By our reckoning, it’s time for a well-earned break from aggregator politics, Proposition 8, and the finer points of topless-male-missionary-calendar excommunication. Following are nine excerpts from posts and comments–some quite recent, some positively antique–made by nine well-known denizens of the Bloggernacle. Can you identify the blogger who said each of the following? (Hint: each blogger listed is represented by exactly one comment. That is, no blogger on the list appears more–or less–than once.)
Although we suspect at least some and maybe all authors will be identified almost immediately, we’ll post the correct answers, results, and sources in a week or so, or whenever interest tapers off, whichever comes first.
Please keep in mind that this is strictly for fun; it’s not meant as a representative sample of bloggers, comments, or political or religious positions, nor as either endorsement or condemnation of any blogger, post, or comment. (And if you feel that you are a well-known denizen of the Bloggernacle and that we have overlooked you, your time may yet come! Check this space for future Know Your Naccles, to be provided as general interest suggests and as work, school and family obligations allow.)
Now for the challenge!
“You’re the kind of person that Jesus would have punched in the face. Even if Pilate and all the other Roman authorities were right there trying to hold him back, he’d break free of the centurions holding his arms, run straight out you, and then BOOM: straight in the kisser. A knuckle sandwich straight from the Savior of All Mankind and the Prince of Peace. Then Ciaphas and all the Jews observing would raise a cheer unto heaven as your limp body fell to ground, sorely injured by The Punch of God.”
n
“I’ve had the same understanding [that trials and blessings are synonymous], which began during the O.J. blessing.”
n
“Until we have a Spanish Inquisistion style ‘Amen Squad’ that busts in and releases men who have exercised unrighteous dominion on the spot, then we will have to deal with the reality that, regardless of whether or not a man really holds the priesthood, there will be unrighteous men performing priesthood duties and exercising institutional authority. Of course it will all be worked out at judgment day, but that is of very little value to those who are being hurt by such abuses now.”
n
[In response to, “I can tell this is a group of smart people, intelligent brainwashed people.”]
“Thing is, it’s so hard to keep up with the brainwashing. Not to mention all the brain dirty dishes. But it’s worth it, I tell you — because who wants a cluttered, dusty, unkempt brain, all with old pizza boxes and beer cans in the corner? What would the neighbors think?”
n
[In response to, “I think Elder Oaks was pretty clear in his recent conference talk about divorce. In fact, it laid out the standards and the exceptions. I would direct all bloggers to reference that talk instead of jabbering incessantly and unnecessarily.”]
“_____, with all due respect, go to hell. I’m asking for personal anecdotal experience.
“What about porn addiction? Would you guys consider that grounds for divorce?
“_____, come back from hell. Do you know where or if the church posts guidelines on how to handle temple cancellations?”
n
“Note to self: One way we can improve the way others think of us is to refrain from characterizing people with differing political opinions as the spawn of Lucifer.”
n
“Multiple mortal probations is the only way I can understand the problem of evil in the world. How do we explain a God that lets hundreds of thousands of his children be swept out of their one and only mortal probation by a tsunami? If this is their single mortal probationary state how do we call that a fair test? And even without the disasters, what percentage of the human population ever had a chance to even hear the name Jesus Christ, let alone hear the fullness of the restored gospel in their single chance at getting a body? Yes, we teach about temple work and missionary work in the spirit world, but why the incredible inefficiency? Why did they need a mortal probation at all if one can be perfected in spirit form? Is coming to an earth simply a formality in order to get a body that one will then be stuck with for all eternity afterwards?”
n
“If the title of this post is not enough to scare away those of you with delicate constitutions, then let me make the warning more formal: BEWARE, this post is not for those suffering from morning sickness, heart conditions, or Victorian attitudes about bodily functions. Just stop reading, I mean it, stop!
“Now before we tackle our very frightening poop story, let us discuss this new and exciting phase of my life, a phase we might call, wee wee willy wizzing.”
n
“Oliver Cowdrey has the distinction of being one of the few Mormon dissidents to make his stand against church authorities on the basis of obscure doctrines of real estate law. After the church was expelled from Jackson County, Missouri, Oliver was brought up before the Far West High Council for, among other things, selling his property in Jackson County. Oliver refused to attend the church court, writing:
Now sir the lands in our Country are allodial in the strictest construction of the term, and have not the least shadow of feudal tenours attached to them, consequently, they may be disposed of by deeds of conveyance without the consent or even approbation of a superior.
n
Update: The answers are in Comment #34.
Hilarious!
This was a lot tougher than I thought it would be.
Funny how Steve Evans is represented as an option in the results for about 2/3 of these!
Also, the last three seem a little too easy, right?
Amusing stuff Bouncer. I agree that the last three were easy. I thought #1 was easy too. (I only wish I had seen it originally because it made me laugh hard.)
OK, this was fun! Sometimes it’s hard to strike the right balance between too much serious discussion and too much goofing off, and you guys continue to get it right time after time. Well done, and thanks.
