Comments on: Please Welcome: The Bouncer

By: The Bouncer

The Bouncer — Wed, 12 May 2010 19:12:28 +0000

Depends on how inflammatory your comment is.

By: Sequin Heels

Sequin Heels — Wed, 12 May 2010 15:30:40 +0000

Is the Bouncer still here?

By: ed42

ed42 — Sun, 03 Sep 2006 16:00:13 +0000

When I read “swim a mile through industrial sludge”, I just KNEW that his next interest would be law.

By: The Bouncer

The Bouncer — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 19:43:48 +0000

Lynnette, truly, here we witness the horrifying consequences of going Bouncerless (not to be confused with going braless). Let this be a lesson to anyone who might feel tempted to question my ontological credentials. (Aren’t people with two genders twice as real as people with one?)

By: Lynnette

Lynnette — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 19:04:50 +0000

Bouncer, I think that ours might not be the only blog in need of your services. Click here (see comments #10 and #11) to see some of the wild things that can happen when a blog doesn’t have a good Bouncer in place.

By: The Bouncer

The Bouncer — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 18:48:07 +0000

Done! (I wavered a bit there, I admit, in the face of the fearsome Bloggernacle Modesty Inquisition, but the eau-de-rat bucket ‘o ponies was the clincher.)

By: fMhLisa

fMhLisa — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 05:48:10 +0000

It’s a deal! And I’ll throw in a complimentary bucket ‘o ponies circa 1984, recently relocated in ‘the shed’ (sligtly infused with the smell of chicken and rat).

By: The Bouncer

The Bouncer — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 02:59:04 +0000

Mark, pal, ordinarily I’d feel compelled to escort you from this blog for a comment treading (sniff) dangerously close to personal attack. It’s true I regularly belch in public with enough force to peel wallpaper, but at least I cover my mouth with a lace doily. Furthermore, I was fired from my position at Hooters for operating a front-end loader to dump unruly patrons in the parking lot; I’m finding blogs much more amenable to my personal quirks.

But I have such tender, delicate feelings for those who have not yet learned to celebrate the rich and rewarding world of the Feminine. I would invite you with all the deep concern of a former public bum-scratcher to bask in the sparkling pink aura that is sap. Hose your house down with Pepto Bismal, dear; you’ll never regret it. (Unless, well, you do.)

Please peruse the forthcoming copy of Fascinating Hermaphroditehood with an open heart.

By: The Bouncer

The Bouncer — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 02:28:43 +0000

fmhLisa, my very fine line of merman costumes features a selection of green, blue, blush, bashful, and--my personal favorite--dancing starlight sparkle seaweed wigs. Each wig is tastefully coordinated to all 6,000 handsewn sequins on the accompanying costume. (A trident with optional flyswatter attachment can be included for a nominal fee.)

I would be delighted to trade one of these fine merman customes for some toenail polish and a collection of quality powertools, preferably with pink decoration tollpainted on by hand, to complete my pedicure set. (I ask only that you make no reference to me in the event that the Bloggernacle Modesty Inquisition contacts your local bishop.)

By: Mark IV

Mark IV — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 02:10:47 +0000

Pedicure set with powertools – LOL!

Bouncer, so far we know this about you:

1. You have a highly developed ability and instinct to look out for No. 1.

2. Your personal habits are disgusting and your personal hygiene is revolting.

3. You are crudely insensitive to others.

4. You are, no doubt, a man who scratches where it itches, even in public.

In short, you are pretty much my kinda guy. So what’s with all the pink stuff? And what is your function around here? Are you going to be the Heavy who throws people out of here, like the security guys at Hooters? Somehow, editing comments and sending people to outer blog darkness by banning them doesn’t seem quite as fulfilling.

A final word to the wise – if anybody suggests you undergo anything containing the words “estrogen” or “therapy”, run the other way. Fast.