Zelophehad’s Daughters

For max k. hale: Does God Tell You Whom to Marry?

Posted by Kiskilili

(See here.)

It would seem to me that this idea arises fairly naturally from the notion that God has crafted individual plans of salvation in addition to his general plan, and that salvation (more precisely: exaltation) is facilitated by marriage.

Does God tell us whom to marry? Should we wait to marry until God confirms our choices? Where does this leave singles, or people in unhappy marriages they feel God inspired them to enter? What have your experiences been?

48 Responses to “For max k. hale: Does God Tell You Whom to Marry?”

  1. 1.

    No, God does not. There are so many problems with the idea that God would tell us such a thing, that I don’t know where to start.

  2. 2.

    You know, I see no reason why He couldn’t tell you who to marry. And I don’t have reason to doubt that He has told some. But my experience was that He didn’t tell me who to marry.

  3. 3.

    When I was deciding to get married, God definitely didn’t tell me if I was supposed to marry my husband. I asked, but the answer was, “If you marry him, everything will turn out ok. If you don’t, everything will turn out ok. You decide.” I know that I’ve missed out on opportunities I would have had if I had stayed single, but I also would have missed out on opportunities if I hadn’t gotten married. That experience was one of the first times I started realizing that we really do have a lot of agency and God really does trust us to make our own decisions about our lives.

  4. 4.

    I’ve probably had dozens of experiences that I barely recognize as revelations. There have been three, though, that hit me with such force that I knew they were revelations from God coming with pure intelligence, comfort, and all the things we talk about in Sunday School as accompanying gifts of the Spirit.

    One of them was that a man I was drawn to would soon be available, and that I would marry him. (He was married, but there had never been the slightest word or deed from either of us that anyone could possibly consider improper. I didn’t even know if he felt the same about me. I only knew that I much admired him, that I felt for him something I had never felt before, and that if I ever did marry I hoped it would be to someone just like him.)

    Two days later, he announced that his wife had left him for the second time, and that he was being divorced.

    You can imagine how stunned I was, and how certain I was that my revelation had the possibility of being fulfilled so soon.

    Didn’t happen, though. Not even close.

    Yet despite that, I am as sure today as I was then that it was a true revelation from God. I don’t understand the discrepancy, but I am sure it was so.

    (max, don’t make me sorry that I shared this. You’ve been insulting in several ways on the thread that sparked this one so I’m probably a fool for taking you seriously. But try, please, not to be offensive.)

  5. 5.

    My true life experience: I dated a guy for a long time and our individual conversions to the gospel were very intertwined. We served missions at the same time, planning to marry when he returned. Once he got home, I knew almost instantly that I didn’t love him the way I thought a person should be in love before getting married. On paper, this was the *perfect* guy – all the strong qualities a faithful LDS person would hope for in a spouse, and then some. But no spark. I prayed and prayed. I wondered if it mattered to God how much I loved the person I would marry or would any good match do? My answer, very clear, was that it was entirely up to me. I could do as I wanted. If I wanted to marry this good man because he was good and I could trust that he would treat me well, that would be ok; if I wanted to hold out for a greater love, that would be ok, too. So I went with that, despite strong objections by this boyfriend that we were supposed to be together (God had told him that we were supposed to marry, how could it not be?). Before he married, he asked me once more if there was any possibility of us getting together because he still felt that it was the plan that God had for our lives.

    Later, I was with someone with whom I was (and am) absolutely crazy about. Any prayer I offered for direction was returned with the answer I had received previously: it is your choice. It was not an overwhelming manifestation, just a very simple response that I felt quietly several times. Fortunately it worked out that we got married. My husband’s experience was different in that he had a powerful experience that confirmed for him that marrying me was the right choice. I’m not sure that he would describe it as being told that I was “the one” but he did feel strongly that marrying me was sanctioned by God. And he felt he needed that confirmation in order to move forward and take the next, and what was for him, a scary step into marriage.

  6. 6.

