Your paragraph above that resonated most strongly with me was the one about realizing there was nothing inherently wrong with you. It wasn’t until I dated a few non-members did I truly understand how I should expect to be treated in a romantic relationship.

I ended up finding a guy who was perfect for me and who happened to be Mormon, but unfortunately there are only so many Mormon sons of gay fathers and PhD mothers to go around.

I’ll keep an eye out for the family wards post, because I have some ideas about that, too. My family ward was THE BEST. I got so tired of singles wards and the ward I was in was just awesome (except the singles were sometimes cliqueish and petty — go figure).

Stacer, you said, “I don’t have the energy I once had in my 20s, especially with the health issues I’ve been dealing with in the last few years.”

I can relate, and you are right, I need to remember that nothing is quite the same as what it’s like to be in your 20s. And how. (I remember being beat after working all day, but I had more stamina so I could fake it longer and get by with less sleep. And I have health problems, too, so I can relate there as well. You have my empathy. Hard stuff.)

And I hope it’s clear in my comments that I really feel strongly about the “get to know people as individuals” thing. I don’t like stereotypes. (Speaking of which, I appreciate the fact that you talk about how not all married people are the same either. )

I married six years after a divorce, in my late 30’s. My husband hates dating. Despises it. Detests it. He’s an introvert by nature, and he described dating as “smoke and mirrors.” He’s a really great guy; I’m confident that if he’d liked dating he would have married much sooner (and to someone else). Here’s how to put the “I hate dating” process to work for you!

1. Meet the person online, and don’t rush into meeting in Real Life. The easiest way to do this is to meet someone online about 200 miles away.

2. E-mail a lot. Pick a good writer. It can be very time consuming to craft entertaining and interesting e-mails, but it’s a great investment. We had exchanged over a hundred e-mails, I think, and knew each other really really well and were quite predisposed to falling in love before we ever met.

3. Make your first meeting count. We met at the temple. I knew he couldn’t bring his hatchet in, and if he could get in I knew he wasn’t snowing me about being able to go to the temple.

4. As I sit here writing this I am reminded about how incredibly lucky I was. Dude could have been a pathological liar and I never would have known until it was too late. I had a pretty solid confirmation that marrying him would be a Good Thing, but sometimes those confirmations aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

5. In light of number 4, I will go ahead and say this, but take with a grain of salt – if you’ve conducted the majority of your “getting to know you” by e-mail, and the person is honest, you can learn all you need to know pretty quickly. Don’t drag your feet about getting married. Start to finish for us, from First E-mail to Wedding, was about nine months. At some point we just had to decide, are we getting married or not? And if so, what were we waiting for? We weren’t kids. And if you aren’t going to get married, end the relationship and move on.

that1girl, #79, those are good questions–I don’t see a whole lot of difference (except for the issue of children, which Martine points out), but I’m interested to see if there are any other thoughts/responses.

And we obviously need Jack to come and revisit this thread…

To answer your more specific question, I’m personally a single who likes to hang out with families (and most singles I know are this way)–I think the key is to do it out of real friendship (i.e. I’m inviting you over because you seem like a cool person that I want to get to know) rather than pity (I’m inviting you over because I feel sorry for you and want you to be able to fully experience the blessings of *my* family). Honestly, if in doubt, ask. Say something like “I would love to invite you over some time and get to know you a bit better–I’m really fascinated about the type of law you practice, or I’m interested in getting gardening ideas from you (etc.–obviously adjust this based on the person and your shared interests). Would you be interested, even if my kids are running around?” You’ve given them a sense of the environment, you’ve expressed genuine interest in their life, and you’ve given them an out (and they can say no if they genuinely are uncomfortable).

-That1girl, I believe that Jack is correct in her final conclusion, but one thing bothers me about what is said earlier by Jack. Jack is saying that Joseph Smith’s revelation on the subject is wrong.
D&C 74 clarifies the passage; and the explanation given in the student manual is in harmony with D&C 74. Jack says the student manual says the opposite of what is said by Paul; or, in other words, Jack is saying Paul did not say what Joseph Smith explained Paul meant. (see D&C: 4-5 to see what was happening in interfaith families in Paul’s time in some situations). Jack either overlooks this or has consciously decided otherwise. Jack even admits later in the conclusion that two godly parents is indeed superior to one when it comes to the children’s spiritual well-being. The only quibble I would agree with is the phrase, “will be severely limited” used in the student manual; limited to some extent yes, but the extent of the severity depends totally upon the state of that household.
In addition, read carefully all Paul says; he is not promoting or justifying interfaith marriage as in two of different faiths deciding to marry; he is discussing what should be done when one person becomes converted to the gospel while the spouse does not.
In that light, Paul in no way condones interfaith marriage; and in fact as mentioned above later specifically states to not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. To see this in it’s context, read verses 12, 13, and 14, not just 14. He is referring to those already with spouses, and they believe but the spouses choose not to.