A Heretic Reviews General Conference, October 2021

Best musical numbers: “Come, Ye Children of the Lord”, Saturday morning; “Praise to the Lord, the Almighty”, Saturday evening
Worst musical number: “Hark, All Ye Nations”, Saturday afternoon. I appreciate when choirs sing new arrangements so we can hear new takes on old hymns, but I didn’t like this particular one.
Most up-tempo musical numbers: “Come, Rejoice” and “Sing Praise to Him”, both Sunday morning
Worst line in a musical number: “How many drops of blood were spilled for me?” from “This is the Christ”, Saturday afternoon. Please, could we not embrace making ourselves feel more guilty?
Biggest music-related surprise: Not one but two men in the BYU choir that sang Saturday evening had mustaches. (I’m just going to assume that their organist, whose face was hidden behind a mask, was also sporting a goatee.)

Longest prayer: Steven J. Lund, Saturday evening invocation, 83 seconds (This is the shortest longest prayer for a Conference I’ve found in the prayer length data I could find. The previous shortest longest was 94 seconds in April, 2019.)
Shortest prayer: Amy E. Wright, Saturday morning benediction, 54 seconds

Longest talk: Gary E. Stevenson, “Simply Beautiful—Beautifully Simple”, 1821 words
Shortest talk: Russell M. Nelson gave talks to open and close Conference that were about 550 words. No other talk was shorter than 1000 words.

Best title: Bradley R. Wilcox, “Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness”. A sermon in a sentence.

Best visual aid: Clark G. Gilbert’s photo of himself as a kid.

Your name will be assimilated into standard Conference format: Becky Craven, who’s listed under that name on the Church website, was introduced as “Rebecca L. Craven” when she was going to give a prayer in the Saturday afternoon session.

Latest member of the BYU athlete-to-GA pipeline: Vaiangina Sikahema (following Gifford Nielsen and Devin Durrant). My faith would be most strengthened if the next member were Elder James R. McMahon.

Best laugh: Bradley R. Wilcox told of a time when voice to text converted his intended message to his daughter and son-in-law “Hey, you two. Sure love you!” into “Hate you two. Should love you.”

Best labels for deity: Dieter F. Uchtdorf referred to “the gentle Christ,” “our bountiful and forgiving God,” and the “God of new beginnings.” Camille N. Johnson called Jesus “the Master Author.”

Best stories:

• Sharon Eubank told about some German LDS women who discovered that women among Afghan refugees who had arrived near them had lost their head coverings. The LDS women then sewed head coverings for the Afghan women. I love this story because the women helped the refugees, and in particular because they helped them in a way that showed them taking the recipients’ religion seriously.
• Dale G. Renlund told of how when a temple was built in Finland, the temple committee, made up entirely of Finns, decided to allow visiting Russians to perform the first ordinances in the temple, in spite of the fact that the Russians and Finns have historically been enemies. He concluded, “The Finns were no less Finnish; the Russians were no less Russian; neither group abandoned their culture, history, or experiences to banish enmity. They did not need to. Instead, they chose to make their discipleship of Jesus Christ their primary consideration.”
• Brent H. Nielson told the story of how his family rallied around his father when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but in the end, he died in just a few months. I appreciated how this story lacked a Correlated ending, with a miraculous healing and doctors and nurses converted to boot.

Worst stories:

• Carlos G. Revillo Jr. told of a family who sold their home so they could afford to travel 1000 miles to the temple to be sealed. They literally had no home to return to. They had to rely on the kindness of acquaintances until they eventually bought another home somehow. I think this is such a bad standard to set up, as the stories of people who made similar sacrifices and then died on the streets, or never had stable housing again, will surely never be told in Conference. I also find his concluding line–“The Lord takes care of those who demonstrate their faith in Him.”–to be icky in its endorsement of the prosperity gospel.
• D. Todd Christofferson told a story of how Joy D. Jones and her husband were assigned to visit an inactive family, and after months of fruitless visits, they got the family to be their friends (although there wasn’t mention of them coming back to church). Like with the previous story, I think this is clearly an atypical result. Telling the story in Conference is just going to reinvigorate members who really don’t want to be bothersome to harass inactive members who really don’t want to be bothered, generating more friction all around to no good end.
• Moisés Villanueva told of a missionary he knew who, when given the option to go home when his mother died, was talked into staying by his father. Along the same lines, in Brent H. Nielson’s story I listed under “best” above, his brother was on his mission when their father was diagnosed with cancer, but he didn’t come home. I really don’t like the sharing of stories that pressure missionaries to ignore their family’s lives while they’re away. Are we serious about valuing family, or not?
• Marcus B. Nash told of how he once explained to an atheist seatmate on a plane that it was “highly improbable” that the Earth and life could have arisen without God. The man responded “You got me.” I’m wondering if the man was internally rolling his eyes, and gave Nash this response only in the hopes that he would drop the religious badgering with dumb arguments and give him some peace and quiet.