    To respectfully disagree with Emily U, I would first start out by cautioning everyone to refrain from blanket statements of the “God does not” (sans qualifiers) type. To presume to know the personal situations of all of God’s children, and what He will and won’t do to direct each of us, is a dangerous undertaking. I mainly point this out because God did, in fact, tell me whom to marry. Quite clearly, as a matter of fact. I married a man with whom I had been very good friends for almost 6 years before anything romantic happened between us. When we met, he was a recent convert. By the time we started dating, both of us had been able to serve missions, I had completed an undergraduate degree, and I was preparing to begin law school. My husband had been interested in me for quite some time, but I had honestly never had feelings for him other than those of a platonic nature. Had God not given me some surprisingly clear direction, (direction that was very difficult to swallow at first) I am confident I never would have considered my husband to be anything more than a friend. Not many people know the details of the personal revelations I received, but they were unmistakable in their clarity. I have often wondered why God intervened in such a way, because I am not familiar with any other experiences quite the same. In any case, as time went by, and as much prayer and temple attendance were devoted to the matter, I had a change of heart that could be attributable to nothing less than divine intervention. I write this today married to that man– my best friend, the one I know I am truly meant to be with.
    I don’t mean to assert that I think I had no choice in the matter. Believe me, I know that agency plays a role in all direction we receive from God. But that doesn’t mean He won’t tell us what His will is for us. I could have chosen to disregard His direction, and who’s to say I wouldn’t have married someone else? I don’t know what would have happened. I don’t know why this doesn’t happen to everyone. But I do know that I received direction to marry my husband.

  7. 7.

    A couple years ago God told me in a dream to marry Scarlett Johansson. At least, I’m pretty sure that was a prophetic vision.

  8. 8.

    I thought God told me I was supposed to marry my husband, but it was more one of those “you don’t need an answer because you already know it’s right” type things.

    Which just goes to show God wasn’t telling me anything at all. Because if that answer was really from God, then God has fairly poor judgment. It seems more likely that it was my own judgment I should be questioning.

  9. 9.

    As someone who is divorced I can honestly say I have no clue if am supposed to be divorced, should I have gotten married, how things “should” have been, I just don’t know. There is this woman now I am interested in, the similarities between us are just beyond amazing and almost creepy, its bizarro! yet she does not even live here and know I exist-I only know her through her friends, am I being led to her? was I supposed to have believed all the idiotic advice from church leaders in the past, met my ex, believed that birth control was an “evil crime”, I rack my brains thinking what should have been. I never felt any overwhelming urge to get married to this person, from God, although my bishop said “what else are you going to do,? you are 23 and not married” so like is that from God or not or what? I am in the process of forgiving the Church for everything that happened. Right now I don’t have a job but could have had a great one if I had not gotten married, the possibilities of stuff are endless. Now I ignore advice from bishops and whoever else and live my life the way I see fit and i’ll hear what they have to say and think it all through and then pray about it.

  10. 10.

    God told me.

    But I would still guess that he usually does not.

  11. 11.

    I think that God may tell some people… but that there are more than one right choice… even in who to marry. As well as there are more than one wrong choice.

    I was not told that I should marry my husband, but I was given the feeling that if I choose to I would not be unhappy.

  12. 12.

    I was told what would happen if I married one girl I had been friends with for several years. It would be a good life, but I never really felt the “spark” of a connection between us. Instead, I married the girl I felt the “spark” with. It has been quite a different one than the one I had been shown, but I think I have grown more in the life I chose than I would have in the one I didn’t choose. Even when it has been hard between us, there has always been a connection that I cannot explain.

  13. 13.

    God didn’t just tell me to marry her, he practically barked the order at me. Out of the blue no less. Took me all of 5 seconds to ask her to marry me when I had been planning nothing of the sort 5 seconds before. Quite the experience, and one she and I remain very glad for. She didn’t have the same experience. She was mostly just stunned, said yes, then spent a bit of time looking for confirmation it was right. Which she got, quietly.

  14. 14.

    God mercifully guided me (practically knocked me over the head) when I met my future husband. We’ve been married 40 wonderful years. I knew I was to marry my husband, and he was similarly guided. I know that doesn’t happen for everyone, but it certainly did for us.

  15. 15.

    I think He does for some people. Not sure what determines or warrants that type of intervention/inspiration, but I do think it can and does happen.

