I got married when I was a few weeks shy of 38. When I would see married friends I had grown up with or gone to college with they would say, “We should get together more often, call me.” And I would call them and we would always have a good time when I did. But after about 15 years of being the caller and never the callee I began to wonder how good a friend is who never thinks of you until you think them. I probably let too many old friendships wither because of that, but year after year it got harder to pretend that it didn’t matter to me.

I’m leaving out valuable references to what people are saying bc I’m commenting as I read down, rather than reading all the way down and having a million jumbled thoughts.

Love what Ardis says in 28. Maybe a guide including/preparing one for the translation task as they entered a fam ward would help. I think we have to be ready to constantly do that, as though we were the second language in a primary language ward. That helps to think of it that way. Woulda helped more 5 years ago. Would not have struggled so much if I could have seen it that way.
Way less tripping and falling over the stuff. So much tripping, falling and bruising.
I just had no idea. Couldn’t prep for it, couldn’t talk about it sensibly. Couldn’t understand it. (Don’t still really) But this helps.
thx again Seraphine & co.

Suppose your 12 year old daughter comes home from school and tells you about a small group of really neat friends she has had for the last three years who are so great and she wants to serve them all day long, years on end. So she runs extra fast so she can carry the friends books to class and still make her own classes on time, opens all the doors, shares her lunch with the friends, cleans up all their dishes and playground equipment each and every day. You find out that though the friends serve each other even occasionally, they rarely serve your daughter or call her, or come over to interact. They mostly associate only with each other. Your daughter constantly calls them and sets up any interaction she desires. They co-operate only when they aren’t busy with each other and only when she initiates the interaction. They will call quickly if they need more service, though. And always so appreciative.

How long do you continue to tell her to serve even more? And if you do, what else do you tell her to avoid the obvious problem here.

*ps: I personally dislike most conversations about self-esteem that end up encouraging all kinds of selfishness. It’s the opposite, not the solution.
**It’s a given we serve without expectation or demand of reciprocity. So that point is covered here.
***Oddly, I’m a huge proponent of self-less-ness. I’m happiest when I’m not thinking about me at all. But I have to trust that someone else is and knows they have to. Being single, that doesn’t always happen. (married either, I get that.)

But I just can’t put my finger on this one the right way.

Jack, I so appreciate your comments. esp this one.

I have imaginarily threatened to march down the sacrament isle and tackle the next speaker I hear teaching false context, albeit not false doctrine about how there are some celestially necessary lessons you can’t learn single/childless/families in the (earth bound) church until you get unsingle/with child/with family (here and now). It’s rampant and dangerous for more than just the single members.

While there may be some lessons that we need, there is never only one way to teach. And if there is, the Lord isn’t a proponent of it.

Scriptures tell us that some prophets get burned, some are martyred on a cross, Moroni faces lengthy aloneness. Joseph is reminded that he had the bonds of friends around him. The Lord will teach all of us in different ways.

Imagine Abinadi saying to Alma/Amulek at Adom-ondi-amen “The Lord only values what I know from my earthly experience”. Imagine a conversation about “the best way” to seal your testimony with your blood between Joseph and Abinadi. (which wins the rock, paper, scissors game, fire or bullets?). A few people don’t even die but are translated. The only sure things in life are death and taxes and death is an exception for even some. Only one way? Really? Where do we get that stuff?

PS: I want a family here and now, more than you will ever understand. Don’t misunderstand that. I have a testimony of families. I’m practicing “family” life in every way that I can. FHE, genealogy etc…

I just want to celebrate what I know from my experience wanting a family. It’s so valuable. It just doesn’t look anything like changing a thousand diapers or suffering through a labor pain. That doesn’t make it less. Just different.

So does God want me to remain single in this life. Don’t know. Can he teach me what I need to need to know in my single state and prepare me for celestial marriage. YES He Can.

I lack no more than anyone else. Save it be a welcome seat in a chapel rather than a “That’s saved for my children to have more room” response.

In other words, what I’m missing most is earthly and mortal, not celestial. Those talks always imply that I’m missing a celestial piece that might be necessary and I’m not. He’s seen to that.

“…because she judged him faithful who had promised” Hebrews 11:11