Story I’m most mixed on: Bradley R. Wilcox told a story of a young man who was trying to stop using porn. I appreciated that he emphasized that it wasn’t productive for those around him to push arbitrary porn abstinence deadlines on him, or for him to beat himself up every time he backslid. I also kind of like that the story was about porn, a Mormon bugaboo if ever there was one. If a person can be forgiven for porn use, which is practically murder, they can be forgiven for anything! On the other hand, could we have a break from Word of Wisdom and Law of Chastity stories? How about a story of a young man who was struggling to stop posting on white supremacist websites, and needed to learn to treat people of color in his life with respect?

Most anticlimactic story: David A. Bednar told of meeting with a person who had been partially paralyzed by a car accident. When he met with them, he asked what they had learned, and they said “I am not sad. I am not mad. And everything will be OK.”

Best quotes:

• Sharon Eubank, quoting Jeffrey R. Holland: “Prayers are answered … most of the time … by God using other people. Well, I pray that He’ll use us. I pray that we’ll be the answer to people’s prayers.”
• Gerrit W. Gong, quoting J. Reuben Clark: “I believe that our Heavenly Father wants to save every one of his children, … that in his justice and mercy he will give us the maximum reward for our acts, give us all that he can give, and in the reverse, I believe that he will impose upon us the minimum penalty which it is possible for him to impose.”

Best quote that just begins the story: Russell M. Nelson, quoting Joseph Smith speaking to Brigham Young about temple ceremonies: “This is not arranged right, but we have done the best we could under the circumstances in which we are placed, and I wish you to take this matter in hand and organize and systematize all these ceremonies.” Of course it’s only beginning the story because Brigham Young then proceeded to do some interesting things with the temple.
Worst quote: Ronald A. Rasband, quoting Russell M. Nelson: “Stop increasing your doubts by rehearsing them with … doubters.”
Strangest quote edit: Carlos G. Revillo Jr. added an extra “many” to a quote of Gordon B. Hinckley: “we pray that there shall be [many,] many thousands who shall receive this message and be blessed thereby.”

Best scripture quotes:

• Sharon Eubank quoted a great scripture from Alma about the church helping the needy: “And thus, in their prosperous circumstances, they did not send away any who were naked, or that were hungry, or that were athirst, or that were sick, or that had not been nourished; and they did not set their hearts upon riches; therefore they were liberal to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, whether out of the church or in the church, having no respect to persons as to those who stood in need.”
• Vaiangina Sikahema quoted one of my favorite scriptures about not needing to do everything at once: “And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order”
• Gerrit W. Gong quoted a very encouraging scripture about the love of God: “Neither death, nor life, … nor height, nor depth … shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Worst scripture quote: Jeffrey R. Holland quoted a hyperbolically harsh line from Jesus in the New Testament: “No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Best lines:

• Jeffrey R. Holland: “This love of God is the first great commandment in the universe. But the first great truth in the universe is that God loves us exactly that way—wholeheartedly, without reservation or compromise, with all of His heart, might, mind, and strength.” [italics in original]
• Ciro Schmeil: “To become a better follower of the Savior Jesus Christ is a lifelong journey, and we are all in different stages, moving at a different pace. We must keep in mind that this is not a competition, and we are here to love and help each other.”
• Moisés Villanueva: “The Savior has perfect compassion for us. He doesn’t fault us for our shortsightedness nor for being limited in visualizing our eternal journey.” So what you’re saying is, he won’t call us “myopic” when we express concerns?
• Dale G. Renlund: “After the Savior’s visit to the Americas, the people were unified; ‘there was no contention in all the land.’ Do you think that the people were unified because they were all the same, or because they had no differences of opinion? I doubt it. Instead, contention and enmity disappeared because they placed their discipleship of the Savior above all else.”