    In my case, I didn’t get a specific “Yes” to marrying my husband, who wasn’t a member at the time (I didn’t get a “No” either, but I wasn’t really praying for revelation at the time) However, I did later feel very strongly that my husband was explicitly described in my patriarchal blessing (from my youth) and that somehow we were meant to find each other and come together. I know we can read into our blessings what we want, but the details in my mind were too specific.

  16. 16.

    In most cases, I don’t believe that God TELLS us whom to marry, but he does want us to find happiness and success in marriage and will let us know if the decision to marry a particular person is right or not.
    I was engaged to someone else before I married my husband. I thought it was the right decision at the time, but within a week I was feeling really troubled about my choice. I tried to rationalize my uncertainty as nervousness or anxiety, and found myself often on my knees crying. Eventually I realized that what I wanted wasn’t the best thing for me (or maybe for him?), so I called it off. That night I woke up with an absolutely wonderful feeling of peace, which was essentially the absence of the constant doubt and uncertainty that had been nagging me for weeks. When I agreed to marry my husband, I again felt it was the right decision. And as we went forward with our plans, instead of feeling uncertain, I went prepared happily for our wedding and never felt even slightly anxious about my decision. I felt at peace. Those experiences, to me, are forms of revelation.

    I believe that if we’re doing our best to live righteously, we will be warned if we’re headed down the wrong path. I also believe that revelation comes differently for everyone, and I’m grateful for the experiences I had during my first engagement. My marriage is a good one, but we have definitely had our trials and when things are difficult I can look back at the peace I felt (compared to the uncertainty of my first engagement) and know that we can work things out if both of us sincerely try.

  17. 17.

    I very much wanted to marry Left Field. When I asked God if I should marry Left Field, I received a clear response: “Well, it’s up to you. If you do, you’ll be happy.” So I did. And I am.

  18. 18.

    I never got any kind of answer or the “if you do, you’ll be happy” despite increasingly urgent pleas. Talk about cold feet. The morning after marrying my wife, I received an overwhelmingly positive answer that I was no longer expecting that let me know God was extremely happy that we were married. I had some important lessons to learn about being a husband, and after I learned them we have been very happy. I am happy that other people seem to get their answer before their marriage. I suppose fear inhibits communication.

  19. 19.

    When I was a kid, I could never figure out how the wife and husband in families that converted to the church could be sure that they were meant for each other in the eternities if they had not possessed the gift of the Holy Ghost when they made the decision to marry each other.

    When I was in high school and college, I was floored and puzzled by what my patriarchal blessing had to say about the woman I was supposed to marry. When I got married, I felt like I was doing my duty but I had my doubts that I was fulfilling the terms of my spiritual roadmap.

    Now that I am single again, I simultaneously want to find a soulmate and have my doubts that God matches many if any of us up by birthplace, era, and life path. The cynic in me figures God provides merely good-enough guidance. My romantic side refuses to believe that a God who preaches such perfect unity could be so casual about ensuring compatibility between future Goddesses and Gods.

  20. 20.

    To “Once Yes”: No, I don’t think you’re a fool for sharing this experience, also, sorry if I came across as offensive, I had to get attention somehow!
    I am really gratified by all the answers. I would now like to throw into the ring my own experience (or part of): Following my mission I had a missionary-like revelation on a marriage partner which was very specific & very spiritual in style. It came to nothing. 3 years later I had another experience which was a combination of Eros & advice from the Bishop. That worked & we got married & had 3 great children who now. together with grandchildren, are the joy of my life. Anyhow, after 8 years of marriage my wife & I divorced. Circumstances surrounding that divorce were stunningly spiritual in nature.That’s when I experienced the presence of the Hoily Ghost as at no other time before or since.
    I believe I can safely (truly) say that we were put together by God & when the appropriate time elapsed, separated by God. I compare it to an alarm clock which when it is set, is set to go off (end).
    We both grew so much since, that the “material” or forensic (whatever) truth of this is now obvious. (We would never have grown so had we remained together). I thank God for my marriage & my divorce.

    Your experiences collectively have been variously different to mine & I thank you so much for sharing them.

  21. 21.

    I don’t like to claim divine intervention because for me it seems a little presumptuous. So much like my “ghost” experience I just share my story and let the interpretation of who did what to others.

