I have experienced many times what I would classify as inspiration, so I’m very sympathetic to what you’re saying. Currently I feel less strongly than in previous years that God wants me to do very specific things, rather than me choosing more independently, but I agree that inspiration is worth discussing within marriages and I admire the way you and your husband seem to do it.

The challenge for me is situations where two people’s inspiration does not match up. If God is inspiring both people, then what do you do with that, especially if they are husband and wife dealing with a single decision? My concern is that in those cases it is very easy for the person in the more advantaged position (very frequently the husband in Mormon culture) to “win” by default, because appealing to inspiration can very easily shut off debate (e.g., “I know my decision seems illogical to you, but I feel inspired to do it.”). Having taught the Strengthening Marriage class, we unfortunately observed that this seemed to happen within marriages more frequently than we would have liked.

I think this can also happen in church administration. A primary president feels inspired to call someone as a teacher and the bishop responds by saying he felt inspired to do something different. At that point, how does the primary president appeal the point? It seems that the bishop’s claiming inspiration limits further discussion, or puts the primary president in a one-down position. If she disagrees, she must be questioning the inspiration of the leader of the ward.

As a recent personal example, the stake high councilor sent an e-mail saying he prayed and felt that God wanted him to choose certain GC talks for 4th Sunday lessons. The first two were by Sister Dalton and Elder Bednar, which would have been two of the last I would have ever chosen as I did not feel good about many parts of them. So, it is frustrating to me that to disagree with the high councilor is to question his inspiration.

So, I don’t know what the best answer is, but what I would prefer is that we each process what we feel is best based on inspiration and other factors, and then we present that answer as our preference or opinion, rather than as our inspiration.

And I agree with you that discussing inspiration as one thing to weigh when making large decisions in a marriage is a good thing. My husband and I certainly do. But again, this is where it is extremely important to remember and accept that the other person is also entitled to inspiration, and it might not be the same as yours. The results of this can differ. Here are three examples from my own life:

1. When my husband was interviewing for jobs just after graduate school he got two offers. We both prayed about which job he should take, and got different answers. We talked about it, and he felt more strongly than I did, plus I thought it would affect his life more than mine, so I went along with his inspiration, even though I didn’t necessarily agree with it and certainly hadn’t gotten the same inspiration.

2. Each time I’ve gotten pregnant I’ve gotten strong inspiration that we were supposed to before we did. I told my husband each time. I think the first time he didn’t get inspiration one way or the other and decided to go along with my inspiration. I think the third time he prayed and also received inspiration that we should have another baby. I’m not sure which it was the second time, but I’m sure it was one of those two scenarios.

3. At the moment, I feel strongly that we should adopt. My husband doesn’t. He feels (somewhat) strongly that I should get pregnant. I don’t. So for now we’re not adopting or having a biological kid, because we can’t come to an agreement.

In all these cases, inspiration is one aspect of a larger discussion. And most importantly, inspiration is personal and while we can share our feelings with our spouses, it should only happen if we are willing to accept that their inspiration on the same matter might be different and are willing to work through the issues that will arise if that’s the case. (BTW, I’m not suggesting that this isn’t how you discuss inspiration in your marriage — it probably is. I’m just suggesting that I think this is the only acceptable way to discuss inspiration in a marriage, and since it certainly isn’t the only way inspiration is discussed in some marriages, that might be why Mike made his fourth point.)

“My inspiration informs my decisions, but I am still the decision-maker.”

Yes. That, and keep your inspiration to yourself!

Of course, the Brewers are dead to me now, since they defected the AL. Well, that and foisting Bud Selig on us all.

sar, I confess that my Wisconsin bona-fides are imperfect. Though born and raised in Wisconsin, we moved when I was 15 before I could become a true Wisconsin beer connoisseur (my parents wouldn’t even allow Pepsi in the house). In my defense, when we cooked our brats we were closer to St. Louis than Milwaukee, so perhaps our use of Bud can be forgiven.

Left Field, please don’t bring up the painful subject of the World Series of 1982. This (former) baseball fanatic is still in mourning. Every October our flag flies at half mast and I only dress in black.

“Don’t let the rain get in your beer or it will taste like the stuff they brew in Milwaukee.”