Zelophehad’s Daughters

Double Dactyls for Lynnette

Posted by Eve

Higgledy-piggledy.
Mormon theology’s
few female advocates
must feel forlorn:

Men cry, “enough with the
language unfeminine,
‘soteriology’
just sounds like porn.”

21 Responses to “Double Dactyls for Lynnette”

  1. 1.

    Wow, a post just for me! Though it’s a good thing you included the link, since even with all my high-falutin’ education in topics like soteriology, I’d never before heard of a “double dactyl.” ;)

  2. 2.

    Lynnette, knowing a term like “double dactyl” means, basically, that you–that is to say, I–am a goof-off who plans to spend the rest of my life writing advanced limericks while you storm the castle of partiarchal theology and solve the mysteries of salvation. :D

  3. 3.

    “‘soteriology’ just sounds like porn.”

    I swear, Eve, I only read the American Soteriology Review for the articles. . .

  4. 4.

    I have to admit that the first time I read the poem, I tapped out the syllabic emphasis. I didn’t even get the meaning until the second read.
    Nice talent, Eve. I wish I could write poems like that.
    After you get that Phd, are you doing to work for Hallmark? :)

  5. 5.

    Zelophy zorphory,
    Feminist Mormonry
    Isn’t as bad as the
    critics believe

    How could one question a
    metaphilosophy
    so well depicted in
    poems by Eve?

  6. 6.

    Zebedee, Zabadee,
    Zelophehadery
    It’s the new dernier cri
    Storming the net,

    Six sibling sisters, in
    pseudo-onymity
    Eve, K., S., Vada, and
    Ziff and Lynnette.

    (And, um, sorry about the gender thing, Ziff. I tried for a few minutes to come up with a line that kept the same resonance and also preserved your masculinity, but my poetic gift, such as it is, is apparently not up to snuff.)

  7. 7.

    wow, Eve, I think you have a kindred Spirit!

  8. 8.

    Ok, that was just too fun. Much thanks :)

  9. 9.

    Harrison-harrister.
    Kaimi O barrister,
    please represent us at
    Court Kangaroo:

    Orthodox minions still
    rue our opinions, our
    idiosyncrasies
    cause them to sue.

  10. 10.

    (And, um, sorry about the gender thing, Ziff. I tried for a few minutes to come up with a line that kept the same resonance and also preserved your masculinity, but my poetic gift, such as it is, is apparently not up to snuff.)

    No problem at all. I’m more than happy to be lumped with such fine women. And I guess you’re probably uniquely qualified to understand this experience, given how often you’re pegged as a woman on FMH, for example.

  11. 11.

    It’s all good, Kaimi. Because the thing is, after hearing all our lives at church that “brothers” really means “brothers and sisters”, “men” really means “men and women”, and “sons” really means “sons and daughters”, we figured that people would have no problem figuring out that “Zelophehad’s Daughters” really means “daughters and sons.” So if you refer to us as “sisters,” it’s only obvious that what’s meant to be conveyed is “sisters and brothers.” ;)

  12. 12.

    Or “sisters and brother” as the case may be. Good point, Lynnette. This could lead to all kinds of fun hymn interpretations.

  13. 13.

    (inspired by D&C 29:19)

    Zippadee zollavee.
    Church eschatology
    causes anxiety
    for those in sin;

    Imminent anarchy,
    coming catastrophe,
    what will I do when I’m
    stripped of my skin?

  14. 14.

    I just wanted to say that this post and the comments made me laugh quite hard. Thanks all!

  15. 15.

    I just wanted to say that this post and the comments made me laugh quite hard. Thanks all!

    I agree, Seraphine. These are lots of fun. I really like Lynnette’s idea of basing them on scriptures, so here’s my attempt, from 2 Nephi 28:21:

    I like to sing, “Come ye
    saints, fear no labor.” But
    Most of all I like to
    Sing “All is well.”

    Satan has lulled me to
    Carnal security
    Cheating my soul as he
    Leads me to hell.

  16. 16.

    Hipsibble-hopsibble,
    could it be possible
    danger is threatening
    someone named Ziff?

    Long-ago prophecy
    warns of complacency
    guiding him carefully
    straight off a cliff.

  17. 17.

    Excellent. Here’s my meager effort:

    D&C 60:13: Thou shalt not idle away thy time, neither shalt thou bury thy talent that it may not be known.

    Pelican-wellikan
    Blogging the ‘Nacle can
    seem to some idleness,
    Wasting of time.

    Increasing talent is
    Counterproductiveness?
    I’ve spent all day making
    This poem rhyme.

  18. 18.

    Lynnette, when I left you last night, you were talking about writing a draft of your dissertation proposal–and you got back on the Bloggernacle and started writing goofy poetry?? Now I see how you’re spending your study time!

    Norbert, you’ve beautifully captured how I’ve spent far too many days. (But I’m thinking double dactyls could be a great way to while away a boring church meeting. Especially if we follow Lynnette and Ziff’s fine example and turn all of our scriptures into light verse.)

    Thanks for all the contributions! I hope the double dactyl trend takes the church by storm. In fact, I’m dying to see an “Eliza R. Snow Double-Dactyl Contest” show up in the Ensign. :)

  19. 19.

    Eve, the above is in fact a draft of my dissertation proposal, which is currently titled, “The Sad Story of Ziff: A Case Study of the Devil Leading Someone to Hell.” I’m planning to write the whole thing in double dactyls.

  20. 20.

    Yah-tah-hay! What the hey?
    Funny verses that rhyme?
    I and Nash, Ogden
    write them all the time.

    Lynnette relieves concentration on her education
    by engaging in light-hearted hijinks like this.
    Too much mortification in re: ‘issertation,
    would result in nothing more than a diss’.

    /s/ Bill Shakespeare

  21. 21.

    Oh my, I haven’t laughed this hard reading a sucession of comments since the last time I looked at the LOLcats! Thank you for the enlightenment and entertainment :)

Leave a Reply