Comments on: Possible Changes to Our Current Model of Presiding http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/ Wed, 08 Feb 2012 05:00:36 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Ziff http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-2051 Ziff Mon, 07 Aug 2006 20:44:11 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-2051 Caroline, Sorry to overstate. The connection was just too funny not to make. I find it particularly funny because my wife and I have a similar long-standing disagreement. I get my hair cut almost exactly the way it sounds like Mike does, and my wife similarly prods me to try being a little more imaginative. It's good to know we're not alone. :) S, Tongue-in-cheek though my reference to hair was, I do think that dividing up responsibility for potential issues by who cares more about them isn't generally a bad idea. For example, my wife is more than happy to let me decide what computer hardward and software to purchase, and she's bored if I ask her to offer an opinion. Similarly, I have only a passing interest in our kids' appearance--clothes, hair, etc.--so I am more than happy to have my wife make decisions without me in this area. I suspect that for both of us, there is a point where we would get involved in the area that we've currently completely ceded control (when the computer stops working and I don't get it fixed or when the boys' fingernails are long enough to skewer a grape), but most of the time each of us is just happy to have the less interesting issue taken care of without any of our input required. Kiskilili and S, I agree that it would be best to ditch the whole concept of presiding and just say, "Men, don't neglect your families." An interesting book I read on the subject is <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1582342768/ref=sr_11_1/104-0601408-7699967?ie=UTF8" rel="nofollow">Wifework</a>, in which Susan Maushart. She pointed out the frequently cited evidence that married women do virtually all of the housework and the child care, regardless of whether they work for pay. It was a good wake-up call to me to take ownership of these chores, rather than even just trying to "help" my wife with them. Caroline,
Sorry to overstate. The connection was just too funny not to make. I find it particularly funny because my wife and I have a similar long-standing disagreement. I get my hair cut almost exactly the way it sounds like Mike does, and my wife similarly prods me to try being a little more imaginative. It’s good to know we’re not alone. :)

S,
Tongue-in-cheek though my reference to hair was, I do think that dividing up responsibility for potential issues by who cares more about them isn’t generally a bad idea. For example, my wife is more than happy to let me decide what computer hardward and software to purchase, and she’s bored if I ask her to offer an opinion. Similarly, I have only a passing interest in our kids’ appearance–clothes, hair, etc.–so I am more than happy to have my wife make decisions without me in this area. I suspect that for both of us, there is a point where we would get involved in the area that we’ve currently completely ceded control (when the computer stops working and I don’t get it fixed or when the boys’ fingernails are long enough to skewer a grape), but most of the time each of us is just happy to have the less interesting issue taken care of without any of our input required.

Kiskilili and S, I agree that it would be best to ditch the whole concept of presiding and just say, “Men, don’t neglect your families.” An interesting book I read on the subject is Wifework, in which Susan Maushart. She pointed out the frequently cited evidence that married women do virtually all of the housework and the child care, regardless of whether they work for pay. It was a good wake-up call to me to take ownership of these chores, rather than even just trying to “help” my wife with them.

]]> By: s http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-2047 s Mon, 07 Aug 2006 18:34:00 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-2047 Caroline, I agree that most LDS families either redefine it so that it's more ceremonial than anything else or else dispense with it altogether. And I'm very glad about this too. Kiskilili, yes, exactly. Ziff, I like your suggestion. My father always tells the joke that he and my mother made the following arrangement when they got married: He got to decide what career he would pursue in order to provide for the family, and he got to decide where the family would live in order for him to pursue his career. My mom got to decide everything else. Caroline, I agree that most LDS families either redefine it so that it’s more ceremonial than anything else or else dispense with it altogether. And I’m very glad about this too.

Kiskilili, yes, exactly.

Ziff, I like your suggestion. My father always tells the joke that he and my mother made the following arrangement when they got married: He got to decide what career he would pursue in order to provide for the family, and he got to decide where the family would live in order for him to pursue his career. My mom got to decide everything else.

]]> By: Caroline http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-2045 Caroline Mon, 07 Aug 2006 17:26:26 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-2045 S, Awesome post. The preside conundrum is one of my all time favorite topics. For me, the whole concept is a relic of a historical, sexist past. Thank goodness that most LDS people I know reject the concept in practice, even if they verbally say they abide by it. Ziff, Mike totally mischaracterized my long standing desire for him to change his hair. It's not about control, it's about encouraging him to step out of his hair comfort zone and go for something conservative but more attractive. Change is good. And if he hates it, he could just shave it off again :) S,
Awesome post. The preside conundrum is one of my all time favorite topics. For me, the whole concept is a relic of a historical, sexist past. Thank goodness that most LDS people I know reject the concept in practice, even if they verbally say they abide by it.

Ziff,
Mike totally mischaracterized my long standing desire for him to change his hair. It’s not about control, it’s about encouraging him to step out of his hair comfort zone and go for something conservative but more attractive. Change is good. And if he hates it, he could just shave it off again :)

]]> By: Kiskilili http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1982 Kiskilili Thu, 03 Aug 2006 21:44:23 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1982 I'm partial to #2. If the goal behind asking men to preside is to lasso them into family involvement, why not just ask for that directly and dispense with the problematic term "preside"? :) I’m partial to #2. If the goal behind asking men to preside is to lasso them into family involvement, why not just ask for that directly and dispense with the problematic term “preside”? :)

]]> By: Ziff http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1981 Ziff Thu, 03 Aug 2006 21:38:32 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1981 S, you make me laugh! Perhaps a wife and husband should divvy up the presiding so that each gets to preside in the areas most important to her. For example, a woman might be interested in <a href="http://www.timesandseasons.org/?p=3334" rel="nofollow">presiding over her husband's hair</a>. S, you make me laugh!

Perhaps a wife and husband should divvy up the presiding so that each gets to preside in the areas most important to her. For example, a woman might be interested in presiding over her husband’s hair.

]]> By: madhousewife http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1953 madhousewife Sat, 29 Jul 2006 05:39:19 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1953 I like #1. I like #1.

]]> By: s http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1946 s Thu, 27 Jul 2006 18:50:41 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1946 zud, #2 is one of my favorites as well. :) JKS, I'm glad to know there are people who are able to make the current system work for them practically and intellectually. zud, #2 is one of my favorites as well. :)

JKS, I’m glad to know there are people who are able to make the current system work for them practically and intellectually.

]]> By: JKS http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1944 JKS Thu, 27 Jul 2006 07:01:27 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1944 9. None of the above, because I have no problems with my husband presiding in our home. 9. None of the above, because I have no problems with my husband presiding in our home.

]]> By: zud http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1942 zud Thu, 27 Jul 2006 05:02:07 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1942 What an awesome post. I got the humor from the start. Very funny. My serious answer would be number 8, but I do think #2 is pretty cool. :) What an awesome post. I got the humor from the start. Very funny. My serious answer would be number 8, but I do think #2 is pretty cool. :)

]]> By: s http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1940 s Wed, 26 Jul 2006 21:12:49 +0000 http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2006/07/25/possible-changes-to-our-current-model-of-presiding/#comment-1940 Lynnette, if you were married to my mother, you wouldn't get to preside. :) Lynnette, if you were married to my mother, you wouldn’t get to preside. :)

]]>