I am sorry your ward is not being helpful. I agree that likely they just don’t know what to do or say, and so feel they they can’t say anything. I suspect that after some time, when they feel they do not need to address the divorce, they will start treating you more normally.

I think the talks and whatnot will become less painful over all, with just occasional stabs, rather than weekly grinding.

Good luck.

your coment really brings a smile to my face. especially the second paragraph. “owner/pet relationship” I’ve been in one of those, and boy, what a fun way to describe it…

Also, I really feel that your opinion about dating divorced people in paragraph one; helps.

That being said,

Jack, I think if you are lucky, you will be able to ask Katie P. on a date…hahah… seems like a girl with that thinking would confound any lies you might have in your head…haha.

It’s hard not to lie to ourselves about these lousy situations we struggle through. But,,, one thing life has taught me… is that; if we hold on… if we keep trying to be more like Christ… as best we can….
eventually our pain will become beautiful to us. It is out of the ashes of life God’s are born. Love, sacred love, is born through pain, just like life is started.
No journey is vain… no crushed expectation—is not one of Heaven’s stairs.

Jack, your a good man, your sensative; and your smart for learning on this page how others go about these situations; and how they could help you in yours.

best wishes to your future…

There are a lot of rookie relationship mistakes out there that good people make (thinking that because you kissed you’re committed, even when unhappy; thinking that you can change the other person when you encounter something that you don’t like, rather than accepting them as they are and fashioning a real relationships instead of an owner/pet relationship), and I’d really rather date someone a little less illusioned.

The reasons for divorce do matter. Someone with your story – married young, never happy, sad it happened but not blaming the church – is much more attractive than someone who is divorced because they cheated, or there was abuse, or who blames everything on their ex and is therefore likely to repeat their own patterns. So in terms of dating, the individual story matters.

Jack, I feel for you brother. I really do.

I’m a 30+ single (never married) who has spent considerable time inactive and away from the church. Sure there is social stigma for singles and divorced, we’re the outliers… That’s kind of how it works. I have a weary attitude towards divorcees just like people have concerns over someone who’s 34 and never been married. ..because we’re out of the norm. It’s the same way outside of social environments, anything that looks like it may not belong is looked at differently -even scrutinized. That’s just life how I see it.

I, through my own experiences, understand very well why return missionaries are counseled to focus on finding a companion after the mission. However, I don’t believe that the council entails marrying the first love we encounter (I don’t necessarily think that was Jack’s intent to portray, but there is a hint of that). However, I do think that some people tend to assume that’s what that particular council means, it simply isn’t. It’s meant to help keep perspective of why we are here and keep us from becoming sidetracked with some of life’s traps that are so readily available to the shortsighted. -That’s just my opinion, of course.

I go to Institute, but only because I was counseled to do so. I wouldn’t go on my own just because of the age differences, I think it could make some feel uncomfortable. Luckily, there are midsingles religion classes around my area so I don’t have to go to a traditional institute class with them young’ns.

I go to a family ward and feel pretty comfortable interacting with the marrieds both older and younger. Of course, maybe it’s just my personality or the fact that I am only recently active or maybe I just don’t notice. I’m not much of a social creature, I don’t go to church for the social, it’s just a benefit for me. I dunno.

My take on Jack’s concerns and those in many of the comments is that maybe some of us just like to wear life’s badges a little more out in the open more than others and in doing so, we tend to differentiate ourselves. That, in turn, creates some rifts in social environments like those already described. It’d be awesome if everyone accepted everyone like everyone. .. but we all have our weaknesses and some of us tend to judge or behave differently than we’d like them to.

Arhg! Now I’m starting to blather, sorry. In the end, I just try to live my life the way I believe is right and hope that I’ll be seen and judged in the same light. And if I’m not, that’s ok too. I can’t expect everyone to think the same way I do anyway. -Plus that’d make life boring.

OK now I’ll go catch up on the other parts of this topic!