Pregnancy Prophets!

This guest post comes to us from Josiah of the blog Josiah Reckons.

We love babies at our church! Our community is excited when someone in the ward is going to have a baby. People are quick to congratulate and offer support.

My wife and I had three children while in our 20’s. People gave encouragement, clothes, toys, food, and support in many other ways. Our church can be very supportive of couples with children.

Specious Signs

In our excitement, we love to talk about pregnancy and babies with expecting parents, but we can get carried away in our enthusiasm. Sometimes we start to think we are pregnancy prophets. We think we are seers seeing the signs of the times. And sometimes we say things that lead to awkward revelations like “Not Pregnant!”.

Being sick last week, and bloated this week is not the same as being pregnant. Gaining a little weight is not the same as being pregnant. Not bouncing back to pre-pregnancy weight ‘fast enough’ is not the same as being pregnant again. Working a couple of weekends and then showing up to church looking tired is not the same as being pregnant. Use your imagination, there are lots of possible reasons a person might look similar to someone in the early stages of pregnancy.

Over the past year, my not-pregnant wife has been asked if she is pregnant by people at church many many times. Sometimes more than once by the same person. She has also been asked at her workplace. It’s not just happened to my wife though. Enough people have made this mistake, that most people can think of at least one time when someone did this. It has gone wrong so many times and hurt so many people that it’s a wonder people still do it.

Don’t ask if someone is pregnant if you see such specious signs. If they are pregnant, and if they want you to know, then they can tell you. To suggest someone is pregnant when they are not isn’t just a faux pas. It’s not just embarrassing for the person who guessed wrong. It hurts the person who was mistakenly guessed as pregnant and can have long-lasting consequences.

Body Image

Body image is a big deal. The August 2019 church magazines pretty much focused on body, with many articles about our bodies and self-esteem. We live in a world where people are bombarded with depictions of ideal women that are unattainable. Although a pregnant woman is a phenomenal beauty, the early pregnancy look is rarely idealised in media. Although women contribute to their families, to their ward,  to their workplace, and to society in a plethora of ways, there is a strong connection between physical appearance and self-worth for many women. Over-attention to physical appearance can reduce cognitive resources for other things, limit the wardrobe, reduce body satisfaction, increase feelings of shame about the body, and create appearance anxiety.

While you may try to challenge these trends in general, you don’t get to choose how other individuals respond to them. If you mistakenly call pregnancy, you can’t back-pedal and say that it’s because of the pregnancy glow or that early pregnancy is the new sexy (The classic “my mistake is actually a compliment”). The damage is already done. Saying sorry doesn’t really fix anything either. They know pregnant women put on weight and have a baby bulge, so it sounds like you mistook their bloated tummy or extra weight for pregnancy. In other words, the suggestion of pregnancy further suggests that everyone can see the weight they’ve gained or how bloated they are or tired they look. They might feel like they need to burn that dress because they can never wear it again with their imperfect body. They might feel anxious about even coming out in public dressed in anything other than baggy clothes in case someone sees their postpartum pooch. They might not even come to church next week to avoid the body shame. When my wife has come out of church looking disheartened, I have tried to comfort her. On Sunday mornings in the weeks following a false prophecy, I have seen my wife looking at her wardrobe and thinking that nothing in there will make her look good enough. I have seen her dreading going to church. I have tried to convince her she is beautiful and lovable. I have tried to convince her that most people aren’t paying attention to her tummy anyway. I try reasoning with her that she makes valuable contributions at church. We have also read the recent church publications and other articles about body image. These have all helped, but really, it would be a lot nicer if people didn’t ask my wife if she were pregnant in the first place.

Conclusion

We love babies at our church! Our community is excited when someone in the ward is going to have a baby. We should be quick to congratulate and offer support. But let’s not ask if others are pregnant, even when we think we are a pregnancy prophet, seer, or revelator.