    I spent the year before my mission at BYU and thus met a lot of Mormons for the first time. The summer prior to leaving on my mission (I went in September) I literally wrote every LDS girl I knew enough to write, about 80 or so letters. Over the first year of my mission the response rate had dropped to about 4 girls. One day I got a letter with a picture. Now this is just a regular everyday picture of a girl in a party dress, but otherwise nothing particularly special about it. But as I sat in my flat looking at that picture I had such a rush of emotion I knew that she was the one. I can’t explain it, I just knew. I had been on my mission 17 months.

    Two weeks home my parents flew her in for a visit (I lived London and she was in San Francisco). A week later we were engaged and we arranged to meet three months later at the Chicago Temple and get married the next morning. That was twenty years and 5 kids ago. I like to think that girl who I met in Deseret Towers my freshman year, went on one date with, and ultimately signed up for her social dance class (because they were short on guys) was divinely confirmed for me; but I am okay if others see it differently. Either way I am just plain lucky.

  22. 22.

    (NB: I cite this only for interest, not for any prescriptive value.)

    Because it cut so much against type, I recall a speech by Elder McConkie in which he poo-pooed the idea of requiring revelation before marrying. I’ll see if I can find it.

  23. 23.

    I think God was amazed that I got married at all.

  24. 24.

    I remember sitting in a room at the temple with my then fiance waiting to go into our sealing and realizing that I had not once prayed about my decision to marry him.

    At the time I felt slightly guilty, as if that was something I probably should have done, just to keep things proper.
    But I have never felt as sure of a decision as I did then, and I still think I made the right choice. In fact as I look back on it that is one of the very very best decisions I’ve ever made.

    Perhaps the consistent joy and peace I felt while dating him was confirmation, and I didn’t need to say a more formal specific prayer.

  25. 25.

    My answer was along the lines of, “Well, do you want to marry him? It’s up to you.)

  26. 26.

    I saw the blog topic title on Segullah and came over to check out the conversation. This is actually a topic that fascinates me and that I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about over the last few years.

    First–my experience. I met my husband at BYU and slowly but thoroughly fell in love with him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, I saw nothing that made me concerned or uncomfortable. I prayed about marrying him and felt peace. We have been married 23+ years and have been thoroughly and completely happy.

    My sister met a young man the year after I married. She told us that God loved this young man and that God had told her that she was to marry him. We were obviously very concerned. They married and it was difficult from the start and now (almost 22 years later) is still often difficult. The thing is, though, my sister has grown and become an amazing woman and I know that it is in part due to this difficult marriage in her life.

    A few years ago I took a class, and throughout the year I heard a number of stories of “God told me who to marry.” Initially I was jealous. God hadn’t “spoken” to me, why did he speak to them? Why did I only get a feeling of peace???

    And then I noticed a pattern. Every one of these marriages was really a difficult marriage. Each of these people had needed to really know that *this* was the plan that God had for them.

    Now I don’t know if God just knew that he didn’t need to nudge me in the direction I was already headed, or if he knew if I didn’t marry that person there was another also acceptable person around the next corner. What I do know is that there has never been a day in my marriage that I needed to remember that *this* was God’s plan for me. My sister, on the other hand, has held on to that assurance constantly.

    The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve decided that this is the way God works. Never send angels when a warm fuzzy feeling will do.

    And now I am more than happy to have had only a feeling of peace…

  27. 27.

    PS–

    I think we have a general mis-understanding in the church, that when we really do have those moments where we are certain we’ve been directed by God, and we follow them, then things will turn out “good.” And that “good” especially and above all means “comfortable.” Therefore if we thought we were following God, but it turned out badly or painfully, we must have been wrong that the initial inspiration was from God.

    CS Lewis has a lot of great things to say about this–but in a nutshell, I think that God is much more concerned with our growth than our comfort.

    Which means that it really is possible that he will move us in directions that will be uncomfortable and even painful to us.

  28. 28.

