More Christmas Classics, Mormonized

The Polar Express

A young boy is surprised to discover a train stopping right next to his house on Christmas Eve night. He learns that it’s going to the North Pole, so he boards it and finds it packed with children. Hot chocolate is being served, but the boy, remembering his study of D&C 89, righteously turns down this evil hot drink. The train rushes through forests and up mountains and finally arrives at the North Pole, where a

huge throng of elves is waiting for Santa to bestow the first gift of Christmas. The boy is chosen to be the recipient of the gift, and Santa tells him he can choose anything he likes. Eschewing the contents of Santa’s gigantic bag, the boy chooses a small stone that is sitting on the seat of Santa’s sleigh, because the stone appears to be glowing with a strange light. The boy is devastated to find when he returns to the train that the stone has fallen out of his pocket. Fortunately, Santa slips it in with the gifts the boy opens on Christmas morning. Sadly, though, the glow has disappeared. The boy thinks of putting it in a dark place, such as an upturned top hat, to see if any glow remains. He is delighted to discover that not only does it still glow, but it shows letters in sequence that make up a message. Thrilled, he transcribes the message and finds that it repeats over and over “Be sure to read your scriptures.” The boy’s friends are able to read the message too, but as time passes and they age, one by one they lose the ability, but for all his life, the boy is always able to see it.

The Gift of the Magi

A young couple struggles to figure out how to buy Christmas presents for each other with their limited funds. The wife, knowing of her husband’s love for his gilt-edged genuine leather scriptures, buys him a genuine leather case to hold them. She sells the family’s food storage to fund the purchase. The husband, knowing of his wife’s love for food storage, buys her military grade fallout-resistant food storage buckets to keep their food storage in. He sells his scriptures to fund the purchase. The couple exchanges their gifts on Christmas and are dismayed to find that neither gift can be used.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

The Herdmans are a family of troublemakers who are on the Church records, but who haven’t actually attended in the memory of anyone in their small Utah town. The six children are lured to church, though, when a ministering brother talking to their mother while standing on the front porch lets slip the fact that the bishop gives out candy when kids come for tithing settlement. They happen to stumble into primary as plans are just getting underway for a Christmas in America pageant. The Herdmans are familiar with Christianity, but not with the Mormon flavor of it, so they are shocked to learn, for example, of the plan the unbelievers had for killing the believers if the sign didn’t appear at the right time. They aggressively insert themselves into all the biggest parts of the pageant, with Leroy landing the plum position of Samuel the Lamanite. When the other children shoot toy arrows at him as he acts in his role, he is prone to grabbing the arrows and shooting them back, although his teacher repeatedly reminds him that that isn’t how it’s supposed to work. Ultimately, when the time comes to put on the pageant, the whole ward is expecting a disaster, but they are pleasantly surprised to discover that the Herdmans’ earnest engagement with their parts has made the pageant better than any the ward had ever had before. In the end, though, the Herdmans remain inactive, and they never show up for tithing settlement.

Previously: Christmas Classics, Mormonized