I’ve met only two people in my life who can listen to my understandings without getting offended. One (an Ephraimite member) listens and suspends judgment until the resurrection, the other (a Manassahite member) listens, follows the logic, searches the evidence and almost always arrives at the same conclusion. (His opinion is that Ephraimite church members cannot understand what I or he says because they are Ephraimites and he and I are Manassahites. It’s a tribal thing, according to him.) All others get offended. (I’m surrounded by Ephraimites, so maybe he’s right.)

So, more power to you if you use the feminine mode of speaking. I see no weakness in it. Viva la difference! (There is no one more open-minded than an anarchist.)

In my own blog, I make an effort to present my ideas in terms of “Hey, here’s an idea I’m throwing out there — what do you think of it?” Yet that “gender genie” (linked in the original fMh post) thinks I’m male for practically every post I’ve written. I’m not sure what’s up with that….

Also, regarding the use of “um,” in my experience, even being long removed from being a teenager, I still worry about saying things to make myself look stupid in front of women.

The logical question that leads me to is whether conversation in the bloggernacle is more like spoken or written language.

This segues nicely into Eric’s observations. Different blogs have different “feels.” FMH feels orally residual to me. Times and Seasons not so much. Value neutral–but important when constructing comments.

I’ve noticed that, for me, the frequency of my using softening phrases varies from blog to blog. Coincidently, the blog where I have been the most conscientious of adding them into comments is this one.

I like your point about the audience influencing whether you use qualifiers or not. I’m also happy to hear that ZD has had a feminizing influence on you. Out of curiosity, at which blogs do you think you use few or no qualifiers? (And I would be interested to hear what anyone else’s impression is on this issue too.)

I agree with several of you who have made the point that using qualifiers tends to be helpful in spoken language, but not so much in written. The logical question that leads me to is whether conversation in the bloggernacle is more like spoken or written language. (I mean, aside from the obvious point that it’s technically written.)

I think that many comments sound a lot more like spoken language than like written language, and their structure is certainly often like spoken language–short paragraphs, lots of back and forth comments, less emphasis on getting the structure right than in most writing.

Of course comments are also more formal than most speech in that they even have paragraphs. And there’s lots of variance from person to person (and from blog to blog, in general) in how formal the comments are. But I think my point still holds true that comments are enough like spoken language that qualifiers are helpful rather than a distraction.

Tangentially, posts themselves are another animal because they are typically thought out more in advance than are comments. I suspect that this makes them more like written language in general, so perhaps qualifiers would come across as distracting in them. Again, of course, there’s variability depending on who’s doing the posting.