    In the spirit of NorthCarolina’s remarks I think it’s worth recalling that there’s no necessary relationship between the Mormon concept of personal revelation and the concept of soulmates. In other words, just because God tells Sister Shoofaloo to marry Brother Lugalgugal doesn’t mean the two have been destined for each other since the pre-existence and that each is the other’s only possible spouse. As NC says, it could simply mean they’re going to have a lot to do to make their marriage work and need the strength of clear personal revelation on which to start doing that work.

  29. 29.

    Eve–great clarification.

    I thought of something else interesting. Before my sister married the difficult husband, she dated another young man for many years. (All during high school.) She felt quite sure that she would marry him but that she wasn’t ready yet her first year in college. She felt that she had confirmations to her prayers that she should marry him, just not yet. He got angry that she wasn’t ready yet and went off and married someone else. (A disastrous marriage.) The next year she met the person she ended up marrying.

    I know some people have a hard time with the idea that God could have given my sister feelings that it was the right thing to marry Man A, and then later (after Man A had gone and married someone else) told her in no uncertain terms that she was to marry Man B.

    I think that there are two possibilities. One, that God always knew Man B was the marriage that she would need for her ultimate growth and learning, and that he also knew the other guy would ultimately not stick around.

    I think it’s also possible that Man A could have been a fine relationship for her, and that she could have had other learning & growth experiences in that marriage. But when Man A married someone else (which, incidentally, was not the answer he received to his prayers), Heavenly Father was easily able to move on to plan B and Man B for my sister.

  30. 30.

    22/Ben–I had a friend at BYU who had gone to Utah State and used to do a great BRM impression from a fireside he’d given there, something to the effect of “If someone should tell you that he has had a revelation you are to marry him, you should immediately flee from that individual.” A quick Google search didn’t turn up anything for me, but maybe you’ll be luckier.

    My favorite marriage revelation story is also from my BYU days. My roommate once had a guy, on their first or second date, park with her overlooking the Provo Temple and Utah Valley. He turned to her and said, “I’ve had a revelation I’m supposed to marry you.”

    She looked down at her hands in her lap for a moment, then blurted, “I’m so relieved! I’m five months pregnant and I didn’t know what I was going to do.”

    He stared at her for a moment, then said, “I think I’d better take you home now.”

    She next saw him a couple of months later on the edge of a crowd in front of the library where she was doing an exhibition with the women’s volleyball team. She went down for a dig, rolled, came up, waved and sunnily said, “Hi!” and ran back to her position, obviously not pregnant.

  31. 31.

    And then I noticed a pattern. Every one of these marriages was really a difficult marriage. Each of these people had needed to really know that *this* was the plan that God had for them.

    NorthCarolina, I love your comments! Regarding the above remarks, I totally agree. My brother had a strong confirmation that he was marrying the right person, that he could fulfill his life’s mission with this woman. He and his wife have had ongoing problems pertaining to one issue, and he has said that it is remembering the spirit’s confirmation of his choice that gets him through. Otherwise he might feel devastated that he made a wrong choice or feel stuck in a marriage he shouldn’t be in.

    I had a friend who said similar things after her divorce. Because of the confirmation she’d had to marry him she was able to deal with the divorce and trust in God’s plan for her.

    My parents had a difficult marriage (after 26 years they divorced). My mom always said she felt like she was supposed to marry my dad, but that the timing was wrong. We’ve all heard the saying that you should marry the right person, in the right place, at the right time. Their timing was wrong – it’s amazing how much difference something that seems so insignificant can make!

  32. 32.

    I’ll share now my own experience.

    Growing up I had this idea in my head of the type of guy I would marry (A friend of mine calls it a “template”. We all have templates in our minds of what kind of mate we want. Usually these templates aren’t terribly realistic either.) and I was certain that when I met him I would know (the instant revelation or recognition thing – an embarrassing evidence of succumbing to LDS cultural myths). On my mission I met a guy that I felt spiritually would be my husband. This feeling came to me almost immediately. He seemed to fit my template perfectly! I had several spiritual experiences relating to this man – who was clearly not interested in me! He eventually married and I was left confused and feeling stupid. Hadn’t I received revelation and direction? Then I realized that perhaps what God was doing was breaking my template. I had to be willing to let go of the idea of this ideal partner as well as of this idea of instant recognition of the man I was to marry. With the template broken, anyone was a possibility! I didn’t write anyone off anymore and it made for interesting dating experiences.

