Zelophehad’s Daughters

Fan Mail

Posted by Lynnette

Anyone who has a blog knows that the ratio of spam to actual comments is crazy high. On ZD over the past five years, we’ve had about 16,000 comments—and 215,000 pieces of spam. Fortunately almost all of it gets caught, though some occasionally make their way through. (More unfortunately, sometimes actual comments get mislabeled, so do let us know if your comments are disappearing.)

One of the entertaining things about these fake comments is that they often try to seduce you with very generic flattery.  But hey, at least we’re getting fan mail. So I thought I’d respond to some of it.

———-

“It is tough to discover educated males and females on this topic, however you seem like you realize anything you could be talking about! Thanks”

–pain in lower left side

I completely agree, though I’d re-phrase that to say that we “realize we could be talking about anything.”

———-

“Hal, don’t let the depressing economy keep you down! Prosper in Jesus Christ!!!”

–Prosperous Genius

I do wonder if HAL hadn’t been let down by the economy, and had instead prospered in Jesus Christ, he would have gone insane and pushed David Bowman out of the airlock.

———-

“This is the best blog I have come across on this topic. Lots to talk about. I’m going to show my friend. It will certainly start a completely new conversation.”

–sargent seats

I can imagine, especially if the current topic of conversation is sargent (?) seats.

———-

“Where there’s room for God’s will there’s a way…”

–Christian Financial Guru

As in, a way to Mammon?

———-

“I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this web site. I’m hoping the same high-grade site post from you in the upcoming also. In fact your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own blog now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a great example of it.”

–telegrafi

Glad to hear the blogging is “spreading its wings.” I hope it doesn’t completely fly away.

———-

“There is apparently a bunch of stuff going on in the world to realize its association with the bible. I think the next 365 days will be historic.”

–Mobile Blogger

Are you sure it’s precisely 365 days of historic-ness, as opposed to 360, or 370? In any case, the Bible has apparently indicated that the world will end on May 21, so you needed to post this comment last year.

———-

“I was actually a bit confused by all this, but thanks for taking the time to explain anyway. It was quite well written”

–Free Nature Wallpapers

Well-written confusion is truly our specialty.

———-

“Wow! That’s a really neat aswner!”

–Jace

I couldn’t have said it better, though I might have spelled “aswner” differently.

———-

“Once we say absolutely free on-line betting what frequently arrives in our thoughts is definitely an on-line gambling, especially defined as “gambling working with the world wide web.” Gambling in alone is one particular in the most profitable industries worldwide. With a lot of organisations branching out towards the world wide web, its no wonder why gambling stretch its wings as a result of the world wide web at the same time.”

–Bet365 Referrer Code

It’s true—on-line betting frequently arrives in our thoughts. We’d like to join this profitable industry, so from now on people will be asked to place bets on which posts will cause the most flame wars.

———-

“This does make sense actually, I was just talking with my friend the other day about this exact same thing. You’ve given me some more ideas now. Can’t wait to tell her about it tomorrow. Thanks!”

free desktop wallpapers

You’ve got some pretty amazing friends! Especially for a desktop wallpaper.

———-

“It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some interesting things or tips. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this article. I desire to read even more things about it!”

–Magnolia Bigusiak

I would write another article, but I need to make plans for the future and be happy.

———-

“Intimately, the post is in reality the freshest topic on this registry related issue. I concur with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your forthcoming updates. Saying thanks will not just be enough, for the wonderful clarity in your writing.”

–redtube

Saying thanks really isn’t enough—donations to continue the freshest writing on this registry related issue will be gladly accepted.

———-

“This Blog was very well authored and easy to understand. Unlike additional blogs I have read which are really not that good. I also found your posts very interesting. In fact after reading, I had to go show it to my friend and he enjoyed it as well!”

–Bernie Dubray

Those additional blogs. They never do measure up. That’s why we have a Blog, not a blog.

———-

“when i was searching yahoo just for this issue, I feel that its no answer for me , but thanks god , your article save me from this!”

–????

We do aim to save, even when we give no answers.

———-

“That’s interesting. I’m from Anchorage and see the same result. Anyway, I’ll be back soon”

–Tiffany Grey

Glad to hear that Mormon feminist blogging has made it to Anchorage, and even with identical results (inability to get off the internet? random acts of online rage? utter silliness?).

———-

“So, I hope I understand you correctly. But to be honest I’m just not too sure that it’s something I really want to try. Seems a bit risky. Lol I’m kind of a big scaredy cat.”

–free car wallpapers

What can I say—feminism is indeed scary. But the first step is acknowledging your fear.

———-

“He seemed to only be capable of two emotions emotionless or asleep…Hes of the opinion that programming has gotten too easy in recent years not like it was back in his day when programmers were programmers. A time before garbage collectors transactions protected memory fancy IDEs with fancy integrated debuggers nowadays developers have it too easy…One of his companys core applications had been rushed out the door with most maintenance being of the quick patch variety with the intention that everything would be cleaned up later.”