Geoff, I still remember that post you or Kristin wrote about babysitting the neighborhood kids, feeding them pizza and kool-aid, and then having one of them get sick. “Dude, the bathroom is right there!” is a phrase that lives in infamy in every parent’s memory, and still gives me a chuckle.
“You’re the kind of person that Jesus would have punched in the face…” I’ll laugh at that for years, and maybe even plaigiarize and appropriate it for my own use.
Really great. You picked some tremendous quotes.
Fun. Next time use fewer people, they all started to blend together after while. Who knew so many people sounded just like Annegb?
How fun!
I was there for the DKL comment. It was pretty funny.
It’s scary, actually. On all but about three of these, the answer just jumped right out at me. I need a new hobby…
Thank you for the great diversion. I remember a couple of these quotes. I loved the one about “come back from hell.” It was even more hilarious at the time. You’ll have to provide links to these, so we can get them in their full context!
You’re publishing the results, right? You can’t keep all this good stuff to yourself!
This is hilarious, though I’m sad that I didn’t get to see some of these in the original context.
You totally should have put M&M in quotes, and Ardis, and Quimby and and Heather O.–and Janet
Re: #5
Hehe. You have a good memory Mark IV. That quote was from a Kristen classic back in Jan of 06. Thanks for reminding me. Good times.
That was awesome. Great fun, Bouncer–we want more!
This was great.
Glad to be of service 😉
Bored in Vernal, Tracy, and Starfoxy, yep, results and links will definitely be provided so that the interested can see the original contexts in which these snippets appeared.
Seth, perhaps we can consult you for Round II….
Mark, yeah, we thought that quote was a classic as well. Too good–and too characteristic of its maker–not to be repeated.
nmiles, we strongly suspect you’ll see at least some of those commentators in future rounds.
Susan M., this exercise has definitely suggested that there’s a common tone to the Bloggernacle that many commenters adopt, with slight personal variations.
RT, yeah, some of those were definite freebies. (We didn’t want it to be too hard, although perhaps we’ve made it too easy!)
Geoff, it is not so much that I have a good memory. It is because that experience was seared, seared, into my brain.
Everybody, go read the link in Geoff’s comment # 14. Then remember it, just in case you ever develop a case of temporary insanity and decide to do something crazy, like act like Napoleon Bonaparte in public, or babysit 17 children. That post is proof that Kristen and Geoof J. have already had their callings and elections made sure.
Awesome idea, Bouncer. I was only disappointed that there was no entry for Languatron.
For your Round 3 (advanced nacclers only), I’d recommend seeing whether readers can tell the difference between Eve, Lynette, Kiskilili, and Seraphine. (Without any obvious giveways, either — no comments about infertility treatments, for instance.) Now _that_ would sort the wheat from the chaff.
(an easier test might be to see whether they could properly spell Lynnette . . . )
Wow, Kaimi, has Languatron made an appearance on the Bloggernacle? I guess we don’t know our Naccle very well around here after all!
Your question about whether we ZDs can be told apart is an interesting one (to us, at least 😉 ). Particularly those of us who are related can generally tell each other apart even without names or other identifiers, but of course that’s based on a lifetime of familiarity with each other’s discourse habits. It’s entirely possible that to the rest of the world we’re pretty interchangeable.
But we didn’t want to include any of ourselves in quizzes because that seems like a bit TOO much navel-gazing–even for us!
Mark, I read the link in Geoff’s comment. You’re right. My brain is now seared forever.
This was an excellent quiz. You didn’t exactly tax my knowledge of Geoff J, but I was unsure on a couple of them. The first quote is solid gold. At some point we need to come up with the all time greatest nacle quotes from years past. There was that nailing jello to a wall exchange at BCC a couple of years ago I remember, but I can’t remember the thread.
Jacob,
I think I know the exchange you mean, but it happened at T&S. Is this it? Start with comment 8 and go through comment 16, but pay particular attention to comments 10 and 11.
Be sure to swallow anything you might have in your mouth before clicking on the link.
Oh this was great fun. I heart DKL, I gotta say it.
So, on whine. Mine was waayyy to easy. The funniest thing to me is that someone actually voted for Nate.
Mark, that exchange was absolutely classic. It should definitely go in the annals of Bloggernacle history we hope someone someday compiles.
Sorry, Lisa–maybe next time we’ll pull out something a little more ambiguous and challenging for you and throw in some of your compatriots to muddy the waters and challenge our faithful readers ;).
Holy smokes. Comment 9 through 11in that T&S thread are awesome Mark IV. I totally forgot about that unfortunate (fortunate?) timing. (Though I obviously saw that one at the time…)
No, Bouncer dear, I think that exchange will not be going in the annals of bloggernacle comment lore. Sometimes you have to draw a chalk circle around yourself and solemnly swear not to step outside it, and this is one of those times.
On the other hand, I do agree it would be fun if there were a collection of classic comments and exchanges.