    When I first met my husband, I enjoyed talking to him (and flirting a bit) but didn’t really think of him as a potential partner. I agreed to go on a date though. After the first date nothing spectacular happened, but I agreed to a second date since he was such a gentleman. On that date something small and significant happened and I realized how genuine he was and how comfortable I was in his presence.

    I prayed about him after that several times. The only answer I received was to continue to go out with him. Nothing about marriage or the future, just date him. A month later I knew I wanted to marry him. When we finally got married two years later I prayed about it, but by that point it was just a formality because I’d felt the spirit and guidance throughout our courtship. When I prayed for final confirmation I only felt that familiar feeling of peace regarding the decision.

    As an interesting addendum I will add that my husband was born paralyzed. He is fully independent, but is in a wheelchair. I didn’t realize it until I met him, but God also prepared me for him in an unexpected way. Many people have preconceived ideas about what it is to be disabled and can be condescending. Not many consider disabled folks to be marriage material for whatever reasons. Throughout my life however I’d been given experiences and friends that have helped me to know and see that disabled folks are just like anyone else – I see the person not the disability. So when I met my husband I just saw a regular guy and talked to him. However when I thought, in the beginning before that 2nd date, that I wouldn’t consider him as a prospective partner because of the wheelchair I was chastised by the Lord and humbled.

    My husband has all the qualities I’ve ever wanted and I could not be happier! I do believe my template still would have needed breaking even if he weren’t in a wheelchair, but either way I am glad that it was broken because it left me free to grow, learn, discover – and even have more fun! – than I would have otherwise. God really does know what He’s doing!

  33. 33.

    Wonderful story, Sarah. I envy you.

    Laughed out loud at the story janeannechovy told about her sister.

    I believe God is interested in who we marry and often does let us know.
    He very clearly told me, while I was in the sealing room of the temple NOT to marry my second husband. I just didn’t have the moral courage to get up and walk out. When I threw him out, seven months later, God was the only one on my side. He again clearly confirmed my decision to get out of it while my priesthood leaders, most of my friends and family stood against me. I couldn’t have gone through it otherwise

    Later I came close to marrying a really good person but fasting and prayer answered my question there. I’ve since my second marriage told the Lord in any decision “I want this, I beg you, BUT I remember that bum, so thy wiill be done.”

    I felt Bill was right for me, but I never got a strong feeling of confirmation. YWhat I didn’t get was the “if you do this, you’re so screwed” feeling.

    We have had an incredibly difficult marriage and I’m still not sure. I don’t un
    erstand the purpose here. I started out very strong in the gospel and committed to the gospel and our family. And now, I’m a spiritual weakling. I often ask the Lord what his will is. Bill has changed a great deal fairly recently and become a better person but I don’t feel I,ve grown. On the other hand I think a weaker man would have been destroyed by my emotional and Iphysical proble
    ms. Together, at our best, you can’t beat us. It’s just so seldom that we’re together at our best :)

    Our kids and grandkids seem to rely on the base we provide though and I tak it one day at a time and I hold on one day at a time and figure it’ll all work out.

    I think if you BOTH think God approves, then it’s right. My friend, married 40 years to our stake patriarch has one of the best marriages I know. But because I do know them well, I know its not perfect. She said they were married 25 years before she started figuring it out.

  34. 34.

    I don’t want you to think that I am impatiently leaving the subject again when it is just getting really interesting, but like the half-crazed mariner in Coleridge’s poem, I have got the wedding guest by the hand & won’t let him go until I have told my own story! Please?
    After our divorce there was a lot of acrimony between my ex-wife & myself – hate is too strong a word but it goes close.
    Then I was informed that one of our children was to receive a patriarchal blessing & that out of respect for my position as father of the child, I was invited to attend at the Patriarch’s home. I thought to myself “I don’t want to sit in the same room with that woman”! But I did anyway.
    There was a special spirit in that home & so after only a few minutes I began to see her as the mother of my children rather than as the enemy.
    God began to heal me from that day forth.
    Then there began a sequel which is continuing to the present. I did not much like my ex-wife’s new husband since he had instigated some of the Court proceedings against me. But I made the effort to control this negativity. Soon we became friends & now I have them in my home whenever they are in town.
    There is more: Through this brother I have learned things which I have found immensely valuable. I believe that had I remained wallowing in self pity & recriminations then not only would I have never been healed emotionally but I would not know some of the gems I have picked up at the intellectual level either! It seems to me that if God wants to reveal something(s) to you it is not impossible that HE will choose someone you may not particularly respect – as the messenger. Fun isn’t it?

