I believe very much in the communal nature of the Atonement. That is to say, I believe the only way to truly experience the Atonement is to connect with other people–both by receiving love and sustenance from them and by giving love and sustenance to them. I liked Lynette’s aside:

(And I just have to add that I think that raises some really interesting theological questions–we encourage people to go directly to God and get answers, and I certainly don’t think that’s a bad thing, but I wonder about its limitations. Given the extent to which our sense of God is inevitably intertwined with our experience with others, is it possible to even talk about grace in completely individualistic terms?)

I very much believe that our sense of God is “intertwined with our experience with others”–so much so that I don’t think it’s possible to know God except by knowing and loving others. For me, God cannot exist in isolation as an individual.

and after all of that, I have to say that I struggle with the communal aspect of God in spite of my belief in it. Largely, I think, because I do not feel that I exist in community with those I encounter at church. Not through any fault of theirs or mine; just by virtue of the stark differences between how I understand my world and how they understand my world. Perhaps that *is* a fault on my part–maybe I perceive differences that do not exist or at least that do not or should not carry the weight I give them. But I struggle finding my place in a community with which I find myself disagreeing so very often and on such very important questions.

In spite of my own difficulties finding acceptance in my church community, I am glad that you have found some in yours.

I particularly like that so many ward members came up to you after your testimony where you feared you had made yourself too vulnerable. I wonder if it’s often the case that we’re all too reticent to share our difficulties with one another, so when someone is actually willing to say they’re struggling, everyone else is relieved to have the possibility of struggling even put out there. So it’s like a public service to admit everything isn’t going hunky dory for you.

Thanks, Angie.

Lynnette, this past spring I would have had a difficult time accepting much of anything directly from God. I’m not sure I believed He was out to get me, but He just seemed so distant and mysterious and strange (in ways I’ve never felt before). I’m guessing my relationship with God will never be quite the same again (which may not be a bad thing), but I definitely think the kindness of others has grounded me in such a way to feel more comfortable confronting that strangeness and figuring out how it might still be possible to have a personal relationship with Him.

Thanks, Kaimi. And I agree–the LDS community can be pretty amazing when it’s working right.

Phannie, I agree that some wards have a hard time with honesty or complicated narratives. I’m usually hesitant to be as honest as I was because the outcome isn’t always positive. I’m feeling pretty lucky to be in my ward right now (even though my bishop wanted to talk to me this past week because I think he was kinda concerned after my testimony and wanted to see if there was something he could do to resolve my issues).

(And I just have to add that I think that raises some really interesting theological questions–we encourage people to go directly to God and get answers, and I certainly don’t think that’s a bad thing, but I wonder about its limitations. Given the extent to which our sense of God is inevitably intertwined with our experience with others, is it possible to even talk about grace in completely individualistic terms?)

Your post also reminded me that for all my complaining, the church community has done some amazing things for me in my life–not least of which has been connecting me to people who’ve really made a difference when I’ve needed it. Thanks for reminding me of that.