This is the clause I’m adding to my freshman composition syllabus next semester:
If, during the course of the semester, you find that you need something from me, please do not come to my office and ask for it. By doing so you will interfere with the dialogue I am always already having with my students about their needs. Any student who comes to my office asking for something will be redirected to the bar near campus where the college dropouts hang out, which is an ideal place to express opinions and ideas about the classroom that differ from mine. Please remember that students in this class, by a very large majority, do not share your advocacy for anything at all beyond a vague and mostly apathetic hope for grade inflation.
If any student comes to see me in spite of this, I’ll just put a trash can in front of the door to let them know I’m not available.
- 19 March 2014