But I suppose that might have given rise to more concerns in the minds of some attending that class.

Madhousewife, I very much know what you mean about hearing the same line over and over. (Though hmm, suddenly that has me wondering whether some might feel that I just bring up the same concern over and over. Oh dear. ) Anyway, I agree with you about wishing there were more space in our culture for doubt, which, like you, I don’t see as necessarily incompatible with faith.

JWL, speaking as a frequent victim of the Testimony Emergency Salvation Team, that sounds like a very useful strategy to adopt. I’ll have to remember that one.

I tend to think that a completely Stage 3 existence isn’t possible in this life and that faith is a matter of faithfulness, of trust in God, rather than a matter of having all of one’s concerns resolved.

And I think part of the issue in the situation you describe with your bishop is, as you note, a culture clash. The humanities are all about questions, explorations, possibilities, ambiguity, and after a week of seminars it can be startling to encounter a Sunday school class in which questions and disagreement make everyone uncomfortable and are quickly squelched.

AmyB, that’s something I’ve enjoyed about blogging as well. Like you, I find it reassuring to know that other people who have similar concerns to mine have managed to nonetheless stay in the church; it both makes me feel less alone, and gives me hope. And I also find resonant the concept of the “dark night of the soul.”

I think when I was younger, I had this idea that you went through a period of questioning, and then you got answers to those questions (e.g. “found out for yourself that the Church was true”), and then it was just a matter of staying committed. I heard those kinds of narratives over and over, and for a long time I wondered how everyone around me seemed to have achieved the second stage (where concerns were resolved), while I seemed to be stuck in the first one. It finally dawned on me that maybe my life wasn’t going to conform to that structure. Thus far, it’s been more zig-zaggy than anything else–I seem to alternate between periods of greater faith and those of greater doubt. But it’s helped to not see the two as necessarily mutually exclusive.

When I read literature of other religions, or hear anecdotes from older religions like Catholicism and Judaism, they seem to be able to speak more freely about doubt. I have the impression that there is a pattern of a loss of faith, or “dark night of the soul” in which everything is called into question is often worked through before a deeper faith can be found.

Sometimes I wish voicing our concerns was more allowed in the discourse, and that our stories of doubt, fear, pain, loneliness, and loss of faith could be spoken and accepted. I feel like those are unspeakables when I go to church on Sundays.

I know that I always appreciate hearing the stories of people who’ve found ways to stay despite having difficulties.

Yeah, I agree. I think that sometimes the rush to give every question a tidy answer sends the message that good Mormons don’t have doubts or that those who question aren’t welcome.

“Not all who wander are lost.”

Thanks for your thoughts, Jilopa, and for the link; I’ve been reading the Rocky Shore with interest.

A couple more thoughts on this. My guess is that at least some of the more troubling encounters I’ve had with people whom I felt like were too quick to try to fix everything have stemmed from a basic miscommunication. I’ve said, “I don’t understand this,” and they’ve heard it as “I’m losing my testimony–help!” I think I could sometimes do a better job of clarifying my own expectations when I raise concerns (e.g. “I’m not expecting definitive answers for this, because I’m not sure there are any, but I’d be interested in what you think.”)

It does seem that some see the gospel more in terms of answers, and some see it more in terms of questions. (Though of course such categorizations are inevitably oversimplistic; I suspect that most people are somewhere in the middle. I would say that I’m fairly tolerant of ambiguity, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I am in fact out for a little more certainty, particularly when it comes to basic issues like “is God really loving?”) And doubtless a challenge for all of us is to be charitable toward those who have different approach to things, rather than labeling people as either “unthinking” because they don’t question enough, or “faithless” because they overdo it.

However, I do think that more discussion of how people find ways to maintain commitment to the Church despite unresolved concerns and questions would be a good thing. I know that I always appreciate hearing the stories of people who’ve found ways to stay despite having difficulties.

More than once I’ve tentatively mentioned to someone that I wasn’t completely okay with the Church and gender, and before I could say much else they’ve responded with a barrage of GA quotes or anecdotes (which I’ve almost always already heard) about how special women are. This leaves me feeling frustrated and un-heard, and very unlikely to raise the issue again with that particular person.

I have recently posted on this topic, or something like it, on our site. I would love to hear what you think.