Eve and Ziff, I didn’t really touch on questions of responsbility in my post, but you’re right that this is a natural extension of my ideas. I think one reason why women sometimes tie up their identity so closely with the domestic sphere is because they are inundated with messages that tell them that taking care of the family and home is their primary responsibility in life.

Eve, that’s such a good point about who people outside at household think is responsible for mess at home. Regardless of who works outside the home or how much, it’s always the wife. This is a point my wife has made to me. If someone comes over and there’s unfolded laundry on the couch because I haven’t folded it yet, they’re not going to wonder whose turn it was to fold it. In fact, they’re extremely unlikely to consciously consider the issue at all; they’ll just jump to the conclusion that my wife is falling down on the job.

It’s telling the way we often automatically assign responsibility for domestic space and for the various objects in it. For example, if the house is a mess, it’s generally considered the woman’s fault, not her husband’s. If a single man’s apartment is messy, well, that’s only to be expected of a bachelor (in fact, too neat or well-decorated an apartment might suggest he’s insufficiently heterosexual)–but I don’t think single women get the same cultural pass.