I am so sorry for you and what you’re going through. I am going through the same thing from the other side of the deal (like Lessie,) and I know it’s very painful all around. I was an RM when I married my husband, and I’d been a very strong member all my life.

Now I consider myself a nondenominational Christian, but I still attend church and the average member probably doesn’t know about my changed views. I felt like I had to share my new feelings with my husband because he was my best friend and soul mate, and I needed his love and support no matter what.

Of course, as I predicted, it broke his heart. I think he’s still suffering from it about 3 years later. In fact, it may have been what first sparked the sex addiction that I discovered a couple of weeks ago.

It turns out that he’s been going to massage parlors (yes, that kind) for three years and he’s gone to brothels in other countries.

He says that the fact that I’m trying not to divorce him or give up on him helps him to feel my love and helps him to realize that God loves me even in my errant ways. The irony, in my opinion, is that in his mind I think my “crime” was of about equal severity as his.

I don’t know if we’ll make it or not, but I think the fact that we’re both willing to try certainly means something. I think it just means we’re in love.

Anonymous, speaking from the perspective of the spouse who is having belief issues, more than likely, your husband is probably aware of the betrayal you might be feeling and knows that he is causing you pain. At least in my case, it isn’t anything against my husband or the promises I made to him, and it causes me pain to think that I might be hurting him, I just can’t seem to accept some of the things I used to. I’m not trying to be condescending either, I’m not even trying to defend your spouse or judge you, I’m just letting you know that usually testimony issues don’t change the fact that a spouse loves you and wants to be with you. I hope this is helpful, it was meant with the best of intentions.

If you want to find scriptural support for the idea that divorce is too prevalent, you don’t need to look far. If you want to find scriptural support for the idea that gay marriage is wrong, you won’t find anything from the savior; you’ll have to go to Paul and some oblique references to “the sin of Sodom” (which Ezekial asserts was not sodomy, but a lack of concern for the poor). Against this scriptural background, it would make sense that church leaders would want to re-evaluate the focus on opposition to gay marriage and ramp up efforts to preserve marriage per se.

I don’t mean to say or imply that Elder Oaks is being insincere. He probably is also concerned with divorce, but I think it is likely that the impetus for the concern with divorce had more to do with a concern about gay marriage than with a concern about divorce itself.

BTW, Anonymous, I am sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine what you must feel. There isn’t really anything that I could say that wouldn’t come off as condescending, but my prayers are with you. My wife’s brother-in-law joined the church to marry my sister-in-law only to leave the church (though not formally) a few years later. After about two years of being decidedly against the church, he is now returning. He just took my sister-in-law to the temple again. It was extremely hard for my wife’s family, but there was hope.

I saw the sermon as an attempt to inoculate the church (and Elder Oaks) from charges of hypocrisy. It seemed to me that it was more motivated by concerns about the perception of the church in relation to homosexuality than concerns about divorce. This is especially so since Elder Oaks has been a bit more active and vocal on the subject that most of the brethren.