Comments on: Sisters http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/ Thu, 17 May 2012 14:44:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: blue http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-10382 blue Sat, 06 Jan 2007 07:47:59 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-10382 I was 2nd of five, with 2 boys on the ends and us girls in the middle. I was the boss too...even though i had an older brother. we had a life much like the childhood you described with the fighting and jockying for position and all, only we weren't actually close at all. Still, somehow as adults I've gotten to the same point Lynette writes about in this entry with my sisters. I'm getting closer to my younger brother, but still don't have much to do with the older one. What your post got me thinking about is, how come with my sisters, i managed to just get over our issues and differences and bad history, and forgive and move on, but I haven't been able to do that with my brother or my parents? I never noticed this before, and have spent years wrestling with my relationship with my parents. We don't even speak now, but only because I stopped being able to do so without it making me crazy and miserable. My sisters can't talk to them either. One hasn't in over 5 years, the other still struggles wiht the minimum obligation phone calls (every couple months). I didn't even go to therapy to become good friends with my sisters. It just seemed to happen. Hmmm. Something to think about. I was 2nd of five, with 2 boys on the ends and us girls in the middle. I was the boss too…even though i had an older brother. we had a life much like the childhood you described with the fighting and jockying for position and all, only we weren’t actually close at all. Still, somehow as adults I’ve gotten to the same point Lynette writes about in this entry with my sisters. I’m getting closer to my younger brother, but still don’t have much to do with the older one.

What your post got me thinking about is, how come with my sisters, i managed to just get over our issues and differences and bad history, and forgive and move on, but I haven’t been able to do that with my brother or my parents?

I never noticed this before, and have spent years wrestling with my relationship with my parents. We don’t even speak now, but only because I stopped being able to do so without it making me crazy and miserable. My sisters can’t talk to them either. One hasn’t in over 5 years, the other still struggles wiht the minimum obligation phone calls (every couple months). I didn’t even go to therapy to become good friends with my sisters. It just seemed to happen. Hmmm. Something to think about.

]]> By: Ziff http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9223 Ziff Sat, 16 Dec 2006 00:49:37 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9223 <p><em>I'm very fond of my brother Ziff's wife, our only brave sister-in-law who had the courage to marry a man with six sisters.</em></p> <p>I'm fond of her too. :) I remember that, growing up, I always hoped for each new baby to be a boy so that I could have a brother. But the older I've gotten, the more I've enjoyed having sisters. Sure, I missed out on all the typical brother activities like wrestling, but my sisters taught me to enjoy talking like brothers never would have. I'm also grateful because women are much more likely to keep up with their relatives than men are, so with six sisters, I can't lose! Even if I'm a slacker, someone will always keep up with me. (Yes, I know. Typical man.)</p> I’m very fond of my brother Ziff’s wife, our only brave sister-in-law who had the courage to marry a man with six sisters.

I’m fond of her too. :) I remember that, growing up, I always hoped for each new baby to be a boy so that I could have a brother. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve enjoyed having sisters. Sure, I missed out on all the typical brother activities like wrestling, but my sisters taught me to enjoy talking like brothers never would have. I’m also grateful because women are much more likely to keep up with their relatives than men are, so with six sisters, I can’t lose! Even if I’m a slacker, someone will always keep up with me. (Yes, I know. Typical man.)

]]> By: Eve http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9048 Eve Wed, 13 Dec 2006 19:14:52 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9048 cmac, I'm glad it went well with your sister, and I hope your good conversation bodes well for the future. I think it's extremely normal to have "bumpy" relationships with siblings at times--really, with anyone we're close to. cmac, I’m glad it went well with your sister, and I hope your good conversation bodes well for the future.

I think it’s extremely normal to have “bumpy” relationships with siblings at times–really, with anyone we’re close to.

]]> By: cmac http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9038 cmac Wed, 13 Dec 2006 09:42:26 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9038 Thank you Jessawhy for the good luck, and thank you Eve for what you wrote. It's nice to have a little bit of e-pep. Just so you now know (because I know you're interested :) ) it went swimmingly with my sister. I know there's probably a long road of getting back to normal with her, but at least we've made a start. So, thanks again for helping me remember it's worth it to work stuff out with my sister, but also helping me realize it's normal and okay to have bumpy (sometimes at best) relationships with siblings. Thank you Jessawhy for the good luck, and thank you Eve for what you wrote. It’s nice to have a little bit of e-pep. Just so you now know (because I know you’re interested :) ) it went swimmingly with my sister. I know there’s probably a long road of getting back to normal with her, but at least we’ve made a start.
So, thanks again for helping me remember it’s worth it to work stuff out with my sister, but also helping me realize it’s normal and okay to have bumpy (sometimes at best) relationships with siblings.

]]> By: Tatiana http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9022 Tatiana Wed, 13 Dec 2006 00:57:53 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9022 I wish I could have a better relationship with my sister. It is inspiring to hear your stories! I wish I could have a better relationship with my sister. It is inspiring to hear your stories!

