I have never heard of someone freaking out over Starbucks, except for the PRICE. They sell plenty of other items there…hot cider, hot cocoa, cookies, breads, muffins, etc. And there are actually plenty of non-caffienated drinks, as well. I also love that they have internet access there.

Does this person never go to Dunkin’ Donuts? Or eat out at a restaurant? Because SHHHHHHHH!!!! Don’t tell them they sell COFFEE and TEA and sometimes, even BEER…OH MY!!!!

Although I thought the food was fine, I don’t like the Panera here because it’s jammed with loud high school students. I went there once to study, but I doubt I’ll ever go back. I couldn’t hear myself think.

jjohnson (#23), if only I could be satisfied with the appearance of 3,000 calories, but unfortunately, in my case, appearance tends to be rapidly followed by consummation.

Mark (#24), I knew there was a reason I liked Starbucks! It’s their excellent taste in employees, of course.

Liz C. (#25), I thought Jesus said Barbies were wicked. (Wicked anorexic, that is.)

Bored in Vernal (#28), perhaps you could suggest to your husband that as the priesthood leader it’s his responsibility to venture out, manly and intrepid, into the Grocery Store of Gomorrah and brave the wiles of the coffee aisle? I mean, as a woman, you wouldn’t want to subvert the patriarchal order or his masculinity or anything. At any time you, the weaker vessel, could succumb, fall to your knees and start ripping up the little coffee bags and sticking the beans up your nose and writhing on the floor in evil, caffeinated ecstasy. He wouldn’t want that on his conscience.

I hate grocery shopping too. I hate all shopping, for that matter.

More words of wisdom from Ziff (#31). Let us all take heed.

(And finally, in case anyone in your life is still nattering on about the appearance of evil, Norbert of BCC wrote a brief refutation here.)

And Orwell, thanks for the trip down memory lane. I think I encountered that list in YWs. As an introvert who wilts without time alone, I was particularly irritated that the desire to be alone was one of the qualities of one devoid of the spirit.

queuno (#6), Lori (#12), anita (#13), Ben Pratt (#20, Sarah P. (#21), miles (#26), thanks for the data points. And queuno, Utah’s not all bad, you know. There’s always the hiking and skiing and stargazing. They even have Starbucks now, I hear.

E (#16), Isn’t it a good thing ZDs keeps a priesthood leader on salary to save us from degenerating into utter nonsense?

Johnna (#17), I too have asked people if they want to go out for coffee (knowing, as you said, that I won’t be drinking any). Really I’m just asking them, in their vernacular, if they want to get together and talk over a hot beverage.

Matt W. (#18), that’s a crucial reason Walmart has such spiritual significance in my tribe–that is, the tribe of people raised in a large family in intermittent un- and underemployment, and then, at last, on one BYU professor’s salary.

1 Take heed that ye do not avoid Starbucks before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
2 Therefore when thou avoidest thy Starbucks, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
3 But when thou avoidest thy Starbucks, let not thy checkbook know what thy credit card doeth:
4 That thine avoidance may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

Keri, as you say, I can understand the restriction on missionaries, since Mormons are known for not drinking coffee, and missionaries are visibly Mormon. Starbucks-frequenting missionaries would likely result in a lot of misjudgments of hypocrisy.

It’s no different from some west-coast liberals I know who avoid patronizing Starbucks because they don’t sell enough fair-trade coffee.

I agree. In composing the post, in fact, that’s precisely the parallel I thought of–the left movement toward buying organic locally produced fairly-treated and traded food. (I’d actually love to see an anthropologist who crosses both worlds compare the Mormon food taboos and the left food-taboos and the roles they play in boundary maintenance, for example.)

I would assume (and correct me if I’m wrong) that you would support/respect that reason, so what’s the problem with the conservative Utah reason?

Well, here, not so much, I confess. While I’m philosophically sympathetic to the move toward responsible production and stewardship, by birth and upbringing I’m kind of the opposite of a crunchy con–a white-trash liberal, if you will. Walmart has deep spiritual significance in my tribe. But that’s way beyond the scope of this discussion.

Somewhat more seriously, I guess I’m skeptical about a degree of scrupulosity that forbids someone even to set foot in a coffee house, whether because it vends a WofW-forbidden substance or because its purchases are insufficiently fair-trade. Don’t get me wrong–I don’t object to someone not buying out of such scruples–but it seems to me at some point that we need to consider the costs of this degree of scrupulosity to, in this case, our family relationships.

I tend to have greater respect for scruples that don’t indulge in gaudy, self-aware display–and some Mormons, as well as some lefties, love to indulge themselves in this way, which is tiresome and ultimately detrimental to the cause espoused. On the other hand, I think a lot of Mormons who live and work and play with non-Mormons, and a lot of organic-fair-trade vegetarians, become very adept at upholding their standards without making a verbal display of their own morality. You go to dinner with friends. Someone has a glass of wine (or, if you’re a vegetarian, a steak). You don’t have to say anything. You don’t even have to think anything. You just don’t order a glass of wine, or a steak, yourself.

Isn’t it fun to be Mormon? We can rebel over such trivia. An extra earring, a Diet Coke, a Starbucks cup–they all convey that anarchic, untameable edge.

(I’m remembering now that the faculty advisor for the BYU student literary magazine once told me that in the fiction submissions people drank coffee completely out of proportion to their propensity to do so in real life. Coffee, evidently, plays an important role in the Mormon conception of the Gentile world.)