Kaimi, for the true ZD challenge: we’ll have readers guess which permablogger put various quotes into the quoterater. Even I’m not sure on a lot of them.
Mark IV, thank you, thank you. I have been trying to find it but my stupid memory remembered it on the wrong blog. That is one of my favorite bloggernacle exchanges ever.
Duh, all this time I thought Kiskilili was the Bouncer.
Jacob, you’re right, it is solid gold. A big part of what makes it so good is that it was inadvertant, and done so innocently.
You can be forgiven for forgetting which blog it was on, since so many the aprticipants (Barney, fowles, Haglund) participate at the blog where you thought it was.
Mark, we are legion.
Mark IV: Maybe Kiskilli is the Bouncer, but she’s trying to cover her tracks 🙂
Wow, I thought I was a nerdy blogger, but not as nerdy as many of you. I don’t think I got many of these right at all!
I’m interested to see the results.
Thanks for the fun!
#23–LOL!!!!!!!
Mark IV: thank you for the link. That was hilarious.
This poll was fun! I had a difficult time placing some of the quotes. I guess I’ll have to spend more time reading blogs.
Kori, we cannot imagine a worthier goal.
And now, the answers:
DKL wrote the first comment, “You’re the kind of person Jesus would have punched in the face.”
Steve Evans wrote the second comment, “I’ve had the same understanding, which began during the O.J. blessing.”
Starfoxy wrote the third comment, “Until we have a Spanish Inquisition style ‘Amen Squad’…”
Kaimi wrote the fourth comment, “Thing is, it’s so hard to keep up with the brainwashing.”
annegb wrote the fifth comment, “go to hell … come back from hell”
Mark IV wrote the sixth comment, “One way we can improve the way others think of us is to refrain from characterizing people with differing political opinions as the spawn of Lucifer.”
Geoff J wrote the seventh comment (actually part of a post), “Multiple mortal probations is the only way I can understand the problem of evil in the world.” (Scroll down to the heading “Theodicy.”)
fMhLisa wrote the eighth comment, (also part of a post), “If the title of this post is not enough to scare away those of you with delicate constitutions, then let me make the warning more formal: BEWARE…”
Nate Oman wrote the ninth comment, (also part of a post), “Oliver Cowdrey has the distinction of being one of the few Mormon dissidents to make his stand against church authorities on the basis of obscure doctrines of real estate law.”
Six right. Like Kori, I need to spend more time studying the blogs :p
Not many in the last year and a half, though, right?
This quiz was for the old timers.
Also, I need to read a bigger variety of blogs, apparently.
Very funny.
Also, I need to read a bigger variety of blogs, apparently.
Jessawhy, I have that feeling all the time too. My problem is that there’s so much interesting stuff being written that I can’t even begin to keep up. In idle moments I browse through the archives of blogs and say over and over to myself, “I missed this? It’s excellent!”
Kiskilili mentioned wanting to be a professional blogger. I think I want the ultra-lazy job of being a professional blog reader. Not even commenter or reviewer. I’ll just troll around and mutter to myself “fascinating” or chuckle softly so my kids will ask “What? What’s so funny?” 🙂
That was fun, thanks for the smile.
yeah. I did way too good at this.
So, whose comments were the easiest to identify? Here are the nine commenters ordered by what percentage of quiz takers got them right:
fMhLisa, 88%
Nate Oman, 87%
DKL, 60%
Geoff J, 52%
annegb, 46%
Starfoxy, 41%
Mark IV, 37%
Steve Evans, 29%
Kaimi, 26% (Kaimi’s was the only comment not to be correctly identified by a plurality of quiz takers. fMhLisa drew more votes for Kaimi’s quote than Kaimi did.)
Susan M suggested that lots of people sound like annegb. Perhaps, though, as RT noted, it’s Steve Evans who everyone sounds like. Steve got the second-most votes on three of the comments in addition to getting the most votes on his own (although only just barely beating out Kaimi, who also ranked second on three comments, including his own).
“it’s Steve Evans who everyone sounds like”
I get that a lot, actually. I think over time my online persona has taken on a life of its own; whenever someone sees a cruel, intolerant or just snarky comment there’s a good chance I wrote it. But look for the rehabilitation of Steve Evans! Next year you will fail to identify me because my comment will have been so gosh-darned nice.
Steve,
I see it in a different light. I simply cannot say how much it warms my hear to know that there are 10 people out there in blogland who got me confused with DKL. I am honored to know that there are ten people on earth who think I am capable of writing an entire paragraph about Jesus slugging somebody in the face. “A knuckle sandwich from the Prince of Peace” is a great line, and it is flattering to know that somebody thinks I am capable of producing it.
Good point; that really is a great line.
Mark, I’m one of the people who voted for you on that. I felt kind of dumb after, because everybody else seemed to think it was so obviously DKL. But really, I can totally see you saying that. It fits your sense of humor beautifully. If you were to say something like that, though, it would be to a fellow BCC perma, along the lines of JDCs “Ban him! Ban him!” yesterday.