  35. 35.

    I was one of those who had the crazy revelation of whom I was to marry. And I agree, God is way more concerned with growth than comfort. Here’s my reason why:

    I had to return early from my spanish speaking mission (due to illness). A month after I returned I met an amazingly adorable Colombian man who wanted to date me. We never dated though because I was told I could return to my mission when I got better (and I figured who would want to date someone who was practically disabled anyway). So instead he helped me keep up my spanish. We became good friends and he dated other women.

    However, I did eventually get the feeling that I wasn’t going back to my mission (healing took longer than expected). Then after I accepted this, the cute Colombian and I were eating dinner together when I was struck with a feeling that he was going to be my hubbykins. I didn’t expect anything for some time due to my illness and we weren’t dating. However, later in that day he proposed to me. He felt the exact same thing I did at the same time I did. So we married quickly and everything went well.

    Five months into our marriage he was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away three years later.

    That’s when I went nutso over the idea of “Okay God! I felt he was the one, so why is he gone ALREADY?!” However, it’s been three years since he’s passed and those three years have been the most amazing time of my life. I have struggled like never before in my life, but now I am completely healed of my illness and I know exactly where my love and blessings come from.

    I have no doubt that the growth and change that has developed from my marriage and widowhood wouldn’t have happened (or at least not so quickly) if I didn’t follow the council to marry. Many times God knows the kind of people we can be, and we have to pass through rough waters (especially in marriage) in order to strap up our boots and accept responsibility for our own personal growth. Just like muscles in the body grow stronger when stress is placed upon them, the same for our spirits.

  36. 36.

    Oops… I ment he passed away three MONTHS later. Not years.

    My bad.

  37. 37.

    I recall a speech by Elder McConkie in which he poo-pooed the idea of requiring revelation before marrying. I’ll see if I can find it.

    I heard the speech delivered live.

    She looked down at her hands in her lap for a moment, then blurted, “I’m so relieved! I’m five months pregnant and I didn’t know what I was going to do.”

    That is such a great story. He should have proposed again, right then and there if he really had received revelation.

    Dottie, bless your heart. I don’t know what else much to say.

  38. 38.

    I know I railed earlier against theories, doctrines & the use of scriptures, & in favour of real-life experience ONLY, but the next question is difficult, maybe even impossible to answer without a) dying OR b) the services of a reliable medium (?)
    So here goes: Given that the “Saturday’s Warrior” scenario (ie. “2 individuals making a pact in the pre-existence to get together on Earth” is trustworthy LDS folklore, so could it be that some (at least) of our failed revelations (& yes, we have established by now that such do in fact occur) could come about because what seemed like a good idea “up there” does NOT apply “down here”? In other words, things have changed ?
    The “revelation” in this instance could be part of a 3rd party agreement to tip us off about the pre-existent pact. The disinterest shown by one or both parties is then a justifiable escape clause on the grounds of having totally forgot. I believe it anyway.
    I know for fact that the revelations DO occur, so, apart from the (brilliant) “template breaking” scenario, how do we explain it? Hmmm.

  39. 39.

    Well, a psychic once told me that Bill was my soulmate in the pre-existence. I don’t know, though. Everything else she told me was true so………

  40. 40.

    Soon we became friends & now I have them in my home whenever they are in town.

    Max, I smiled when I read this because of my parents experience. After my parents divorce my dad remarried within a year. Things were a little rocky at first, but my mom and step-mom, while not exactly friends, have come to a place of mutual respect. People are surprised to learn that they do favors for each other and have each other over for family gatherings.

    I’m still giving thought to your question (#38)

  41. 41.

