Jun 16

Being a 30-something Single in the Church: Part IX, Dating Advice

I know I still owe the blog the rest of my engagement story, but I wrote this post awhile ago (last year), and I need to wrap up this series since I’m not actually going to be single much longer. In regards to the contents of this post, while I am now engaged, I still think there’s truth to the rant that it contains. Also, I feel like I just got really, really lucky finding my fiance (and that I didn’t find him because I followed anyone’s dating advice).

People who have “succeeded” at getting married often view themselves as experts on dating, especially the type of dating that leads to marriage. Continue reading

Jun 15

Going ExPat

I hope anyone who reads this can do it with an open, nonjudgmental eye.  Like Tirzah has felt in her recent posts, I’m a little nervous to be writing this out since I’m afraid others will react with pity, condemnation, disapproval, fear, or other manifestations of guilt-inducing negativityI became part of ZD because I needed a place to write my truth since I felt so completely paralyzed to do so in my “real world” life and I knew others felt just like meSo…when you comment, please just give me a little kindness if you can.  The only way to ever have a real discussion in this world is with kindness.  Plus, this is a straight-faced fact finding mission as well as a confession-post, so I really would like to hear what you know.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I decided to accept a position to work for a couple years over in Europe.   It’s a testament to how tormented I’ve been these past few years about my church attendance since the first, numero uno, number one “pro” about moving there was, “Won’t have to go to church in a ward…or ever…if I want.”

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Jun 11

Mormonism and Eating Disorders, Part III: Thinking About My Religious Beliefs

In commenting, please respect the sensitive nature of this issue. And as is standard for eating disorder recovery discussion, do not use numbers in your comments (weight, calories, etc.)—any such numbers will be edited.

Note: I originally posted this under the name “Tirzah.”

Though my experiences at church have often been painful (as I described in my last post), I do think many LDS teachings have a lot to offer when it comes to countering the demons of eating disorders. I would begin with the most basic idea that we are children of God.  Continue reading

Jun 08

Phone Phobia

I have a smartphone that I love. Last Christmas, I betrayed my sister Elbereth at the last minute (we were planning to both get an iPhone4), and opted for a Nexus S. I morphed into an addict in no time at all; last week I forgot it one day, and found myself ridiculously anxious and unsettled. I spend far too much time on it, using various apps, playing games, reading my email, texting, checking Facebook, and so forth.

The only feature of the phone about which I am ambivalent is the fact that it’s a phone. Because I’m somewhat skittish of phones. Continue reading

Jun 07

Mormonism and Eating Disorders, Part II: Church

In commenting, please respect the sensitive nature of this issue. And as is standard for eating disorder recovery discussion, do not use numbers in your comments (weight, calories, etc.)—any such numbers will be edited.

Note: I originally posted this under the name “Tirzah.”

I’ve found, unsurprisingly, that one of the more challenging aspects of recovering from an eating disorder is that of living in a culture that is pretty much crazy when it comes to issues of food and eating and the way that bodies are supposed to look. I wish I could say that it doesn’t get to me, but it does. Even when I can intellectually critique these messages, they still sting. I do my best to stay grounded by keeping in touch with the bubbles of sanity in my life: therapists and therapy groups, my comrades in recovery, supportive siblings and friends—people who challenge the toxic ideas that are so pervasive, remind me what I really care about and want in life.

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Jun 05

Mormonism and Eating Disorders, Part I: Life with an ED

In commenting, please respect the sensitive nature of this issue. And as is standard for eating disorder recovery discussion, do not use numbers in your comments (weight, calories, etc.)—any such numbers will be edited.

Note: I originally posted this under the name “Tirzah.”

I’m never been afraid of airplanes. Spiders aren’t my favorite, but I can grit my teeth and squash them. I can deal with heights. I’m a little jumpy around dogs I don’t know, but am fine once we get acquainted. I once randomly looked up a list of phobias, and realized how many things I am not afraid of: cats, fog, writing.

But mirrors. Mirrors are a problem. Not so much in the sense of a phobia. More like a substance that might be deadly, but that you still find yourself poking, to see if it is still dangerous. A bad experience with a mirror can leave me reeling, sap my energy, plunge me into a sick despair. And even when I do my best to avoid obsessing over my reflection, in a world in which cell phone cameras are everywhere, I can still find myself unexpectedly confronted with a picture that reminds me that I take up far too much space. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live in a premodern society in which mirrors were less ubiquitous and photographs did not exist.

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