Best imagined line from Jesus: M. Russell Ballard, while standing by the Sea of Galilee, wondered “I could almost hear His voice asking, ‘Russell, lovest thou me more than these?'” My favorite part of this is that he didn’t imagine Jesus addressing him as “Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve, even M. Russell Ballard.”

Worst line: Sean Douglas: “Doubt is an enemy of faith and joy.” Oh, really? What if I doubt Catholic Saints? Zeus? Conspiracy theories about lizard people ruling the world? You think that’s killing my joy?

Most convoluted lines: Dallin H. Oaks: “We are concerned that attendance in all of these [churches, synagogues, mosques] is down significantly, nationwide. If we cease valuing our churches for any reason, we threaten our personal spiritual life, and significant numbers separating themselves from God reduce His blessings to our nations.” So “we” in the first sentence seems like it refers to GAs, but in the second, “we” is someone else, like all people. In the first sentence, the worry is about something “nationwide” (presumably the US?), but in the second, he refers to multiple nations. I get the gist, but the wording here is a mess.

Biggest copout line: Alvin F. Meredith III: “To those who are waiting in the fourth watch of the night, perhaps still in the midst of suffering, do not lose hope. Rescue always comes to the faithful, whether during mortality or in the eternities.” That last bit “or in the eternities” sure takes the shine off of rescue “always” coming.

Most misleading line: Quentin L. Cook: “One of the reasons for the violent opposition to our members [in Missouri] was most of them were opposed to slavery.” Please let’s not try to pretend that early Mormons were extra enlightened when it comes to racial issues.

Most interesting phrase: Michael A. Dunn referred to repentance as “the very sweet and savory second principle of the gospel.”

Funniest line: Michael A. Dunn, in talking about whether attempted improvements made by the British cycling team paid off, asked “Is the proof in the pedaling . . . ?”

Lines from speakers gunning to take Neal A. Maxwell’s position as the alliterative apostle:

• Erich W. Kopischke: “perception of perfection”
• Russell M. Nelson: “beat of Babylon’s band”

Best aside from a speaker gunning to get Ezra Taft Benson rolling in his grave: Dale G. Renlund matter-of-factly bringing up his wife’s law career

Best patterns:

• I appreciated the mention every session that choir members had been vaccinated and tested for COVID recently, and had practiced safely. I liked how matter-of-fact several speakers were in bringing up vaccines and masks. Dale G. Renlund mentioned “safe and effective” vaccines. Ulisses Soares told a story about a girl who had suffered from cleft lip and cleft palate as a baby but had had surgery to repair them and how she now meets with parents whose babies suffer from the same conditions. He quoted her father who said that she “momentarily removed her mask” to show parents what her mouth now looks like.
• For the first time I recall ever seeing, only the Church President gave multiple talks in a Conference. I appreciate this shift to allow for more different speakers to give talks. I am disappointed, though, that more women weren’t asked to speak in some of these newly-freed-up spots.

Worst patterns:

• It’s apparently no longer enough for every speaker to quote Russell M. Nelson. Now we have speakers  telling anecdotes about the wisdom he dispensed when he met with them (Bonnie H. Cordon, Ciro Schmeil, L. Todd Budge) or padding their talks with mini-hagiographies of him (Quentin L. Cook, Ronald A. Rasband).
• Like last Conference, multiple speakers referred to God the Father and the Son as “Them,” but nobody dared refer to God the Father and God the Mother that way. In fact, as far as I can tell, nobody referred to Heavenly Mother at all, in any context.

Most unintentionally revealing talk: Russell M. Nelson spent maybe a third of one talk on the issue of temple ceremonies changing over time, and how they would continue to change. In one paragraph, he italicized five times that it was always God making changes and God’s ordinances. This makes me wonder how much pushback they’ve gotten after changes to the temple, or how much more they anticipate.

