Zelophehad’s Daughters

Church to Implement Stop-and-Frisk, Outst Feminist Agitators

Posted by Melyngoch

To: Public Affairs Department From: Temple Square Security Subject: Ideological Stop-and-Frisk Date: April 1, 2014 _____________________________________________ We have received your request that members of the so-called “Ordain Women” movement be quietly removed from the grounds of Temple Square and the Conference Center during this weekend’s General Conference. Unfortunately it has become difficult to determine just […]

Mr. Kafka Goes to Temple Square

Posted by Melyngoch

This is the clause I’m adding to my freshman composition syllabus next semester: If, during the course of the semester, you find that you need something from me, please do not come to my office and ask for it. By doing so you will interfere with the dialogue I am always already having with my […]

Seven Modest Outfits from the Golden Globes

Posted by Melyngoch

Sometimes it feels like “modest Hollywood” is an oxymoron. But this year, the stars at the Golden Globes proved that you can be modest even while putting on your swankiest get-up to get hammered and congratulate your filthy rich, extravagant selves on just being your filthy rich, extravagant selves. We at ZD tip our hats […]

How to Fly into a Moral Panic without Really Trying

Posted by Melyngoch

A moral survey of today’s journalism looks like a doomsday scenario. Content-free screeds, partisan punditry, and dubious but shrill alarmism are at an all-time high. Informed and fact-based reporting is at an all time low and groundless moral outrage is booming. Yeah, except just kidding, I made that all up.

Variations on a Creepy Theme by Anne Campbell

Posted by Melyngoch

(with no apologies.) You are the life I threw away, The happiness I never had; You’re everything I’ll never do— But whatever you do, don’t feel bad! You are the naps I never take, the toilet where I flushed my dreams away You’re all the hobbies I don’t have. No need for guilt! It’s all […]

Hi! I’m super righteous, and I’m against women’s ordination.

Posted by Melyngoch

Women’s ordination is in the air. A handful of contentious probably-anti-Mormon trouble-makers who should just pray about the Proclamation on the Family and all their concerns will be resolved have “started” a “movement” to try to make the Church ordain women. I’m not at all closed-minded, so I’ve tried to really work out what I […]

Good Friday, 1613. Riding Westward

Posted by Melyngoch

Let mans Soule be a Spheare, and then, in this, The intelligence that moves, devotion is, And as the other Spheares, by being growne Subject to forraigne motion, lose their owne, And being by others hurried every day, Scarce in a yeare their naturall forme obey: Pleasure or businesse, so, our Soules admit For their […]

But what do I need a man _for_?

Posted by Melyngoch

This is the question I asked last week in Relief Society.

A quick observation on a topical topic

Posted by Melyngoch

As Mormons (in fact, as Christians), we’re asked all the time to resist worldly beliefs, worldly ideologies, worldly practices, worldly what-have-you, in favor of the transcendent, absolute truth of the gospel. “Worldly” here, of course, stands for local culture with its array of conventional cultural practices that may be more or less dissonant with gospel […]

Lynnette

Posted by Melyngoch

Most of you out there in the Bloggernaccle probably know and love Lynnette. Of the rest, half of you just don’t know her half as well as you would like, and she likes less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

The Politics (say it ain’t so!) of Pants

Posted by Melyngoch

Sorry, friends: I apparently can’t stop myself from weighing in on Pantpocalypsalooza (term borrowed from someone cleverer than me), so if you can’t stand to hear any more about it, I’d stop reading now.

Critical Thinking and the Modesty Meme; or, Why We Need More English Majors

Posted by Melyngoch

Likely everyone has come across the following internet/facebook meme, but just in case you’ve been backpacking in the Andes for the last two weeks with no wifi, or don’t have well-meaning conservative facebook friends, or have blocked all the well-meaning conservative facebook friends, or just aren’t on facebook precisely so you can avoid things like […]

Preside-Plus-Plus or Double-Plus-Glack?: Chicken patriarchy and language change

Posted by Melyngoch

Any good descriptive linguist will tell you that words aren’t defined by the dictionary; they’re defined by the communities who use them. Consequently, a word like “preside” doesn’t necessarily mean, in the context of Mormonism, what a general-use dictionary says it means. While its secular/worldly/dictionary definition might be “to exercise authority or control”1 or some […]

A Marsupial Heart

Posted by Melyngoch

Today is a day when I wish to honor the crowning glory of God’s creation, that being which is supernal among God’s children, whose qualities mirror as no others’ do the supreme love, grace, and dignity of its creator; whose elegance, gentleness of soul, and unique reproductive capacities bespeak its divine origins.  I speak of […]

Tenebrae

Posted by Melyngoch

On the Friday before Easter, I went to a Tenebrae service at a Luthern church on the other side of town. We sang hymns in minor keys and read through the passion story, up to the Crucifixion and ending there, as the candles in the church were slowly extinguished, and the sun outside the high […]

Hudson Strikes Again. ZD Strikes Their Heads Against The Wall. Ouch.

Posted by Melyngoch

I recently saw this article linked from Facebook with some offhand, optimistic remark about the relationship between Mormonism and feminism. Always interested in Mormon feminism, feminist Mormonism, and procrastinating the final I’m supposed to be writing, I clicked on over, only to find the title “The Curious Appeal of Roman Catholicism for Certain Latter-day Saint Intellectuals” […]

Glacking: A Proclamation to the World

Posted by Melyngoch

A thought experiment: ______ By divine design, it is the responsibility of fathers to glack in their families, in love and righteousness. Mothers are primarily responsible for kribbling. Fathers are to glack in love and righteousness. Fathers are to provide their families with whatever glacking is necessary. A man who holds the priesthood will glack […]

Build Your Own Sacrament Meeting Talk Analogy

Posted by Melyngoch

Welcome to our new game, Build Your Own Sacrament Meeting Talk Analogy, where we give you the vignette, and you make the analogy. There are no rules, except the regular blogging ones, but the winner gets Kiskilili’s astrally projected soul speaking Ugaritik on their home answering machine or voicemail.

A Modest Proposal

Posted by Melyngoch

It is a melancholy object to all of us, whether in the heart of Zion or the fringes of the so-called “mission field,” to see how women who dress to flaunt their shapely knees and calves, or who purchase backpacks with only one strap to wear across the chest and make their double-breastedness evident to […]

What does “hearken” mean?

Posted by Melyngoch

This ended up a little longer than I’d intended, but I like my findings too much to trim it down. If you’re not totally entranced by descriptive lexicography, I can’t say I understand, because I don’t (what’s wrong with you?); however, I can suggest that you read the first two paragraphs, the bolded paragraph in […]