    I didn’t receive any divine witness that I was supposed to marry my husband. Instead, God seemed to just provide a distinct absence of bad feelings about marrying him. Since we dated for four years before we married, God had plenty of time to tell me if it wasn’t right.

    That sounds careless, but let me explain. I was having a hard time weighing my own feelings about it. My husband and I had known for years that we wanted to get married, but my family (and just about everyone else I knew from church) put unbelievable pressure on me to NOT marry him because he hadn’t served a mission. (He was a recent convert.) This resulted in a lot of tears and frustration because I was plagued with guilt for not forcing him to serve a mission or dumping him for someone else who had. When the time came and we decided that we were old enough to do the marriage thing, all I could do was try to shut out all of the voices of discouragement that I was hearing all around me. What I found when I was alone, and it was just me and God, was that God was not bestowing those feelings of guilt and shame on me. He didn’t tell me, “Yes, marry him!” but He didn’t say, “He’s not worthy of you!” either. I feel like God trusted me to decide what would bring me the most happiness.

  42. 42.

    AllieKay, denigrating a convert because he hasn’t served a mission just pisses me off. (Pardon my French.) I’m glad you didn’t listen to the naysayers!

  43. 43.

    I agree with Kevin…I’m glad you didn’t listen AllieKay and learned for yourself what God was saying to you about it.

    My mom always told us eight kids that as long as we pray about a decision and are following the spirit she would support us no matter what, even if it didn’t necessarily follow expected LDS paths. She didn’t freak out when my sister married a non-member or when I served a mission instead of looking for a husband, or when my other sister married a guy who decided not to serve a mission. We all prayed about these things and did what we felt was right for our lives. I hope to put my moms example into practice when I have my own children.

  44. 44.

    I’ve got something to say about this (What a surprise!)
    I did a mission.
    Another fellow in my ward decided to get married instead.
    He later became my Bishop, then my Stake President & after that he was called to be a Mission President.
    He has been a thousand times more useful to the Church than I have.
    I am running out of fixed ideas, they all seem to get blown away.

  45. 45.

    It looks like this post has dried up. I want to thank you so much for organizing it. It was not asked out of idle curiosity. Briefly I will tell my (ie. this) story.
    In 1974 I received not one, but a series of revelations about whom to marry. These were spiritual in nature & nothing to do with Eros or any other manifestation. As mentioned, it came to nothing when the young lady concerned declined my offer of marriage gracefully. I had experienced a number of revelations prior about different matters & these had led to sometimes spectacular & sudden fulfillment, so I well knew the nature of it.
    I felt like Joseph Smith when he said that he had had a vision, he knew he had had a vision & all the world could not convince him otherwise. I likewise knew what I had experienced & so I waited for the fulfillment. 20 years and more passed. I remembered how Abraham (& others) had waited a long time for the words of God to come to pass & eventually they had.
    It need not be supposed that I compared myself to these eminent individuals, only in the type of experience they had.

    Now imagine my excitement at discovering this blog! Here we have access to a whole lot of LDS people whose own personal experiences should cover a whole range of things including events similar to my own (?) I have not been disappointed in this – the results were stunning – thanks again. Now it is 36 years since my unimagined & un-imagineable experience & I felt it was perhaps time to seek for answers, not impatiently but rather in the fullness of time, as it were.
    If any0ne else should care to add their own factual material I will be happy. If not, then I am still happy. Thanks once more. Max.

  46. 46.

    I have enjoyed reading through everyone’s stories. Thank you for sharing them. Sarah H, I particularly enjoyed reading yours. And janeannechovy’s (for different reasons). max, it is good that you can see your ex-wife as the mother of your children. I wish my dad would give that gift to his childrne.

  47. 47.

    Happy to oblige! Thanks for sharing your story, Max.

  48. 48.

    God can tell you actually who to marry. I was talking to my friend who i only like as a friend and randomly during out conversation, talking about God, i got a tingling feeling and i felt the holy spirit tell me that this is the one and to not let go. I denied it because i thought it was crazy and God told me again that this is the one for me. Then just two minutes later, without even mentioning what happened, he said that god gave him a feeling that i was the one for him and to never let go or forget me. We both did not have crushes on each other prior to this incident and it was God.

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