In Church Policy, Fun

Mormon Edits

Author ZiffPosted on 4 Comments

Joseph Smith taught that Mormon means more good. Taking this meaning, then, I’m wondering what Mormon edits we might get to see now that President Nelson has announced that God isn’t a fan of Mormon as a label for LDS (sorry, Latter-day Saint) -related things.

At a minimum, I’m hoping to see the following edits made to the scriptures:

Mosiah 18:8

And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God . . .

3 Nephi 5:12

And behold, I am called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, being called after the land of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints . . .

D&C 135:8

. . . their innocent blood on the floor of Carthage jail is a broad seal affixed to “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints-ism” that cannot be rejected by any court on earth . . .

Also, needless to say, a whole bunch of old Conference talks are going to need to be edited. Some, like this one from President Hinckley in 1990, might just need to be thrown out entirely, for just being too thoroughly Mormon to be salvaged. Others, like this one by then-Elder Ballard, might just need a little judicious editing, like so:

“Mormon” is a Satan-inspired nickname for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Anyone who would use this nickname is a friend of the devil. Members are often referred to as “Mormons,” “Latter-day Saints,.” or “LDS.” The term “Saint” means “member.” Those who use any other label for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are on the road to damnation.

And then there are a bunch of other Mormon-labeled organizations and things that will have to be renamed:

  • The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
  • The Mormon Channel on YouTube and elsewhere — No more so-called “Mormon Messages”
  • The Encyclopedia of Mormonism
  • The Mormon Studies program at Claremont — No self-respecting Mormon (sorry, Latter-day Saint) will contribute to or study in such a program when it’s labeled with such an unholy name.
  • Mormon Helping Hands — These will become only Hurting Hands if they are not properly renamed.

I know I’m just scratching the surface. What am I missing?

4 comments

  2. Great point, Jim. I suspect they will be sold directly to Ex-Mormons for Jesus, or some other similar anti-Mormon evangelical group.

  3. A friend of mine told me that the “behind the scenes” reason for this is because with the bad publicity of Sam Young and McKenna Denson and others who have been garnishing attention for pointing out things that the church is doing wrong, that these things are showing up on the first page of google. The church cannot have prospective members google them and find scandals and disgruntled members over things that the church is doing wrong. So they had to create a revelation in order to pretend the Lord had given this direction. The downward spiral is picking up speed.

  4. How about the “I’m a Mormon” website. Somehow, “I’m a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” just doesn’t roll off the tongue like “I’m a Mormon.”

Comments are closed.