But I wonder how far we can apply such logic. Does Heavenly Father run the universe because Heavenly Mother would do so much better a job, and Heavenly Father needs the opportunity? Are Jesus and the Holy Ghost male because it would be all too easy for female spirits to fill those roles? Why does this sound vaguely blasphemous if women really are more innately divine than men?

And if women are naturally good at nurturing, why not have the men nurture? If women are naturally good at hearkening to others’ counsel, why not have the men hearken to theirs, since they need the practice?

Just some non-Mormon thoughts…

2. Count me as one who doesn’t see much contradiction. Or maybe it has been easy to “reconcile.”
EDUCATION – I have a bachelors degree. I always planned to go to college. I went to college. I finished college (after I got married). My mother was a SAHM with an almost completed Master’s degree. My father treated her like she was educated and smart. That was my expectation, to be an educated intelligent woman. I never saw contradiction.
SELF-RELIANT – Until I entered the workforce I did have trouble choosing a major and being confident in what I could do in the workforce (I was a shy, late bloomer type). Once I had some real work experience, I have no trouble imagining that I can support myself and my family if I ever need to in the future. I also feel that my marriage is healthy and I don’t have issues that I would stay in an unhealthy situation because I would be too scared to get out because of lack of confidence in myself and my ability to “make it” without a husband (financially or emotionally).
3. PREVALENCE OF SAHMhood? While I am a SAHM, I do not see it as so “prevalent.” There are many wards where it is the exception, rather than the rule. Go to wards where there are lower income families, or work jobs that require less education and you will find families that have husbands and wives who work different shifts so that they can minimize daycare expenses and make ends meet. Go to wards where there are few little children and you will find mothers who returned to work once the kids got older. Go to wards where there are many apartments and you will find single mothers who work.
4. DESIRE FOR A CAREER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE – Are you from some sort of priveledged class? Or a idealist reformer? No one I knew grew up expecting to cure cancer or actually expect to run for president. Most people just want to find a career that they are capable of training for and will be happy doing and make a decent amount of money doing it. Sure, some people decide to become actors or artists, but most people decide it is better as a hobby since you can’t make money at it. Some people think really big but don’t make plans to get there. A lot of people drift into a major or a job. Most people in my ward work a “job” and it is not a dream job in the most exciting field. If they went to college, they were just happy to get a job after in their field. If they didn’t go to college, they are happy to find a field that they make enough money and have a future in it. Maybe if they thought they would be a teacher and “make a difference” it might last their entire career, but often you see teachers who are burnt out or tired and its just a job.
How many people who aren’t age 15-22 think they are going to change the world? How many people have a job that they don’t have some aspects of it that drive them crazy (their boss, the red tape, the pay, etc).
5. MY OWN “RECONCILIATION” There was nothing to reconcile. I got married because I really wanted to marry and have a good marriage. I have stayed married because I have received benefit from the effort I have put into my marriage. I had children because even though I didn’t care much for other people’s children, I knew that I would love my own children and it would be a worthwhile effort to raise them. I chose to stay home with them because I like being the one to parent them fulltime. I am happy with all these choices (its been 10 years of parenting and 15 years of marriage) because all the hard work feels worth it, I am very proud of my efforts, I feel my work is valued (both by me and others), I remember my challenges and am happy with how I have handled them, I am committed to the idea that “nurturing” my children is important and I can do it and feel happy doing it. I think it is ridiculous when someone thinks raising children doesn’t require a brain. I view it as a job that requires hard work, organization, a learning curve, understanding of priorities, creative solutions to problems, research, networking, negotiation and so many important skills that I keep developing.

What a great topic you are writing about. I wish I had a story to add. I had for a while been working on those contradictions, but right now find myself unable to rectify them.

I was working on a dissertation along similar lines. (I had to stop because of PPD and a terribly unhelpful adviser who was not granted tenure.) I was working on an examination of how feminist women in conservative faiths negotiate their identity.

I wish you the best of luck.

-money (Sell all and give to the poor, don’t set your heart on things of world vs. money, elegant home as status symbols not only in US culture, but in LDS culture)

-competence/humility (Sometimes I think I conflate wishy-washy, self-effacing silliness with true humility. Maybe I don’t try very hard to develop competence, falsely imagining ineptitude to be synonymous with humility.)

-body image ( It’s what inside that counts, don’t be superficial, but try to stay trim and cute and attractive to hubby as you age. How much time and effort and money to devote to the beauty effort? I resent the pressure to make so much of my life about my appearance, but I’m also fearful of sabotaging my marriage by just “letting myself go”.)

-time management, finding balance (family, church callings, community involvement, church activities, kids’ activities, etc.)

-guilt/peace/confidence before God, aka grace/works (How can I feel that I’m right with God? What does the Atonement really mean for me?)

Not really what the guest poster requested, but these are some of the topics I’m wrestling with right now. I don’t see the church as being worthy of blame for any of these struggles; this is just a list of things this particular LDS woman is trying to figure out.

Another question I wonder about is the degree to which men have power over women when they control the income. One result is that they can leave women high and dry, whether intentionally (through divorce) or not (through death). And even apart from that, control of income gives them power over wives and children should they choose to exercise it. (I don’t doubt, though, that many if not most men are loath to use their (possible) control of money in manipulative ways.)

Zenaida’s points are interesting as well–should those of us who are single just be fooling around looking for husbands, or should we pursue career goals? If we do the former, will we have wasted our lives if we never marry and never do anything else particularly satisfying either? But if we do the latter, will we give up on those goals if we do marry and have children? Should we?

I find it difficult to place the blame for these struggles on the church. I am much more willing to blame myself for not fitting the mold. I can’t think of a female role model in the church who is not married and does not promote marriage and family as the ideal we should all be striving for. Those who are single without children of their own do not present their situation as desirable.

Forgive me if I am only wearing the carpet thin on this issue with nothing new to say.