Going to the Affirmation Conference

When I came out a few years ago, I thought of getting in touch with Affirmation, which is an organization for LGBTQ Mormons as well as their families and friends. But I had a vague idea in my mind—I’m not sure from where—that they were somewhat hostile to the church. I figured that I was having enough trouble negotiating the challenge of being a gay Mormon without dealing with that, so I didn’t pursue the idea further.

I remember reading reports of the annual conference on Facebook last year, however, and it sounded like it had been a very positive experience for a lot of people. That piqued my interest again. And then there was a meeting in my local area at which Randall Thacker, Affirmation’s president, spoke, and from what he said I realized I needed to re-evaluate my assumptions about the organization. But it was a somewhat impulsive, last-minute decision to attend Affirmation’s international conference in Provo last week. I was conveniently passing through Utah that week, and I thought I should see what it was all about.

And seriously, it was fabulous. I was a little nervous because I was going by myself, and I don’t always handle crowds well, but people went out of their way to be friendly and welcoming. It was awesome to meet so many other LGBTQ Mormons. Since I’m trying to make it work and stay in the church, I especially appreciated hearing the perspectives of others who are attempting to do the same thing. I was encouraged to hear about places where people in same-sex relationships have felt welcomed by their wards. But I also appreciated the respect I felt for people’s different decisions and different paths.

What kind of made me laugh was how much it reminded me of things like EFY. There were talks, workshops, a devotional, a testimony meeting, and even a dance. Parts of it reminded me of my younger days, when I used to fanatically attend BYU’s Education Week every year. It was so Mormon, with prayers and hymns and people talking about the importance of following the Spirit.

Some of it was heartbreaking. A lot of people there had been through really hard things: homelessness, suicide attempts, familial rejection, church discipline. But it was good to hear difficult subjects discussed with honesty and authenticity—I think that’s a lot of what made it so powerful, that people talked about where they really were. It was incredibly spiritually rich—I found myself feeling revitalized, feeling more positive about my connection to God and to the church.

We have a lot of arguments on blogs and elsewhere about gay marriage and LGBTQ rights and the status of LGBTQ people in LDS theology. And attending this conference, I was really struck by how impoverished those arguments are when they remain in the realm of the abstract and hypothetical. I found myself wishing that those who are convinced of the absolute wrongness of homosexuality or of being transgendered, who see LGBTQ people as other and as a threat to the church and to society more generally, could experience a gathering like this, could hear the profound testimonies that were shared. I usually find this language too cheesy, but it feels appropriate here: I wish they could see the light in people’s eyes.

I don’t want to downplay the challenges that come with being an LGBTQ Mormon. I respect those who choose to leave, a decision that quite often seems to be the best one for mental health. But I left this conference feeling hopeful, feeling happy to be a gay Mormon and a part of that community. Not in spite of my sexual orientation, but as a whole human being whose identity and experienced is shaped by my sexuality as well as many other things, I feel called to claim my Mormonness.