–Louis Eugene Carabini

This is fabulously insightful. I too miss the time before garbage collectors transactions.

———-

“We would like to thank you once again for the beautiful ideas you offered Jesse when preparing her post-graduate research and also, most importantly, for providing all the ideas in a blog post. In case we had been aware of your site a year ago, we’d have been kept from the useless measures we were taking. Thank you very much.”

–callshops

If only you’d come a year ago, we could have saved you from patriarchy. But we’re glad to have assisted Jesse at the end with our beautiful ideas. I hope she acknowledges us in her publication.

———-

“I read books for a while but now I changed it to great blogs, your place is one of the examples why I began to pay attention to internet resources. Good luck!”

–Covers

I’m truly glad we’ve lured you away from the worthless activity of reading books.

———-

“Congratulations, your article was reprinted to Harvard University.”

–Jeana Breitenbach

Intringuingly, this link goes to a page of books including The Harvard Medical School Guide to Suicide Assessment and Intervention,  Fu Shan’s World: The Transformation of Chinese Calligraphy in the Seventeenth Century, and Harvard Business Review on Retailing and Merchandising. We do indeed cover a range of topics.

———-

“There are many people who blog so you are not alone.”

–cherokee medical scrubs

I’d like to believe you, but where oh where are these other people who blog? I feel so alone.

———-

“I’m tempted to say “what a load of crap!” just for the sake of irony, but I’ll refrain”

–convert m4a to mp3 free

I don’t think “refrain” means what you think it means.

———-

“High heel shoes and replica are the two things that women can’t without !A charming women should be with a nice handbags which is just fit for her, then the replica handbag should be nice”

–Issac Maez

You’ve convinced me. I’ve always aspired to be a charming woman. Though I’m going to be disappointed if the replica handbag isn’t self-replicating.

———-

“hi
Is he trying to build a family with me or just a friendship…I need some help deciphering this situation!!?”

–James@buy pool table

You’ve come to the right place—who better than Mormons to discuss eternal families? I suggest you check out mmiles’ latest post at BCC to see if he’s the “one and only.”

———-

“Thanks really significantly for your tough operate to present this this sort of very good data. I will forward your site to my friends to learn from this superior write-up.”

–Pretty Little Liar

Thanks—it is indeed a tough operate to present this data. (But as pretty as you are, how do I know you’re not lying?)

———-

“Maybe you’re right, but I still have my own opinion about this.”

–Reading Corps

And thus are thousands of blogging arguments neatly summed up in one statement.

10 Responses to “Fan Mail”

  1. 1.

    I feel so betrayed to discover that some of my most loyal fans have whispered their sweet nothings in identical terms into ZDs’ ears!

    (Your spam ratio is even more horrendous than mine — I’ve got 19,000 valid comments to 82,000 spam in three years.)

  2. 2.

    You mean they’re two-timing? A betrayal indeed. I am heartbroken to discover this.

  3. 3.

    “Wow! That’s a really neat aswner!”

    I get similar comments on my dad’s site all the time. They are always complimentary but always include at least one dyslexic word. Do they do it on purpose? Are they just actually dyslexic? I would probably approve some of them if they didn’t have so many annoying misspellings.

  4. 4.

    My favorite bit of spam was on a post I wrote about the evils of academic plagiarism. A spammer left a comment with generic praise (and a misspelled word) about how useful my post was. The link on the commenter’s name went to one of those sites where you can buy a term paper. Because misspelled spam on a post about plagiarism is such a great way to drum up that kind of business…

  5. 5.

    Love this post – Laughed with tears in my eyes through the whole thing. I get lots of similar automated spam but it’s not nearly as amusing without the sarcastic replies.

  6. 6.

    Well-written confusion is truly our specialty.

    And I thought it was mine.

    btw, Lynette, I did not think you were ignoring me, I thought Richard was …

    I’d respond further to the questions posited to me, but that would be spamming this post. ;)

  7. 7.

    For what it is worth, my e-mail server at adrr.com, before I had to close it down, was breaking 100k spam a day.

    Most of it to e-mail addresses that never existed, one of the things that goes with a four letter domain name.

  8. 8.

    Our most popular spam messages are

    “Great post, truly!”

    And

    “This is your best writing yet!”

    Yours are way more fun.

  9. 9.

    Thanks for writting this on your Blog.

    Garbage collector transactions just interfere with the progress of wombat unity and civilization, I totally agree. You’ve explained this so clearly, though I still have my own opinion, which I will refrain from telling you, though I might claw at you, with my sharp burrowing claws. You seem to really understand the hunger of the southern hairy-nosed wombat — for instance, I like young tender grass shoots, but have been known to also lunch upon the pliable bark of a eucalyptus tree when it is not protected by a koala. Nom nom.

    If you like wombats, too, you should check out this website!

  10. 10.

    Readers, beware–the last time I clicked on a wombat link, a virus invaded my family and took over the mind of one of my sisters.

Leave a Reply