Trigger warning: feminism.
Sometimes the piece is so dense that no one actually reads it 
And the author wonders if all her or his writing effort was wasted.
But otherwise, the fangirls quickly show up first to say “Brava!”
And the usual men approve, too.
Eventually, someone comes along to disagree.
Usually they just want to explain that men and women are biologically different, which justifies everything.
And they’re happy to insist that all women fit into the same more nurturing and righteous box
even over the denials of actual women on the thread.
Someone else posts a link to “The Two Trees”, because that solves everything.
And someone else links to Lynette’s response to eviscerate the argument.
Then, even if the post isn’t about modesty, someone has to tangentially complain that the “world” only values women for their beautiful uncovered bodies
While the Church protects women by valuing them for their beautiful covered bodies.
After all, women just don’t know the impact their beauty might be having on men every second of every day.
Because men are entirely visual creatures who can’t resist temptation
and women just can’t possibly understand that.
At this point, someone comes along to express their shock and disappointment that faithful Mormons would dare to talk about this on the Internet
and someone backs them up with a long comment consisting only of copy-pasted quotes from General Authorities
while another commenter tries to explain that men and women are biologically different, which justifies everything.
A woman shares her tragic personal story related to the topic
but everyone ignores it, because a deliberate troll has just said that the Church is really sexist towards men because women will get to be eternally pregnant.
…Or wait, they’re not trolling? They really believe that!??!
Meanwhile, half the thread has devolved into an arcane side discussion between only two people about something completely unrelated
and a heated exchange between the person whose ward is the absolute best, where none of this happens, and the person whose ward is the absolute worst, where all of this and more happens.
The angry ex-Mormon and the angry TBM each independently insist that the author of the OP should just leave the Church
which finally brings the moderator in.
The discussion gets back on track with a woman adding her personal experience of how the status quo in the Church makes her feel.
and immediately another woman accuses her of apostasy, because she loves the status quo thanks to her moral superiority and deeper understanding of the gospel.
Luckily, there’s always a man ready to appoint himself as a unofficial conversation referee and tell the ladies to calm down.
Another man drives by to complain about the theoretical unsophistication of feminism.
As soon as one of the feminist commenters realizes that’s coming from a man
they automatically dismisses the point, and all others made by men, because of male privilege.
He denies it
and claims his feelings are hurt, which makes feminism invalid.
Some of the other feminist commenters agree with him and chastise the woman who made the privilege comment
claiming that she’s just an angry feminist making the rest of them look bad.
They all storm off the thread in a huff
forcing the moderator to step in again and threaten to close the thread.
Not realizing the conversation is basically over, someone leaves a link to their own blog to get attention for an overly-long response that no one will read.
And three months later someone comes by offering a great deal on weight-loss pills.
I am in tears. Good job.
I’m a fangirl!!
Fangirl saying brava!!
I love all of this, but Stephen Colbert and Brian Cranston is going to save the internet. Every time I get stuck arguing with a person like this, I’m just going to imagine they’re Stephen Colbert inviting me to get lucky, and then I’m going to put on my roller-skates and dance out all my feelings.
I approve.
This is like The Aleph of Mormon feminist posts.
Awesome, Petra!
BTW, I have a longer response that you can read at my blog whysatiricalpostshurtmyfeelingsandleadtoapostasy.com.
I testify that I have seen, or been every one of these. BLOLWT (belly-laughing out loud, with tears)
Someone bookmark this sucker and then post the link on all future conversations of Mormon feminism.
Brilliant!
I love it. Thanks!
Delightful. And way too true.
Ahahahahahahhahahaha. Yes. Internet no longer needs to exist. This sums it up.
wow. spot on.
Since no one has had the courage to point out the obvious, I’ll just say that no one here has seemed to consider that men and women are biologically different, so Q.E.D.
Truth.
Gifs I have been!
You have killed me. Too good.
Also, am I the only one who cried at that gif of the girl being left outside the curtain?
Love this. Also, we need to hang out and chat while we’re not in RS, Petra. I don’t think the old ladies like it.
I need to steal some of these gifs.
I haven’t laughed this hard at a bloggernacle piece in as long as I can remember. So #winning.
Thank you for this hilarious distraction tonight!
To Old Spice guy, I add this evidence that both men and women respond to visual stimuli. Amirite, ladies?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzDPv12ZOEA
Eye candy for everybody!
^ scientist cap on, methinks this video could be the basis of a really interesting eye-tracking study.
Brilliant, Petra!
Great work. Very funny.
Hilarious and, unfortunately, accurate. Though you left out the part where someone accuses all and/or individual feminists of being bad mothers/not understanding/valuing their womanhood, and where at least one feminist snaps because this is just the latest in a WHOLE LINE OF CONVERSATIONS EXACTLY LIKE THIS ONE, and dumps their frustration on a commenter who may not actually deserve it. I’ve been the perpetrator on that one more than once.
Yep, I um… Yeah. This was funny until I spotted myself. Now I’m just embarrassed. Too much truth, Petra. Too, too much.
I want to give this more “amens” than my favorite local Southern Baptist church has on Sunday!
Wow, epic!
Brava! My favorite of many: “The angry ex-Mormon and the angry TBM each independently insist that the author of the OP should just leave the Church.”
The one with the woman throwing the bottle and captioned, “I am filled with Christ’s love” is exactly — EXACTLY — the conversation I had with my older sister and she threw the bottle hard!!
^^ It’s a Bible, not a bottle. Which makes it even better. 😀
This brilliantly shows us why the feminist point is just not tenable. Of course, it also shows us that the traditionalist point is also not tenable. Better if we just make two parallel churches that are not tenable with each other….
Brilliant! Thanks for making me laugh today.
Cynthia L. – Yup, and Russell Crowe 🙂
This is amazing. Thank you for putting it together. If you would do one about the conversation surrounding the LGBT community in the church that would be amazing. This LDS queer soul would even pay you. In pesos though. Is that cool?
And God saw this and said, “It is good.”
Also, you’re a genious. Thanks.
So awesome I don’t know what else I can say about it.
I’ve always maintained that if you should spend an hour a day for two weeks reading Mormon blogs (or the blogs of any online community), you’d come across every possible question and answer you’ll ever see. Forget two weeks! Just spend a few minutes reading this canny post, and you’ll never again have to put yourself through the nausea of reading the opinions of the educated rabble.
From the mouths of monoliths …
QED and IFOOH
SeraphimChaser, I could not agree more. RTQEEL. There are many questions and answers. Yours seem particularly questionable.
Lady Gaga Eating Gaga, I was satirizing the satirist and those who flatter satirists. That was the only thing missing from the OP.
LGEG, Oh, I guess there was one more glaring omission in the OP: those who can dish it out (usually someone running the forum) but can’t take it. But you’ve filled that lacuna nicely.
Sorry for the subtlety.
SeraphimChaser, as per our comment policy, personal attacks aren’t okay here. (This also applies to your comment on Petra’s thread, whatever life you may have known her in). Please knock it off.
Bouncer, you got it. It’s all in good fun. I notice you didn’t chide Lady Gaga Eating Gaga for her personal attack on me. (It’s obvious she’s one of the writers for the forum.) Please be fair to all, as per … well, your entire assumption for holding this forum.
Fangirl approved.