]]> By: Eve http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9020 Eve Tue, 12 Dec 2006 23:46:03 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9020 cmac, that does sound really scary and difficult. I think it's always hard, frightening even, to talk honestly about difficult and complicated feelings--and with siblings and family members, we've got a whole lifetime to build up complications. For what it's worth, we were anything but a band of loving, kindhearted sisters--and we still tend to be fairly salty spirits, all of us, as I think Amalthea once said of herself--although we get along better than we used to. (That's the trouble with online! Inevitably, we only reveal certain aspects of ourselves and our lives here.) I don't think I've ever been as awful to anyone as I have been to my own family members. Anyway, good luck. I do hope it goes well for you. cmac, that does sound really scary and difficult. I think it’s always hard, frightening even, to talk honestly about difficult and complicated feelings–and with siblings and family members, we’ve got a whole lifetime to build up complications. For what it’s worth, we were anything but a band of loving, kindhearted sisters–and we still tend to be fairly salty spirits, all of us, as I think Amalthea once said of herself–although we get along better than we used to. (That’s the trouble with online! Inevitably, we only reveal certain aspects of ourselves and our lives here.) I don’t think I’ve ever been as awful to anyone as I have been to my own family members.

Anyway, good luck. I do hope it goes well for you.

]]> By: jessawhy http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9012 jessawhy Tue, 12 Dec 2006 23:04:12 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9012 Good luck! Good luck!

]]> By: cmac http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9011 cmac Tue, 12 Dec 2006 23:01:38 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9011 I'm so glad I read this post today. :) I am meeting one of my three sisters for dinner tonight to discuss the bad state of our relationship. I was thinking how cool you all seem and then to read that you too have had "tense moments of jealousy, of rage," made me feel a whole lot better. So, thanks. :) Hope you don't mind my pointless post. Wish me luck! I'm scared to talk about all this junk with my sister. I’m so glad I read this post today. :) I am meeting one of my three sisters for dinner tonight to discuss the bad state of our relationship. I was thinking how cool you all seem and then to read that you too have had “tense moments of jealousy, of rage,” made me feel a whole lot better.

So, thanks. :) Hope you don’t mind my pointless post. Wish me luck! I’m scared to talk about all this junk with my sister.

]]> By: Eve http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9006 Eve Tue, 12 Dec 2006 20:27:24 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9006 Lynnette, being the oldest is no fun anymore. Now it's the eternal jokes about being a geezer and offers to get me walkers, etc. Sure, you'll never catch up because I'll hit forty, and fifty, and sixty, and seventy, and eighty first--and die first! ;) (But Amalthea has planned a lovely funeral for me. She's promised to stand on my coffin and read poetry over my dead body. It's all in hand.) Jessawhy, oh, we've definitely had lots of horse-kicking and fistfights and years and years of bitter emnity in our various sibling relationships. But I do feel blessed to have all of my siblings nontheless. ;) I do like your point about gaining siblings through marriage. I'm very fond of my brother Ziff's wife, our only brave sister-in-law who had the courage to marry a man with six sisters (even though she's not at all an Internet or email person so we don't see her around here) and I look forward to seeing her and talking with her over Christmas vacation. Ziff, if you're reading this--please tell your sweetie happy birthday belatedly, and I'm sorry I'm such a horrible flake (blame it on the papers I'm allegedly writing right at this minute, heh heh). And thanks so much for the cards to me and to my husband. We really enjoyed them. Lynnette, being the oldest is no fun anymore. Now it’s the eternal jokes about being a geezer and offers to get me walkers, etc. Sure, you’ll never catch up because I’ll hit forty, and fifty, and sixty, and seventy, and eighty first–and die first! ;) (But Amalthea has planned a lovely funeral for me. She’s promised to stand on my coffin and read poetry over my dead body. It’s all in hand.)

Jessawhy, oh, we’ve definitely had lots of horse-kicking and fistfights and years and years of bitter emnity in our various sibling relationships. But I do feel blessed to have all of my siblings nontheless. ;)

I do like your point about gaining siblings through marriage. I’m very fond of my brother Ziff’s wife, our only brave sister-in-law who had the courage to marry a man with six sisters (even though she’s not at all an Internet or email person so we don’t see her around here) and I look forward to seeing her and talking with her over Christmas vacation.

Ziff, if you’re reading this–please tell your sweetie happy birthday belatedly, and I’m sorry I’m such a horrible flake (blame it on the papers I’m allegedly writing right at this minute, heh heh). And thanks so much for the cards to me and to my husband. We really enjoyed them.

]]> By: jessawhy http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9004 jessawhy Tue, 12 Dec 2006 20:14:50 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/12/12/sisters/#comment-9004 You sisters must know how blessed you are, right? Not all of us have cozy relationships and fond memories of ours. My sister, 2 yrs younger, has and still is my arch-nemisis. I have a clear memory of a fist-fight the summer I got married. (as I recall, she horse-kicked me across the room we were sharing) I think personalities, parenting, and perspective have a lot to do with grown-up relationships. (of course, I question whether my sister has grown up, she is still living at home at 25) However, close relationships can come from other places. I have been surprised that after 6 years of marriage, I am better friends with my husband's brother than any of my own siblings (and also closer than they are as brothers) and my husband relates better to my HS age sister than he does to any of his own siblings. So, that's what I like: new siblings through marriage. You sisters must know how blessed you are, right?
Not all of us have cozy relationships and fond memories of ours. My sister, 2 yrs younger, has and still is my arch-nemisis. I have a clear memory of a fist-fight the summer I got married. (as I recall, she horse-kicked me across the room we were sharing)
I think personalities, parenting, and perspective have a lot to do with grown-up relationships. (of course, I question whether my sister has grown up, she is still living at home at 25)
However, close relationships can come from other places. I have been surprised that after 6 years of marriage, I am better friends with my husband’s brother than any of my own siblings (and also closer than they are as brothers) and my husband relates better to my HS age sister than he does to any of his own siblings.
So, that’s what I like: new siblings through marriage.

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