Feminist Mormon Housewife who became disenchanted with the Church in 1990, after attending the temple for my wedding. The temple ceremony at the time was something to behold, especially for a feminist. For the past 15 years I’ve wrestled with my faith (or lack thereof) and how I fit in as a progressive, liberal in Utah. The answer is I don’t fit in and the internet has saved my sanity. I have very little contact with the Church and had totally written it off, until I found your site. You people speak my language. You understand my frustrations yet a large percentage of you still retain your faith. I’m intrigued. Bless you all.

I’m so grateful I found this blog a little over two weeks ago, because it is a wonderful reminder to show Christ-like compassion, to all–not just the few that I see at church every week.

I read this blog regularly. I agree with FMH posts less than half the time I’d guess, but the fortitude of the group gives me courage to do what I think is best for me and mine despite my fear of others’ disapproval. So thanks for that.

I don’t always comment here, but I read all the time. And I love the insights you share. I’d love to have you as a friend in “real life.”

I am a mostly quiet lurker, but I appreciate this website ALOT for the really wide ranging and thoughtful discussions.

Ok… PARTY at MY HOUSE with ALL OF YOU! I loved, loved, loved reading these comments. I felt… UNDERSTOOD! (Where has this blog been all my life?)

I love fMh. I appreciate the work you and your fellow bloggers put into it. . . . Thanks for your work to keep us all in enough line to make fMh continue to be such a great place to visit.

Blah

25 comments

  1. I love the “blah” at the end! Classic. FMH is my primary bloggernacle home… and I found you through them 🙂 I am very grateful for the wonderful kaleidoscope of people I have found via the internet. It’s nice to know there is such a wide spectrum of opinions and stances within the LDS group.

    Hoorah! For great places, even virtual ones!

  2. Oops! I put the “blah” in as a placeholder for the end when I was ordering all the quotes. Oh well, I guess now I’ll just leave it there. 🙂

  4. YOU ARE KILLING ME. I want to send you all of my kids to raise so they grow up to be Taylors – seriously.
    Reese knows that I was trying to figure out a way to name my next kid after you all- I liked Taylor as a middle name but paired with his first it did make me sound… suspiciously political. I called her earlier to ask if she’d read this. She picked up the phone and before I could say anything she’d blurted out, “I think you need to name your kid Zelophehad!”
    I’ll let you know how this goes over with my husband. I just could not adore you more.

  7. Awesome, Ziff. I’m grateful for you and your amazing sisters. Not that you aren’t amazing yourself 🙂

    I cracked up at Geoff’s comment referring to FMH as FHM. Freudian slip?

  10. And E, I think Geoff is giving a nod to the fact that FMH leaves him hot and bothered — or at the very least, bothered. 🙂

  12. Wow, that catalog was positively Ziffian! Well done.

    For my own little love letter to FMH, see this.

    And like others I too love all things Taylor. You’ve got the coolest family in all of Mormondom.

  13. Wow, Ziff, there is no way I think to convey how sweet I feel at this moment, nor is there any way I can fully express the awesomeness of ZD. You ZDs are the coolest people I know and to get all this love from the coolest people I know, it’s just the kindest most thoughtful, gracious, most Ziffy-tasticly lovely methodical expression of gratitude I’ve ever seen. I feel unequal to the task of expressing how impressive and kind and wonderful you are.

  15. I can’t think of anything to say that hasn’t already been well said! Just wanted to tell you that even though my piemaking is late due to blog comment reading, I have a big smile on my face.

    I learned two new words this week, thanks to fMh: mansplaining and zifftastic.

  16. Wow. Just . . . wow.

    Ziff, now I can see how the Isaiah prophecy about seven women trying to get ahold of one man could totally play out.

    Thank you so much for the effort that went into compiling all the love. You are a treasure.

  17. Ziff, you better hide this post from your wife; she might get a little nervous at all the Ziff love going on here…

  18. April, amen! I enjoy the online communities of the bloggernacle more than I ever expected to when we started here.

    Stephanie, thanks. I read once an interesting comment about human tolerance for repetition, about how people can’t train themselves to lift tremendously large weights, for example, but can train to lift moderately large weights a whole bunch of times in a row. Anyway, that’s me when it comes to compiling interesting comments. 🙂

    Thanks, CWC! I appreciate your kind words about we oddball ZDs. I think you should perhaps consider using just part of “Zelophehad” as a middle name. Maybe “Lophe”?

    Thanks Geoff; thanks, Nat.

    Thanks, ECS. I appreciate being thought of with my sisters because they are pretty remarkable.

    Thanks, Shelah. I’m glad I could spice up your Thanksgiving.

    Kaimi, thanks for the pointer. I hadn’t even been considering posts containing praise of fMh,but I clearly should have.

    Kevin, thanks, another I should have caught. I know I read your post when you put it up. And I’m glad you enjoy we loonies. 🙂

    Lisa, I’m glad this reached you in its intended spirit. I’m a huge fan of all the writing and work you’ve done and continue to do.

    Chris, thanks!

    Mommie, thanks for the pointer–I hadn’t heard “mansplaining” before.

    Idahospud, thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  20. This Thanksgiving I’m grateful for Ziff, who reminds me that maybe I actually did some good during the time I felt well enough to regularly write for/comment at FMH. Bless you with all my heart, Ziff.

    And yep, I’m grateful for FMH as well; even though I’m not there much anymore, it remains a community of which I feel honored to call myself a part. Hmm, grammatical oddity.

    Happy Thanksgiving 🙂 .

  22. Ziff, you are a crazy person. (But of course I’ve known that for a long time. 😉 ) You know, when I first encountered FMH, I do not think I would have guessed that in my sister-dominated family, it would be my sole brother who would become its most dedicated fan. Which, I think, is fabulous. And thanks for putting this together–it was a good reminder of the difference FMH (and other blogs) have made to me as I’ve struggled to negotiate the various challenges of my religious life.

    (CWC, don’t do it. Can you imagine going to kindergarten and introducing yourself as Zelophehad? The poor kid will need years of therapy.)

  25. I also endorse the choice of Zelophehad as a name for a kid–at least a middle name. Do it, CWC!

    And I’ll also chime in on the ZD love. You all are awesome.

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