Strangest opening: Patricio M. Giuffra began his talk by briefly mentioning the pioneers beginning to cross the plains. The rest of his talk was about his own conversion story, with some discussion of Joseph Smith’s experiences and some basic Church teaching. He never made any other connection back to the pioneers.
Strangest aside: Dallin H. Oaks, in the middle of discussing how wonderful and important churches are, took a brief detour to bring up disciplinary councils.

Most unfair characterizations of “the world”:

• D. Todd Christofferson: “The way of the world, as you know, is anti-Christ, or ‘anything but Christ.'” Right. Nobody in the world outside the Church believes in Christ.
• Gary E. Stevenson: “It has been said that the gospel of Jesus Christ is ‘simply beautiful and beautifully simple.’ The world is not.” Yeah, I think it’s only simple if you check all the Mormon boxes. If you’re single or gay or childless, we’re pretty quick to sweep complexity under the rug by exhorting people to just wait for the next life for things to be solved.
• Dallin H. Oaks: “Our members’ religious faith and Church service have taught them how to work in cooperative efforts to benefit the larger community. That kind of experience and development does not happen in the individualism so prevalent in the practices of our current society.” Seriously? Does not happen, like categorically? This is just so obviously false.

Best math: Ronald A. Rasband counted how many times the word “things” appears in the scriptures.
Worst math: Michael A. Dunn first talked about trying to do one percent better than we’re already doing, and then jumped to suggesting that we read one percent of the Book of Mormon each day. One percent better and one percent of the whole are entirely different concepts. One percent better would be when you’ve been reading one chapter a day, changing to reading 1.01 chapters the next day. It makes no reference to how big the whole is.
Math I’m mixed on: Clark G. Gilbert compared our lives to a line, with an intercept representing our starting circumstances and a slope representing our progress through life. I like that this allowed him to talk about unearned privilege a little, and the importance of focusing on where we’re going. I worry too, though, that using a line to represent life might discourage people who feel like their lives have had a downward slope, so there’s no hope for improvement in the future.

Stop trying to make “by divine design” happen: Ronald A. Rasband
Stop trying to make “hinge point” happen: Gary E. Stevenson

Three five favorite talks that I would be happy to see lessons based on:

• Sharon Eubank, “I Pray He’ll Use Us” — I’m inspired by the Church’s humanitarian work, especially when it’s directed at people of other faiths. I wish this respect for other religions could filter more thoroughly through the GAs, and the membership. Also, could we please have Sharon Eubank speak every Conference?
• Dale G. Renlund, “The Peace of Christ Abolishes Enmity” — I love his ideal of accepting one another without needing to come to perfect agreement on all our differences.
• Erich W. Kopischke, “Addressing Mental Health” — This is such an important and under-addressed topic. I especially appreciate that he shared the story of his son, who was so distressed that he became suicidal and came home from his mission after four weeks. I appreciate it because I hope it will mean that other missionaries, or members in general, who have mental health issues, will be treated with more compassion.
• Camille N. Johnson, “Invite Christ to Author Your Story” — Taking off from the line in Hebrews about Christ being “the author and finisher of our faith,” she talks about our life as a story and how we can have Christ author it. It wasn’t always my favorite talk in how she applied the idea, but she was interesting! I feel like most speakers other than Q15 members are so afraid to say anything wrong that they end up being repetitive and boring. Johnson didn’t fall prey to that tendency at all.
• Ulisses Soares, “The Savior’s Abiding Compassion” — The kindness in this talk is a great antidote to the harsh messages shared by some other GAs.

Three least favorite talks that I would be disappointed to see lessons based on:

• Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Greatest Possession” — I really don’t like talks where speakers carefully conflate Jesus with the Church and then shame people for being insufficiently committed to Jesus.
• Dallin H. Oaks, “The Need for a Church” — I guess it was inevitable that someone would need to shame people for having maybe enjoyed not going to church for a long time during COVID. I really don’t like that he mixed his “don’t get so comfortable having Sundays to yourself” message with a healthy dose of “if you don’t like church, it’s your own fault.”
• Neil L. Andersen, “The Name of the Church Is Not Negotiable” — It’s bad enough that we have lessons on Conference talks and sacrament meeting talks on Conference talks. Now we have Conference talks on other Conference talks! No thanks.

My heretical reviews of past General Conferences:
April 2021
October 2020
April 2020
October 2019